When you get married, you want it to last forever. But a few things go terribly wrong down the line, your husband messes up big time, and you desperately start looking for the signs your husband wants to save the marriage. You want to know that he’s doing everything he can to rectify his mistakes.
You always wish for a long-lasting bond with your spouse. Even when everything starts to fall apart, you think of all the ways to save a marriage from divorce. According to the latest Clark University Poll of Emerging Adults, 86% of more than a thousand 18 to 29-year-old Americans expect their marriages to last a lifetime. Does your husband want that too?
To find out if he’s as invested as you are, and that you can still save a marriage on the brink of divorce, we reached out to Ridhi Golechha (M.A. Psychology), who specializes in counseling for loveless marriages, breakups, and other relationship issues. She says, “Any marriage and relationship can be saved if both the parties are willing to do the work that saving a marriage requires.”
9 Important Signs Your Husband Wants To Save The Marriage
You might be looking for signs your husband wants to save the marriage for many reasons:
- You find his habits or behavior worrisome and he doesn’t seem to change even after many conversations
- You just found that he has been lying to you and manipulating you
- You found out he has been having an extramarital affair
- He hasn’t been actively involved in raising the children
- He has been neglecting your needs
Ridhi says, “You should consider saving a marriage if there is still love between two people. If one person doesn’t feel the same way, then there’s no point in saving a marriage from falling apart. You can’t beg or force someone to love you. You can build the bridge only when there is love and a desperate need and desire to work it out and be together.”
Say, you and your husband have had the talk. Grievances have been aired and promises have been made. Now what? You’re wondering if he has truly changed. Read on to assess the signs your husband wants to save the marriage.
1. He is attentive and involved again
Being in a loveless marriage can be mentally draining. Dana Adam Shapiro in his 2012 book, You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married, wrote that only 17% of couples are content with their partner. The rest are just adjusting themselves due to financial issues, societal stigma, or for the sake of children.
Ridhi says, “It’s one of the signs your husband wants to save the marriage when he becomes more attentive. He listens to everything you say. He validates your feelings, opinions, and judgments. He is more involved in your relationship again. He will start negotiating with you about the things he used to find intolerable. Or at least he will start meeting you midway.”
2. He is taking accountability
Ridhi says, “When trying to save a marriage that is falling apart, there will surely be failed attempts on either or both sides. For example, something as big as cheating cannot be forgiven and forgotten overnight. It takes a lot of time to recover from infidelity. For now, just the mere fact that your husband is accepting his mistake is one of the first steps to save a marriage after an affair.”
If your partner did something wrong to hurt you like disrespecting you, yelling at you, or cheating on you, then the fact that he sincerely apologized and took the responsibility of putting the marriage in danger is one of the signs your husband wants to save the marriage.
Related Reading: 7 Things To Do When You Fall Out Of Love With Your Husband
3. He is trying to build intimacy again
We get so busy with our lives sometimes that we forget to nurture the love we have with our partners. When we finally have the time to sit with them, we realize that the spark has toned down. It’s important to rebuild intimacy of all kinds.
Jessica, a certified makeup artist from New York, says, “We took many steps to save our marriage. One of them was rebuilding all types of intimacy, especially physical, emotional, and intellectual intimacy. We started eating at least one meal a day together, improved our listening skills, and made sure we had sex at least once in three days. We tried new things in bed, did household chores together, and never slept without resolving our issues in an amicable way.
“My husband did change himself to save our marriage and so did I. There’s nothing wrong about changing little things about yourself for someone you love. It’s only worrisome if you change your entire personality and let go of your individuality.”
4. He indulges in your love languages
A study was done on heterosexual couples regarding types of love languages and how they boost satisfaction in couples. This analysis showed that participants who used their partner’s preferred love languages had higher levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction.
Sometimes, things go wrong when you and your partner have different love languages. You fail to understand theirs and they fail to understand yours. The five types of love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of services
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
This is one of the problems I faced in my marriage. My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. My partner is all about acts of service. It used to really annoy me whenever he failed to verbally compliment me or my efforts. This caused a lot of friction between us. We talked about it and understood that we all have different ways of expressing love.
So, if your husband expresses his love toward you in both your and his own love language, then it’s one of the signs your husband wants to save the marriage.
5. He talks about the future with high hopes
Ridhi says, “If he used to refuse to talk about your marital future with certainty, and now he talks about it with high hopes, then he is surely trying to save a marriage that was falling apart because of his unreliability.”
When a man has a divorce on his mind, he won’t talk about the future as much as he used to. You won’t hear him discuss plans of a vacation with you, about buying a house with you, having children with you, or which school to send the kids to. It’s one of the signs your husband wants to save marriage when he sheds light on his future plans involving you.
Related Reading: Psychology Of Love: Theories That Make Relationships Work
6. He is creating a better environment for the kids
Ridhi says, “Hostile environment is very unhealthy for the children. You need to think about your kid’s mental health before you yell and hurl abuses at each other. When a husband starts creating a better environment for you and the kids, it’s one of the ways to save a marriage on the brink of divorce.”
If the two of you engage in conflicts very often, then it’ll affect the kids severely. According to research, frequent conflicts between parents are associated with increased behavioral problems in children such as aggression, defiance, and conduct disorders.
7. He has team mentality
Team mentality always helps to save a marriage from divorce. It’s one of the signs of intimacy in a relationship. It includes the following behaviors:
- Knowing that it’s “us” and not “me”
- Asking for each other’s thoughts and opinions
- Setting realistic expectations
- Developing shared values and respecting values that differ
- Asking questions and being curious about each other
Ridhi shares, “Team mentality in a relationship is very important. The two of you work together to achieve the same goal, which is achieving a stable and harmonious marriage. You and your husband can try to save a marriage after an affair, for example, by tackling this issue as a team.”
8. Signs your husband wants to save marriage — he says so himself
It’s one of the signs your husband wants to save the marriage when he openly says it in a believable and genuine way. Sometimes, words and actions don’t align with each other. But when your husband says and does things to work on the marriage, then it’s one of his ways to become a better husband.
Mal, a recording artist in his mid-30s, shares, “I sensed something was not right when we stopped spending quality time together and only focused on our careers. We barely saw each other. We would come home, have dinner, and sleep. We would wake up the next morning and go to work. I thought my marriage was heading toward a dead end.
“Thankfully, not only did he try to change himself to save our marriage, he made sure I did the same too. He convinced me our relationship is worth fighting for. We took steps to save our marriage by making time for each other.”
Related Reading: 9 Expert Ways To Stop Your Husband From Yelling At You
9. He is working on himself
Ridhi says, “It’s one of the signs your husband wants to save the marriage when he starts working on himself. If there are signs your man has anger issues and he is taking therapy for it, then he is trying to save this marriage at all costs. Fixing a marriage can take a lot of time. A lot of trials and errors are bound to happen. If you love your husband and want the relationship to survive, support him in his journey of getting better.”
Some examples that your husband is working on himself are:
- He spends more time with you
- He is open and honest about his feelings
- He doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations
- He knows how to fight fair
- He comes home early from work just to spend time with you
- He is working on his insecurities
- If he’s trying to rebuild intimacy and trust, and wishes to talk about your future together, these are some of the signs your husband wants to save the marriage
- Save your marriage by giving it time and by communicating respectfully
- Consider saving the marriage when there is still mutual trust, love, and respect
Marriage is hard work. Things get rocky once in a while. But that doesn’t mean you have to endure abuse, gaslighting, and betrayal. If you don’t want to save the marriage, that’s fine as well. If it’s just trivial things like miscommunication and misunderstanding, though, then it’s worth saving a marriage that is falling apart.
Yes. Any marriage can be saved as long as the partners treat each other with kindness and empathy, and give each other space. You can’t save a marriage if there is a lack of trust and constant criticism.
It’s never too late to save a marriage. It all depends on how much you and your partner are willing to devote to this relationship. If one partner wants to give it all and the other doesn’t, then it can’t be saved. It’s not about timing or the magnitude of love. It’s all about how much effort and compromise you’re willing to do to save the marriage.
You should consider saving a marriage when it starts feeling like a chore, or when there has been an incident of infidelity, or when there are financial crises or parenting issues.