While there is no definite answer whether it is healthy or not to be friends with your ex, it can surely be a tricky situation. If your ex has requested you to stay friends after the end of relationship, you need to think through the pros and cons carefully. Some couples are able to be and remain friends after their relationship ends. However, a majority of the couples end up suffering more when they decide to remain friends – exes are also believed to ruin future relationships. After spending days of exclusivity, commitment and intimacy with each other, it can be really difficult to go back to being just friends.
Before jumping to any decision, it is essential that you consider this…
Why does your ex want to be friends?
First, you must try to understand what exactly it means if your ex wants to be friends with you. What are the reasons that are compelling him/her to continue friendship with you? An idea about this will help you decide whether it is wise to be friends with your ex or not.
- Your ex might want to bring back the friendship that he/she shared with you before you two became involved in a romantic relationship
- Even if you both decided on a mutual breakup, your ex might still want to be there for you in your good and bad times, at least as a friend
- In case you took the decision to part ways with your ex, then probably he/she will try to be friends with you in order to get another opportunity to become special to you again
- Your ex might still be in love with you and thus does not want to break the connection that he/she has with you
- There might be hidden motives behind the proposal of friendship after breakup. For instance, your ex might want to ruin your happiness because you broke up with him/her first and so on
Why being friends with your ex is not a good idea?
In the past, your ex and you will have shared memorable moments with each other, right? So it will be better if you let those moments remain untouched by not being friends with your ex. You require ample time to get over your ex before you can even think about starting a friendly relation with him/her again.
Due to the friendship with your ex, your future relationships might suffer and you might turn into a jealous person, in contrast to the loving person you are at present. You both might have unresolved problems which will ultimately ruin your friendship with each other. Friendships between couples after breakup usually bring a lot more pain and resentment. Thus avoiding being friends with your ex will be the smartest option for you.
Related reading: 15 reasons why being friends with your ex doesn’t work
15 ways to turn an ex down who wants to be friends
Being friends with your ex can be a tricky situation to be in, especially if you are trying to move on or have already moved on with someone else. Rekindling a friendship after a romantic alliance has died down essentially requires a lot of commitment from both sides. Having an ex as a friend would mean he is there in your life in some respect, and it may be hard to manage the relationship dynamics as such. If you have decided in your mind- “my ex wants to be friends but I don’t”
then stick to this decision and follow these clever ways to turn him down expediently.
1. Have a conclusive conversation with your ex
For your mental peace and happiness, it is very essential that you have a straightforward conversation with him and let him know that there is no logic in continuing friendship with him. Simply tell him you do not like the idea of friendship with him after the breakup and it is something that is not going to work for you.
2. Block your ex on all social media accounts
Apart from telling him you don’t want to be friends with him, what you can do is block your ex on all social media accounts. This way he will not be able to contact you in anyway whatsoever and will not be able to keep tabs on your life. He will get a definite sign that you want to block him from your life as well.
Related reading: She stalked her ex on social media and when asked why she said…
3. Sever all kinds of communication links with him
This has to be done in order to make sure that he does not get his hopes up uselessly. Do not receive his calls; do not reply to his text messages and so on. If possible, block his number as well. It is one of the best ways to say that you do not want to be friends with him anymore.
4. Avoid visiting places where he might show up
Even if you block him and have no contact with him whatsoever, there will be places that he visits often just to run into you and get a chance to talk with you. So the best move on your part would be to avoid going to those places altogether, at least for the time your ex wants to be friends.
5. Keep yourself busy
Instead of sitting at home and wondering, “Why does my ex want to be friends so badly?”, you have to get over such thoughts and keep yourself busy. Work on your personal and professional life in order to heal yourself and become a better person. The busier you get, the easier it will be for you to avoid your ex.
6. Move out of the apartment/city/country
If the ex-boyfriend lives in the same apartment building, city or country as you, then moving out would be a good way to let him know that you are not interested in being friends with him. You can even suggest that he moves out to drive home the point.
7. Meet mutual friends in his absence
Over the years, you both must have made a lot of mutual friends during your relationship with one another. After the breakup, obviously you will not want to let go of those mutual friends. So you can meet and hang out with them, but in the absence of your ex-boyfriend. Tell your mutual friends that you want to avoid meeting your ex and you are not interested in plans that include him. Probably these mutual friends will help convince your ex on your behalf.
8. Break connections with his family
It is very possible that during your relationship, you developed a very special bond with your ex’s family members. But since you both have parted ways, there is no need for you to keep in touch with his family. Break connections with his mother, father or siblings so that he gets a clear idea that you do not want to be a part of his life any more.
Related reading: 15 signs you are still not over your ex
9. Take a short trip somewhere
If possible, you should take a short trip somewhere to avoid him completely. Go visit your friend or relative who lives in another city or country. The trip will give you time to get over your ex. In addition, since your ex will not be able to get in touch with you, he might stop pushing you to become friends.
10. Let him know that you have someone new in your life
You might find someone new in your life after the breakup. Even if you have not found someone, you can just tell him that you are dating someone now and that person does not like the idea of your ex and you being friends. The bluff can help dissuade your ex-boyfriend from pressuring you into friendship.
11. Always be surrounded by lots of people
Whenever possible, surround yourself with lots of people like your relatives, friends or colleagues. When your ex sees you with people, he will probably avoid approaching you and convincing you to remain friends, because it is a personal issue. So tell your close people to never leave you alone, especially in places where you are likely to run into your ex.
12. Avoid revisiting old memories and habits
At all costs, avoid revisiting old memories and habits that were a part of the relationship. For instance, doing something that you both did together on a weekend or visiting a particular restaurant on a particular day of the week. If your ex notices that you are doing these things, then he might think you are okay with the suggestion of being friends.
13. Return any souvenirs or belongings of your ex
If you have any relationship souvenirs that remind you of your ex or some of his belongings are with you, then you can pack and return them to him. This simple gesture is enough to make him understand that you want to move on and do not want to be his friend.
14. Do not get involved in his matters
It is obvious that you will not be able to get over the bond that you shared with him so conveniently. You might feel tempted to get involved in his matters and help him sort out problems like you always did. But you have to avoid this at all costs so that he knows you are turning down his friendship offer.
15. Stay strong
After the breakup, it will be very difficult for you to move on and go ahead with your life without having your ex-boyfriend by your side. However, you have to stay strong and become independent so that you can show your ex that you do not need him even as a friend.
Related reading: You don’t miss your ex, you just miss being in love
We hope these ways can help drive away the ex who wants to be friends with you desperately and give you the opportunity to explore your love life once again peacefully.