Married life has its ups and downs. One minute you’re fighting about the chores your spouse never got to, the next you’re laying down next to each other on the sofa, realizing what makes it all worth it. And sometimes, the things you should never say to your wife, like an innocent “Is that what you’re going to wear?” is enough to unleash all hell.
When your “Did I say something wrong?” is met with a cold shoulder and a firm “Nothing”, you know you really messed up. What’s worse is that you don’t even really know what you said, which puts you at risk of repeating the same mistake again. Only next time, you know you’re sleeping on the sofa.
To avoid tossing and turning on the sofa the entire night, take a look at the things you should never say to your wife to make sure you don’t accidentally make her reconsider every decision she’s taken thus far.
Things You Shouldn’t Say To Your Wife
“You sure you want to order in? You’ve let yourself go a little bit” Yikes! Ring the alarm bells and get the sincere apologies ready, you’re definitely going to need them. No one really thinks about the things a husband should never say to his wife, and husbands in their oblivious state of mind can often blurt out the most hurtful things without even really thinking about it.
Sometimes, it doesn’t even really have to be something you say. Zoning out mid-conversation and hoping the ‘yeah’ and the ‘okay’ will carry you through is just as detrimental as the things you should never say to your wife.
There are many ways to undo mistakes like blowing off a presentation, not studying enough for that exam, global warming. But when you say the wrong words to your wife, there is no way in hell you can rewind the situation and change your statement.
So even though nobody told you about the things you should never say to your wife to have a happy marital life, we are going to share the top 9 of them right now. Discard these things from your communication to the wifey and you can most definitely avoid 60% of your marital fights.
Related Reading: When friends and family give you the dumbest relationship tips
1. The number 1 thing to not say to your wife: Is it that time of the month again?
You are in for some serious trouble, mister. If you say this to her, even when it is that time of the month, expect either of the two extremes: the silent treatment or a scurry of equally harsh words thrown your way. It’s an utterly sexist and insulting thing you can say to your wife. And if you think you are using it as a smart weapon to win an argument, you have got another verbal bomb coming at you.
When it really is that time of the month, you should be doing everything you can to help her if she’s struggling with PMS or cramps. When you opt to ridicule her behavior by dismissing it as “that time of the month”, you’re basically buying a one-way ticket to the sofa.
2. What’s wrong this time?
When you imagine someone saying this, it’s never from a place of genuine curiosity or care, right? You always imagine someone bitterly saying it, while putting a special and condescending emphasis on the word ‘this’. Insinuating that there’s something perpetually wrong with the wifey, this comment will eat away at her self-confidence as well as your bond. The last thing you want is to make your wife feel insecure.
Words like this one strike a nerve in your wife for obvious reasons. It lacks empathy and is demeaning to her, and when you say something like this she gets the message that you look at her like she is a problem to fix. In the list of what not to say to your wife, this one is right up there.
3. What have you been doing all day?
Another one that’s laced with condescension and judgment, this comment isn’t going to do you any favors. Once you say something along these lines, you’re dismissing everything she accomplished that day, be it consciously or subconsciously. It may be hard to believe, but comments like these show a clear lack of mutual respect.
You might be upset for some reason or just plain exhausted by your workload and looking for a way to blow off some steam by showing your wife what a great sacrifice you make by working but saying things like this is not going to help anyone. It’s especially true if your wife has quit her career to look after the house and kids.
4. Shouldn’t you go on a diet?
Ouch! If you are not going to compliment her at least don’t point at her flab. It’s just mean and not a good idea if you don’t want to spark an argument. Plus, unless you’re clad with 6-pack abs and your shirts are tearing at the seams, you’re not really in a position to be commenting on her weight.
If it comes from a place of genuine concern for her physical health, you should still choose your words very carefully. It’s completely justified if you’re questioning her eating habits if all she’s eating is fried foods and a bunch of sugary desserts, but don’t just go in guns blazing screaming out, “You’re fat, don’t eat that.”
Sometimes the things you shouldn’t say to your wife are things you need to discuss, as in this case, it may be because of health concerns. Instead of being crass, consider saying things like “The food you’re eating isn’t healthy for you, please consider eating something else or it might cause health problems. You know I want you around for the rest of my life.”
See that? End it on a cute note, she’s bound to hear you out.
5. Stop being a nag!
Don’t EVER say this to your wife, even if she is nagging you at the moment. A better way to deal with this is to make her sit down and explain to her how the things she says bother you and make you feel. Outrightly telling her that she’s being a “nag” is also another way of screaming out “I don’t respect your opinion”.
Of all the things a husband should never say to his wife, this one has the most undertones of gaslighting in a relationship. Be careful with your words, they can cause more harm than you think they do.
6. What not to say to your wife: Are you really going to wear that?
Unless you are a recognized fashion designer yourself, she knows better about her personal style than you do. Plus, she didn’t stop you from buying the same pair of New Balance for the fourth time in a row, did she?
If she’s spent a lot of time carefully curating her entire outfit, with earrings and everything, pick your words very, very carefully. Imagine if she said the grass you mowed for 3 hours still looked like it needed a lot more work. Hurts, doesn’t it?
7. Shopping, again?
She knows you don’t like it but if it makes her happy, then you have to deal with it. We’re pretty sure she’s not snidely commenting, “Sports, again?”, every time you pull up a rerun of the same match you’ve seen twice in the past. Just as you take to sports and other entertainment, she takes to shopping.
Instead of ridiculing her interests and the things that make her happy, consider joining her. God knows you could use another pair of pants. However, if she’s obsessed with shopping and it’s putting a dent in your budget, opt to have an honest and open conversation about it with her.
Related Reading: If you love me, set me free in the shopping mall
8. Things a husband should never say to his wife: Relax!
Statements like this or “calm down” or “you’re overreacting” send your message across loud and clear. Another one that’s filled with undertones of gaslighting, phrases like these are an attempt at dismissing the situation by discrediting her response to whatever upset her. You don’t get to decide how she reacts to something, refrain from ridiculing her for the same.
When your wife is clearly upset about something and you choose phrases like this, it shows her that you are belittling her stress. Not good, husbands.
9. You are acting like your mother!
The biggest no-no! When you say this to her, you are not just insulting your wife by comparing her to somebody else, you are also passing negative judgment on her mother and your mother-in-law! No matter how irritated you feel, don’t ever say this to your wife, unless you want to spend a whole year apologizing.
Since now you know these are the things you don’t say to your wife, hopefully, you don’t end up receiving the silent treatment without even knowing what you did wrong. Nobody said marriage is an easy thing to maintain. But the only way it can be happy and healthy for a long time is when two people accept each other the way they are.
When you’re trying to figure out what you should not tell your partner, think about the emotions behind what you’re saying. Are they coming from a place of sincerity and genuineness? Next, think about the sentence itself. Could it be hurtful? Is it attacking your partner? It may seem like too much work, but a good rule of thumb is to not say anything to your partner that you wouldn’t want to be said to you.
The best thing to do is communicate with your husband, let him know how he hurt you, and try to work on a solution together instead of pondering on the damage that’s already been caused. Instead of playing the blame game, try to figure out the answer to “What now?”