Kanta and I have been friends for over 30 years. Kanta, now in her late 60s and beset with a host of ailments, in a remorseful state narrated her life story to me. Perhaps she felt close enough to me and something triggered the confession?
Kanta was all of 16 when she fell in love. At 16, she had not shed all of her puppy fat, had a cute face with a hint of dimples whenever she smiled, and was quite attractive in her own way. Kunal was a young fighter pilot, about 25 years old, fair with an aquiline nose and an impish smile. He was a frequent visitor to the local club. It was here at the club where Kanta and Kunal met for the first time and sparks flew all over.
Kanta’s father was in the Army. Her mother was a very attractive lady. The family would be at the club almost every evening.
While Kanta’s dad would head for the bar as soon as they reached the Club, her mother would cosy up to a bachelor friend of her father.
The knowledge of her parents drifting apart and seeing her mother attracted towards this ‘uncle’ made Kanta’s heart cringe. She was around 15 years old. It wasn’t too long before her parents got divorced. Her mother married the ‘uncle’. All this made Kanta a sad person, though she never showed it. She wasn’t sure what was the real cause of her parents’ breakup – Dad’s drinking habits or her mother’s promiscuity. Unable to come to terms with this internal conflict, she yearned for some friendly company. And then she met Kunal.
Related reading: How parents’ sexual behavior influences the child
Kunal was a flamboyant young fighter pilot and resembled the matinee idol, Dev Anand. Kanta had recently seen the movie Hum Dono in which Dev Anand played an Army officer. She was smitten with him. Enter Kunal and she was instantly head over heels in love with him. She didn’t hesitate when Kunal walked up to their table and introduced himself to her mother and requested the ‘pleasure of having a dance’ with Kanta! With a wave of her hand, her mother accorded her permission.
Soon, it became a daily affair of meetings between Kunal and Kanta. Kanta poured her heart out to Kunal, escaping from her internal loneliness. Kunal didn’t realize that slowly he was getting much closer to the girl than he had bargained for. It was no surprise when one evening as both sat sipping their drinks at the club, simultaneously they blurted out, “I love you!”
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One evening, Kunal came home and met her parents. He confessed his love for Kanta and asked their permission to marry. “But Kanta is only 16,” her mother protested. “I will wait till she turns 18. But let us get engaged,” Kunal said. This was agreed. After a not so elaborate engagement ceremony, it was official now and the lovebirds were seen together often. A few months down the line, Kunal told Kanta that he was selected for a course abroad which would be for a long period, and would like to get married before he left. Reluctantly both sets of parents agreed. The marriage was solemnized and a fortnight later Kunal left for his course abroad.
Kanta was heartbroken. The few days she had spent with Kunal as his wife had been beautiful. They were more often in bed than out of it.
Kanta had begun to enjoy sex and wouldn’t miss the opportunity. Now, although Kunal was not there, she yearned for sex. This urge became more pronounced when she saw her mother with her ‘uncle’.
One day, a colleague of Kunal came home to check on her well-being. Kanta’s parents were not home. One thing led to another and Kanta ended up in bed with him. And the saga of cheating began.
Kunal never found out, or if he knew never mentioned it to her. Her marriage did not break up. They had a son together. She still lives with her husband.
Related reading: Confessing Cheating To Your Partner: 11 Expert Tips
When Kanta confessed her story to me I was a bit confused. Was it lust or the cry of a fractured heart that turned the innocent-looking and beautiful Kanta into a sex-seeking machine?
Why Do People Cheat?
Table of Contents
It’s important to remember that infidelity is a complex issue with no single cause. Understanding these contributing factors can help shed light on why people cheat and encourage open communication and self-reflection within relationships. People cheat for a variety of complex reasons, and it’s often a combination of factors rather than a single cause. Some common reasons includes.
- Lack of emotional or physical intimacy: Feeling emotionally disconnected or unsatisfied sexually can lead individuals to seek those needs elsewhere.
- Poor communication: When couples struggle to express their needs and concerns, it can create resentment and lead one or both partners to seek validation or connection outside the relationship.
- Unresolved conflicts: Lingering resentments or unresolved issues can breed distance and dissatisfaction, making individuals more vulnerable to temptation.
- Low self-esteem: Feeling inadequate or unloved can drive individuals to seek validation and attention from others.
- Desire for novelty or excitement: Some people may crave the thrill of a new relationship or sexual experience, particularly if they feel bored or stagnant in their primary relationship.
- Stressful life events: Major life changes, such as job loss or the death of a loved one, can create emotional strain and vulnerability, potentially leading to infidelity.
- Long-distance relationships: The physical and emotional distance in long-distance relationships can create challenges and increase the risk of seeking connection elsewhere.
- Influence of social circles: Friends or colleagues who engage in infidelity may normalize or even encourage such behavior.
FAQs
1. How can someone break the cycle of infidelity if it’s prevalent in their family?
Breaking the cycle requires self-awareness, reflection, and a willingness to challenge inherited patterns. Therapy or counseling can be beneficial in exploring underlying issues, developing healthy relationship skills, and building a strong sense of self-worth.
2. Can a relationship survive infidelity?
Yes, some relationships can heal and even become stronger after infidelity. However, it requires both partners to be committed to the process, engage in open and honest communication, and seek professional help if needed.
3. What are the steps to take after discovering infidelity?
It’s crucial to: Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Decide whether you want to work on the relationship or end it. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist.
Final Thoughts
While the story doesn’t delve into the reasons behind either the mother’s or daughter’s actions, it opens up a space for reflection on the complexities of human relationships, the impact of childhood experiences, and the ongoing quest for self-discovery and autonomy.
It’s a reminder that while our pasts may shape us, they don’t define us. We all have the capacity to make choices, forge our own paths, and break free from cycles that no longer serve us. Whether the daughter’s actions are a conscious rebellion or an unconscious repetition, her story underscores the importance of self-awareness, forgiveness, and the courage to create a life that honors our own values and aspirations. Let’s create a safe space for you to explore them and find healing. Our counselors are here to walk alongside you on your journey towards emotional well-being.
Both husband and wife share a secret but haven’t discussed it for 56 years
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The question is answered by the author himself. Affairs don’t need a reason: neither do they need much analysis unless there’s a sense of guilt.
Sexual desire and attraction is a natural feeling. But one has to draw a line for this sexual desire is very short lived and temporary and one has to get over it. Osho had a different take on this. According to him you can get over it through over indulgence.
I would not label Kanta as either promiscuous or a sex seeking machine. She was young , immature, lonely and had her hormones kicking in. She meets a fighter pilot ;who as a breed are flamboyant and can sweep women of their feet; who must have impressed her so she had an affair. Really would you call that a big deal. I think she was just being human.