While there is no definite answer to whether it is healthy to be friends with your ex or not, any sort of relationship with an ex can be a tricky one. If your ex has requested you to stay friends after the end of a relationship, you need to analyze the pros and cons of the situation carefully. While some couples remain friends after a breakup with ease, a majority of couples still end up suffering more when they decide to remain friends. Exes are also believed to ruin future relationships. After spending days of exclusivity, commitment and intimacy with each other, it can be really difficult to go back to being just friends. So you really need to think twice when your ex wants to be friends with you. It may be dicey but it is possible to reject the offer.
But before jumping to conclusions, it is essential that you consider this…
Why Does Your Ex Want To Be Friends?
It is absolutely imperative that you ask yourself this. Ask yourself, “Why would an ex want to be friends?“. What are the reasons behind their insistence to continue a friendship with you? Why do they want to stay friends with you after the relationship is over? Their intentions behind wanting to be friends matter. An idea about this will help you decide whether it is wise to be friends with your ex or not.
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- For old time’s sake: Your ex might want to bring back the friendship that they shared with you before you two became involved in a romantic relationship
- They still care: Even if you both decided to breakup, your ex might still want to be there for you through good and bad times, at least as a friend
- Hoping for a second chance: In case you took the decision to part ways with your ex, then probably they might try to remain friends with you in order to get another chance with you
- Still in love: Your ex might still be in love with you and thus does not want to break the connection that they shared with you
- To get back at you: There might be hidden motives behind the proposal of friendship after breakup. For instance, if your ex has the potential to be vindictive, they might try to ruin your future relationships. They might do this because they want to ‘get back at you’ for breaking their heart. You know your ex best, if you think they have a tendency to do something like this, it’s best to turn them down
Why Being Friends With Your Ex Is Not A Good Idea?
When someone has been such an integral part of your life, it’s only natural that cutting them off completely is bound to hurt. That’s why most couples attempt trying to remain friends even after the relationship fizzles out. It’s a last-ditch effort to retain the familiarity of an old connection in whatever way or form possible. However, flogging a dead horse is never a good idea and being friends with your ex is just that.
Still not convinced? Consider these 5 solid reasons why being friends with your ex is not a good idea:
1. It can spoil your memories of the relationship
You and your ex have shared some memorable moments with each other in the past, both good and bad. So it might be better to let those moments remain untouched by not being friends with your ex. You need ample time to get over your ex before you can even think about starting a friendship with them. It is a long arduous process that is not worth the effort in most cases.
2. Moving on becomes harder
Yes, they were important in your life and it’s hard to let go. But, at the end of the day, you need to move ahead with your life and accept that you cannot always have it all. You cannot move forward in life with one foot stuck in the past. Even if you’re completely over any romantic feelings for your ex, your attachment to them can make moving on that much harder.
How can you get them out of your mind and life when you meet and talk to each other regularly, even if your interactions are completely platonic. Therefore, you should know how to reject an ex who wants to be friends with you.
3. It can impact your future relationships
Your future relationships are likely to suffer because of your friendship with your ex. More often than not, one party gets jealous when the other starts dating or meets someone new. It’s not easy to stand by watch when a former partner gives the special place that once yours to someone else. That’s when things get complicated. Also, not all partners are secure enough to be okay with their spouse being friends with an ex.
4. Unresolved issues
You and your ex might have unresolved issues which will ultimately ruin your friendship. These issues are bound to surface again, sooner or later. When that happens, the same cycle of bickering, fights and emotional drama will be set into motion. Friendships between exes usually bring a lot more pain and resentment. Why complicate life more than it already is? That’s why you should know how to turn down an ex who wants to be friends.
5. On-again-off-again dynamics
When you and your ex are still a part of each other’s life after breaking up, the likelihood of any residual feelings trapping you in a cycle of an on-again-off relationship is high. Or worse, you may end up sleeping together to process those feelings. Either way, this is bound to leave you both confused and complicate your equation further.
Related Reading: The Right Way To Use Power Of Silence After A Breakup
15 Ways To Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends
Being friends with your ex can be a tricky, especially if you are trying to move on or have already moved on with someone else. Rekindling a friendship after a romantic alliance has died down essentially requires a lot of commitment from both sides. It would mean that they are in your life in some respect, and it may be hard to manage the relationship dynamics as such. If you’re caught in the “my ex wants to be friends but I don’t” situation, then stick to this decision and take inspiration from these clever ways to turn him down expediently.
There are ways to tell your ex that you don’t want to be friends with him. You can do that politely, nicely and with minimum to zero conflict. Here’s how you should tell your ex you don’t want to be friends with them after a breakup:
Related reading: Unfriending on Social Media: 6 Tips on How To Do It Politely
1. Have a conclusive conversation with your ex
For your mental peace and happiness, it is essential that you have a straightforward conversation with your ex and let them know that there is no logic in being friends. Simply tell them you do not like the idea of friendship after the breakup. it is something that is not going to work for you.
If you’re wondering how do you politely decline an ex, know that there is no point in beating about the bush on this matter. The more straightforward and clear you are, the better it’ll be for the both of you. It may seem blunt in the moment but don’t ever feel guilty about turning down your ex. You will be doing them a favor as well.
2. Block your ex on all social media accounts
Is blocking an ex a good idea? Most definitely, yes! Especially if your ex wants to be friends even after you have told them them that you don’t want to. If they keep messaging you on your social media, block them right away.
That way they will not be able to contact you in anyway whatsoever and will not be able to keep tabs on your life. They are bound to get a definite sign that you want to block him from your life as well. Besides, you won’t have to be bothered by thoughts like ‘how do you tell an ex you don’t want to meet up’.
3. Sever all kinds of communication links with them
You need to snap all chords in order to make sure that they don’t get their hopes up. Do not receive their calls, do not reply to their text messages and so on. If possible, block their number as well. It is one of the best ways to say that you do not want to be friends with them anymore. Be firm and turn down your ex.
4. Avoid visiting places where your ex might show up
Even if you block and follow the No Contact Rule, they might hang around the places you frequent just to run into you and get a chance to talk to you. The chances of that happening is more at the places that you both visited often. So, the best move on your part would be to avoid going to those places altogether, at least until your ex gets over the idea of wanting to be friends.
Related Reading: When Someone Leaves You Let Them Go…Here’s Why!
5. Keep yourself busy
Instead of sitting at home and wondering, “Why does my ex want to be friends so badly?”, it’s better to keep yourself busy and push these thoughts away. Work on your personal and professional life in order to heal yourself and become a better person. The busier you get, the easier it will be for you to avoid your ex.
6. Move out of the apartment/city/country
This is a very extreme measure that you can take if you’re afraid that your ex has stalker like tendencies. If your ex lives in the same apartment building, city or country as you, then moving out would be a good way to let them know that you are not interested in being friends.
This one of the bigger steps you can take if you feel like your safety is at stake. Especially if your ex wants to be friends after no contact for a prolonged duration and pops back into your life completely out of the blue.
7. Meet mutual friends only in their absence
Over the years, you tend to make a lot of mutual friends. You can’t let go of these friends just because you broke up. So it’s best that you can meet and hang out with them only in the absence of your ex. Tell your mutual friends that you want to avoid meeting your ex and you are not interested in plans that include them.
8. Break connections with their family
It is possible that during your relationship, you developed a special bond with your ex’s family . But since you both have parted ways, there is no need for you to keep in touch with his family. Break connections with their mother, father or siblings so that they can get a clear idea that you do not want to be a part of their life any more.
You are clear that you don’t want to be friends with your ex. If you are still thinking of how to reject an ex who wants to be friends, then this is an important step in the process.
9. Take a short trip somewhere
If possible, you should take a short trip somewhere to avoid them completely. Go visit your friend or relative who lives in another city or country. The trip will give you time to get over your ex. Since your ex will not be able to get in touch with you, they might stop pushing you to be friends.
10. Let them know that you have someone new in your life
You might find someone new in your life after the breakup. Even if you have not found someone, you can just tell them that you are dating someone now and that person does not like the idea of you being friends with your ex. The bluff can help dissuade your ex from pressuring you into friendship.
11. Always be surrounded by lots of people
Whenever possible, surround yourself with lots of people like your relatives, friends or colleagues. When your ex sees you with people, they will probably avoid approaching you and convincing you to remain friends with them. This is a conversation that is private in nature and cannot take place with people around. So make sure you have someone with you especially when yo go out to places where you are likely to run into your ex.
12. Avoid revisiting old memories and habits
At all costs, avoid revisiting old memories and habits that were a part of the relationship. For instance, doing something that you both did together on a weekend or visiting a particular restaurant on a particular day of the week. If your ex notices that you are doing these things, then they might think you still want something to do with them.
Related reading: How Does A Guy Behave After A Breakup? 11 Things You Didn’t Know
13. Return any souvenirs or belongings of your ex
If you have souvenirs from your relationship that remind you of your ex, or even some of his belongings, pack and return them to him. This simple gesture is enough to make it clear that you are not interested in having to do anything with them, even if your ex wants to be friends.
14. Do not get involved in their matters
It is obvious that you will not be able to get over the bond that you shared with them immediately. You might feel tempted to get involved in his matters and help him sort out their life problems problems like you always did. But you have to avoid this at all costs to make it clear you do not want to be friends with your ex.
15. Stay strong
After the breakup, it will be very difficult for you to move on and get on with your life without your ex by your side. However, you have to stay strong and become independent so that you can show your ex that you do not need them even as a friend.
We hope these ways can help you drive away the ex who wants to be friends with you desperately and give you the opportunity to explore your love life once again peacefully.