While there is no definite answer to whether it is healthy to be friends with your ex or not, any sort of relationship with an ex can be a tricky one. If your ex has requested you to stay friends after the end of a relationship, you need to analyse the pros and cons of the situation carefully. While some couples are able to remain friends after a breakup; a majority of couples still end up suffering more when they decide to remain friends. Exes are also believed to ruin future relationships. After spending days of exclusivity, commitment and intimacy with each other, it can be really difficult to go back to being just friends. So you really need to think twice when your ex wants to be friends with you. It may be dicey but it is possible to reject the offer.
But before jumping to conclusions, it is essential that you consider this…
Why does your ex want to be friends?
It is absolutely imperative that you ask yourself this. Ask yourself, “Why does my ex want to be friends so badly?“. What are the reasons that are compelling him/her to continue the friendship with you? Why do they want to stay friends with you after the relationship is over? Their intentions behind wanting to be friends are what matter. An idea about this will help you decide whether it is wise to be friends with your ex or not.
- Your ex might want to bring back the friendship that he/she shared with you before you two became involved in a romantic relationship
- Even if you both decided on a breakup, your ex might still want to be there for you through good and bad times, at least as a friend
- In case you took the decision to part ways with your ex, then probably he/she might try to remain friends with you in order to get another chance with you
- Your ex might still be in love with you and thus does not want to break the connection that they shared with you
- There might be hidden motives behind the proposal of friendship after breakup. For instance, if your ex has the potential to be vindictive, they might try to ruin your future relationships. They might do this because the want to “get back at you” for breaking their heart. You know your ex best, if you think they have a tendency to do something like this, it’s best to turn him down
Why being friends with your ex is not a good idea?
15 ways to turn an ex down who wants to be friends
Being friends with your ex can be a tricky, especially if you are trying to move on or have already moved on with someone else. Rekindling a friendship after a romantic alliance has died down essentially requires a lot of commitment from both sides. Having an ex as a friend would mean he is there in your life in some respect, and it may be hard to manage the relationship dynamics as such. If you have decided in your mind- “my ex wants to be friends but I don’t” then stick to this decision and take inspiration from these clever ways to turn him down expediently.
Here’s How to Tell Your Ex You Don’t Want to Be Friends
There are ways to tell your ex that you don’t want to be friends with him. You can do that politely, nicely and with minimum to zero conflict. Here’s how you should tell your ex you don’t want to be friends with them after the breakup.
1. Have a conclusive conversation with your ex
For your mental peace and happiness, it is very essential that you have a straightforward conversation with him and let him know that there is no logic in continuing friendship with him. Simply tell him you do not like the idea of friendship with him after the breakup. it is something that is not going to work for you. Don’t ever feel guilty about turning down your ex. It’s about your own mental peace and you will indirectly be doing him a favour as well.
2. Block your ex on all social media accounts
If your ex wants to be friends even after you have informed them that you dont want to it is best to cut contact. If they keep messaging you on your social media, block/unfriend/unfollow them on social media.
This way they will not be able to contact you in anyway whatsoever and will not be able to keep tabs on your life. They are bound to get a definite sign that you want to block him from your life as well.
Related reading: Unfriending on Social Media: 6 Tips on How To Do It Politely
3. Sever all kinds of communication links with them
This has to be done in order to make sure that they don’t get their opes up. Do not receive their calls; do not reply to their text messages and so on. If possible, block thier number as well. It is one of the best ways to say that you do not want to be friends with them anymore. Be firm and turn down your ex.
4. Avoid visiting places where he might show up
Even if you block and cut contact, there will always be places that you both visited often. they might hang around these places just to run into you and get a chance to talk to you.
So the best move on your part would be to avoid going to those places altogether, at least for the time your ex wants to be friends.
5. Keep yourself busy
Instead of sitting at home and wondering, “Why does my ex want to be friends so badly?”, it’s better to keep yourself busy and push these thoughts away. Work on your personal and professional life in order to heal yourself and become a better person. The busier you get, the easier it will be for you to avoid your ex.
6. Move out of the apartment/city/country
This is a very extereme measure that you can take if you’re afraid that your ex has stalker like tendencies. If your ex lives in the same apartment building, city or country as you, then moving out would be a good way to let them know that you are not interested in being friends. This one of the bigger steps you can take if you feel like your safety is at stake. Especially if your ex wants to be friends after no contact and it pops up completely out of the blue.
7. Meet mutual friends only in their absence
Over the years, you tend to make a lot of mutual friends. You cant let go of these friends just because you broke up. So it’s best that you can meet and hang out with them, but only in the absence of your ex.
Tell your mutual friends that you want to avoid meeting your ex and you are not interested in plans that include them.
8. Break connections with their family
It is possible that during your relationship, you developed a special bond with your ex’s family members. But since you both have parted ways, there is no need for you to keep in touch with his family. Break connections with their mothers, fathers or siblings so that they can get a clear idea that you do not want to be a part of their life any more. You are clear that you don’t want to be friends with your ex. If you are still thinking of how to reject an ex who wants to be friends then this is an important step in the process.
9. Take a short trip somewhere
If possible, you should take a short trip somewhere to avoid them completely. Go visit your friend or relative who lives in another city or country. The trip will give you time to get over your ex. In addition, since your ex will not be able to get in touch with you, they might stop pushing you to be friends.
Related Reading: 5 reasons you should travel alone even if you’re married
10. Let them know that you have someone new in your life
You might find someone new in your life after the breakup. Even if you have not found someone, you can just tell them that you are dating someone now and that person does not like the idea of you being friends with your ex. The bluff can help dissuade your ex from pressuring you into friendship.
11. Always be surrounded by lots of people
Whenever possible, surround yourself with lots of people like your relatives, friends or colleagues. When your ex sees you with people, they will probably avoid approaching you and convincing you to remain friends with them. This is a conversation that is private in nature and cannot take place with people around. So make sure you have someone with you especially when yo go out to places where you are likely to run into your ex.
12. Avoid revisiting old memories and habits
At all costs, avoid revisiting old memories and habits that were a part of the relationship. For instance, doing something that you both did together on a weekend or visiting a particular restaurant on a particular day of the week. If your ex notices that you are doing these things, then they might think you still want something to do with them.
Related reading: How Does A Guy Behave After A Breakup? 11 Things You Didn’t Know
13. Return any souvenirs or belongings of your ex
If you have souvenirs from your relationship that remind you of your ex, or even some of his belongings, pack and return them to him. This simple gesture is enough to make it clear that you do not want to be freinds even if your ex wants to be friends.
14. Do not get involved in their matters
It is obvious that you will not be able to get over the bond that you shared with them immediately. You might feel tempted to get involved in his matters and help him sort out their life problems problems like you always did.
But you have to avoid this at all costs to make it clear you do not want to be friends with yout ex.
15. Stay strong
After the breakup, it will be very difficult for you to move on and go ahead with your life without having your ex by your side. However, you have to stay strong and become independent so that you can show your ex that you do not need them even as a friend.
We hope these ways can help you drive away the ex who wants to be friends with you desperately and give you the opportunity to explore your love life once again peacefully.