It takes two to tango, they say. What are the reasons behind resentments between couples? What women want is often discussed. But what about the men? What are the things women do that annoy men? What irritates men in a relationship?
Sex is a hidden reason behind most disagreements among couples. And dissatisfaction with sex lives is a less-discussed reason behind marital discord, confirms Dr. Rima Mukherji, a practicing psychiatrist with almost 2 decades of experience. Read on to find the top 5 factors that irritate men.
5 Things Women Do That Annoy Men
A lot of the discussions about compatibility issues in relationships tend to focus on the ways men mess up and end up annoying their partners. But does that mean that men are the ones always in the wrong? Do women never do things that annoy their husbands? Of course, they do, and below is a list of things women do that annoy men, whether unwittingly or otherwise.
1. Their relation with in-laws and extended family
One of the things women do that annoy men is when they refuse to get along well with their in-laws even when their husbands expect them to treat their extended family with respect and work towards maintaining, at the very least, cordial relationships. When the wives refuse to comply or adjust, it leads to discord.
These fights arise from double standards in how boys and girls are conditioned differently by the patriarchal society. Women in modern society, and especially working women, find it difficult to cope with demands from their husbands and in-laws. However, they expect the husbands to maintain good relationships with their side of the family. Husbands get easily irritated when their wives nag them about in-laws or their relatives and misunderstandings arise.
Related reading: 9 things to make a man stay madly in love with you
2. Past relationships or friendships with other men
Men, being men, understand what other men may want from their wives, says Dr. Mukherjee. Sometimes misunderstandings occur when women are not able to gauge the advances of male friends and their husbands point them out. One of the things women do that upset men is refusing to heed their advice or input about such friendships.
Social media plays an important role here nowadays. Women begin to feel that the husband who was so liberal during courtship, is suddenly intruding into their space, whereas the husband is only trying to point out the intentions of other men to his wife, often disapproving of friendships with the opposite sex.
Jealousy, because of the wife’s past relationships, is also common among men. This perhaps has less to do with the things women do that annoy men and more with the husband’s personal insecurities and distrust and can sometimes border on romantic manipulation. But since men are not taught to communicate openly and address underlying issues, the husband gets irritated easily when his wife maintains relationships with male friends and exes.
Related reading: Inappropriate friendships when married – here’s what You should know
3. Different opinions on finances and expenditures
Other than the fact that husband and wife may want to split finances differently, in urban couples, there are differences when it comes to deciding their individual contributions when both of them work. One of the biggest things men hate about women is how they often refuse to contribute towards the household when the men work to “put food on the table”. Despite the strides we have made as a society, the woman not wanting to contribute financially towards the family still remains one of the things women do that annoy men.
Men also get irritated when wives who don’t earn pose demands that cannot be met. Discord also arises when partners want to contribute money towards extended family without the other’s approval.
– Dr Rima Mukherji, Consultant Psychiatrist at Woodlands Multi-Speciality Hospital, Kolkata
4. Division of work
Work can be divided into two categories: jobs and household work. When it comes to jobs, ego clashes occur when wives do financially or professionally better than or equivalent to their husbands in urban settings. Expectations from women about household chores don’t change even in urban settings. Women, on the other hand, feel resentment if the husband or his family does not give her credit for her professional achievements.
When it comes to household work and child-rearing, men typically take the back seat, and women are expected to take care of things; if the child is sick, for instance, the mother is expected to stay at home. One of the things that men hate about women, is how they often choose to focus on their careers instead of on child-rearing and household chores. Also, families don’t approve of the husband doing household chores or taking care of the children, adding to further resentment between the couple.
Related reading: 6 signs to know that your man is losing interest in you
5. Repressed sexual dissatisfaction
Dr. Mukherjee says sex is often a ‘hidden’ reason behind many couple fights! Differences in sex drive between husband and wife are a major issue here and she breaks the myth that it is always men who have a greater sex drive. She also feels that rural men talk more openly about sex problems than urban men, and perhaps this is rooted in the way people in urban areas are socialized.
Men essentially feel insecure reporting erectile problems. In many cases, these problems surface when couples want children. In urban settings, it causes resentment in women if their sex lives are not good. But expectations from wives in such relationships are often still the same. Many women don’t report erectile dysfunction in their husbands because it becomes a matter of shame among friends and family for them. It causes resentment when the woman feels unfulfilled after adjusting/compromising in the marriage and fulfilling all expectations of the husband. On the other hand, the woman’s lack of communication, refusal to face the problem head-on, and the repression of feelings as taught to them by society are seen by the husband as just more annoying things women do, even when these actions point towards deeper problems in the relationship.
In the end, no matter the problem, the answer lies in clear communication. When men communicate to their partners their needs and desires and vice versa, there are fewer instances of annoyance with the other partner, leading to the creation of a stronger, healthier relationship based on mutual respect and understanding.