It’s so thrilling when you have butterflies in your stomach. You’re falling in love and everything looks rosy. Research has shown that this can affect the human brain when you fall in love, similar to using cocaine. This is why when you fall in love, you almost feel like an addict. New romances are intoxicating, invigorating, and it can be difficult to think clearly and rationally in this phase. You can’t stop thinking about your partner, and you move at a faster pace because you can’t seem to think about anything else.
To find out about what’s moving too fast in a relationship, we reached out to Ridhi Golecha, who specializes in counseling for loveless marriages, breakups, and other relationship issues. She says, “When a man is moving too fast in a relationship, it can be for a variety of reasons and it can have a variety of implications.
“Firstly, we don’t even realize that they are moving at a lightning speed because we are in the honeymoon phase. We are so love-struck, hormonal, and all over the place that we don’t see this as something to worry about. The person at the receiving end of this love will experience a psychological high as they are loved, needed, and given a lot of attention.”
What Does It Mean When Someone Is Moving Too Fast In A Relationship?
Meeting someone new is always exciting. You want to talk to them constantly, go on dates with them, and you can’t keep your hands off them. You are floating in the air. There are chances you might hit the ground very soon because sometimes men who move too fast in relationships get bored and fall out of love very easily as well. In such times, you need to know how to slow down a relationship without affecting the quality of it.
The thrill of new relationships is always moreish and the rush of dopamine is highly addictive. When these things come into play, we bury our rational and logical thinking for a while. So what does it mean when someone is moving too fast in a relationship? It means moving from not knowing them at all to meeting them every single day. It’s when you make decisions without having enough information about them.
To know more about relationships that move too fast, we reached out to Namrata Sharma (Masters in Applied Psychology), who is a mental health and SRHR advocate and specializes in offering counseling for toxic relationships, trauma, grief, relationship issues, gender-based and domestic violence. She says, “You can identify such relationships when one of the parties starts to feel that they are being forced.
“Men who move too fast in relationships will make the other person feel pressured into matching their pace. Let’s say Sam and Emma are on their first date. Sam suggests that they go on a two-day trip to Hawaii. Now that is a red flag you shouldn’t ignore. Things will seem unnatural when a guy is too eager to make you fall in love with him.”
You meet someone, fall in love, and move in together, all at a ridiculous pace of just one or two months of meeting them. You don’t know this person intimately and all of a sudden you are living with them, meeting their parents, and taking trips with them. We asked on Reddit: What’s moving too fast in a relationship? A user shared, “It’s moving too fast if you completely lose every sense of who you are within a few months of meeting this person.”
Love shouldn’t make you erase your identity. You have stopped doing the things you love, you are ditching your friends to meet this person, and you quit your hobbies because all your time is spent with them. Love is supposed to uplift and nourish your values and existence. It’s moving too fast too soon when you feel yourself and your core values vanishing. Some of the other signs your relationship is moving too fast are:
- You still haven’t processed or recovered from your last breakup
- There are no boundaries established
- It’s been less than 60 days and you are living together
- You avoid talking about the serious stuff
- You are compromising way too much
- Buying each other extravagant gifts
- You haven’t shared your vulnerabilities yet
- It’s all about sex
- You think they are perfect
Expert Ways To Deal With Men Who Move Too Fast In Relationships
We’ve all read and romanticized Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. But did you know they knew each other for only four days? They met, fell in love, caused a riot between two families, and killed themselves. All this in just four days. It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But believe me, it’s not like these things happen only in fictional plays.
They happen in real life too. Just minus the killing yourself part. But the part where oxytocin overrides our reasoning is real. If you’ve found yourself in such a relationship, then below are some expert ways to deal when a guy is too eager.
Related Reading: 35 Bonding Questions For Couples To Strengthen A Relationship
1. Establish boundaries
Namrata says, “Draw a line and name it ‘alone time’ which your significant other isn’t allowed to cross. Maintain that boundary for the sake of your mental health. The honeymoon phase is where you start living your fantasies. You are head over heels in love and the love is passionate which veils your rationality.
“Don’t forget to hang out with your friends and family. Don’t give your all to just one person and regret losing special people. Spread out your time. Keep doing what you used to do. Don’t let go of your hobbies and passions.”
2. Analyze the relationship’s pace
Ridhi says, “Before you confront men who move too fast in relationships, sit down and think about your objectives and aims regarding the relationship. Where do you see the relationship heading? Make your own choices and let them know that the pace should be equal from both sides. Being on the same page will strengthen the bond.
“Setting your goals and timelines is one of the biggest priorities in a relationship. If you feel pressured to make choices that you wouldn’t make naturally, then it’s a relationship too intense too soon. You might begin to feel suffocated if you don’t sit and think about this.”
3. Have an honest conversation
It’s important to communicate when a guy is too eager to take things forward. It’s even more important how you communicate. There’s a way to convey your feelings. Don’t play the blame game. Instead of pointing fingers at them and saying, “You are making me do this” or “You are forcing me to rush things”, use phrases that begin with “I” because it doesn’t make the other person get defensive.
Below are some of the examples on how to share your feelings:
- I think we should slow down a little
- I feel like we are moving too fast
- I am not comfortable with the pace of the relationship
4. Take a break
A relationship break doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing. Many people take a break to clarify relationship doubts. So many people have benefitted from a relationship break because when you spend time away from each other, you will realize how much they matter to you. If your partner is moving too fast in the relationship, then it’s one of the signs you need a relationship break.
A Reddit user shared their experience, “We took a break but stayed in touch with each other. We both missed each other horribly and both worked on the stuff that ended things in the first place, got together again, and we’ve been happy since.”
5. Help them get over their insecurities
If you are asking “Do insecure guys move on so quickly?”, then the answer depends on how fast they jumped into another relationship after breaking up with their ex. A very good friend Clara, who was once in a relationship too intense too soon, says, “Men who rush the relationship and want things to move at their pace are very often controlling, insecure, and immature.”
Namrata says, “Most of the time, relationships that move fast fail because one or both partners are insecure and afraid to be vulnerable. The insecurities could be about anything ranging from their physical appearance, financial insecurity, and trust issues. Acting on your insecurities is one of the examples of self-sabotaging behavior that ruins a relationship.”
If you are a man who is reading this and your story is “I moved too fast and scared her off”, then don’t worry. There’s still time. You can use the following steps to get over your insecurities:
- Practice self-love
- Learn to communicate your issues
- Know that you are valued
- Don’t look down upon yourself
- Stay away from people who make you feel less about yourself
6. You need to ask if they are hiding something
Namrata says, “Men who move too fast in relationships will often portray that they don’t have any baggage from past relationships. When a guy is too eager to settle down with you within months of knowing you, then there are chances he is hiding something and you need to talk to him about this.
“A person who shows only their positive side and good traits is questionable. Nobody is perfect. Do insecure guys move on so quickly? Yes. They move on and show their current partner only their good side in order to appear desirable. They are hiding their imperfections and flaws.”
7. Build emotional intimacy
This is one of the ways you can deal with men who move too fast in relationships. Build emotional intimacy with them. When there is no emotional intimacy, there will be no trust or empathy. Those two things are important components in any relationship. You will lose affection for each other and unresolved fights will pile up before the inevitable end. Ask your partner questions to build emotional intimacy if you are looking for ways to get closer to him and connect on a deeper level.
When asked on Reddit about the importance of emotional intimacy in a relationship, a user shared, “I don’t really have a lot of emotional intimacy in the relationship I am in now, and it’s making me seriously rethink staying in it. I know he really cares about me, and is an “actions speak louder than words” kind of person, but I feel super lonely and I don’t think this is sustainable. I don’t know how people can have long relationships where you never talk about your feelings or what you mean to one another, ever.”
8. Understand their needs
It’s one of the definite dating red flags when men move too fast in relationships. But don’t break up with him without trying to understand him. Namrata says, “It’s a good idea to understand his needs. Maybe he had a massive heartbreak, or he has trust issues, or he fears losing you if he takes things slow. Be empathetic and kind while understanding where he is coming from. Be respectful.
“Once you have established the problem behind all this, try to reverse or alter the situation by helping him get better. If you really like him and don’t want to miss out on him, then let him know you’re there for him and that he doesn’t need to force the relationship.”
9. Don’t talk about the future
Avoid making huge commitments regarding the future. When you agree to his future plans just after going on a few dates with him, you are just fueling his need to move too fast. He will stop talking about marriage and children once you tell him you don’t want to think so far ahead. Tell him if it’s meant to be, it will happen. There’s no need to rush things when either of you is uncomfortable.
Cornell University conducted a research where they interviewed 600 couples. They found that couples who had sex on their first date and started living together after a few weeks or months of dating didn’t work out well in the end.
There’s a fine wire between love and infatuation which we commonly mistake as the same. Infatuation is powered by attraction and sexual desire. However, love is a more refined feeling which consists of intimacy, honesty, respect, empathy, affection, boundaries, and support among so many other things.
Yes, it’s a red flag. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the guy is toxic or needs to be dumped. This is an issue that can be resolved with communication, empathy, and sometimes therapy if the issue is deep-rooted.
When it comes to relationships and sex, it’s always better if you go slower. Researchers found that moving too fast can potentially derail a relationship. Patience is the key if you want a lasting bond. If either of you doesn’t want to fix things, then there are chances one of you is in it just to forget an unhealed relationship from the past. As long as both of you are willing to work it out, you don’t have to worry about the relationship crashing and burning.
Yes, but this is the case with people who are successful in their careers and have built a secure future for themselves. Older people move faster when they are older because they have dated many people to know what they are looking for in a potential partner. And some move faster because their biological clock is ticking.