Okungu-19 Okwenza Nokungamelwe Ukwenze Ngemva Kokuhlukana

Awazi ukuthi ubuhlobo bothando bungathatha isikhathi eside kangakanani noma bungapheli. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukuphela kuba kungazelelwe kangangokuthi akekho owayengakubona kuza. Ngisho noma bekuyinto elungile, oyedwa noma nobabili bebeyohlala bedangele isikhathi eside. Lokhu kuyaqondakala, njengoba kunzima ukubhekana nokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo okubangelwa ukuhlukana. Futhi ukuthola izinyathelo zakho ezilandelayo ngemva kokuhlukana kunzima nakakhulu.

Ukuhlukana kunomthelela onzima empilweni yomuntu engokomzimba nangokwengqondo. Ukusuka ekuzidabukeleni nasekudabukeni kuye ekukhululekeni ngisho nasekudidekeni; ngeke wazi ukuthi yini ezayo kuwe. Ungazizwa zonke lezi ngesikhathi esisodwa, noma okunye ngemva kokunye, noma ngendlela engahlelekile. Kuphazamisa ukulala nokudla komuntu, futhi kungase kubangele ngisho nokucindezeleka. Nokho, ukuphulukiswa ngemva kokuhlukana akunakugwenywa.

Ukusiza ukusheshisa inqubo, sihlanganisa uhlu lwezinto ezingu-19 okufanele zenziwe nokungafanele zenziwe ngemva kokuhlukana ukuze ukwazi ukudlula lesi sikhathi esinzima kalula. Namuhla, sixoxisana nodokotela wezengqondo Nandita Rambhia, ochwepheshe be-CBT, REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwabashadikazi. Skrolela phansi ukuze uthole amathiphu athembekile okuthi ungazizwa kanjani ungcono ngemva kokuhlukana.

Okungu-19 Okwenza Nokungamelwe Ukwenze Ngemva Kokuhlukana

Ukuhlukana kuthinta wonke umuntu Impilo yengqondo ngezinga elithile, ngisho noma benokusekela okukhulu ngokomzwelo. Futhi isikhathi esikhululekile onaso ngemuva kokuphela kobudlelwane singakushiya ucabanga ngamaphutha esikhathi esidlule, ucabange 'ukuthi-ukube' futhi 'ukube kuphela.' Kuyoze kube nephuzu elilodwa lapho uyohlala uzisole ngokulimaza omunye umuntu. Lokhu kungakuphonsa phansi kakhulu emgodini onogwaja wokugingqika nokuphina.

Ukungakwazi ukuthola ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngemuva kokuhlukana kungakhinyabeza inqubo yakho yokuphulukisa. Futhi uma ungafundi ukuphulukisa ngemva kokuhlukana, ubudlelwano bakho besikhathi esizayo buzohlupheka ngenxa yawo wonke lowo mthwalo ongokomzwelo nokuhlukumezeka okuphatha kusukela kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwangaphambilini. Kuvamile ukuzizwa ubambekile lapho ubhekene nobuhlungu benhliziyo kodwa, njengakuzo zonke izimo, kukhona ukukhanya ekugcineni kwalo mhubhe. Futhi singakukhombisa ukuthi ungafika kanjani lapho ngendlela enempilo.

Uma kwenzeka nihlukana futhi ungazi ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngokulandelayo, lolu hlu lwezinto okumelwe uzenze ngemva kokuhlukana luzosebenza njengesiqondiso sokukukhipha kulesi sigaba sempilo esibi. Nasi iseluleko sethu sochwepheshe sokuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngemva kokuhlukana, nokuthi yini okufanele uyigweme:

Ukuzinakekela

Ukuzizwa ungenalutho ngemva kokuhlukana akunakugwenywa. Kodwa sincoma ukuthi uzivumele isikhathi sokudlula ngendlela efanele ezigabeni zemizwa. Lesi sigaba akudingeki sibe ukuphela kwempilo yakho. Ukuphulukisa ngemva kokuhlukana kungenzeka, kanjalo ukuphola ngemva kokuhlukana. Kodwa, ukuze uzilungiselele, udinga ukugcina izinto ezimbalwa engqondweni. Ungakhathazeki, siwabala phansi! Okokuqala, udinga ukuqala ukubeka phambili wena ngezindlela ezilandelayo:

1. Yenza ikhefu elihlanzekile

Ikakhulukazi uma uzibuza ukuthi yini okumele uyenze ngemuva kokuhlukana kobudlelwano besikhathi eside. Awudingi uchwepheshe wokuqomisana ukuze akutshele lokhu, njengoba lesi kuyisahluko esidala kunazo zonke encwadini. Nakuba kunzima njengoba kuzwakala, kubalulekile. Izinto okufanele uzenze ukuze ube nengqondo ngokushesha:

• Gwema owayengumlingani wakho isikhathi eside njengoba udinga
• Ungazami ukucupha i-ex yakho ezinkundleni zokuxhumana; bavimbele uma kuyilokho okudingekayo ukuze ungahlali
• Ungahlangani nabangane ababili ngemva kokuhlukana uma ukubabona kukubangela noma kuveza imizwa ebuhlungu
• Ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi kungenzeka ukuhlala abangani ne ex, kodwa ezimweni eziningi, iqhuma ngendlela emangalisayo. Ukuphulukiswa kusukela ekuhlukaneni kuqala lapho wenza ikhefu elihlanzekile, esikhundleni sokubuyela esimweni esidala, esibuhlungu namaphethini.
• Khumbula ukuthi ubudlelwano buphelile ngesizathu, akukho okusele okuzosindiswa. Kungcono uhambe nesithunzi sakho siphelele

2. Yazisa imizwa yakho ngemva kokuhlukana

Isinyathelo sesibili esibaluleke kakhulu siwukuvuma konke ubuhlungu nemizwa engemihle ebangelwa ukuhlukana. Lapho ubhekene nokwehlukana okudabukisayo, kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa kabi, uthukuthele, futhi udangele. Kubalulekile ukuyivuma leyo mizwa esikhundleni sokuzama ukuyisusa.

Sibuza uchwepheshe wethu: Ungaqhubeka kanjani ngemuva kokuhlukana lapho nisathandana? UNandita uthi:

• “Ukuzinika isikhathi sokulila nokwamukela imizwa yakho kuyisici esibaluleke kakhulu senqubo yokwelapha
• Akudingeki uzizwe ukahle ngokushesha okungaka. Zizwe ukhululekile ukukhala nokuklabalasa — imikhuba enjalo isiza ukukhulula imizwa engemihle
• Ijenali imizwa yakho emikhulu nemincane; ukubhala izinto phansi kuyindlela enhle yokubhekana nazo”

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3. Thola ukuthi yini ekujabulisayo

Amathuba okuthi uzizwe sengathi ulahlekelwe ingxenye yakho ngemuva kokulahlekelwa uthando lwempilo yakho. Kodwa manje sekuyisikhathi sokuthi uziphakamise futhi uzibambe emhlane. Cabanga ngakho ngale ndlela, umlingani wakho wangaphambili manje usephumile empilweni yakho futhi unesikhathi sonke sokuthola izinto ezikujabulisa futhi.

• Chitha isikhathi uwedwa: Thatha isikhathi sokuphumula, usichithe nawe, futhi ujwayele inkampani yakho
• Thatha imisebenzi yakudala: Yenza zonke lezo zinto obuthanda ukuzenza kodwa owake wathandana naye akakaze afune ukuzenza. Mhlawumbe uyakuthanda ukubhukuda kodwa umlingani wakho ubengeyena umuntu obhukudayo. Isikhathi sokubuyela echibini!
• Zitholele wena: Hamba ngezinsuku zodwa futhi uzitotose. Yenza izinzipho zakho zenziwe, tshala umbala omusha wezinwele, noma vele wenze i-jazz ikhabethe lakho lezingubo. Qala ukuya ekilasini le-yoga noma uthuthukise indlela entsha yokuzilibazisa noma uqale ukuhamba ngebhayisikili uzungeze idolobha ukuze uthole umoya omusha ekuseni. Uzozizwa ujabule ... ekugcineni

Manje njengoba usuphumile kulobu budlelwano, zinike isikhathi sokugxila kuwena futhi uthole ukuthi yini ekujabulisayo. Uzoqonda ukuthi sibaluleke kangakanani isikhathi sokuba uwedwa futhi uzofunda ukuthi ungasetha kanjani imingcele ebudlelwaneni bakho besikhathi esizayo. Okufanelekile, kufanele ufunde ukujabula enkampanini yakho ngaphambi kokuthi ucabange ngakho ukuphola ngemva kokuhlukana. Lokhu kuzofika kahle futhi kuqinisekise ukuthi ubulungiselele kahle bonke ubudlelwano bakho besikhathi esizayo.

4. Xhumana nabangane bakho namalungu omndeni wakho

Uma ukhuluma nodokotela wezengqondo, bazokutshela ukuthi kubalulekile ukuba nesistimu yokusekela lapho ubhekene nesikhathi esinzima kangaka. Yilokho kanye uNandita akuphakamisayo. “Zizungeze nabantu abanozwela, abakuqondayo nabakusiza ukuba uzizwe ungcono.” Uthola nokunquma ukuthi uyobonana nini nomelaphi ngemva kokuhlukana. Akekho okufanele akuphoqe. Thatha usizo kulabo abangakusiza ukukuphazamisa futhi ugcine ingqondo yakho ku-ex yakho. Chitha isikhathi nabo ukuze ukhumbule ukuthi uthandwa kangakanani.

Kodwa ungaqhubeka kanjani ngemva kokuhlukana lapho nisathandana? Nakhu esikuphakamisayo:

• Thulula isifuba kumuntu omethembayo. Xhumana nabo futhi ukhulume nabo ngemizwa yakho
• Cela izeluleko kubangani namalungu omndeni mayelana nabakwenza ezimeni ezifanayo
• Qiniseka ukuthi unomuntu ongabelana naye ngemizwa yakho yokukhungatheka, intukuthelo, nokudabuka, nokuthi lo muntu angeke akwahlulele.
• Lokhu kubalulekile njengoba kungenakugwema ukuthi uzoqhubeka uwela ezigabeni zokulangazelela nobuhlungu isikhathi esithile; uzodinga umuntu ozothululela kuye isifuba
• Ngale ndlela, uthola uzakwethu onesibopho sokuziphendulela, ongakusiza ukuthi uhlale usendleleni ngalesi sikhathi esinzima

Ukwenza Izinguquko

Ukuqedwa kobudlelwane ongashadile ngempela kungalimaza njengesehlukaniso. Ngakho-ke ungazithathi kancane lapho ujulile emiseleni futhi uphatheke kabi ngokukwehlele. Kwesinye isikhathi, kuyadingeka ukuthi wenze izinguquko ezithile empilweni yakho, ukuze uqhamuke njengomuntu omusha. Into engcono kakhulu mayelana nokuhlukana okunzima ukuthi kungakuguqula ube umuntu omusha obungazi ukuthi ufuna ukuba yikho.

5. Phuma noma uhlobise kabusha indawo yakho

Indawo okuyo eseduze ingaba nomthelela omubi emoyeni wakho. Ukushintsha nokuklama kabusha indawo yakho yokuhlala kuzokusiza wenze ukusetha kabusha kwengqondo. Izinto ezizokusiza ngokuqinisekile:

• Ukuhamba ngemva kokuhlukana: Uma wena nowawukade nihlala ndawonye, ​​phumani nihambe ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Ukuhlukana ngemva kokuhlala ndawonye kungase kube nzima kakhulu kodwa ungakwazi ukuphuma kahle
• Ukudala indawo yokuhlala entsha: Uma uhlala wedwa, hlobisa kabusha ikhaya lakho noma igumbi lakho. Kungaba lula njengokushintsha amashidi akho ombhede noma nokwenza isikhala sibe nemibala. Kungani ungayothenga isibuko esisha sikanokusho?
• Ukulahla izinto zomuntu wangaphambili: Uma unezikhumbuzo zomuntu owake wathandana naye elele, ukuzikhipha kuzokusiza ukugudluza enqubweni yokuphola. Awudingi ukuqhubeka ukhubeka ejezini lakho ekhabetheni lakho noma uhogela lelokhandlela elinephunga elimnandi abakuthengele lona ngoKhisimusi odlule.

6. Zinike isikhathi sokuzinakekela

Ukuthatha isikhathi sokuzinakekela kungasebenza izimanga empilweni yakho yengqondo. Futhi nanka amathiphu ambalwa uma kwenzeka unenkinga yalolu hlobo lokunakekelwa:

• Ngena esimisweni lapho uhlala khona umatasa kodwa ujabule: Funda incwadi yakho oyintandokazi futhi, buka amamuvi, pheka ukudla okunethezeka kwakho, noma u-ode
• Yenza okungajwayelekile: Hamba yedwa uye edolobheni elisha ongakaze uye kulo. Kunamafilimu anele aseHollywood angakutshela ukuthi ukuzidela uwedwa kungenza okuningi okuhle kumuntu ophatheke kabi ngemuva kokuhlukana.
• Hlala unempilo futhi usebenza: Zigcine uhamba ngokujima okusha. Bhukha imassage, hamba ugijima, noma yini ekunikeza injabulo yamukelekile. Izifundo bonisa ukuthi ukudla kusiza umuntu ukuba alulame ekucindezelekeni kwenhliziyo, ngakho yidla ukudla okuvamile futhi uqoqe ukudla okunempilo nemifino
• Kulungile ukungakhiqizi: 'Ukuvilapha' nakho kuwukuzinakekela. Yenza uhlu lwamamuvi angcono kakhulu ongawabuka ngemuva kokuhlukana bese ubeke eceleni usuku lokuzitika ngawo wonke ngesikhathi esisodwa. O, futhi ungakhohlwa ukufaka isiqandisi nge-ayisikhilimu!

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7. Sebenzisa isikhathi sakho samahhala esisha ngobuhlakani

Ngokuhlukana kuza isikhathi esiningi samahhala. Yisebenzise ukuze ibe inguqulo yakho entsha. Lesi sikhathi samahhala sinamandla okwenza ulahlekelwe umqondo futhi singase sikwenze ufune ukuxhumana ne-ex yakho. Esikhundleni sokuchitha isikhathi uzitika ngokuzidabukela, sisebenzise ukuze wenze izinguquko ezinhle ekuphileni kwakho. Qala ukufunda ulimi olusha, zama ikhono elisha, zisungule kabusha — zonke lezi zinguquko zikusiza ukuthi ukhule futhi uzoyithanda le nguqulo yakho ethuthukisiwe.

8. Hlola futhi uphile impilo enengqondo

Kulula ukulahlekelwa wena osizini futhi ukukhathazeka ngemva kokuhlukana. Futhi ukuphila impilo enengqondo kuyikhambi elingcono kakhulu lakho. Ukuqaphela kusisiza ukuthi sehlise umoya futhi sihlale sithule isikhashana. Nakhu okumele ukwenze:

• Faka imizuzu embalwa yokuzindla kanye ne-yoga esimisweni sakho sansuku zonke
• Funda izivivinyo ezimbalwa zokucabangela ukuze ukwazi ukulawula imicabango nemizwa esindayo
• Uma usulungile, biza iqembu lezigelekeqe ndawonye nizijabulise
• Hamba uyodansa, uyothenga, ugxumagxuma e-bar, noma uzikhiphe nje uthole isidlo sasemini esilula. Kodwa zikhumbuze ukuthi ubuyele esikhathini samanje lapho ingqondo izulazula. Kunzima, kodwa qhubeka nokwenza lokho kuze kube umkhuba

9. Yini okufanele uyenze ngemva kokuhlukana kobudlelwane besikhathi eside? Funa ukwelashwa

Wonke amathiphu esiwabalile ayisiqalo esihle. Kodwa into ezosiza kakhulu wusizo lochwepheshe. Ngisho noma uqala ngokungabaza, uzothola imininingwane yalokho okudingayo nokuthi ungaqhubekela kanjani phambili ukusuka lapha. Ngeke nje ikusize ukuthi ulawule ubuhlungu bakho ngendlela enempilo kodwa futhi inikeze nemininingwane emaphethini akho okuziphatha. Lokhu kungaba usizo kakhulu ekuzuleni ubudlelwano obuzayo.

Abanye abantu bayabuza, ingabe sikhona isikhathi esinqunyelwe lapho ubona umelaphi ngemva kokuhlukana? Cha, kodwa ukufuna usizo kuchwepheshe wezengqondo noma umelaphi kuba semqoka kakhulu uma ulwa nezinkinga ezifana nokukhathazeka noma ukucindezeleka ngemva kokuhlukana. Uma ufuna usizo, abeluleki abanekhono nabanolwazi kuma-Bonobology's iphaneli zilapha kuwe.

10. Zinike isikhathi

Mhlawumbe into ebaluleke kakhulu ongayenza kulesi simo esinzima ukukhumbula ukuthi isikhathi singumlaphi omkhulu. U-Nandita uyeluleka, “Zinike isikhathi esiningi ne-TLC eningi - ukunakekela okuthambile, okunothando - ukuze uzikhiphe kulesi simo." Nazi ezinye iziqinisekiso nezikhumbuzi zakho:

• Yiba mnene kuwe njengoba ubungaba uma umngane wakho omkhulu ebhekana nesimo esifanayo
• Khumbula, izinto zizolunga ngokuhamba kwesikhathi
• Yiba nomusa kuwe futhi uqonde ukuthi udinga ukudlula konke izigaba zosizi ngemva kokuhlukana ngaphambi kokuba izinto ziqale ukuzizwa zijwayelekile futhi
• Ukukhathazeka ngemva kokuhlukana kuzodamba, izinto zizoba ngcono, futhi uzoqhubekela phambili
• Uzoqala ukubheka ikusasa ngethemba

Hlala lapho futhi ubekezele okungenani izinyanga ezintathu noma ngaphezulu; izinto zizoqala ukubukeka maduze! Okubaluleke kakhulu, mayelana no-ex wakho, ungazami ukuhlala ungabangane ngemva kokuhlukana. Hhayi kulesi sigaba.

Gwema Izindlela Zokubhekana Nezifo Ezingenampilo

Ukuhlukana kungase kungabi lula kodwa ukulungisa lawo maphutha abuhlungu ngemva kokuhlukana kungenza ukuqhubeka kube nzima kakhulu. Thola izinto okungadingeki uzenze ngemva kokuhlukana ukuze ungagcini uphazamisekile ngokomzwelo. Futhi yiziphi lezo zindlela zokuziphatha okufanele uzigweme njengesifo?

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11. Uma ufuna ukwamukela ukuhlukana bese uqhubekela phambili, ungangeni kumodi yokuthi kuthiwani

Funda lesi ngokucophelela. Ukuphupha ngokuthi bekungaba yini kulungile phezu kwethu okungafanele ukwenze ngemva kokuhlukana uhlu. Njengoba uNandita esho, “Ngomzuzu lapho unquma ukuthi ukuhlukana sekuphelile futhi sekuphelile, yenza umzamo oqotho wokubuza noma yimiphi imibuzo/izimo ezithi ‘ukube’ engqondweni yakho.” Lezi zinsolo ezingenangqondo zilimaza kakhulu, futhi azikho okuhle. Futhi masikhulume iqiniso lapha, akukho esingakuzuza kubo, ngakho yeka ukucabanga ngabo.

Ukuzibuza le mibuzo kuphela kugcina ubuhlungu buphambi komqondo wakho, futhi kumisa inqubo yokuphulukisa ifile emikhondweni yayo. Udinga ukuzijwayeza ibanga elingokomzwelo. Into engcono kakhulu ongazenzela yona kanye nobudlelwano bakho besikhathi esizayo ukuthi ungagxili kulezi zindaba:

• Amaphutha akho noma owadala
• Izinto obungenza ngokuhlukile
• Ukuzama ukuthola ukuthi yini engalungile phakathi kwenu nobabili
• Bekuzokwenzekani ukube ubungavimba iphutha lokuqala ebudlelwaneni, noma elokugcina

12. Ungangeni ebudlelwaneni obubuyela emuva

Enqubweni yokuqhubekela phambili, kwesinye isikhathi umuntu uwela ogibeni lokwenza izinqumo ezimbi kakhulu. Amathuba okuthi uzozama ukungena ebudlelwaneni obuphindelelayo ukuze ukhohlwe i-ex yakho, futhi ungase uzame nokuhlangana nomngane wakho omuhle okusekelayo ngalesi sikhathi. Kodwa, ake sikutshele, isinqumo esingesihle.

• Ungaqondisi kabusha amandla akho kumuntu omusha: Ungagxumi ngokushesha ku-a ubudlelwano obusha ngoba nje uzama ukuvala isikhala empilweni yakho okwamanje. Nyathela ngokucophelela, noma uzovele uthwale inzondo nosizi ebudlelwaneni obusha, ubumuncu
• Ungazami ukwenza umlingani wakho wangaphambili abe nomona: Kungcono ukuqhelelana nokuthambekela kokuthumela izithombe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ukuze zibonwe yi-ex yakho noma abangani babo. Ungazami ukusho ukuthi uthandana nomuntu omusha. Ungathembeki kuwena noma komunye umuntu. Kuzokwenza uzizwe ungenalutho

13. Ungakhulumi kabi umlingani wakho

Ungase ulingeke kakhulu ukuthethisa i-ex yakho, bakulimaze phela! Kodwa, ungakwenzi. Ungangeni embuthanweni ongemuhle wokukhuluma kabi nge-ex yakho. Thola eminye imithombo yokuveza ukukhungatheka kwakho. Ungakhulumi kabi ngomlingani wakho wangaphambili kunoma ubani, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Nasi isizathu:

• Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma unabangane abafanayo. Kungashiya umbono omubi ngawe
• Izomane ikugcine uphatheke kabi kwazise inzondo iyohlale iphambili emqondweni wakho
• Kuzoqinisekisa lokho usacabanga nge ex yakho, futhi asikufuni lokho, akunjalo?
• Uzokwenza kube nzima kuwena naku-ex yakho. Uma ungafuni ukubazwisa ubuhlungu, kungcono ukugwinya amazwi akho noma uwabhale phansi ebhukwini

14. Gwema ukwenza izinguquko ezinkulu ekuphileni kwakho ngemva kokuhlukana

Ngemva kokuhlukana nomuntu, usizi lwakho konke lungakwenza ufune ukwenza izinguquko ezinkulu— kuwena nakubuntu bakho. Linda isikhashana ngaphambi kokuthi uthole lawo ma-bangs okuhlukana, noma faka izinwele zakho umbala onsomi. Iseluleko esifanayo sisebenza kuleyo tattoo okufanele ube nayo njengamanje noma ukuyeka umsebenzi wakho, noma yiziphi izinqumo ezinkulu zokuphila. Ungaphazamisi ukwaneliseka kwempilo yakho ngoba kukhona okungahambanga kahle.

Awenzi izinqumo ezinkulu lapho ubhekene nokulahlekelwa. Imizwa yakho cishe igcwele ngokweqile futhi uzozisola ngalezi zinqumo ezingalindelekile. Ngakho-ke, gwema ukwenza noma yiziphi izinguquko ebuntwini bakho noma ekubukekeni kwakho — uzozibonga ngakho kamuva. Ungavumeli isifiso sokuziguqula ngobusuku ukuze dlula ngokwehlukana.

Ukuzijwayeza Ukubekezela & Ukumisa Imingcele

Into mayelana nale nqubo yonke yokuphulukisa ngemva kokuhlukana okunzima ukuthi kuthatha isikhashana. Ngeke unqobe umlingani wakho wothando wangaphambili ngosuku. Mhlawumbe hhayi ngisho ezinyangeni ezintathu noma izinyanga eziyisithupha, noma ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, unyaka noma emibili. Uma kunjalo, kubalulekile ukuthi uzilolonge lokhu okulandelayo ukuze ungachithi ubisi kuyo yonke imizamo yakho.

15. Ungayi ezindaweni ezikukhumbuza i-ex yakho

Ingabe zikhona izindawo wena nomlingani wakho wangaphambili enithanda ukuzivakashela ndawonye? Mhlawumbe unezinkumbulo ezinhle ezihlotshaniswa nenxanxathela yezitolo noma leyo ndawo yekhofi encane enhle ezansi nomgwaqo lapho nahlangana khona nobabili? Nokho, okwamanje, gwema lezi zindawo futhi uzibekele imingcele. Lezi zindawo zingavusa imizwa yakho futhi zikubuyisele emuva ohambweni lwakho lokuphulukisa kancane. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kuhlale kunengozi yokuhlangana no-ex wakho kulezi zindawo, okungakufaka emikhubeni yosizi nokulangazelela futhi.

Ngakho-ke, kungcono ukunquma ngaso leso sikhathi ukuthi ngeke usazivakashela lezi zindawo. Noma iyiphi indawo oyivakashele nomuntu othandana naye, noma owaziyo ukuthi uyamthanda, idinga ukunqunywa njengemingcele. Sithembe, uzozisindisa ezweni lobuhlungu.

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16. Gwema ukuginqika ngokuzidabukela

Ungawenzi ama-post-break blues abe yindlela yokuphila unomphela. I-ex yakho akuyena kuphela umuntu obalulekile empilweni yakho, futhi lobu budlelwano bekungeyona into eyodwa kuphela empilweni yakho. Ungabaniki amandla okuthatha ingxenye enkulu kangaka yemicabango nobukhona bakho. Umphumela wokuhlukana isikhathi esinzima futhi ungakwenza uzizwe ubambekile. Yazisa imizwa yakho ngemva kokuhlukana, kodwa ungahlali uzizwe uzisola.

U-Nandita uphakamisa ukuthi, “Yamukela ukuthi uzodlula esigabeni esiphansi kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, ungakuvumeli ukuthi kukuqede amandla. Ungahlali kuleso sigaba isikhathi eside futhi ungagxili ekuzidabukeleni.” Ngomzuzu oqonda ngawo ukuthi nehlukene, vuma imizwa yakho, ukhale ngendlela ofuna ngayo, kodwa ekugcineni, qhubekela phambili. Ungalaleli izingoma ezidabukisayo ngokungapheli futhi uqale inqubo yokuphulukisa ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Uzozibonga ngakho!

17. Ungangeni ogibeni lokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa

Eziningana izifundo fakazela ukuthi ukudabuka kungabangela ukuziphatha kokufuna umvuzo. Qaphela izifiso ezinjalo. Ungazivumeli ukuthi ufinyelele lelo bhodlela le-whisky olifuna ngabomvu ngoba ucabanga ukuthi lizokusiza sinda ekujuleni kwenhliziyo. Kuzogcina kudala izinkinga ezintsha esikhundleni futhi kwenze izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu kuwe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Ngisho noma owayekade ekhona exhumana nawe noma ezama ukuba nengxoxo, ungasebenzisi utshwala noma ezinye izinto ukuze udambise isivunguvungu engqondweni yakho. Hlala kude nezinto eziluthayo ngalesi sikhathi esinzima. Ukulutheka akulona ihlaya, futhi kungonakalisa ukuphila kwakho. Ngakho-ke, kungcono ukuthi uhlale uzilawula. Shayela umngane ngokushesha lapho uzwa sengathi uzophuza ngokweqile noma izidakamizwa, noma uma unesifiso sokuzidla.

18. Konke okushiwo nokwenziwe, ungajahi ukwelapha

Ukuhlukana kungase kuzwakale njengokuphela komhlaba. Esimweni esinjalo, kubalulekile ukuthatha ikhefu. Udinga ukuzinika isikhala nesikhathi sokudabuka. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubudlelwano buphele kanjani, imizwa yakho iyasebenza. Futhi ukucubungula leyo mizwa kuwuhambo ngokwako. Ungazizwa unesibopho sokugxumela esenzweni ngosuku olungemva kokuhlukana, kungase kuthathe isikhathi ukuzizwa njengawe futhi. Ukuhlukana kusho ukulahlekelwa ingxenye enkulu yempilo yakho. Ukuthi kungazelelwe sebeyi-ex yakho, akusho ukuthi awusabathandi!

Ukuwa othandweni kuthatha isikhathi futhi lesi yisikhathi okumele usinike sona. Ungaqali obunye ubudlelwano phansi bese ugcine wenza amaphutha afanayo futhi. Izinsuku zakho ezizayo zifanelwe inguqulo yakho engcono, ephulukisiwe. Ukulila ukuphela kobudlelwano kubalulekile. Ngakho-ke dabukisa ukuphela kobudlelwane bakho njengoba uzodabukisa ukushona kothandekayo. Zizwe ukhululekile ukudlula yonke inhlobonhlobo yemizwa. Ngoba usizi lufanelekile, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi lubangelwa yini.

19. Ungaphazamisi impilo yakho yonke nge ex yakho

Ungashintshi yonke into ngempilo yakho ngoba uzilela ukuphela kobudlelwano. Zama ukugcina isimiso, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi silula noma siyinkimbinkimbi. Qhubeka wenza zonke izinto obuzenza ngaphambi kokuhlukana. Yiba phakathi kwabathandekayo bakho kaningi. Kuyasiza ukuba nokuqhubeka nokusimama okuthile ekuphileni futhi kwenza kube lula ukuqeda ukuhlukana ngokunempilo.

Uma ngabe owayekade ekhona wayeyingxenye enkulu yesimiso sakho, yenza isimiso esisha. Kuzosebenza izimanga empilweni yakho yengqondo futhi kukusize ekwelapheni ukukhathazeka ngemuva kokuhlukana. Zinike isikhathi sokuzivocavoca okuthile - ukugijima, ukugibela izintaba, noma ukuzilolonga ejimini. Lawa amathiphu amahle okuthi ungazizwa kanjani ungcono ngemva kokuhlukana futhi uzizwe unamandla. Kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu, kuzokugcina umatasa futhi kukuvimbe ukuthi ungangeni emicabangweni nge-ex yakho nobudlelwano.

Kunezigaba ezinhlanu zosizi - ukuphika, intukuthelo, ukuxoxisana, ukucindezeleka, nokwamukela. Futhi ukulahlekelwa umuntu obalulekile kubabangela bonke. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuphi kulo mjikelezo, yazi nje ukuthi kungenzeka ukuphulukisa ngemva kokuhlukana. Futhi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuhlukana kwakubuhlungu kangakanani, ukuqhubekela phambili kungenzeka.

Zama ukubhekana ngezindlela ezinempilo njengokubeka imingcele, ukukhuluma nabangane, nokudala isimiso esisha. Imizwa ebuhlungu yobudlelwano obuhlulekile ekugcineni izoba lula ukuyiphatha. Bese-ke, ngubani owaziyo, njengezigaba ezinzima kakhulu empilweni, nalokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi uguqule ube yinguqulo yakho engcono, eqinile futhi ehlakaniphe kakhudlwana. Sithembe, kukhona impilo emnandi emva kokuhlukana ekulindile.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.