“How to break up with a guy nicely?” You could say my mom taught me that. Don’t be astonished. Let me tell you the full story. Once my mom overheard me badmouthing a friend I had a fight with. She was astonished both by my knowledge of slang and the intensity of my pain. However, the golden words that she said to me later made a great difference in my life. It was quite simple – “No matter how bad things are, never hurt someone if you can’t make them feel better either.” That goes for every relationship we have.
When two people share something real, whatever the length of time, it is difficult to put an end to it. Breakups are, therefore, a nightmare and mostly, very painful. We all fear hurting and being hurt. Therefore, to keep the hurt to a minimum, it is always better to choose a peaceful way out. It’s better to break up with a guy nicely.
When things have to end, they need to. There are numerous ways to break up with your boyfriend by being firm yet compassionate. Let’s go through some of the ways and ace the complicated game of how to break up nicely.
How Do You Break Up With Someone You Care About?
My friend and her boyfriend were like soulmates. Yet, their differences started pulling them apart. She was a career-minded person and he could not wait to settle down and start a family. They could not find a middle path so she decided to part ways. It was probably the hardest thing to do for her because she really cared for him and loved him deeply. The very thought that they would apply the no contact rule to their relationship brought her to tears.
Still being in love with him, she really wanted to know that he was okay and if he was coping fine. It’s true that when a breakup happens it’s just not possible to stop caring for someone one fine day. No matter how ugly, the love persists for a while. You do tend to worry for them and hope they are doing okay and happy, even if they are without you.
How to break up with someone you really care about? I think if you break up with a guy nicely without the mud-slinging and name-calling, you can feel better about your decision. There are people who say that they have attended their ex’s wedding because they cared about them and felt happy for them. No, that’s not a utopian world, that is indeed real life. There is a polite way to break up with a guy and if you do it right, you can forge a long-standing friendship with him.
I think if you keep in mind that you loved each other one day but for whatever reasons could not make it work this will help you. Cut the messy feelings and try a more mature approach. You are not arch enemies after a breakup. This is also something you have to keep in mind.
Related Reading: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later?
12 Tips To Break Up With A Guy Nicely
The thing about breakups is that no one wants them to happen and they are indeed a bitter pill to swallow. If love at first sight is at the bright and fuzzy end of the emotions spectrum, a breakup is at the dark and gloomy opposite. Yet, we all have to deal with it at some point. And those of us who have, we know the terror the words – “we need to talk” breed in our hearts. But those words do not have to be all that terrifying if you decide to do it right, which is why we are here to tell you how to break up with a guy nicely.
If you’re planning to give him the dreadful message – “it’s over” – then better do it like a lady. Remember, it’s a sensitive time for both you and your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. The way you handle your breakup will decide the kind of memories you will leave behind and they will act as long-lasting imprints. You don’t want him to brand you as the Maleficent of his life, do you? So you can break up gracefully without hurting the man.
To break up nicely with someone is not some Herculean endeavor. Here are a few tips you can always keep in the back of your mind before hitting the send button and unleashing the cascade of emotions:
1. Choose the right words
He might be the sweetest creature to walk on the earth or the dirtiest jerk you have ever come across. Either way, always choose your words carefully. Whether you send him a text, call him over the phone, or say it right to his face – make sure you do it nicely and use the right words.
Recall the good old saying – words cut deeper than swords. So, don’t let your pain override your actions. He might fire back at you and then the altercation will never end. For a clean breakup, you have to tell someone you want to break up nicely instead of hurling and shouting at them. Nevertheless, deal with him politely, use the kindest words in your dictionary and stay level-headed. Break up with a guy nicely, there is nothing to lose.
2. Give him a proper explanation
When you ask a guy, “Hey, why did your ex leave you?”, most of them just say, “I don’t know. She gave some bullshit reason and walked right out.” When you hear such things, you realize that the bitterness in their voice about their ex is palpable and has been there for a long time. If you don’t want things to end on a sour note, then have a heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend.
Instead of just apologizing and leaving, let him know exactly how you feel and what made you arrive at this decision. Give him a good and solid explanation. Don’t hold back and don’t keep blank spaces. After everything that you two have shared over time, you owe him an explanation at the very least. You need to bow out respectfully if you want to have the chance to break up with someone nicely and still be friends later on.
Related Reading: Why do some people take breakups harder than others?
3. Take some time to think about how to break up with a guy nicely
I know you want to get it done and begin the process of moving on. Your heart has suffered too in these last few days and you might think that ripping the band-aid off is the honest and polite way to break up with a guy. But try to consider the time of dropping the bomb on his head. If he is going through a rough phase at work or having some family issues, you might want to hold back.
Bottom line is, pick a good time to break up when he might not simply explode or have a reason to displace his other frustrations on you. Be considerate of his state of mind too and don’t think of your feelings only. Don’t be nasty and hurtful. IF you want to do the right thing and figure out how to break up nicely, pick the right moment, place and time.
4. Be the first one to tell him
Ladies, you are going to relate to this one hard. You had a weak moment and you shared your feelings with a friend. Over some wine and dinner, you spilled the beans about how torturous your relationship has been and that you are only waiting for the final moment to leave him. Cut to a week later, the same friend blabbed about it to her boyfriend who turned out to be your boyfriend’s best friend.
The next thing you know you’re the bitch in the equation. If you don’t want to be caught in an embarrassing situation and really want to do the right thing to break up nicely with someone, consider the following:
a) Don’t share your personal emotions with anyone
b) Be the first one to deliver the bad news
Hearing it from someone else is the worst thing that could happen to a man. It will only make him feel smaller and even more insignificant. Remember he cares for you and you should reciprocate.
Related Reading: 21 Signs You Should Break Up For Good
5. Be honest (but not brutally)
If you’re going to break his heart, then at least do it honestly. You do not want to end your relationship in a web of lies and deception. Relationship expert Seth Meyers advises the same. If you have a strong and rational reason, then tell him. Don’t try to wriggle out by giving silly reasons like he doesn’t compliment you or give you attention or doesn’t care about pleasing you.
How to break up with a guy nicely over text? Let him know the truth, and the whole truth straight from your heart. But if this truth involves another guy, hold back. He doesn’t deserve the brutal truth (not yet at least). Don’t tell him you have fallen for someone else if you want to break up with him nicely. This will destroy his self-esteem completely. In that case, keep it as brief but real as you can.
6. Avoid the blame game
If your relationship didn’t work out, then both of you share equal responsibility for that. As mature adults, you should neither put the blame entirely on him nor accept it as your sole fault.
You need to come to a mutual understanding and respect for each other even while parting ways. How to break up with someone gracefully? Do not blame them and start bringing up past problems to attain some kind of leverage in the conversation. Things will only turn ugly from there.
7. Act maturely after the breakup
You might move on and be ready to date again. There might be stories you are itching to share. Be careful how you carry yourself after the breakup. Don’t spill everything on social media or start gossiping about your ex, just because you’re a free bird now. Avoid posting updates about your new date as well because you know that will trigger him.
To tell someone you want to break up nicely is one thing. Then sustaining that nice attitude for a while post the breakup is a whole other scenario. Your ex might not be over what has ensued and is probably still healing from the same. Give him some time or else he might just spiral and start love bombing you again. Also, haters are everywhere. They’ll only spread ugly gossip about you.
8. Don’t say certain things if you want to break up nicely
How to break up nicely? Well, do not make comments like the ones below:
a) Any specific comments about his physical looks or habits which you didn’t like
b) Anything that might give him a chance to convince you further to stay like – “I know you’re a nice guy but I think I deserve more.”
c) Anything hopeful like – “I like you, I still want you to be in my life.”
I know you’re wondering how to break up politely and want to use the kindest words but there is a fine line between being kind and giving them hope. If you have no intention of giving him a second chance, then avoid saying such things. He might take them as breadcrumbs for the future. And knowing your intentions will leave him heartbroken. Again.
9. Ask for his opinion
How to break up with your boyfriend without hurting him over text? Well, consider making him part of the conversation instead of making him a mere listener to your stance and opinion. According to relationship coach Christine Hart, you’re not asking for his permission to break up. But making him an equal part of the conversation is a mature step when you’ve had a long-term relationship and share compatibility with your boyfriend.
He might be taken aback at your decision, but then if allowed to ponder he might share your feelings and arrive at a similar conclusion. In this way, you can both part on good terms.
Related Reading: 23 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship
10. Don’t check on him after the breakup
If it’s over it’s over and you cannot keep looking back. He might be putting up a grieving status on Facebook or sleeping with your best friend. Whatever it may be, leave him to deal with his grief on his own. Don’t contact him out of pity or jealousy. Give each other the space to heal and make peace with the past.
How do you break up with someone without hurting them? Don’t make a social media announcement because that will turn into an endless affair. You are no Angelina Jolie. All you should really do is tell someone you want to break up nicely, end the conversation in a light tone, and walk away to avoid creating a bigger mess of things.
11. Don’t ghost him
Yes, maintaining a distance and giving up space is crucial to how to break up with a guy nicely, but you also cannot vanish into thin air and leave him with questions. Once you’ve decided that your relationship isn’t going to work, it is better to let the poor lad know. You cannot disappear on him and expect him to keep guessing. It will drive him insane, trust us!
You shouldn’t even lie to him only to put more time between you two. To ensure that you break up with someone nicely and still be friends after, you should never leave them hanging. Ghosting your boyfriend or anyone for that matter can be a terrible thing to do. He was the love of your life at some point and you owe him some respect. Be brave and face him as soon as possible. Break up with respect and grace and not like a coward on the run.
Related Reading: Is Caspering Less Brutal Than Ghosting?
12. Be prepared for the outcome
By that, I mean some nasty words and actions. Don’t expect your boyfriend to swallow the truth like honey. He might lash out at you or just go completely numb. He might abuse you, block you from social media or go around slandering your name. Remember, we all deal with our heartbreak in our own ways. So let him deal on his own. Meanwhile, don’t lose your calm and continue being on your track of how to break up nicely with someone.
No one said that breakups are easy, especially when you and your boyfriend share a history. But there’s always a good road you can take to end your relationship. You can always break up with your guy nicely, amicably and respectfully. It all comes down to how you choose to deal with the situation.
Keep these tips in your mind and your breakup may not end up as another nasty affair in your life. Keep it real, and handle the breakup like the strong woman you are.