Perhaps it will be safe to say that we are all selfish to a certain extent, but if your boyfriend if always putting himself first, you are definitely dating one selfish man.
Being in a relationship is hard work. It involves a lot of work and effort on the part of both partners. Promises and compromises go hand in hand. You promise to be there for each other through thick and thin. But is your partner really there through your thick and thin or is it something he just says for the sake of getting married? Do both of you keep this promise or is it just you who is keeping it? If you feel the latter, then sorry, you are probably dating Mr Selfish or Mr Self-centred. You are in a one-way relationship where Mr Selfish has no role but pleasing himself.
The biggest problem of men is their big ego in their small minds. The bigger the ego, the more selfish and self-centred a man is.
What makes boyfriends so selfish?
Selfishness arises when a person no longer feels threatened or restrained by anyone else. He thus puts himself above others. Your boyfriend was probably selfish all along, but it is now that you are actually starting to realise it after being with him for some time.
So what are the reasons that could have led to your boyfriend becoming selfish? Some characteristics of a selfish boyfriend are:
- Everything has come easy. He has always got his way and continues to do so
- He is not willing to compromise, he has not been taught to adjust
- He fears that his relationship will sabotage his personal life
- He is a man child and is dependent on others
- Doesn’t want his partner to become superior to him
The biggest problem of men is their big ego in their small minds. The bigger the ego, the more selfish and self-centred a man is. Selfishness may or may not always be a product of their ego.
Related reading: How to deal with the all-controlling Indian partners
Sometimes, men are just lazy and prefer to lie back rather than do anything. Let us see the top 15 signs of a selfish boyfriend that are making your relationship toxic.
15 signs of a selfish boyfriend
Being with a selfish boyfriend is like talking to a wall. It is irritating and frustrating, even makes you rethink your decision to be with him. Your boyfriend couldn’t care less about you and you can’t stop caring. Not only do selfish boyfriends not want to contribute in a relationship, but they are also inconsiderate of the efforts you put in every day to make it work.
Look out for these selfish boyfriend signs to understand whether you still want to be in a relationship where you are all alone.
1. He will always talk about himself
Such people are obsessed with themselves and he is one of them. It is always about him. All he cares about is his feelings and his image. He might show that he is interested in your life. In reality, he is just warming you up so that you sit and listen to his on-going stories without complaint. Remember when he started by saying, “Honey, How was your day?” and interrupted you after a few minutes and didn’t stop talking about his office colleagues or his incredible presentation? He wanted to hear you (halfheartedly) only so that he could be heard.
Have you noticed his eyes that indicate he is getting bored when you do the talking? One of the major signs of being selfish.
2. He controls everything you do
How many decisions that you make involve your opinion? Who has the last say? If it’s your boyfriend, then there is your problem. You are his other half and should have an equal say in whatever decision is made. Your opinion should matter to him.
When was the last time you went to a restaurant of your choice or did something you like? Does he even know what cuisines you like? I guess not, because he tells you what to do and you listen. Your life revolves around your boyfriend’s choices. He is insensitive to your needs. He controls your life and has made you his puppet.
You will soon forget your real identity if you haven’t already.
3. He is incredibly defensive
Whenever you question him or confront him, he is always on the defense. He will do anything to protect his flaws, even if it means highlighting yours. He will never accept his fault and will find ways to make you feel guilty. He works hard in presenting a perfect image to the outer world and in no circumstances is he ready to smirch it.
4. He is selfish in bed too
He takes you on a date and you actually have a good time. Your boyfriend is feeling all romantic and wants to have sex. You tell him how you’d just like to cuddle up or are not in the mood, but he keeps on insisting. He starts getting angry when you try to convince him. In the end you have to give in to his urges.
He will just satisfy himself, leaving you sore, irritated and dissatisfied.
Once he is done, he will fall asleep within seconds. He has made it clear that your needs do not matter to him. Not only a selfish boyfriend, he is a selfish lover too.
Related reading: Is your man with you just for sex? 20 signs to watch out!
5. He will never compromise
He sees the world from his point of view and thus others must adjust to the world that he has created. He will never apologise, even if he is in the wrong. Be ready to hear fireworks if you are asking him to compromise in any way.
Compromising will make him lose control and he doesn’t want to be stepped on by anyone else.
6. He is very insecure
People feel insecure when they see something as a threat. For a person who wants to be the man of the show, being insecure seems to be a normal trait. His insecurities relate to the fact that someone else might take his position or he may lose control. The fear of being replaced by someone else could be haunting him. Moreover, if he is insecure about something you do or some decision you make, then it is because he fears that it might cause harm to something that benefits him or is important to him.
7. He never surprises you
So you are being a nice girlfriend, surprising him with gifts and planning wonderful dates and trying everything he desires in bed. You never mind going the extra mile to make him happy. And does he do that for you? We are sure the answer is No. He will never go out of his way to please you, and surprises are not in his dictionary at all.
On confrontation, he will say he treats you as a Queen, only that no one else can see it.
8. He has very few friends
His behaviour even irritates his friends and some have even given up on him. His self-centred behaviour makes him unlikable in groups because of the thoughtless comments he passes in public. He picks a fight with others every now and then and you have to rush to the rescue. People complain about him to you, but instead of apologising, he insults them even more. He makes friends only to hear praises and if things happen to the contrary, he discards them.
9. ‘Me’ over ‘We’
Self-love and self-obsession are totally different things. Self-obsessed selfish people are only concerned about one person, themselves. It is okay to think about your needs once in a while, because self-love is something that every individual should inherit. What is not okay is prioritising yourself over your family over and over again. What is the point of being in a relationship if you both are not in this together?
10. He is disconnected from the real world
He is in his own world and will come back to the real world only when he needs something from it. Otherwise, he will be lazily occupied in his own fantasies. Even if he doesn’t have anything to do, he will not make any plans to spend the time with you, because not doing anything is better than doing something that makes others happier than him.
11. You don’t have a life anymore
By revolving your world around his whims and fancies, you realise that your life has not only changed, but you don’t recognise it anymore. Everything you do is to please him. You have lost your real self. When was the last time you did something for yourself and it made your boyfriend happy?
You might have even lost contact with most of your friends, because most of your social gatherings include his friends and colleagues. Are you happy with the place you have in his world?
12. He is never there for you
You will never have him around when you need him, but he will always expect you to be there in his times of distress. You are his emotional support, but he is never there for you. If you try to unload your feelings on him, he will back out by saying how rough his day was or how tired he is today.
He will escape listening to you, forget about the support, but when he needs to unload his emotional stuff, you have to offer him all you can.
13. Wants you to be the one to change
In his mind, he is flawless and doesn’t need to change anything, despite how many bad qualities he possesses. He will always tell you to change things about yourself to suit his needs. At this point of time, all words like ‘compromises’ and ‘sacrifices’ will come out of his mouth, but these words would only mean something if they are directed towards you.
You have to be the sacrificial cow, not him.
14. He is self-centred
He lives in a world of his own where he is the main character. Others are just extras that can be replaced any time. He thinks that everything is about ‘him’ and will somehow include himself into every conversation. He loves to be the center of attention, also because he it makes him feel superior over others.
15. For everything nice he does for you, he has other motives
If you do get a surprise gift from him or he plans a romantic date for you, it is not because he cares for you or loves you. If he does something, it is because he wants something in return or just wants to avoid a discussion. For example, a few flowers and a candlelight dinner are basically his tickets to a night of good sex. This is the bare minimum he would do to keep you in his life so that he can get laid.
Selfishness to some extent may be tolerated. When this selfishness exceeds the limit of mere laziness and reaches the point of self-obsession, it is then that you need an out from the relationship.
Love has no real meaning if the person you share your life with doesn’t give you the love and commitment you deserve.