Emotional intimacy makes me want to run away, far far away, like a couple of hundred miles away. I struggle with meaningful connections in all spheres of life. And I don’t make much of love and attachment. Who am I? An emotionally unavailable man.
If this kind of man is a constant presence in your life, you know how unreadable he is. You’re probably trying to decipher his feelings toward you, that too, rather unsuccessfully. Plucking petals hasn’t done the trick and neither has your BFF been able to guide you. You can stop wondering what to do next because I’ve come to your rescue with the answer key to decoding these signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you.
This specially curated list will help you understand whether the man in question’s got love on his mind or not. Love makes fools of the best of us and he’s not immune either. Accidentally or intentionally, he’s been dropping signs all over the place. I’m just giving you the glasses required to spot them.
Can Emotionally Unavailable Men Fall In Love?
Anyone can fall in love, including an emotionally unavailable man. Their low emotional bandwidth doesn’t disqualify them from experiencing feelings of love, affection and care. (How they handle those feelings is a different ballgame altogether.) However, I can understand where your confusion stems from. After all, isn’t it difficult to read the signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you?
While this kind of man is capable of falling in love with someone, his knee-jerk reaction will be to dismiss those feelings. The number one reason behind this is his belief that emotions and drama go hand in hand. In an attempt to ‘uncomplicate’ his life, the emotionally unavailable man will never act on his emotions. So, it’s not that he isn’t falling in love – he just never lands.
Being in a relationship with him is as challenging as it sounds. He will struggle with the fundamentals of support, the components of trust and many other such qualities. Loving an emotionally unavailable man will demand patience and perseverance. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s take up one thing at a time and address the question of the hour:
What are the signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love? Read on to know the inner workings of his heart and mind. You’ll know whether you were reading into things, or if he’s actually into you.
15 Signs An Emotionally Unavailable Man Is In Love
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” These words by Neil Gaiman seem to have come straight out of an emotionally unavailable man’s rulebook. This is precisely how they view love – a hotchpotch of drama, sadness and inevitable heartbreak.
Keep his perception in mind as you dive into these indicators below. You’ll understand why they’re a big deal from where he’s coming. Here’s presenting (drumroll, please) the signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you.
1. There’s a readiness to change for the better
This is the most positive indicator you can see. Emotional unavailability is often accompanied by ignorance; the man doesn’t know his own roadblocks. But if he’s beginning to love you, there will be a certain amount of self-awareness that will guide him to change. You’ll see him making an effort to alter his ways. The emotionally unavailable man will neither be in denial nor defensive. And this is a trait that distinguishes selfless love from selfish love.
2. He’s willing to share his life
Here’s an area he doesn’t usually excel in. This is because an emotionally unavailable man can’t see the point of making space for others in his life. But you’re different… He wants you to see the private side of him along with his past. You will probably know more about him than most people – little details, his likes and dislikes, fond memories, childhood stories, and so on. Don’t peg this as insignificant. It’s one of the biggest tell-tales of an emotionally unavailable man in love.
Related Reading: Positive Relationship: Psychology, Signs, And Benefits
3. Commitment is on the cards – Signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you
You can be certain of his feelings when there are signs of commitment. And this doesn’t have to be a major event like moving in together or getting married; he’s serious about you if he uses terms like ‘we’ and ‘us.’ The lone wolf mentality is evaporating because he sees you in his future. An emotionally unavailable man usually avoids labels but he will work on his commitment phobia for the relationship you share.
4. He’s okay with being vulnerable
I cannot emphasize enough how important this is. It takes a lot of courage and affection for him to open up to you. Crying, expressing distress, or admitting he’s sad, is a huge thing for him. If you’ve got access to this facet of his personality, he feels comfortable enough to put away the strong-man image with you. An emotionally unavailable man in love will make you his safe space.
5. It’s not just about the sex
Like I said before, he probably has a history of avoiding labels or getting ‘tied down.’ No-strings-attached relationships or friends-with-benefits have been his go-to options so far. But if you’ve come to hold a place in his heart, your relationship has WAY more to it than sex. He wants to meet you and do things because he likes you, not because he’s in the mood for some action. This is one of the clearest signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you.
6. He’s following through on his promises
If he said he’d make it to the dinner with your colleagues, you can count on him to show up five minutes early. There will be congruity in his words and actions. Stephen Richards wisely said, “Promises are only as strong as the person who gives them…” And the love for you is making a better person out of him. Gone are the days of blowing someone off with fickle promises.
7. There’s consistency in his behavior
What’s one of the best signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you? He’s doesn’t blow hot and cold. Like any mature and well-functioning individual, he is consistent in his behavior with you. There won’t be any on-again-off-again phases or instances of ghosting. All this ultimately boils down to respect; he’ll value and respect your time and energy. His whims and fancies won’t dictate the workings of this relationship.
8. He doesn’t shy away from emotional intimacy
Go back and read the first sentence of this piece. If an emotionally unavailable man gives compliments and affirmations, engages in deep conversations and builds trust in the relationship, he’s fallen head over heels for you. Yes, emotional intimacy might not come very naturally to him, but he won’t run at the first sight of it. Give him some credit for trying – it’s not an easy road to walk. Aren’t these signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you very insightful?
9. What are the signs an emotionally unavailable man is falling in love? He values your perspective
So far, he’s led his life in a very self-sufficient manner. The perspectives of others haven’t really mattered much to him. So when you told him that his presentation could use a few changes before it reached the client, he might have been baffled, but he listened. Why did your opinion weigh so heavily on his mind? Simple – because he loves you. He takes your perspective into consideration before making choices. Quite sweet, I say.
Related Reading: 15 Qualities Of A Good Relationship That Make Life Bliss
10. He takes accountability for his actions
This one definitely ranks high among the signs an emotionally unavailable man is falling in love. Owning up to his errors is a huge development in his personality. His willingness to assume responsibility suggests a long-term vision. He wants to become a better partner for you by working on his flaws. The first step to this is acceptance. He won’t gaslight or manipulate you for calling out his mistakes.
11. You’ve met his social circle
This is always a positive step. If you’ve met his parents or friends, he wants you to stick around for a long time. An emotionally unavailable man doesn’t place much value in introducing his better half to his social circle officially. If he has done so with you, this is more than a casual relationship for him. Your presence has impressed upon him the need to be socially proactive.
12. He wants to know more about you
And not just because he has to – he’s genuinely interested and involved in your life. One of the subtlest signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you is his ability to listen. He won’t cut you off or get distracted easily – you will command his undivided attention when you both are communicating. Each opportunity to discover your interests is welcomed by him.
13. His definitions are changing – An emotionally unavailable man in love
Have you noticed a change in his approach to relationships? Didn’t he think of them quite negatively at first? Phrases like ‘unnecessary drama’ or ‘being single rules’ were the norm. But his definitions will undergo a change if he’s fallen for you. He finds the idea of dating appealing now, and marriage or commitment don’t terrify him. He’s begun respecting love in its entirety.
Related Reading: 5 Odd Signs That He Loves You
14. You’ve become a priority
Elisabeth Hasselbeck said, “Nobody’s life is ever all balanced. It’s a conscious decision to choose your priorities every day.” And now, he’s made you a priority in his life. An emotionally unavailable man is usually self-centered, but being in love makes him selfless. He’ll compromise and make adjustments for you, even step out of his comfort zone. His time will belong to you and other things will take a backseat.
15. There’s a lot of support in the relationship
What are the signs an emotionally unavailable man is falling in love, you ask? He’ll support your decisions even if they don’t align with his vision. As long as they make you happy, he’ll root for your choices. There will be empathy from his end when he actually begins putting your wellbeing first. His emotional unavailability won’t stop him from wanting the best for you.
Et voila! What did you think of these signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you? I hope they’ve given you the clarity you were seeking. You now have to decide the course of action – will you wait for him to ask you out at his own pace or will you give him a little nudge or maybe even make the first move yourself? Let me know how it goes in the comments section below. My very best wishes and lots of love.
There are two schools of thought here. One suggests that an emotionally unavailable man misses the function you fulfill in his life, not you as an individual. The second says that he isn’t that selfish – he does miss you genuinely. There’s some truth to both these answers.
‘Win’ seems to be an incorrect term. You can’t change someone overnight. There are a lot of unresolved issues at play when it comes to emotional unavailability. The best course of action is to be patient and empathetic while the man undertakes his own journey of growth. Loving an emotionally unavailable man isn’t easy.
Yes. Self-work always pays off. But this change occurs when the emotionally unavailable man acutely realizes that his current way of functioning isn’t healthy. If he’s self-aware and willing to put in the work, he can evolve emotionally. Read up on the signs an emotionally unavailable man is falling in love to understand how the change can occur.