We’re all for open communication in an intimate relationship, but there are certain controversial relationship questions that might hurt or provoke your partner unnecessarily. You would not, for instance, ask them if they would choose you over their parents after marriage. Likewise, it is not a great idea to probe them over the level of intimacy they shared with their ex. We all have a past that we’d rather keep under wraps.
Now, you may be asking, ‘Isn’t it better to quell my curiosities and just ask the controversial relationship questions?’ Sure you could, but wouldn’t you rather have a great relationship than your curiosity satisfied?
Simon and Julia, a young couple in their early 30s, while discussing the secret of their healthy relationship pointed out that they make a lot of effort to avoid discussions that can take a toxic turn. “Prevention is better than cure, it is wise to avoid saying things which are controversial, or can turn so,” says Simon.
So, for a happy relationship, you might have to sacrifice your curiosity and avoid asking your partners certain questions.
21 Controversial Relationship Questions On Dating And Marriage
Every couple has tough relationship questions that need to be dealt with tactfully. Whosoever asks them can put the other person in a tricky situation. So, instead of snubbing the question itself or reprimanding the partner for having asked this, it is vital to introspect and respond appropriately so that a mere question does not put your relationship at peril.
Take Joanne and Mark for instance. They go for weekly walks each Saturday, near their home. These walks are usually more than hand-holding dates – they also deliberate over their relationship and talk over the week that went by. But they make sure to choose safe topics over controversial relationship questions that could unnerve the other person.
In other words, you may be dying to know if your partner’s ex really did that sex thing with them or not, but do yourself a favor and don’t ask. It is important to understand that most of these tricky love questions are potent enough to take you to hypothetical relationship scenarios and then spiral into ugly fights with your partner.
So, here are 21 controversial relationship questions you should avoid.
1. How serious and committed were you in your previous partnership?
Asking your partner about past relationships is always controversial. Whether they were committed or not, or how serious was that affair is a very touchy topic to discuss. Remember that bygones are bygones.
2. Is there anything you regret doing with me?
Asking your partner what they regret having done with you is likely to evoke responses which, more often than not, will be controversial. For instance, if they say that they regret meeting you the first time (even if said in good humor), you will likely be offended no end!
3. Do you believe in falling in love with more than one person at the same time?
If your partner is honest in their answer, and says yes, you will invariably judge them for having polygamous or polyamorous thoughts. Often times, some people do have idealistic views but so long as they do not act on these views, this should not cause any problems.
4. Would you contemplate keeping your relationship open?
This question can open a can of worms. If the partner says yes, you will perhaps judge them for promptly agreeing to it. Whereas if they say no, they could turn around and confront you for coming up with this idea.
5. Do you love your siblings more than you love me?
Comparing romantic love with sibling love is not a good idea at all. No matter how much you love each other, it cannot compare to the bond they share with the family, including their siblings. It’s a completely different kind of love, and it’s unfair to compare.
Related Reading: 12 Things To Do When Your Husband Chooses His Family Over You
6. Is there someone you would die for?
This is a very unusual thing to ask. In today’s practical world, dying for someone is not really an acceptable proposition. Posing such hypothetical questions is tricky and should be avoided.
7. What would you like to change about your body to feel more comfortable?
This is another touchy question that needs to be avoided with someone you get physically intimate with. Suzanne recalls how a similar question about her body type led to an acrimonious argument with her boyfriend of one year — Phillip. It took more than a week for things to go back to normal between them. Don’t comment or ask uncomfortable questions about a partner’s body. As long as their body frequently does nice things to yours, it’s all good!
Related reading: How To Deal With Body Shaming
8. What attracted you to me in the first place? Has that thing changed?
Rationally speaking, this is not an inappropriate question but more often than not, the old memories and preferences are more profound than present in romantic relationships – and can lead to needless arguments. Maybe they used to like your smile, and now they love that you never forget their favorite brand of chocolate when you go grocery shopping.
Change in a relationship doesn’t mean they love you less.
9. If you got to know that I am dating another person, what would you do?
This is another rabble-rousing topic that need to be kept at bay. Besides, this appears as more of a challenge to your partner than a polite query to evoke an answer. As long as you are both confident that you are dating exclusively, and not seeing other people, it is futile to bring up this topic.
10. Do you like to be pampered or be left alone when you’re feeling low?
This is a question few would like to answer. If your partner says that they would like to be left alone, following this advice would not stand you in good stead. And if you have a partner who wants to be pampered, they would ideally want you to realize this without it being spelled out.
11. When you met my parents for the first time, what annoyed you the most?
This has a giant ‘Danger’ sign all over it. And, you probably are aware that there some issues the first time you introduced your partner to parents. In response to this question, if your partner is completely truthful, you are likely to be angry if they say anything against your parents. So, it is better to avoid the question, and its aftermath, altogether unless you’re prepared to take the answer with a sense of humor.
12. What kind of parent do you think you would become?
This kind of question should be asked at a later stage when the relationship is mature and maybe marriage is just around the corner. Prior to that, it sounds contrived and can catch your partner off guard.
Related reading: 51 Deep Relationship Questions To Ask For A Better Love Life
13. If you want to ask me anything and want me to be truthful, what would that be?
A question cannot be more open ended than this. You could ask anything and everything under the sun under this vague umbrella. So, depending on what your partner wants you to admit, they can ask what they wish, including things you’d rather keep under wraps. Unless your life is like an open book, this question must be avoided.
14. Are you happy with the amount of time that we can spend without each other?
This is an interrogative form of a grumble and can lead to a form of blame game – as to who is responsible for not spending enough time. It is best to avoid this question as much as one can, unless you want to get into a long argument.
15. I want to experiment and intend to have an open relationship for some time. Would you be okay with that?
This is an acceptable question only when a refusal or an eventual breaking up of the relationship is acceptable to you. In most healthy relationships, this kind of question is not acceptable.
16. Would you end the relationship if you knew that I cheated in my previous relationship?
As they say ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’. Similarly, what happened in the previous relationship should stay there. It is a moot point to bring it up now and have a deliberation over it.
17. Would you forgive me if I told you that I slept with someone after getting drunk?
This is an acceptable question only when you are ready to forgive your partner in a similar situation. Unless it is asked on a lighter note, the question can evoke sharp reaction.
18. Shall I share my opinion on your best friend (while I do not have a high opinion)?
Unless asked, these questions are an invitation to trouble. We all are entitled to have our own opinions, but they need not be said all the time. You needn’t like the best friend, but maybe keep your thoughts to yourself.
19. Can we put the marriage plans on hold for some time (without a concrete reason)?
This is one of the less controversial relationship questions but unless there is a strong reason, such discussions only lead to intense arguments.
20. Would you ever want to leave me for someone who makes more money than I do?
Money may be important to most of us, but not everyone acknowledges it. And it is futile to beckon trouble by broaching these hypothetical questions.
Related Reading: Would You Choose Money Over Love?
There is no foolproof way to gauge someone’s reaction to money, and it may change over the years. Also, there’s no telling whether or not someone will at any point in live decide that money is more important. Don’t go there!
21. Do you still check on your ex on social media?
Oh boy, this is always a sticky one. In every relationship, each partner needs some space and privacy. What they do in that time is their prerogative. Even if they tend to check their ex’s social media activity, the chances are that they are never going to reveal it. So, why does one need to ask?
Asking these 21 controversial relationship questions is sensible only when you are not too sensitive, and are ready to bear any response or the damage that will ensue. On the other hand, if you are faint-hearted and cannot face some of the scenarios that might arise in response to these complicated relationship questions, then it is better to play safe and not ask them in the first place.
Maria and Christina share an interesting tip to prevent controversial relationship scenarios, which is to assess your partner’s mood and their reaction to similar questions in the past to determine what to ask, and more importantly, whether to ask or not? The response to such questions should ideally be seen as a revelation of sorts.
One must be mindful of the fact that in some scenarios, these new revelations can drive a wedge between you and your partner, so it is better to keep some of your curiosities under the cloak of mystery, and not pose them as questions before your partner. Ever.