11 Red Flags When Dating In Your 60s | DON’T Ignore These

What’s the first picture that comes to your mind when you think of dating? A cute, young couple sitting in a pretty café, holding hands, and giggling? Well, what if we break all your notions and tell you older people can date too? And we’re talking about people in their 60s. But while we’re slowly coming to terms with older people being comfortable in the dating world, we need to be wary of the red flags when dating in your 60s.

In your 60s, you’re expected to be financially secure, emotionally mature, and better aware of your surroundings. But you’re also probably less tech-savvy and more prone to trusting people and dating to fix your loneliness, without looking for common ground. So, it’s always better to keep your eyes open to spot potential dangers while dating at this age. And if you’re planning on falling in love after 60, you may keep our list of 11 red flags of dating in your 60s handy and thank us later.

11 Red Flags When Dating In Your 60s You Shouldn’t Ignore

Dating in older adulthood must be a cakewalk, right? In fact, a study on the dating lives of people in the age group 57–85 in the US showed how people who dated in this age bracket were “more likely to be college educated and had more assets, were in better health, and reported more social connectedness.” A Reddit user shares her experience: “I found love and passion at the age of 63, and my guy is 67. Yes, it is very possible. The focus is not on marriage or the relationship expectations you had in your 20s. It is more on love, fun, shared adventures, and our dogs! But it is wonderful and real.”

So, there shouldn’t be much to worry about if you’re dating in your 60s, right? Wrong! Dating after reaching a certain age becomes all the more worrisome because you may get into the wrong relationships just for the sake of some company and compromise on shared values. Worse still, owing to your social status or financial savings at this age, you may become the target of online fraud. So, it’s always better to tread carefully when it comes to dating in your 60s. We have collated 11 such red flags you should watch out for in case you’re looking to date someone in your 60s. Here they are:

Related Reading: 12 Signs Your Past Relationships Are Affecting Your Present Relationship

1. Their past looms large over your relationship

One of the most glaring red flags when dating in your 60s is the emotional baggage from past relationships that your date may carry, assuming they too are of the same age group. Now, while it’s common for people in their 60s to be widowed/divorced or have kids, the problem arises when such baggage spoils the meaningful relationship you share with your partner. Interestingly, this is also one of the red flags when dating an older man (or woman).

Such red flags of a damaged woman or man may include:

• Emotional trauma from past relationships/marriages, especially if they’re dating after 60 and divorced or have been through multiple failed relationships
• Lingering attachment to former lovers/spouses
• Attachment to dead spouses when they’re dating after 60 and widowed
• Dependent kids and spouses from past relationships/marriages

2. They lead an isolated life

If you’re dating in your 60s, it’s common to lead an ‘empty nest’ life or one where you’re selective about making friends. But if you find someone lacking a social circle, as in, people with no friends or acquaintances or even coworkers that belong to their inner circle, that could be a giant red flag. In fact, this can be one of the more common dating a widower red flags, as he may be lonely and may latch onto you as a desperate measure. Such a lack of a social circle may also indicate:

• There’s something fishy about the person
• The person is rude or unapproachable or simply lacks empathy
• The person may not have a life beyond dating you and may become overly dependent on you
• The person is going through a depressive phase

3. They are rigid about their beliefs

When you’re dating someone in your 60s, your partner may have developed some boundaries that may be too rigid. While setting boundaries is good, too much rigidity may spoil the healthy relationship that you share, as there may be no room for adjustments and compromises.

For instance, my 65-year-old coworker, Charmaine, who was dating after 60 and widowed, faced severe rigidity from the man she thought was her true love. Her lover, Albert, a 68-year-old neighbor, not only became her companion and helped her get over her loneliness but also became a pillar of support in times of need. But issues started to crop up when Albert started to control her. It seemed he had a rigid set of principles that he abided by. A staunch Catholic, he would insist she joined Church on Sundays. He also controlled her food habits. This rigidity eventually led to their breakup.

Related Reading: 9 Silent Red Flags In A Relationship No One Talks About

4. They only share positive life experiences

You must be wary of dating people with a shady past and, more so if you’re dating in your 60s. People in this age group (assuming you’re dating someone who’s in their 60s too), often have a lot of stories to share and a lot of life experiences behind them. So, it’s a huge red flag when people only share positive life experiences with you. This shows they might be lying or projecting themselves as ‘too good’, hiding their flaws in the process. This prevents you from knowing their true traits.

Even if they’re dating after 60 and divorced or have a messed-up background, they shouldn’t be hiding it from you. Of course, there should be some personal space and aspects of their life they may want to keep private but that doesn’t mean that they should keep major life updates from you. Remember, transparency from your partner, even in cases where they have to share their raw and ugly side, can be a rewarding experience.

5. They are financially weak

By your 60s, you have probably earned enough and have a secure retirement plan in place. But be wary of dating someone in your age group who isn’t financially secure yet. This might be one of the giant dating a widower red flags and may indicate that they are planning to latch onto you for financial reasons (after having lost most of their assets in a legal battle or an alimony arrangement).

Plus, a study indicates that financial conflict is the leading cause of stress even in healthy relationships. Watch out for these financial red flags in a relationship:

• Financial dependence in every little thing (from date nights to clothes)
• No financial stability, planning, or investments in place
• Expectations of being taken care of, financially
• Excessive debt or loans

Related Reading: 12 Best Dating Sites For Seniors Over 60

6. They move too fast

In this era of online dating, it’s easy to con people with catfishing and other avenues of online fraud. And more so, if you’re someone who’s looking for a partner in your 60s on online dating sites, as people in this age group may not be as tech-savvy as the younger lot. In fact, one of the early red flags dating in your 60s is your partner wanting to take things forward at a pace you’re not comfortable with. For instance, saying ‘I love you’ too soon or making future plans within days of meeting you.

So, be wary if:

• They want to have a steamy video chat with you even before meeting you or right after the first date. This could be a potential trap set to blackmail you later with intimate screenshots
• They set a timeline for future plans, such as getting engaged or married, on the second date itself or within days of meeting you. There could be a hidden motive for exploiting you financially or otherwise
• You two decide to move in within days of knowing each other. This could be a warning sign that they just wish to share costs, rather than share their life with you

7. They love you for something you possess

One of the glaring warning signs while dating in your 60s is when your potential partner is too focused on things that you possess, be it a material possession, such as a luxurious apartment or a fancy car, or some intangible assets, such as your social life. Don’t get us wrong! They can always appreciate what you have. But if your dates always end up with them using you for road trips, luxury vacations, or fancy social gatherings, you must be aware.

In such cases, there’s a chance that your partner may date you for:

• Financial gains (using your money to lead a posh lifestyle)
• Your contacts (to build their professional network)
• Your status (to show off to their less-privileged peers and score social brownie points)

Related Reading: How To Outsmart A Romance Scammer?

8. They’re too secretive

One of the early red flags dating in your 60s is ‘excessive’ secrecy from your partner, especially in a new relationship. In this era of smartphones and social media, not much of our lives are a secret, really. Not that it’s always healthy to share every life update with everyone, but a partner should not be the one you should hide your updates from. So, it can come off as a huge red flag if a partner isn’t sharing much with you. In such cases, they might:

• Keep you away from friends and family
• Not reveal much about their careers or what they do for a living
• Not tell you where they live
• Hide their cell phone from you

9. They are pessimistic

If you’re in your 60s, there’s a good chance that you have already gathered a lot of experiences from the golden years of your life and are emotionally stable. But that doesn’t mean you should be sad, depressed, or wallowing in self-pity.

And if your partner can’t bring you happiness and joy and drags you in their own whirlpool of pessimism, you might as well stay away from dating altogether. So, be aware of people who bring your energy down by constant criticism and pessimism about the world. This is one of the red flags of a damaged woman or man.

Related Reading: 15 Relationship Red Flags In A Man To Be Watchful Of

10. They are emotionally unavailable

One of the red flags when dating in your 60s is emotional unavailability. In your 60s, you are obviously not the emotional wreck that you were in your early 20s. So, dating too is a different ball game altogether. But then, that doesn’t mean that one isn’t allowed to show one’s emotions just because one belongs to a senior age group. After all, the hallmark of a healthy relationship is emotional support. So, stay away from emotional unavailability, a huge red flag.

11. They have no respect for your personal boundaries

A good partner will never play with your boundaries. But when you’re dating in your 60s, it’s often expected that you may have become a bit lenient with your core principles and personal space, since you may not have too many options in the dating scene. Even if your potential date or partner is in the same age group, they may expect you to bend some personal boundaries for them.

Surprisingly, this is also one of the red flags when dating an older man or woman, as they may assume you, being younger than them, don’t deserve respect for your boundaries. One advice from us is: don’t compromise on your relationship boundaries, and take it as a red flag if they ask you to.

How To Deal With Red Flags When Falling In Love After 60

So, does dealing with so many potential red flags when dating in your 60s leave any room for fun? A Reddit user shares her experience of falling in love after 60: “I’ve been having fun dating and I’m 62..found a couple awesome men and have had incredible sex…I’m gettin’ it while I can. I’m not the type of woman that has to have someone around all the time…it’s nice when they go home and I’m alone for a couple days.”

Related Reading: Real-Life Incidents That Show The Dangers Of Online Dating that Women Face

So, yes, it’s possible to enjoy the dating scene in your 60s, but you should know exactly what you want. It’s important to be flexible and open-minded, but it’s also crucial to be on your guard and run a proper fact-check on the person you’re dating, just to make sure you’re not being exploited financially or otherwise. So, here are some tips from our end, that will help you deal with the potential red flags while dating in your 60s:

• Take your time: Dating in your 60s may not be a walk in the park, as you may have evolved as a person widely since your younger days. So, take your time to get adjusted to the dating pool and focus on matching energy rather than plunging into the dating pool and being with the wrong person or someone with different values or life goals. Don’t fall for narcissistic behavior or unhealthy tactics either, such as love bombing
• Learn about technology: The dating scene can change for the better if you’re well-acquainted with technology, especially if you’re planning to get into a new relationship. Learning about dating apps and tips and tricks for online dating can help you score a better match. Plus, being aware of cyber fraud and dishonest means such as catfishing can help you avert major dangers
• Make your physical and mental health a priority: Apart from common interests, compatible life goals, and shared values, the other most significant factor in dating in your 60s is your health. So, the best way to deal with dating red flags at this age is to stick to what’s good for your physical and mental health and shun the rest. Stay away from people who force you to compromise on a healthy diet or lifestyle

• Keep your mind open: Just like you should never adjust to rigidity in your partner, you should try to be open-minded too. Embrace changes and meet people from different backgrounds. Join a gym, a book club, or a hobby class, where you can just bump into potential partners, and don’t just stick to online dating
• Communicate: Remember, there’s no alternative to healthy, open, and effective communication. So, make your expectations and boundaries clear to your date. Remember, while it’s important to look out for red flags when dating in your 60s, unrealistic expectations and inconsistent communication can kill a potential relationship too soon
• Fact-check: Don’t take anything at face value, especially if it’s a new relationship. Remember, it’s better to be safe than sorry. So, put on your detective’s hat and stalk your potential partners on social media. Use features such as reverse image search to find out if they’re using a fake identity. Find out about their job history or dating history. Fact-check and be sure you’re not falling into the trap of a professional con person, and take professional help if required
• Set boundaries: Some such boundaries may look like not letting your partner/date control your dress sense or food habits; not putting up with verbal or physical abuse, derogatory remarks, or public ridicule; and not tolerating ego hassles or the silent treatment

Even among the many red flags when dating in your 60s, you should remember that the need to find a companion does not make you desperate and is completely normal, be it at any age. So, while you should definitely be conscious of the red flags and protect yourself from being harmed or exploited, you should not forget to plunge into some romance and have a good time.

So, we hope our article helped you get some insight into what you should do if you spot some glaring red flags while dating in your 60s. Be aware, but don’t hesitate to put in your best efforts to make things work, if you think you’ve found the right person.

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