How to break up with a guy nicely?

Shobha Mahapatra
man and woman giving hug to each other

Once Mom heard me badmouthing a friend I had a fight with. She was astonished both by my knowledge of slang and the intensity of my pain. However, the golden words that she said me later made a great difference in my life. It was quite simple – “No matter how bad things are, never hurt someone if you can’t make them feel better either.” That goes for every relationship we have.

When two people share something real, whatever the length of time, it is difficult to put an end to it. Breakups are therefore a nightmare and mostly, very painful. We all fear to hurt and being hurt. Therefore, to keep the hurt to a minimum, it is always better to choose a peaceful way out.

When things have to end, they need to. There are numerous ways to break up with your boyfriend by being firm yet compassionate. Let’s go through some of the ways.

12 tips to break up with a guy nicely

The thing about breakups is that no one wants them to happen. They are as unexpected as love at first sight. Yet, we all have to deal with them. And those of us who have, we know the terror the words – “we need to talk” breed in our hearts.

If you’re planning to give him the dreadful message – “it’s over” – then better do it like a lady. Remember, it’s a sensitive time for both you and your boyfriend. The way you handle your breakup will decide the kind of memories you will leave behind. You don’t want him to brand you as the Maleficent of his life, do you?

So, here are a few tips you can always keep in the back of your mind before hitting the send button.

1. Choose the right words

He might the sweetest creature to walk on the earth or the dirtiest jerk. Always choose your words carefully. Whether you send him a text, call him over the phone, or say it on his face – make sure you do it nicely.

Recall the good old saying – words cut deeper than swords. So, don’t let your pain override your actions. He might fire back at you. Nevertheless, deal with him politely.

2. Give him an explanation

When you ask a guy, “Hey, why did your ex leave you?” Most of them say, “I don’t know. She gave some bullshit reason and just left.” The bitterness in their voice and about their ex is palpable. If you don’t want things to end on a sour note, then have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend.

Let him know exactly how you feel. Give him a good and solid explanation. Don’t hold back, and don’t keep blank spaces. After everything that you people have shared, you owe him an explanation.

Related reading: Why do some people take breakups harder than others?

3. Take some time to think

I know you want to get it done with and move on. But try to consider the time of dropping the bomb on his head. If he is going through a rough phase at work or having some family issues, you might want to hold back. Bottom line – pick a good time to break up when he might not simply explode.

4. Be the first one to tell him

You had a weak moment and you shared your feelings with a friend. She blabbed about it to her boyfriend who turned out to be your boyfriend’s best friend. The next thing you know you’re the bitch. Unless you don’t want to be caught in an embarrassing situation a) Don’t share your personal emotions with anyone and b) be the first one to deliver the bad news.

5. Be honest (but not brutally)

If you’re going to break his heart, then at least do it honestly. Relationship expert Seth Meyers advises the same. If you have a strong and rational reason, then tell him. Don’t try to wriggle out by giving silly reasons like he doesn’t compliment you or give you attention or doesn’t care about pleasing you.

Let him know the truth, straight from your heart. But if this truth involves another guy, hold back. He doesn’t deserve the brutal truth (yet).

6. Avoid the blame game

If your relationship didn’t work out, then both of you share equal responsibility. As mature adults, you should neither put the blame entirely on him nor accept it as your fault. You need to come to a mutual understanding and a respect for each other even while parting ways.

7. Act maturely after the breakup

You might move on and be ready to date again. There might be stories you are itching to share. Be careful how you carry yourself after the breakup. Don’t spill everything on social media or start gossiping about your ex, just cause you’re a free bird. Avoid posting updates about your new date as well.

Your ex might not be over the whole breakup scenario. Give him some time. Also, haters are everywhere. They’ll only spread ugly gossip about you.

Related reading: 13 signs you are the selfish one in your relationship

8. Choose your words wisely

Do not say the below
a) Any specific comments about his physical looks or habits which you didn’t like. b) Anything that might give him a chance to convince you further to stay like – “I know you’re a nice guy but I think I deserve more.” c) Anything hopeful like – “I like you, I still want you to be in my life.”

If you have no intention of giving him a second chance, then avoid saying such things. He might take them as breadcrumbs for the future. And knowing your
intentions will leave him heartbroken. Again.

9. Ask his opinion

According to relationship coach, Christine Hart, you’re not asking for his permission to break up. It’s a mature step when you’ve had a long-term relationship and share a compatibility with your boyfriend. He might be taken aback, but then if allowed to ponder he might share your feelings. In this way, you can both part on good terms.

10. Don’t check on him after the breakup

If it’s over it’s over. He might be putting up a grieving status on Facebook or sleeping with your best friend. Leave him to deal with his grief. Don’t contact him out of pity or jealousy. Give each other the space to heal.

11. Don’t ghost him

Once you’ve decided that your relationship isn’t going to work, it is better to let the poor lad know. You cannot disappear on him and expect him to guess. You shouldn’t even lie to him only to put more time between you two. Ghosting your boyfriend is a terrible act. Be brave and face him as soon as possible.

12. Be prepared for the outcome

By that, I mean some nasty words and actions. Don’t expect your boyfriend to swallow the truth like honey. He might lash out or go completely numb. He might abuse you, block you from social media or go around slandering your name. Remember, we all deal with our grief in our own ways. So let him deal on his own. Meanwhile, don’t lose your calm.

No one said that breakups are easy, especially when you and boyfriend share a history. But there’s always the good road you can take to end your relationship.

Keep these tips in your mind and your breakup may not end up as another nasty affair in your life.

Keep it real, keep it like a lady.

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