How to end a relationship on good terms? This is a question many people ask when they look for the best ways to end the relationship, sometimes even over text. Yes, the end of a relationship is a bitter pill to swallow for the one who gets dumped. It is not an easy thing for the one who decides to pull the plug either. What to say to end a relationship is not something that should be taken lightly.
Ending a relationship on good terms mainly requires a smattering of patience and a good chunk of compassion. Yes, breaking up on good terms does not take a lot of extra effort, but on the bright side, it also helps in avoiding a lot of drama and messy emotions. For breaking up on good terms, you just have to stay focused on the end goal – not letting your equation with your soon-to-be-ex turn so bitter that you can’t be in each other’s life anymore.
Not only does it require kindness on the part of the doer, but also a great deal of strength to not end up going back and forth. Nobody needs a roller coaster of emotions at a time like this. The more grace and finesse, the smoother the breakup.
6 Reasons To End A Relationship
There can be many reasons to end a relationship which can range from personal to situational. Not every relationship heads toward the ‘till death do us part’ aphorism. No matter what your reasons behind breaking up, it is important to pick the right time to do it.
Breakups are harsh but in the long run, most of them are the right thing to do. Here are a few reasons to cut off from a relationship that might not be good for you:
1. Halting your success and growth
Brie was enjoying her budding romance with a guy she had met at the gym when she landed a much-awaited promotion at work. The requirements of her new role required greater commitment and zapping energy. Ten-hour workdays and constantly having to leave town for meetings.
Her busy schedule became a constant bone of contention in the relationship, and Brie thought it was best to end things with her boyfriend since it was all still new and neither was too emotionally invested yet. In a situation like this, you too might find it difficult to invest your energy in a relationship.
While it’s true that we all like to have someone to come home to, in these circumstances, greater things need your attention. It might be unfair to keep a partner hanging or simply benching them when your mind is occupied elsewhere.
Related Reading: 21 Dos And Don’ts Of Breaking Up With Your Girlfriend
2. Lack of emotional satisfaction
You might be drifting apart, are too different in your worldview or might simply be too busy to create a spark. If a relationship is not emotionally comforting, it is time to rethink whether it is worth it. If the warm hugs, kisses and smiles are not evoking the same happiness and love, your relationship might just not be at the place it used to be.
It is natural for affection, or at least displays of affection, to decline in a relationship sometimes. However, if you are looking for excuses to end a relationship, it’s best to tell them that you do not feel that emotionally involved in the relationship.
Chances are they have been feeling the same, and would agree with you. By being honest and upfront, you can end a relationship in a good way and still salvage the possibility of a cordial equation with your ex.
3. Being treated as a second option
If your partner is not as invested as you, it is one of the necessary reasons to end a relationship. If they keep dodging your calls and forgetting important dates, chances are that they are not prioritizing you.
Mel found it frustrating that her girlfriend, Rory, spent her evenings at the gym, her weekends with her friends and preferred hanging out with a travel group on holidays. “Where do I fit in?” Mel wondered as Rory became too engrossed in her life, leaving practically no room for a relationship.
It is pointless to hang on to the hope that they will change their ways and come back to you. The best recourse in such a situation is to not drag oneself when the other partner clearly has different priorities.
4. Abuse and manipulation
Ending a relationship becomes imperative in a situation like this. If your partner exhibits toxic traits and likes to demean you, just run along now. If they show signs of gaslighting and manipulate you often, then the relationship will only be harmful to your mental health. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.
If they try to make you feel insecure, play mind games with you, it is a huge cause for concern. Even too much jealousy can slowly become unhealthy. You must put yourself first. Your emotions are not their puppets to string around.
If you are feeling smothered and throttled in the relationship, let them know and walk out. In such situations, it may not be feasible to leave a relationship on good terms. Try your best, if you value your partner despite all that they’ve done to you, but if things turn ugly despite your best efforts, don’t beat yourself up about it.
5. Trust issues
This is a major reason for ending a relationship. If your partner has a history of repeatedly lying, making things up or going against your will – it might be time to re-assess how good they are for you. Or if they show dubious behaviors and seem to be hiding something from you, it might not be a good idea to trust them any further.
Sometimes you might be entangled in a relationship with a married man and you are really not sure if he is trustworthy. That’s when you could think of ending the relationship with a married man because you find it hard to build trust.
Related Reading: Trust Issues – 10 Signs You Find It Difficult To Trust Anyone
6. They refuse to compromise
If your partner thinks they’re the boss of the relationship, it’s time to show them that is not how things work. A domineering personality who expects you to bend at their will lacks the understanding that is needed in love cannot build a healthy relationship.
If they fail to acknowledge your needs and make sacrifices for you, it is time to turn away from them. Compromise is important. From deciding where to get dinner to which place you’re going to on your summer vacation, your partner needs to be accommodating of you and your choices.
How To End A Relationship On Good Terms?
To be brutally honest, no amount of tips and tricks is going to make ending a relationship easy on anyone. To end it well, you require an even greater deal of determination and understanding. If one of the partners throws fits, tantrums and allegations – it could probably never end well.
While you can’t control how your partner will react to your decision to end things with them, you can certainly make an effort of breaking up on good terms. Breaking off peacefully can be done only if a person uses the correct words and can effectively gauge which feelings they must present. That entails a lot of introspection and practice before you sit across from your partner and tell them you want to break up.
Here are 10 ways on how to end a relationship on good terms:
Related Reading: How To Break Up With A Guy Nicely?
1. Do it face-to-face
To end a relationship on good terms, you must do it in person. Nobody needs a death note mailed to their inbox or postbox. I’m sure you would not prefer that mode either. Breaking up over text is also very impersonal and rude.
The lack of online intimacy allows people to put a cap on their emotions instead of talking it out honestly. That’s when ghosting mostly happens. Laila’s boyfriend of six years fell in love with someone else whilst away for a six-month-long onsite project. However, he thought it best to not tell her that over email or even a video call.
Instead, he flew back over a long weekend and explained to her how he felt. Laila was heartbroken but she understood where he was coming from. The fact that he flew across the country to tell her that he was over her softened the blow. Today, they’re still good friends who stand by each other through thick and thin.
Do not just take the easy way out, and tell your partner about your decision face-to-face. You can give them closure this way and end a relationship on good terms.
2. Avoid public places
Such a grave exchange of emotions requires a freer atmosphere for both individuals to express themselves correctly. Your partner might want to cry, emote or say certain things to you which might be inhibited in a public place. It is difficult to ascertain how a person might behave after a breakup.
Any kind of repression might evolve in an unhealthy manner and be released later on in unfriendly ways. A simple setting at home is ideal. Whether the breakup ends up being short or prolonged, the comfort of being at home is unquestionable.
If there is a chance of drama or things turn messy then the walls in the house will shield you. Eventually, you can have the break up on good terms.
3. Plan out the reasons you mean to bring up
A breakup should not resemble a work presentation and you do not need to be reading from a curated list. However, clarity is important. You must be aware of every reason behind your decision to break up.
To end a relationship on good terms, both partners should have a good understanding of what went wrong. Thus, make a mental list of instances, occurrences and thoughts that you want to bring up during the conversation.
Knowing what went wrong will help both of you get closure and you can move on without bitterness or resentment. But when you talk about the reasons ensure you do not get into a messy mud-slinging match. Focus on stating facts and your own feelings without placing blame.
4. Don’t just listen but also process
When you are ending a relationship, you have already decided that it is what you want to do. Your partner might try to convince you otherwise even though the decision is set in stone for you. However, you should not shut your ears to what they have to say.
Even though you are adamant about sticking to your decision of breaking up, you owe it to them to fully comprehend their take on the same. They deserve to be heard well. Compassion goes a long way in ending a relationship on good terms.
Listen to what they have to say. Do not make that “I am not interested anymore” face and sit there. Because what they have to say will be important in helping you to break up on good terms.
Related Reading: How To Break Up With Someone Who Loves You?
5. Avoid inflammatory words to end a relationship on good terms
Terms like ‘your fault’, ‘I cannot believe you’ or ‘stay away from me’ should be completely thrown out of your vocabulary for that moment if you want to end a relationship in a good way. An accusatory tone and hurtful words will only fuel a potentially volatile situation. Ending a relationship as an adult requires maturity in your choice of words.
What to say to end a relationship requires great pondering. Replace your argument with words like ‘I’ve been feeling strongly that’, or ‘I hope you do not take this too personally’ or ‘I’ve been uncomfortable lately’.
These words will help you to avoid a messy breakup. If you have been planning to end the relationship on text then let them know in advance that it’s not working anymore. Springing a surprise on text is not the done thing.
6. Mention the good times
A relationship, even if it didn’t last, must have made you happy at some point and contributed to your growth as a person. To remind your partner that you would continue cherishing them, bring up the good times a little. What to say to end a relationship also involves some happy and positive chitter-chatter.
Mention the times they made you feel less alone or taught you an important lesson. Good breakup etiquette requires the perfect balance of emotional release. A few final endearing terms will definitely end the relationship on great terms.
A breakup will not necessarily be calm and collected from the beginning. Even if you do end up arguing and thrashing each other, this is a great way to reconnect after the big fight.
7. Discuss taking time off before being friends again
When ending a relationship, it is not ideal to be friends immediately after. A decent time apart is good for emotional recuperation and self-growth. It is a good idea to agree upon a duration for which you’d like to follow the no-contact rule. Whether it is 6 months, a year or more, that is up to you.
Laila and her boyfriend, for instance, didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the time that he was away for his project. When he returned after three months, he touched base with Laila but she politely told him that she needed more time before she could even consider meeting him again. He understood. It was a year before they could start talking to each other again.
Your ex too may need time before they’re ready to be in your life again, despite your efforts to leave a relationship on good terms. You too need that time apart to process your emotions. If you are feeling any kind of negative emotions chances are you would flare up if you talk to them.
So, if you want things to resume a platonic relationship after breaking up on good terms stay away for at least 6 months.
8. Be open to hearing your own mistakes
To end a relationship on good terms, you might have to take some hits too. If the relationship has been going downhill for a while, chances are that your partner will have a few things to complain of their own about your role in it.
Even if they are just harmless mistakes, their decision to bring them up can sting, especially when you’re trying to end a relationship in a good way. If they bring up some of your shortcomings, do not be baffled, or worse, act like an egomaniac. Listen intently, and apologize if need be.
How to end a relationship on good terms? Be open to hearing about the mistakes you made, from your partner. You are not infallible, so if they tell you where you went wrong you should be willing to listen to that.
9. Thank them for their presence in your life
For ending a relationship on good terms, sprinkle a little gratitude in your conversation. I’m sure things would not have always been sour. Their presence in your life will always stay with you and you must thank them for the same.
Telling him it’s over does not have to be a bitter or hateful affair. It can end with a soft caress, a sweet kiss and an honest ‘Thank you’.
Yes, we know this is easier said than done. But if you are breaking with someone you have loved deeply then it’s hard to end things on bad terms. Isn’t it?
Related Reading: This Is Something You Must Do After A Breakup
10. Don’t turn a blind eye to their tears
Crying is only a natural release during something so heart-wrenching. Even though you want to be detached, does not mean you should not comfort your partner.
Nolan wept like a baby when his long-term girlfriend, Kiera, with whom he was deeply in love, told him that she wanted to end things. His emotions swung from anger to hurt, culminating with him sobbing into his hands. Keira held him through it all, comforting him and telling him that she was sorry for causing him so much hurt. That helped Nolan get through not just the breakup conversation but also its aftermath.
To cause minimal hurt to your partner, allow yourself to hold them and care for them in that moment. A warm embrace can make any moment lighter. It’s this hug they would remember all their life and it would banish the negative feelings they had been harboring so far. This is a good way of ending a relationship on good terms.
What To Say To End A Relationship?
When someone once said ‘words can make or break you’, they weren’t kidding. I’ve observed so many discussions erupt in flames simply because they were worded haphazardly.
When you are metaphorically holding another person’s soul and heart in your hand, you must choose your words carefully and eloquently to avoid crushing them. What to say to end a relationship depends on the causes but also on how you handle the situation.
If you are grappling with what to say to end a relationship, we can help. Here are some tips you can use to cause minimal hurt to your partner.
1. ‘I’m as saddened by this as you are’
When you are breaking up with someone, you can use these words to lighten the load on your partner and express that they are not alone. Breakups are heartbreaking for both parties and you must show them that you too are bogged down by the unfortunate situation.
In this way, they will not feel like they are being blamed or abandoned. If you throw your happiness and relief into their face, they will consider you a vile perpetrator and it will further fuel their hate. With that, you lose any chance of ending a relationship on good terms.
2. ‘I hope you find happiness further on’
Wishing for your partner to be happy and find love again is the perfect way to wrap a breakup. To end a relationship on good terms you must end a relationship without hurting.
As Nolan was crying his heart out, Kiera held his face in her palms and said this softly, “I know I’ve caused you immense hurt but I hope you find happiness again.”
By showing them that you wish only good things for them, you can truly make breaking up on good terms a reality.
Related Reading: Ways To Move On And Find Happiness All Over Again
3. ‘I’m afraid we are not good for each other anymore’
This is a soft way to break up with someone. For ending a relationship with her without any drama, you must keep it as simple as possible.
These clear-cut terms will immediately convey your perception of the situation. It insinuates no blaming, no accusations and no anger. A clean breakup is a healthy breakup.
4. ‘I cannot do this anymore and you deserve better’
If the cause of your breakup is more personal to you, this is a good and direct way of telling them that. Your breakup might be because of your career, your self-esteem or personal issues you want to focus on.
In such a case, you must show your partner that they are not at fault. Tell them that you believe in them and that they are capable and worth loving. However, add that you are unable to cater to the demands of a relationship and think they deserve someone who can value and love them more.
5. ‘This is unfortunately not what I thought it would be’
Staying away from first-person pronouns is one of the nicer ways to express your feelings. It is better to refer to the situation rather than referring to them. Saying ‘this’ instead of ‘you’ can lighten the burden on your partner. They may feel more at ease and be able to judge the situation more rationally.
Telling him it’s over does not have to lash onto him like an impetuous sword. Guide your partner into greater understanding and walk them through the process. What to say to end a relationship requires a great deal of cooperation.
Try these actionable tips, and you’d be good to go!