Amid all the satisfied stories of being in love, dreamy metaphors of completing each other and happily ever-afters, nobody wants to go through a painful breakup. But when the reality hits you badly, it scars your soul and crumbles your whole world. This is the nasty reality of a gloomy split which wounds the confidence and pushes you inside a shell. With all the excruciating pain in the world, immediate relief or solace comes only when once you start dating again.
But what is the surety that the person you are dating post-breakup is going to be the perfect partner for you? In a rapidly changing society, relationship dynamics are changing and so are the rules of a breakup. Individuals want no-strings-attached love. There are more flings than committed relationships. In such scenarios, it is no longer expected for anyone to have one partner for an entire lifetime. Thus, dating after a breakup is a natural alternative to move on.
But, are you ready for it? With a bad breakup, chances are you will be sceptical to initiate a budding romance with a new partner. Will dating again after a bad breakup be tagged as a rebound after a relationship? Will this lead to a series of failed relationships, scarring you repeatedly? Or you still feel it is too soon to get into a relationship. If you are also struggling with these nasty questions, then we may have the solution you are looking for.
How long should you wait before dating again?
How long before dating again after a breakup? This question must have crossed the mind of everyone going through this rough patch. Chances of you being scared to date after a breakup again are also at an all-time high after a disappointing relationship. You might not want to go through the pain and agony of separation again. Well, we don’t blame you. That self-doubt of not being worthy of love, respect, and fulfilment in a relationship is the aftermath of a breakup. If you are also going through such strange feelings, it is suggested to at least wait for 3-4 months* after a breakup to recover from heartbreak.
Use this time as an opportunity to understand your inner motivations and admit to yourself what you want in a relationship. This will give you clarity on your expectations from a romantic relationship. Believe in your own abilities and acknowledge your potential. You deserve the love of the universe; all you need is to wait for the right time.
Can you date yourself first?
Breaking up should not break you, but build you from within. This is what our relationship experts suggest to any individual surviving a split. This is a constructive approach that acknowledges your due worth and inspires you to take it as a break for your individual pursuits. Why not head out of the house instead of sobbing in your bed? Use this ‘me-only’ time to focus on your talents and skills. Take your dream course you so wanted to join before. Head on to a salon, opt for a makeover. Studies suggest that feeling good and diverting your energies to some positive change can help you heal the breakup woes. Another reason why you should give yourself time after a breakup is to avoid rebound relationships. These relationships tend to lack depth and don’t last long. Some people cannot deal with staying single and settle for the first person who comes around after a breakup. This is never a good idea, because your judgement is not at its most sound after an emotional upheaval.
Am I ready to date again after a breakup?
After such an emotional upheaval, how to find out if you are ready to date again after breakup? Try to go for ‘Breakup Detox’. Stay away from any memory, place or link associated with your romance. If you are too emotionally invested in a relationship, you tend to recall the good times with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Also, stop stalking your ex on social media, and unfriend them if you want to move on with life. Did you know, according to shocking breakup statistics, 59% of people remain Facebook ‘friends’ with an ex after they’ve broken up? In this interconnected world, this harmless link could make you cling on to your ex, limiting your possibilities to date again or move on after separation. Once you do this, you can save yourselves from the pain of reconnecting with a ruthless ex.
Once your priorities are set straight, these steps will make you stronger against any toxic relationship. You will feel happier, fulfilled and a positive individual ready for a better romantic connection. When you feel you have reclaimed your identity sans any anger or regret against your ex-partner is the right time to date again. It begins when you start enjoying your singlehood and never find a dull moment in your own company. The feeling of being alone doesn’t gnaw you from within. Instead, you really look forward to the ‘Me Time’. That’s the best signal to ascertain you are ready to date again after a bad breakup.
How to start dating again after a long relationship?
When in a long relationship, you invest all your energies in moulding yourself as per your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s expectations. You look at yourself from their perspective. Their acceptance matters the most and you feel good on their compliments. This soon becomes a pattern and when you become too invested in a relationship, you forget to understand yourself. That’s not a good sign.
Start dating again after breakup slowly. It’s okay to meet someone new a couple of weeks after breaking up. But it’s best to keep these dates friendly. Unless your breakup has not affected you emotionally, you might find it better to not get too intense right away.
Take your time, but don’t remain single all your life just because one relationship did not work out. Keep your mind and heart open. Who knows, the perfect partner might just be one date away!
How soon is too soon to start dating after a breakup?
It is definitely advisable to wait for a few weeks at least. You need to give your thoughts and emotions some time to calm themselves and gather afresh. Why not spend this time with your friends? They might have felt neglected when you were wrapped up with your partner, and will surely welcome your reappearance!
Dating immediately after breakup is generally not a good idea. Chances are that you have still not got over your ex. Dating someone new when you are in this state emotionally and mentally is quite unfair on that person. They might realise from your words or actions that you are treating them as just a medium to keep the sadness of a breakup at bay. If there is no gap in dating after the breakup, you might end up comparing everything about the new person with your ex. Instead, you should take time to refresh your perspective and see a potential new companion with new, clear sight. That is why it’s good to be single after a breakup, at least for a while.
If you are dating your ex again after a breakup, make sure you set your expectations straight in front of your partner. Talk about the point of differences in your previous stint and commit to the takeaways before dating again. This is to prevent you from a pattern of hurt and pain again.
Pointers to remember when dating again after a breakup
We cannot control the pain inflicted by a breakup, but we can definitely learn a lot from it. Remember, your first breakup can shape you as a better individual who is aware of his/her needs and expectations from a relationship. All you need is not to fall into the alluring trap of consequent relationships and attractive dates. If they approach you, you can definitely ask for some time to clear your mind. Don’t commit if your heart is not agreeing to it.
Give a break to a series of bad breakups and get a hold over life. Life has lots to offer us in terms of positive relationships and experiences. Use them to better yourself and expand your potential. If you have broken up with someone, it’s natural that you would want to start dating again. There are some tentative dating after a breakup rules that are useful to keep in mind.
- Go slow when dating after a breakup. Wait for the right time before you commit
- Don’t seek acceptance from the date, instead accept yourself
- Wait for the right time. When it is right, you will feel contented and fulfilled from within
- Love yourself, pamper yourself. When you value your worth, the partner will surely value your talents and abilities
- Don’t go intense while dating again after a breakup. Take it easy and keep it light-hearted to see where it goes
- Be selective of whom you are dating. Let the breakup experience be a takeaway of what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship
Following these tips will definitely empower you to date again with a partner of your dreams. Our Bonobology Counsellors are also there to help you heal from the breakup woes. You can connect with us for personalised counselling.Published in