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You’ve broken up. Now what?
Affair withdrawal is a painful experience. Very often you’ll feel hurt, anxious and then depressed. Some people experience these symptoms of affair withdrawal for as long as six months after ending it. In an affair, not just you but also your partner with whom you share a loving and caring relationship is hugely affected if you do not deal with your symptoms well. To keep the toxicity of an ended affair out of your relationship with your partner, it’s necessary that you completely distance yourself from your ex-lover and follow the idiom, “out of sight, out of mind”.
An affair withdrawal in many cases may be like a drug withdrawal. You’ll feel uneasy, anxious and may often be tempted to get in touch with your lover and start the affair yet again. All the effort that you would have put will go in vain if you restart and you are certainly inviting more trouble in your life in the long run.
Related reading: I’m depressed and unable to move on after my breakup
Resist the temptation to call
Completely disconnect yourself from your ex-lover. Do not keep any contact of any kind. Social media, phone, WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat, whatever sort of communication tool, completely cut it out of your life. If required, change your number or create a new social media account with a new friends’ list. Do not go to places where you are sure to bump into him/her, such as their office, gym or the neighbourhood where they live.
Focus on yourself
While you are in affair withdrawal, you’re allowed to pamper yourself to ease the pain, anger and depression you are going through. Take a spa session or do a makeover. Even better, take a vacation for a few days with an old friend or your partner with whom you are in a relationship. Do things which you’ve wanted to do and just shift your focus completely.
Think of the reward: your relationship
Remember that the rough phase that you are going through will pass and you will see light at the end of this dark tunnel. Every time you are feeling terrible or bad, think of the reward, which is a strengthened relationship with your actual partner and the fact that you would have evolved as a human being. Do not let any hardship make you weak, as all your effort is not to make it worse but to put an end to this feeling of sorrow and anger.
Related reading: Why would a partner continue to stay in a marriage after their spouse cheated on them?
Don’t expect things to change immediately
When you are talking to your spouse about your extramarital affair, do not expect them to understand you. They are going to yell, shout and say all terrible things and make you feel disgusted. Moreover, they may even make you feel emotionally disconnected with them. All this takes time to heal. You should allow the anger to pass and allow your spouse the time to forget about it and forgive you. Try to reinvest the time you were spending outside in your relationship.
Remember that ‘this too shall pass’
The pain of withdrawal is temporary and it will pass. If you can keep yourself busy with positive thoughts and actions, the recovery will be faster and easier. In many cases you may feel like it is a fight that you need to have every single day with yourself but remember that it is short term.
Affairs are toxic and therefore withdrawal is not easy. You need to have a strong mind and should be surrounded by good friends. For a very brief period of time you may feel all alone, but if you surround yourself with your best friends who can understand what you are going through and will not judge you, then they’ll also ensure that you are able to overcome this challenge.
My girlfriend of seven years is marrying someone else and I’m feeling used and discarded
