The beginning of a relationship is an exciting time. It’s all rainbows, roses and butterflies. Everything feels easy and light, and you can’t stop gushing over how perfect your partner is. Then, somewhere along the way, that high begins to fade away, and problems start to rear their ugly head. Every couple finds themselves stuck in these rocky waters where you begin to look for signs if a relationship is worth saving.
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If that’s where you and your partner find yourself right now, read on to understand how to know if a relationship is worth saving.
How to Know if a Relationship is Worth Saving?
If it’s the frequent quarrels and arguments that are sowing seeds of doubt in your mind, know that every couple fights. However, some find themselves caught in a vicious circle of one fight leading to another. That can be an extremely frustrating time. But before prepare to call it quits, take a moment to assess is it worth holding onto the relationship you’re in. Here are 13 tell-tale signs to look out for:
1. You can’t bear the thought of leaving
So, how do you know if you should fight for a relationship? Well, for starters if the thought of leaving makes you shudder there may be something substantial you share with your partner that is worth salvaging. Anyone who’s ended a relationship before knows that feeling of being done with it, and if you’re not there yet, it’s a reason to hold on.
2. You enjoy being with them
A young girl wrote to us asking looking for answers to why her boyfriend wasn’t spending time with her and how it was affecting her peace of mind. Spending quality time together is an important link that holds a couple together. If despite the frequent fights and arguments, your partner is still the one you look forward to spending all your time with, you have your answer.
3. You can’t picture being with anyone else
Wondering how to tell if a relationship is worth pursuing? Here’s your cue: if even entertaining the thought of being with someone else other than your partner makes your stomach turn, you may have found ‘the one’. A friend of mine once set up a Tinder date after an awful fight with her boyfriend and even went to the pub they had agreed to meet at. As she saw this other man walk through the door, she suddenly felt sick to her gut and stormed out. She and her boyfriend are happily married today.
4. They’re your safe place
So, you’ve had your share of dating experiences and past relationships. But none of those compares to how secure and safe you feel in your present relationship, you are on solid ground, and we suggest you hang in there until this storm passes.
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5. The fights are about an unresolved issue
Want to be sure if a relationship is worth saving? Take a moment and think with a clear mind about how you feel for your partner? Is there any disdain, dislike or resentment? If not, there is a good chance that you both harbour very strong feelings for each other that are being masked because of some unresolved issue. So instead of entertaining the idea of moving on, work together to look for and resolve that issue.
6. Their absence makes you feel lost
This couple I’m friends with had been going through a torrid love-hate patch. Their fights got ugly and often out of control, and the girl often told her partner to get lost. After one such argument, he did and checked into a hotel. Those 48 hours spent apart made them realise what they meant to each other. They went to couples therapy and spent the next few months working on their relationship, and things just took off from there.
7. The problem lies elsewhere
Any sudden or significant life changes can adversely impact a relationship, even if the affected person doesn’t mean for it to happen. If either you or your partner is going through any such major transitions – a new job, stunted career growth, loss of a loved one, to name a few – understand that the problem lies elsewhere and what’s happening in your relationship is just a manifestation of that. In this case, instead of wondering is it worth holding onto a relationship, work toward strengthening your bond.
8. You share core values
It is a rarity to find a significant other who shares the same core values as you. Of course, that doesn’t mean you’re going to agree on everything. That’d just be plain boring. But if you share your outlook toward life goals, children, finances, politics, religion, you have a readily strong foundation to build a lasting relationship on.
9. Your arguments are silly
You left the wet towel on the bed again! You left the lights on! Your farts are annoying! You’re a terrible driver! If such silly arguments are the common triggers for all your fights, you don’t need to worry about if a relationship is worth pursuing. However, you could both use some loosening up and learning to not sweat the small stuff.
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10. Anger triggers thoughts of moving on
Take a moment to remember when do you find yourself mulling over the philosophy of ‘what makes a relationship worth saving?’ Is it only after you’ve had a raging fight and are still fuming with anger? Unless the thought of breaking free from the relationship is a constant nagging feeling at the back of your head, there is still hope for you.
11. You kiss and makeup
My partner and I have our share of fights, sometimes really ugly ones too. But we just cannot stay mad at each other for long. An itch to set the tone right begins to build up if we go more than a day without talking to each other. So, one of us buries the ego to make amends, and the other follows suit. Just like that, it’s time to kiss and make up. Any couple who can relate to this needn’t worry about what the future holds for their relationship.
12. You make each other laugh
Believe me, when I say laughter is the life and blood that sustains a relationship, long after sex and romance have fizzled away. So, if you can laugh together, share a ton of inside jokes and have a good time in each other’s company, you’ve found something rare that’s not just worth saving but worth fighting for too!
13. The sex is mind-blowing
While it’s the sad truth that there will come a time in your relationship when your libido will give away, that’s a worry for another time. In the here and now, if over and above the love and affection, you also feel a compelling attraction toward one another that ends up in hot steamy sex, you’ve got a relationship that’s for keeps.
How to Know When a Relationship isn’t Worth Saving
Despite their flaws, some relationships have the potential to survive and thrive. But not all relationships are made equal. If yours is bringing you more misery than happiness, it may be time to consider an out. Wondering how to know when a relationship isn’t worth saving? Let’s find out:
1. Your partner is abusive
If you’ve been at the receiving end of physical or verbal abuse from your partner, they neither value nor love you. You’d be much better off without such a constant negative presence in your life.
2. Your partner has strayed
It happened only once. It meant nothing. I made a mistake…that’s what they all say when caught. But if your partner has strayed – unless of course, you’re in an open or polyamorous relationship – it’s a red flag that must not be ignored.
3. You don’t feel an emotional connect
Maybe the sex is great, or you’ve both grown used to each other’s presence over time, or you’re too afraid to start over. If these are your reasons to stay, you need to re-evaluate that choice. Unless there is a strong emotional connection between a couple and the sight of your partner makes your heart skip a beat every now and then, you’re both flagging a dead horse.
4. Your life goals don’t meet
Maybe he wants kids, and you want to pursue a career. Or she wants to move to a different country, but you want to stay close to your parents. You want marriage, and he doesn’t. When you and your partner cannot agree upon the fundamentals, it is near impossible to build a future together.
Sometimes, even when it seems like the hardest thing to do, it is best to let go. While at others, even when your relationship may seem to be hanging by a thread, it’s worth fighting for. To know with certainty if your relationship is worth pursuing, you’ve got to look for the right signs.