Virginity is not dignity, it is lack of opportunity. Judging the purity of mind, body and soul depending on penetrative sex is old-fashioned and outdated. But what is still important is whether your mind and body are ready for such a change. A bad sexual experience can impact every other relationship you encounter.
Sex is a process, not a moment
Be brave and try out new things but also be cautious about understanding what you want. Remember you saying ‘no’ matters and you can withdraw at any point when you are not comfortable. Just because your partner is aroused, you don’t owe them anything. Pleasure should be spontaneous, not constructed and compromised. Go ahead, have your adventure. We are all living for the first time without an instruction manual. We are bound to make mistakes. It is best that we learn from them and never look back.
Related reading: You don’t miss your ex, you just miss being in love
With the right partner
Dating is a tricky business. We show up in our best clothes and put up our best behaviour. They say you don’t really know a person unless you wake up beside them but by then it might just be too late. Try to know the person beyond the facade. See how he behaves with other people, especially with subordinates. Talk to them more about their outlook towards life and evaluate your compatibility. You don’t have to be with the person you had sex with for the first time for the rest of your life but trust me when I say that the person who takes your cherry will forever be in your memories. Don’t choose someone with whom you will regret having spent such a special memory of your life.
In the right place
You don’t want your first time to be a quickie in the back alley of a restaurant. Having sex for the first time is a lot of pressure on you to waste it in an inopportune site. Plan your close encounter or be spontaneous but the location should be of your choice – by luck or by design.
Related reading: 7 sex positions a woman should try in her lifetime
At the right time
Right time doesn’t mean choosing the precise moment of the day but rather in your life. Whether it’s first year of the college or first night of your marriage, the time to embark on the sexual adventure is up to you. Consent is yours and so is choice when it comes to your body.
With the right attitude
Don’t go for sex for all the wrong reasons. Don’t say yes just because:
• Your partner is forcing you
• All your friends are doing it
• It’s the next stage of the relationship
• You don’t want to be known as a prude
You should have sex only when you desire it and nothing else.
With the right mindset
Sex is not a device to keep a relationship alive which is otherwise failing. It is not a given in every romantic relationship. Then again, it is not the end of the world either. Don’t attach too much taboo to the act. You can have sex with a partner and not stick with them in the future. You should not be bound in a relationship just because you had sex with your partner, unless of course it is too good to let go.
With the right protection
Once you have made up your mind and your body is ready, you need to think about protection. Talk to your gynaecologist about a contraceptive pill that suits your body. Read and learn about your ovulation calendar and emergency contraception. Whether or not you are looking to get pregnant, the final choice lies with you. So take an informed choice when you have sex. Pregnancy is not the only thing that happens due to sex. There are numerous STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) that can affect you and prevention is far better than cure as in some cases there is no cure yet. STDs can range from minor to major like HIV+ and AIDs. So with a male partner it is always better to use condoms and be informed about your female partners. Honesty should be the basis of all relationship, so share due information with your partner while making up your mind.
Follow your heart
Everything said and done, sex is not just a form of intimacy but also an emotional communication. For all the first timers it is a prerogative to capture the magic. Talk to your partner, share with each other what is it that you are looking for, talk about your expectations and desires. Whether you want it shaved or not, whether you have some kind of kink. Sex is not a power you yield on the other but a submission to the senses. Whether it is the first time or the 378th time, the magic lies in realising your desire with your partner. Never lose sight of that.