Struggles and Scars

Will you wait for me as I cope with losing my mother?

Coping with grief after a loss, Shahnaaz Khan writes to her partner asking for his understanding


Yesterday I lost my mother. After a long battle with cancer, she died leaving her four daughters behind. She didn’t lose the battle. She went fighting. And I was with her all along, through umpteen trips to the hospital, each time things only getting worse. I stalled studying or working, hoping things would be okay someday. Throughout, you were by my side. You stayed when I had to move cities, you took care of my siblings when I couldn’t, you drove us to the hospital at crazy times leaving everything else. And I can’t thank you enough for it.

For the ten years we have known one another, eight of being together, my life has only got more complicated. Yet you kept things simple. A simple ‘I love you’, or ‘I’m always here’. A mundane meal together or a phone call from hospital canteens. You kept me from sinking. Not an anchor, but the quiet calm of a shore for a weary swimmer. While everyone was settling down into marriage and certainty, you helped my life’s rocky boat stay afloat. Promising to be there through turns and tides.  We kept our dreams on hold, waiting for the waters to subside.

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What I regret after my partner died

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