How To Respond To An Ex Asking How You Are – Tips And Examples

Dating experience | | , Expert Blogger
how to respond to an ex asking how you are

The heart skips a bit if our past rears its ugly head out of the blue. Yes, we are talking about that moment when an old lover’s name pops up on the phone screen on an otherwise sunny day. Your mind gets clouded with myriads of questions and you can’t help contemplating how to respond to an ex asking how you are.

To others, it may not seem like a big deal but only you know that this teeny-tiny message can be unsettling to the bones. Whether you ended on good terms or not, to respond to ex after no contact for a long time would startle any of us. We gather you were finally making some progress on the path to healing after months of moping. Just then, they drop an “Are you okay? I miss you” text and put you back into the muddle. 

At this point, nobody knows what’s going on in your ex-partner’s mind. Do they want to get back together? Are they having a hard time accepting the fact that you moved on and found your happiness without them? Is this an attempt to play with your emotions or do they still have feelings for you? We know what you are thinking. When there are so many unknown factors, how to respond to an ex asking how you are? Stay with us till the end and you will have your answer.

How To Respond To An Ex Asking How You Are – 5 Important Tips 

One thing is for sure, their text will walk you through a kaleidoscope of emotions. It can flood you with excitement, “Oh my god! My ex texted me how are you doing. Does this mean they still love me?” Or the memories can rush back making you feel so blue and gloomy. After all, a message from an ex is nothing but revisiting a wound that took you so long to heal. 

On a different note, if you have entirely closed that chapter of your life, it will only leave you vexed. Our first tip on how to respond to I miss you text from ex is whatever it is that you are feeling at this very moment, tone the emotion down at least ten times. Now you are in the right state of mind to make a smart move so you don’t have to regret anything said or done on an impulse. Follow our lead and you would know exactly how to respond to an ex asking how you are. 

Related Reading: 10 Signs He Is Still In Love With His Ex

1. Think about what you want from them before you start typing 

Basically set your priorities and expectations straight before you frame an answer in your mind. And we hope this time you will prioritize your needs rather than wondering what will make them happy. Let me give you a few scenarios. Suppose, it was an ugly breakup and they did shatter your heart into a thousand pieces. Then a curt reply or no reply at all is absolutely justified.

If you ended the relationship on mutual consent, your response could be friendly but shouldn’t sound too overwhelming. But in case your heart has been telling you that parting ways with them was a huge mistake, you may want to mend the relationship and get back together with your ex. If this is your story, it won’t be such a bad idea to write, “I have been thinking about you.” But don’t go overboard with your emotions without ascertaining why they texted in the first place.

2. Better not to turn a blind eye to the text

Hey, at the end of the day, it’s you who decides whether to respond to ex after no contact or not. We don’t know you from Adam; we are not aware of where you stand in the ‘getting over from the breakup’ process. So when you say, “Replying to an ex asking if I’m OK will bring back the trauma and I am not ready to face it again”, we trust you. Ignore the message, block their number, and shun them from your life. 

But if you want our opinion on how to respond to an ex-boyfriend asking how you are (or girlfriend, or partner), and if the breakup or the relationship wasn’t traumatizing, we suggest finding a fitting answer. Skipping the text might make them even more obstinate to catch your attention. If you’re not prepared to reconnect with your ex-partner just yet, write that in plain and simple words (and then block them if they keep pestering you after that). When not sure how to respond to an ex asking how you are, honesty is your best resort. 

3. Let them wait for a while 

“Wise men say only fools rush in”, right? So, what’s the hurry, my friend? You are probably bouncing off the walls by now with a train of thoughts in your mind, “My ex texted me how are you doing. But I am confused about how to respond to I miss you text from ex. Where do I begin? Should they know how I have come a long way ever since they left me all alone?”

Trust us, you don’t want to give them the impression that you have nothing better to do than responding to their silly messages within seconds. Plus, a hurried reply may sound needy and desperate and that takes the ball away from your court. Then how to respond to an ex-girlfriend asking how you are (could be boyfriend or partner in your case)? Don’t make yourself available that easily. Take enough time, let those emotions sink in, and finally, give it a go.  

respond to ex after no contact
Don’t reply instantly when you receive a text from an ex after no-contact

4. Keep it calm, neutral, and short

You know what, we call them ‘ex’ for a reason. Something unpleasant must have happened which ended your relationship in the past. Now that they are back after all these days, tempting you with a candy, don’t be that naive kid and take the bait. To respond to ex after no contact, pick up a composed and impersonal tone for your answer.

Let’s not offer them any chance to be manipulative with an inkling of your true emotions. It’s better not to write a paragraph about their betrayal, or the things that went wrong between the two of you. So, when in doubt about how to respond to an ex-boyfriend asking how you are or to an ex-partner telling you they miss you, a short, clear-cut response would be wise. Leave some room for imagination. 

5. Don’t show any hint of resentment 

Just this other day, my friend Diana called to vent as she was frustrated being in a push-pull relationship for years, “My ex asking if I’m OK is literally the last thing I want to deal with right now. Especially after the way he treated me last time. If you are so afraid of a loving, committed relationship, what’s the point of keeping in touch with me? I couldn’t control my anger and let it all out in the text.”

I will tell you exactly what I told her – she should have pulled herself together and broken a mug instead to channel the rage. Wondering how to respond to an ex asking how you are? Well, maybe you don’t want to reveal that they are getting on your nerves. Refrain from any harsh, hateful words, or saying something like “That’s none of your business”. It’s always better to protect your dignity rather than stooping to their level. 

Related Reading: How To Emotionally Detach Yourself From Someone – 10 Ways

7 Examples On How To Respond To An Ex Asking How You Are

So, now when your best friend rings up at midnight and asks, “My ex texted me how are you doing. Tell me fast, what should I reply?”, you have all the pearls of wisdom at your exposure to share with them. Do you still feel a little foggy about what to say to an ex-partner or ex-boyfriend when they surprise you with an emotional text or how to respond to an ex-girlfriend asking how you are? A few practical examples may come in handy to give you a better picture. 

Take a quick scan through these 7 templates on how to respond to an ex asking how you are and customize them according to the relationship dynamic you share(d) with them:

1. I am fine, thanks. Hope you are doing well

This would be my way of replying to an ex asking if I’m OK because it’s polite and doesn’t spill over enthusiasm. Suppose you don’t have much love left for this person. But since they have made an attempt to reach out, you don’t want to act rude. This one-liner is good enough to show them some courtesy and make it clear at the same time that you are hardly interested in this conversation.  

2. Couldn’t be happier. How’s life treating you?

Say, your relationship with this ex-partner was another name for toxicity. You are proud of yourself that you moved on and found happiness all over again. It was not an easy task to escape that web of unresolved emotions without proper closure. You came out on the other side as a stronger person but somewhere deep inside, your heart still pinches. You want to know how to respond to I miss you text from ex in such a situation, right? Tame the temper for now and try to sound content and confident as if they did you favor walking out of your life. 

Related Reading: How To Woo Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

3. I am still trying to get over that breakup. Not in the right state of mind to talk to you. Please leave me alone for some time 

It’s not exactly ideal to meet or chat with a person whom you want to shake off your mind. If I am not wrong, the scar from that breakup still hurts. In this condition, offering them any space to come back would only make it worse. So, how to respond to an ex-girlfriend asking how you are (the same goes with an ex-boyfriend or an ex-partner)? Be loud and clear that you need them to stay out of your way, at least until you get a chance to process your emotions and become strong enough to face them again. 

4. Guess what! You are talking to a married person now

I am assuming it’s an old flame from those college romance days. Like many others, your relationship too fizzled out because of their fear of commitment. And as it happens – long time no see. “What do they want after all these years?” you may wonder while trying to figure out how to respond to an ex asking how you are. Listen to us, don’t read too much between the lines; don’t overthink it. They might just want to catch up as friends. But this response will wave off any hope from the get-go that they still have a chance with you. 

Related Reading: Dating In College Vs Dating As An Adult – 5 Differences

5. I was not expecting to hear from you. Is everything alright?

Perhaps the day you took the final call, you both decided never to get in each other’s way ever again. The fact that they are swallowing their pride to talk to you despite that agreement, chances are your ex-partner is in a vulnerable state of mind and looking for emotional support. As a sign of your good heart, give them an opportunity to explain if anything’s terribly wrong. Just remember, you are not supposed to put up with their emotional turmoil at the cost of your own mental health.

6. Busy as a bee with this new job. How about you? I heard you are dating someone!

How to respond to an ex-boyfriend asking how you are or an ex-girlfriend trying to reconnect especially in those cases where you ended the relationship on good terms? Be nice to them. This answer is friendly and light-hearted and clearly tells that you have moved on with your life. As you take a little interest in their life toward the end, they would know you are genuinely happy for them.

7. I don’t wish to keep in touch with you. Hope you will respect my decision this time

We don’t have much to clarify here. This person is yesterday’s news. You have turned a fresh leaf on the book and they don’t belong to this new chapter. Being a little impolite won’t hurt if that’s what it takes to elucidate this thought. Ultimately, your aim is to send them the message that whether they miss you or not, it doesn’t leave an impact anymore. It’s all over.

Hopefully, this article sheds some light on how to respond to an ex asking how you are. Don’t give in to the impulses just like that. Take a stand for yourself and your well-being. In the long haul, your future self will assure you that you made the right choice.  


1. Should you respond to a text from an ex?

Of course, you can reply to a text from an ex but only keeping in mind the repercussions coming along with it. Opening up too much on a whim may backfire later if you are not willing to get back together with them. Be sure of your own expectations before you start typing. 

2. Is it OK to not respond to an ex?

Again, it’s absolutely okay to not respond to an ex if you don’t want their existence anywhere near you. The space and time to heal from a breakup are very crucial. And this person coming back to remind you of the wound, of all the memories, would do you no good. So if you want to steer clear of them for the time being (or forever), you are free to decide that for yourself. 

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