White lies are a part of every relationship
Honesty is the bedrock of a stable relationship. This is pretty much acknowledged by couples worldwide. How much honesty is too much though?
We humans don’t always do well when faced with the truth all the time. We like our egos and emotions protected. Brutal honesty isn’t always the most encouraging thing and you might not want that from your partner at all times.
Your lover is supposed to be your first and biggest cheerleader. They are supposed to have your back and encourage you when others don’t. No one is trying to advocate blind faith here, but you have to sometimes support your partner against your better judgment. In such cases, the ‘lies’ that you tell them are mostly white lies, little tweaks in reality that you provide out of love.
1. I love what you’re wearing
Man, woman, other genders, we ALL know this one. It’s logic really, no matter what your partner is wearing, whether it’s a Lady Gaga type of outfit or sweatpants, when they ask you, ‘How is my dress/coat/clothing accessory?’ the answer is always yes. You do not tell them that they look odd, or weird if you know what’s good for you. If they have a stain or a rip in their dress, you of course point that out and help them pick a new outfit, but if the thing is just hideous but otherwise not torn, you lie through your teeth. It is a possibility that some idiot might tell them the truth and then you’ll have to face their wrath for not warning them, but that is better than being the said idiot.
Related reading: A practical guide to Tantra
2. I miss you
This might seem heartbreaking but it is true. We don’t always miss our partners, do we? It’s not like we’re actively trying to avoid them, but work, life, things get in the way and phrases such as “You’re on my mind”, “I miss you”, “I was thinking about you” become sweet nothings that we just say to each other out of habit. This doesn’t mean we’re lying but it’s not always a statement that can be called true either.
Related reading: 6 reasons why women have an affair
3. Your friends/family are great
Getting into a relationship isn’t an activity done in a vacuum. You get into another person’s life and have to acquaint yourself with all of the others that come with it. You can’t always like these people but you have to accept them as a part of your life. Confessing this to your partner, however, doesn’t always work out. These are people who were in their life before you and you can’t expect your partner to take your dislike of those people lightly. This can become a point of contention and to avoid it we pretend to like them and tell our partners so. It might be dishonest but it’s a compromise people often make.
4. You’re hilarious
Even if they are not, we humour our partners by laughing at their silly jokes. While a sense of humour is attractive to everyone, it isn’t always available. As relationships develop over time people tend to be more honest regarding their opinions about their significant other’s jokes. In the beginning of the relationship, however, they tend to appreciate and even laugh at their partner’s non-funny remarks. This often becomes weird and confusing for people because sometimes we are so blinded by the rosy honeymoon phase that we even ignore inappropriate and distasteful jokes and when these jokes are addressed as a problem later the partner making the joke is left feeling mistreated. It is always a good idea to address distasteful humour, a new relationship or not.
5. I’m fine
Much has been made of this phrase. There are thousands of memes and jokes (usually with a sexist undertone) that talk about how people tend to not tell their partner that they are upset and say “I’m fine” while expecting their partners to understand that they aren’t. These memes are partially based on reality of course.
People tend to have a hard time accepting that they are upset. We are so focused on being happy that we tend to judge ourselves when we aren’t. This judgment causes us to deny our emotions and we put up a front of being ‘fine’. Emotions however don’t listen to our whims, they instead tend to become stronger when denied. Couples also expect each other to be in sync so that they guess each other’s emotions. While we can all notice the change in emotions when a partner is upset, we can’t know the reason. Thus we end up in a tug of war of sorts where one partner isn’t ready to admit their emotions and the other one is trying to understand what is going on.