This quote by Rihanna should serve as a reminder to anyone who is trying survive a bad breakup. “Just believe that the heartbreak was a gift in itself. Cry if you have to but it won’t be forever. You will find love again and it will be even more beautiful. In the meantime, enjoy all that YOU are.” Easier said than done perhaps! Finding happiness after breakup might seem next to impossible when your heart is going through hell.
Every single moment the memory of a place, a date, a sweet gesture, lead you to shed pools of tears and your breath seems to be stuck in your gut every other night.
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Unfortunately (or fortunately!) life does not stop for anyone. Much as you think you won’t get over it, you ultimately do learn to move on from the past. However, the question is – can you completely forget what happened, accept the scars and march ahead? In other words, can you stay positive after a breakup?
Is It Possible To Be Happy After A Breakup?
The one word answer: Yes. There is life after a breakup. You will find happiness after breakup. Your belief in love will not die after a breakup. It won’t most definitely be easy but you can have the sass to get up again, brush off the dust and heal completely from the wounds.
A breakup is nothing short of a deep wound. It would be futile to even state otherwise. A deep relationship is where you have built dreams around a person and have traversed a certain journey with them.
But know that sadness does not last forever and you can have a chance at happiness after breakup, however awful it might have been.
However, there is a condition: you should be willing to put in the effort and learn how to be a strong person after a breakup.
12 Ways To Find Happiness After Breakup And Heal Completely
The first and foremost rule of finding happiness after breakup is that you need to accept that it’s over. Hollywood beauty Anne Hathaway said it perfectly, “I think the thing I have learnt is that a bad love experience is no reason to fear a new love experience.”
Your world should not and does not begin or end with one person. Here are some ways to find that elusive happiness after breakup which will make you heal completely and perhaps even feel you leaving grateful for whatever happened.
1. Don’t deny your pain
Shut off all people who say, ‘Move on, forget it’. No, you can’t just move on at the snap of a finger. The first rule of seeking happiness after breakup is to dive deep within your pain. It will cause you more hurt and crying bouts but it is necessary to explore it and let it all come out in the open.
Unless you cleanse your system, you cannot make space for newer, happier emotions. Cry it out. Talk it out to a sympathetic friend or counselor. Try journaling. Every act of purging will be an act of healing and will help you improve yourself after a breakup.
2. Cut them off from social media
It is difficult but once the final breakup happens, do not revisit them. It won’t be easy to forget them but as a first step, block them from social media. Seeing pictures of posts will only trigger hurtful memories.
Remember that they are the source of your pain so cut off contacts with them. Resist the temptation of stalking, texting or calling them. You might end up doing so, despite knowing otherwise and that’s okay. You are allowed a few mistakes as you try to find yourself after a breakup.
3. Learn self-love after breakup
It is but natural to question why the split happened. In the process of over-thinking and over-analysing, it is easy to blame yourself. Perhaps there is some blame on your part too. But it’s okay. Nobody is perfect.
However lousy you feel about the incident, do not let that affect your own self-esteem. Learn to love yourself. Be it a bubble bath or going on a holiday or taking off on a health retreat, every act of yours henceforth, should be to reinforce your self-belief and self-love.
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4. Don’t let hate or anger consume you
As you play the breakup chat (if you have had one) in your head in a loop, you will slowly realise that the pain and sadness will be replaced by anger and hate. You will perhaps never get the answer to the ‘why’ question. You can be angry but do not let that be your obsession.
Do something completely different to actually work on getting happiness after breakup. Binge watch movies, listen to inspiring talks or take up a new activity within your job – something that pushes you out of the comfort zone. Involving yourself in a challenging task will help you not to get consumed by the anger or hate.
5. Get support, seek help
Whatever you do, do not be alone. Confide in a close group of friends who you know, will lift you with their energy. In fact, this is the time to seek professional help. It can be a healer or counselor, but do not go through this alone.
While you are with friends, take care that you do not endlessly only talk about the split and keep revisiting old wounds. Also ensure that you are with empathetic friends who understand your need to heal and won’t judge you. Surrounding yourself with the right support is most essential.
6. Learn to enjoy your own company
While it is necessary to lean on friends and counselors, do not become a slave to their support. After the initial phase is over, learn to enjoy your own company. If you really want to learn how to be happy after a breakup, do things alone that you earlier did with your beau.
If that means, going to a movie alone, do it. If it means, going to a restaurant alone, do it. Of course, it would be awkward and painful the first few times, but then you will gradually get used to it. Don’t give up on your mission to find happiness after breakup.
7. Accept every invitation
Here is a practical tip to get over your breakup. Say yes to every invite in town. A bad split can leave you exhausted and awkward to meet people, given that there might be personal questions asked. However, a night about town, meeting new people and having conversations might just be the antidote you need.
Sometimes, reveling and rebelling against your situation helps in quelling the pain that is bound to exist. Join new activity groups or meetups in town. Attend new plays or dances or any other cultural activities. Also try and host some parties on your own to draw new people in.
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8. Nourish your body
Even before the tears dry up, here’s what you need to do – pull yourself together and join a yoga or zumba class. The mental agony can reflect in your body easily, leading you to eat unhealthy stuff and neglect yourself.
If you punish yourself with an exercise routine when you are at your lowest, you will thank yourself months later. Exercises release happy hormones that will counter the inner negativity. This is another form of seeking self-love after a breakup.
9. Explore casual dating
Now, this is a tricky territory. Ideally, you should not date on the rebound but if you promise to keep it light and casual, getting into the dating ring might provide a way to get happiness after breakup. Sign up on Tinder and bumble and try it out.
You will have to exercise control here. Do not make the mistake of getting too involved. Keep it light and casual. You might feel guilty but enter it, not with the purpose of having revenge sex or affair but to meet good, funny people. You might just be surprised at what it does to your self-esteem.
10. Work on your career
When a relationship becomes all-consuming, work and career can take a backseat. Of course, not always but it is possible that you may have had less time to pursue your goals because you were busy giving your relationship your all.
Now is the time to marry your career goals. Sign up for a new course that you always wanted to do. Work hard towards your promotions. A bad breakup can take away your agency and making strides in your career is one way to reclaim it.
11. Watch your own social media
You may have blocked him from your social media but watch your own behaviour too. Best tip is: keep it neutral. Don’t go over the top to show people that you are doing just fine (when you might be breaking inside!).
Also, resist the temptation to post cryptic messages or deep meaningful quotes that leave your followers guessing and making up stories. And definitely avoid mentioning your ex or your breakup on your SM or displaying how you have found happiness after breakup.
12. Learn to love your past including your ex
If after all of the above, you still find yourself haunted by memories of your ex, accept it. When you practice self-love, you will need to love and nourish all parts of you including your past of which he was an integral part.
Hating or harbouring negative sentiments are not going to help you any way so you might as well accept that you still love them. Sometimes this love will help you wish the best for them and support you in breaking away totally from the feelings. When they no longer affect you – that’s when you have won.
A breakup is a life event that can alter your destiny. Hence it is important to watch out for how you behave after the split. Believe that every negative incident in your life can also lead to something good, however slow it might seem. It is possible to get happiness after breakup, to rediscover and rebrand yourself and everything you do, should be aimed towards reaching that goal.
Yes, you can be happy after a breakup. The healing process will take time but if you learn to love yourself, seek adequate support, focus on your other goals, you can slowly forget the pain caused by a bad breakup.
Devote time for exercise, look after your physical and mental wellbeing, spend time with friends, seek professional help and focus on your career goals. These steps can help you move on and seek happiness after a bad breakup.
Needless to say it will depend on the intensity of your relationship. If the breakup has caught you by surprise and it has happened suddenly, the feelings will last longer. If however, the relationship has lived its course and you both know the inevitable, the pain would be less.
Yes absolutely, you might feel a mixed bag of emotions after a breakup. From questioning why it happened to regretting it and thinking about what you could have done to prevent it, you may also feel anger and hatred.