12 tips to cope when dating a workaholic
“Honey I’ve got caught up at work. Can we please do this another day?”, is something you might hear all too much if you are indeed, dating a workaholic.
How many times has your boyfriend canceled plans because he is “still stuck at work”? You get ready and eagerly wait for him to pick you up, to go out on that date night which you only get to do once a week. But instead, you pick up his apology call telling you how sorry he is for being caught up at work, and how it’s impossible for him to make it.
Being in a relationship with a man who is practically married to his work is a lonely ride. You don’t feel the warmth of your partner’s presence anymore and even when he is around, he acts distant and keeps thinking about his work. It almost feels like you are in a long-distance relationship when it’s actually not one at all.
In such cases, you almost WISH there was another girl in the picture. At least that way, you would have had to compete with an actual person!
Are You Dating A Workaholic?
Well, it is not hard for you to pick up signs from someone who neglects you for his work and admitting, “My boyfriend is a workaholic”. Dating a workaholic is something that girlfriends usually avoid at all costs because they like their partners to pamper them and give them attention. I mean, that’s the point of relationships right? Sharing love, spending quality time, and finding ways to be with each other?
Well even though that may sound like the ideal situation, love works in mysterious ways and you have to adjust to what you’ve signed up for. You’re not going to always get what you want because we really can’t choose who we fall in love with. So it is entirely possible that you will end up dating a workaholic once or twice in your life. But to confirm the same, here are the signs of a workaholic you should be aware of:
- Work is always their priority: The need to succeed and keep striving for more is what drives them towards their work and gets them addicted to it. They might try to console you by saying that you are their priority, but isn’t it obvious what it actually is?
- They get paranoid when they don’t work: Whether they are sick or on holiday, the fact that they are not working agitates them and makes them nervous and fidgety
- They are unable to separate their personal and professional lives: When dating a workaholic, you will notice that work always comes home with them. Workaholics are so obsessed with their work that they cannot draw a line between their personal and professional lives
- They love being perfectionists: They take control of things because they know that they are the best at what they do (which they actually are). They are never satisfied with their achievements and there is never a stop to their work and their goals
- You feel that you are talking to the wall: There are so many things you want to share with your partner, but he is too engrossed in his work to listen to what you have to say. A good listener is something he has never been. If you ask him to say something, he will keep giving references to his work or ignore you because he’s too busy thinking about it
It is as if life beyond his work does not exist. And we don’t blame you for saying, “My boyfriend is a workaholic and it is absolutely exhausting”.
Related Reading: 7 things you will relate to if you are a working couple
12 Coping Tips When Dating A Workaholic Man
A workaholic wires his brain in a way so as to focus on his work to make it his utmost priority, even at the cost of ignoring you. In the attempt of doing so, he gets so involved in his work life that his obsession for work overpowers other emotions, which in turn makes him less responsive to actual feelings in your relationship. All these emotions are present, but at a lower level and usually activate when it is somehow related to work.
Is your partner happier when he does well in his presentation or is he happier when you throw him a surprise birthday party?
Where there is a relationship, there are sacrifices and a lot of compromises as well. Your relationship faces many challenges and at times you see everything falling apart. His work commitments always seem to overpower your relationship and you don’t feel that you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t value you as much as he needs to.
Well, no relationship is perfect, let us tell you that. But if you want to make it work, then these 12 coping tips will help you adjust with a workaholic. How to date a workaholic to make the most of your relationship? We will tell you, down below.
1. Work out a schedule between the two of you
Workaholics are unable to balance work with their personal life and thus mess up their schedules. In order to correct that, you can ask your partner or his assistant for his schedule and try to tally it with yours. After comparing the two, you can work out a flexible schedule where both of you can spend time with each other without the fear of hampering any work commitment of his.
Always make some room for work emergencies, because you know that they are going to come up.
2. Understanding is important
Men expect you to understand them even when they don’t say much out loud because they are not very vocal about their feelings. You need to understand how important his work is for his professional life to flourish. Trying to understand his side of the story will help you understand why he needs to be a workaholic.
If you understand him and give him space, he too will acknowledge your sacrifices sooner or later, and maybe even realize how he has been neglecting you.
3. Give him small, sweet surprises
So, it’s a Tuesday and you learned that you have some time on your hands because your boss is away. You checked in with your boyfriend and realized that he is free too and not having such a busy day. When that is the case, you should definitely try to go to his office and surprise him! You can also go during his lunch hours and have lunch with him. Occasional gifts and small surprises are something guys secretly like.
4. How to date a workaholic? Don’t let work hamper his off days
Instead of focussing on all your workaholic relationship problems, think about what you can do to turn those around. This, is an important step to do the same. Set a rule that off days are meant for the two of you. Tell him up front that whatever work he has should be finished the previous day so that his mind doesn’t get diverted with his work when you two are together. Tell him that a full day off is something every girlfriend whose boyfriend is married to his work deserves.
Related Reading: How to romance your busy partner
5. Don’t nag at him when he’s too busy
He goes through a lot of pressure at work which drains him out, you know that. After that, if you nag at him, call him names or blame him he will either get frustrated or his morale will go down thinking that he’s not able to handle everything that well. Instead of nagging at him or being rude, go easy on him and try to make him understand things in a calm manner. He will respond more positively to that.
6. Talk to him about it
Two-way communication is important in every relationship. Talk to him about how you feel and make him understand your perspective. He must know how much he is putting you through by taking you for granted. Tell him that he too needs to cooperate with you. Talk to him and try to work things out.
7. Try to understand his industry and don’t just call it ‘workaholic relationship problems’
At times, when two people are from different industries, it is difficult for one partner to understand the other because he/she is only seeing one side of the coin. You may thnk all you’re dealing with is dating a workaholic or call it workaholic relationship problems, but in reality, he’s not busy because he wants to be. He’s busy because he has no choice!
By researching your partner’s job responsibilities and the challenges of his industry, you will be able to understand why your partner has to be on his feet all day, and why perhaps he is not able to make enough time for you. Dig deep into what his industry is really like. Is he a lawyer? Or is a doctor on call? It will help you understand his perspective better.
8. Acknowledge the fact that dating a workaholic is going to be like this
‘How to date a workaholic?’ is sometimes about mere acceptance that you are in fact, in a relationship with one. Stop expecting so much, and start accepting things the way that they are. Sometimes, expecting that your partner will change is what frustrates you even more. When expectations come crashing down, you feel frustrated and it spoils your relationship even further. You need to accept the fact that some things are never going to change, so it’s useless to expect them to do so. Ask yourself, is it worth dating a workaholic? if you answered that in the affirmative, then just learn to accept the truth and work with it.
9. Go to a counselor to further deal with your feelings
There are times when the two of you cannot take it anymore and the relationship becomes suffocating. You both can’t be around each other but also don’t want to do it without each other. In such cases, workaholic relationship advice is important from an expert who understands both perspectives and can guide you on what to do next. So when things seem really bad, then you should go to a relationship counselor and work things out using their help. You will be surprised why you didn’t think of it in the first place.
10. Keep yourself busy
If your partner is busy, it doesn’t mean that you don’t get to or should not have a life of your own. Get involved with your own life and spend some ‘me time’ to reconnect with yourself. Focus on yourself rather than your relationship, it will help make things clearer for you. Spending time away from your partner is at times important to embrace your individual self and build your own identity.
Related Reading: 10 signs you need counselling to fix your marriage
11. Use technology to stay connected when dating a workaholic long-distance
Thanks to our pals WhatsApp, Facebook, and Skype, you can always stay connected to your loved ones, despite however far away they may be from you. With the help of technology and all our smartphone apps, you can always stay in touch with your partner even on days you are not able to meet him. Staying away won’t pinch that much when you both engage in regular video calls or exchange Snapchats with each other throughout the day. When dating a workaholic long-distance, make sure to go the extra mile to keep the relationship going, or else it may turn into a dead-end relationship too quickly.
12. Try to change your perspective
On days that you frustratingly ask yourself questions like, ‘Is he a workaholic or just not interested?’ and consider ending the relationship, do all that you can to change that mindset to stop thinking so negatively. Dating a workaholic might not have been something you were prepared to do but you already are. Since you are still going on with it, you could think of changing your perspective about workaholics instead. You can see the positive aspects of a workaholic and put yourself in their shoes.
By doing so, you will be able to understand their psychology better and you might realize that it’s not too bad after all. It’s your response to it that matters and makes a huge difference.
Is It Worth Dating A Workaholic?
Are there really any benefits of dating a workaholic? Or is it worth dating a workaholic in the long run?
This depends on the relationship. Every individual has different priorities and different ideas of a perfect relationship and hence it differs from person to person. For a couple that consists of both partners being workaholics, this is never a problem because they belong to the same mindset and are therefore on the same page about many things.
For a woman who wants her man to be there for constant emotional and mental support, dating a workaholic isn’t a very good idea, because she will want things that he might not be able to give. If you are someone who is patient and understanding, dating a workaholic wouldn’t be bad for you because you would be able to work your way around it. It all depends on which one of these you are, and how much you might be able to handle. You might even see many benefits of dating a workaholic and actually enjoy it!
Know your priorities and expectations from a relationship and then decide for yourself. It’s very easy to say things like, ‘Is he a workaholic or not interested?’ and just walk away from the relationship. But do know, that just because he’s a workaholic, does not mean he doesn’t love you. It’s just that this relationship brings a unique set of challenges. Don’t go into something without knowing its stakes, because it will end up hurting you and you will be filled with regret. Know what you are getting into before your relationship is headed for its doom. Ask yourself whether it is what you want, and more importantly, what you deserve, and then decide. You know what is right for you, and that may or be may not include dating a workaholic.
The primary thing that is affected in a relationship when one is a workaholic, is spending time. Lack of time can make the other person feel loved and you two may eventually even start drifting apart.
If you are particularly someone who needs a lot of time and energy in a relationship, then dating a workaholic might not be for you. Workaholics will choose their work over you any day, that’s the bottom line of it. If you can’t handle that, you should not date one.