Breakups hurt, it’s worse when it’s long distance
Long distance relationships are one of the most debated things when it comes to the world of love. The idea that two people could continue an intimate relationship without being in physical proximity to each other seems so mind-boggling to most of us, and yet many of us continue to do it. The main fear that drives this debate is the doomsday clock on the relationship that people feel is set off as soon as a relationship becomes long distance. The fact that distance means things will end drives most of the conversation and sure enough physical evidence shows up to prove what people think. It is in the case of such failed relationships that we can see certain common thoughts that people have after a breakup. Breakups, which are never easy, seem to get more ghastly if they happen when two people aren’t in the same city. The doubt, denial, heartbreak is amplified.
1. Was he/she cheating?
The most common thought that people have when they are dumped while going the distance is doubt. Especially regarding their partner’s faithfulness. As more and more experts talk of the redundancy of monogamy, it is in a long distance relationship that monogamy really comes under the microscope. It is natural when there is no way of physical surveillance for a person to feel that maybe they got dumped because their ex-was indeed cheating on them.
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2. They will come back
Denial is one of the major steps of grief and it is at this step that people tend to think that their ex might return to them, beg their forgiveness and they will get back together. There are of course people who do get back together with their exes after a breakup, but it is rare, and more so when the two people are not in the same place.
3. Am I not attractive?
Being dumped in any relationship usually triggers self-doubt. All of one’s insecurities come up like a tidal wave and people often tend to ask themselves whether they are attractive or not after a breakup. Attraction in a romantic relationship is subjective, and people often don’t know the real answer to the question. We look at our partners to reassure us about our bodies and minds and souls and being dumped can put a question mark on all of that at once.
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4. What went wrong?
The extra effort in communication that long distance relationships usually require can often lead to miscommunication. This applies to breakups too. If the person wasn’t clear about why they were ending the relationship if they were cowards who sent a text instead of telling you on the phone or on Skype if they didn’t explain themselves, the confusion that this can cause sometimes never goes away. This can be especially painful, because apart from being heartbroken, not knowing why becomes an added burden. Human beings like to know everything; they like control even in heartbreak and thus their minds grasp the question ‘What went wrong?’ repeatedly after a breakup.
5. I hate the city they went to
One may also react to being dumped in a long distance relationship by developing irrational hatred towards the city that their ex-moved to. People like having something to blame when things go wrong and a new city can be the villain that took their partner away in this narrative.
6. The new friends are the problem
Another villain in the post-breakup narrative can be the new friends one’s ex-makes in a different city. Often these conversations revolve around the point that things and people changed after the distance grew and various things contributed to that change. Seeing the new friends your ex-made after moving as one of these contributors is a natural thought.
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7. Stalking the new people
Heartbreak makes people do crazy things. Going through the social media profiles of your ex and their friends in the new city is one of the crazy things. The doubt that creeps in after the breakup demands answers and somehow people think that the social media narratives that we all create can provide them.
8. Maybe a meeting will fix this
Another crazy idea that crops up in people’s head tells them that maybe if you just meet your ex, go visit them, that things can go back to the way they were. You must remember that such behaviour is verging on stalking and even if your ex-invites you to meet, it might not be healthy for your emotional health. If things don’t work out even after the meeting, the resulting disappointment can be crushing.
9. Blame the distance
One of the things that people tend to go back to is this perceived common knowledge about distance never working. While there could be a lot of villains in the love story that was, distance often takes the top spot. This is also why many couples break up if one of them is moving away.
In rare cases, after mourning the relationship, people move on to acceptance rather quickly. When one reaches this stage, it is usually because they have seen the cracks in the pavement for a while, and have known that the relationship was slowly fizzling out. In this case, this can offer each other grace and know that it was only a matter of time and who would break up first.
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