Quick Bites

Planning for the first night: here’s what you should do

Keep these tips in mind to have the ideal first night after your marriage, whether it is a love marriage or arranged marriage
First Night

1.  Come clean off the impossible boundaries

Movies, romance novels and fairy tales play a big part in raising your expectation bars and more often than not, reality comes as a hard blow. It is thus crucial that you know what exactly is in store and let go of utopian notions, because the first night is not going to be sunflowers rubbing against each other or love birds going around your head. However, it is important to build yourself up to certain doable fantasies so that your first night is not hours of excruciating blandness.

Communication
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2. Personal advisors

This one is a huge deal. Go out there and openly talk to your friends and comfort zone people who have had some experience. Do not hold back questions due to shyness, and ask about every last detail because you will need them! Tell them to offer you pointers and tips on the Dos and Don’ts but also keep in mind that the big event is different for every person. This will help you set baseline expectations and save you a lot of last minute anxiety.[restrict]

3. A-W-K-W-A-R-D

This one’s a given. The first night will be awkward. Period. Regardless of whether you’re new to each other or have known each other for some time, the first official night will be full of unexpected surprises. There will be a lot clumsy events, gawky moments and tricky situations. You will be stuck in the forever realm of self-consciousness and the long tiring day will be getting to both of you mentally, physically and emotionally. This is inevitable. Raise that chin, keep your grace and remember, it is not always as awkward as you think it is.

4. This is not a race

Take it slow. This is the first of many more nights to come, a brand-new beginning for your life with your partner and there is absolutely no need to rush things. There are no deadlines or assignments. There needs to be a lot of personal space to get comfortable around each other. Foreplay is the underrated winner in the entire scenario and you need to play it out like a pro. Hugs, kisses and embraces can be your stepping stones to success as you proceed to more serious forms of intimacy. Build yourself up along with your partner and respect personal boundaries of inhibitions.

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5. Communication is the key

Talk. Communication is the key to any relationship and it cannot be done away with. Talk very openly about the things you like and dislike, the things you look forward to and the things you want to avoid. Don’t limit your communication to only physical parameters; talk about the overwhelming day you’ve both had, connect emotionally and mentally. Remember, neither of you can read minds and unless situations are discussed verbally, grey areas will always remain, which must be minimised to build up the trust and faith quotient.

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Related reading: Can I have tips for my first night?

6. Humour saves your soul

Humour can salvage a lot of embarrassing moments. Small jokes, light pleasantries and witty comebacks will always come to your rescue. Handling awkward situations will become easier and you will feel the connection getting stronger with every perplexing situation made funny.

7. Groom it like you mean it

This is such an immensely important thing to remember. Do not be guilty of bad hygiene or terrible grooming choices. The amount you invest in this is a direct indication of how much attention you pay to detailing, presentations and the little things that matter the most. A good haircut, oral hygiene, clean clipped nails, taking care of perspiration and good breath are key factors that can make or ruin your big night. It doesn’t take much time to tend to basic cleanliness but this gesture will surely go a long way.

cosmetology
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8. It’s not always about the big S

Sex is not the ultimate answer to the question of the big night. Not everyone can or wants to do it and consent is of unfathomable importance. For people doing it for the first time, it may not go as you planned or there might be biological restrictions that will call for postponing of plans involving sexual acts. Do not harp on this one thing, because it is not the end of the world, and respecting choices on comfort and willingness is the only obvious element that should exist.

9. A little OUCH

News for the people who will engage in sex on the first night: it will hurt. The amount may vary from person to person, but the first tinge of pain is inevitable. That being said, this should not discourage you from exploring your intimate cravings and as long as consent is mutual, a little bit of initial scare should not hold you back from living up to all the expectations you’ve built up through the days. Read up and discuss thoroughly the topic beforehand, to know the pointers for safe sex and to get accustomed to how your body might react.

Zaalima
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Watch this video: Losing Your Virginity: Expectations Vs. Reality

10. Hold that sleep

The celebrations and all that overwhelming excitement will definitely take a toll on you, but try your best to not doze off immediately. Engage in small talk and basic planning of how you envision your future, your shared beliefs, outlook on things, hopes, dreams, aspirations and topics along similar lines of context. Getting to know each other is of prime importance for the first night and a complementary talk on how you plan to live out the rest of your lives together can be your catharsis.
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