Dating is a tricky business. Dating in your 30s as a man is even trickier. Half the time you are worried if you are good enough for the other person and the other half is spent wondering if there’s someone better out there. You can add to that the fear of growing old all alone when dating in your 30s as a man. Ah! insecurities, expectations, and existentialism, where would we be without them? Probably someplace happier, I bet.
Anyway, if dating is so hard, then why do we bother with it? Because life is hard too. And if dating offers you a chance of finding someone who makes your life better, well then, isn’t it worth the effort? It doesn’t matter whether you are in your twenties or thirties.
Besides, the thirties are the new twenties. Or so they say. I don’t presume to know why two decades of the global demographic have decided to switch spots. But when it comes to dating in your 30s as a man, the thirties are DEFINITELY the new twenties.
As your thirties set in, so does the fear of being lonely for the rest of your life. Of course, there is no one correct age to find a life partner. Things happen differently and at different times for different people. But dating in your 30s as a man comes with special benefits.
Career-wise, most of us are in a solid space at this time. On the personal front, we have a much better understanding of ourselves and our needs by now. These two factors make up for the lower energy levels and freedom that you had during your twenties.
15 Crucial Tips For Dating In Your 30s As A Man
Understanding how to date in your 30s as a man is key to getting the most out of it. For one thing, the dating timeline in your 30s is very different from that in your 20s. You can’t afford to spend as much time on a relationship that isn’t going anywhere.
Another important thing to remember about how to date in your 30s as a man is that you must have clarity. Dating in your 30s as a man after divorce, especially, means that you should have figured out what you need from your partner.
If you are troubled by questions like, “What are the chances of finding love after 30?” or, “Is it hard for men to date in their 30s?”, then you have come to the right place. Let’s take a look at the 15 crucial tips for dating in your 30s as a man, all listed below.
1. Move ahead with clarity
Mason, 34, “I have been in three serious relationships in my life. All three had a rather ugly end. Now, I realize why. I just wasn’t clear about what I wanted from any of those relationships”.
Mason’s plight isn’t uncommon. In fact, ‘not knowing what one really wants in a relationship’ might be the biggest hurdle in dating in your 30s as a man.
When you are young – early to mid-20s – your priorities are based on pleasure-seeking. As you mature, the priorities shift towards what you need to be happy. So, while a ‘wild, hot chick’ might have been your type at one time, your preferences in your 30s could be the opposite. To maximize your chances of finding love after 30, it is crucial you thoroughly understand your new preferences.
Once you have clarity about what you need out of a relationship, prioritize it above all else. There’s a fair chance one of the relationships you start in your 30s might last for a lifetime. You would want to get into it with a clear vision.
Related Reading: 13 Sure-Shot Signs A Casual Relationship Is Getting Serious
2. Learn from the past, then let it go
Most people in their 30s have had their share of dating woes, viz. cheating, toxic relationships, ugly breakups, etc. If you are dating in your 30s as a man after divorce, the experience might have been much more painful. But age always comes with experience, good and bad. The key is to make both kinds work for you.
When you are dating in your 30s as a man after a breakup, you are seen as someone with baggage. Most of your dates would be interested to know about your previous relationship experience.
Now, there are two ways to go about this. One, you talk about why things didn’t work out with the ex and sound like someone who is still not over their previous relationship while also incapable of accepting their faults. Two, you focus on what you learned from your previous relationships and how they helped you grow as a person. Not exactly a head-scratcher, is it?
It’s not just about what you say to your dates. All your dating experience until now is a database to be studied. Sure, it might be difficult thinking about all that stuff again. But if you look at your past dealings as lessons, you could not only learn from them but also get over them permanently.
3. Stay foolish, stay vulnerable
“If you expect disappointment, then you can never really be disappointed”. Not exactly the best Spiderman quote out there – we all know which one’s the best, don’t we? – but Zendaya’s MJ does make a compelling case.
Going through the heartbreaks of failed relationships takes its toll. Eventually, you start desensitizing yourself to the pain. But that’s not really a solution. If you desensitize yourself to the pain of losing someone, you also give up on the happiness of connecting with another soul.
Connecting with someone requires you to be truly open with them. Being honest and forthcoming isn’t enough. You need to expose your vulnerabilities to that person. This makes you susceptible to getting hurt, but opening yourself to the right person is an amazing feeling. And by the time you reach your 30s, you develop a good sense of who is good for you and who isn’t.
The more willing you are to open up to people, the greater are the chances of finding love after 30.
4. Don’t rush it
This advice may seem counterproductive at first. We have already established that you need to be mindful of the dating timeline in your 30s. But that does not mean you have to rush things. Being deliberate about what you want is not the same as being in a hurry to get them.
My cousin, Steve, is an investment banker. He is the guy everyone in the family turns to for planning things. From charting out the investment plan for our grandma’s retirement to planning vacations and get-togethers, Steve is the man. Naturally, he had a meticulous life plan ready since he was a teenager. Education, work, retirement, marriage, the whole deal.
Most of his plan actually panned out quite well. Except for the relationships part. The girl he had planned to marry, broke up with him last year. Suddenly, Steve found himself crossing his 30s and without a life partner. Steve is an ideal match for most women. He takes charge, knows what he wants, and isn’t afraid to go after it. Yet, when he jumped into the dating scene, repeated disappointments came his way.
The problem was Steve’s haste to fulfill his plan. He expected every date to be a step towards marriage. Relationships don’t work like that. Sure, you need to know what you want and move toward it. But it is equally important to not rush things. Feelings, especially, need time to blossom. If you don’t see a future with the person you are dating, move on. But if you do, then enjoy your time with them and let the future come to you.
Related Reading: Relationship Insecurity – Meaning, Signs And Effects
5. Get over the divorce stigma
When you are dating in your 30s as a man, expect to come across a good number of divorced women. Things might be complicated at first; comparison with their previous better-half, sharing custody of children, etc. But that does not take away from the fact that the person is divorced and ready to move on in their new life.
Dating a divorcee has its plus side as well. People who end their marriages, often have very clear reasons to do so. It means that they know what they are looking for. So, when a divorcee shows interest in you, they see something they strongly value.
Similarly, dating in your 30s as a man after divorce should not be considered a position of disadvantage. Divorce is not a failure but a courageous step toward a happier life. See it as such in yourself and others.
6. Be flexible when it comes to age
Age is of much less consequence when looking for a dating partner in your 30s. Factors like maturity, health, life values, etc. will make a greater impact on your life together.
When you are dating in your 30s as a man, you are already standing on the edge of conventional romance. So, it makes no sense to restrict your dating to the conventional age group. This is not to say that you must look for a big age gap between you and your dates. But dating someone 4-5 years older or younger than you is perfectly fine.
Don’t make the mistake of missing out on an amazing person, just because they belong to a different age group. Relationships are about connecting on emotional and mental levels, and that can happen with anyone, anywhere, and at any age.
7. Learn to express yourself
The ability to convey your feelings is what makes or breaks a relationship. Expressing yourself clearly is a significant part of how to date in your 30s as a man. It becomes even more important when you find yourself a potential life partner. The two of you should be able to communicate freely without the fear of hurting each other or being misunderstood.
When you are dating in your 30s as a man, you are going to have many difficult conversations when things start to get serious with someone. If you are dating in your 30s as a man after divorce, the need for effective communication increases. It could be about future goals, finances, the possibility of marriage, past relationships, etc. Basically, every aspect of your life is open to discussion. So, it would serve you well to know how best to express yourself honestly.
8. Don’t try to change who you are
It’s never a good idea to project a personality that is not your own. Even more so, when you have spent half your life being you. Changing your fundamental nature to find your soulmate is a self-contradictory effort. How could someone be right for you when they have never even met your true self?
There will be times when you would need to make sacrifices for the relationship, put your partner’s preferences ahead of yours, or do some things that you don’t particularly enjoy. That’s fine. As long as, similar efforts are being made from the other side. But if you find yourself suppressing your true nature around your partner, then something is amiss. The fear of being judged or misunderstood has no place in a healthy, mature relationship.
Related Reading: 5 Ways Being Honest With Yourself Will Help You Understand Your Relationship Better
9. Be realistic
You don’t need to settle for someone you don’t like. No matter what your age is. A relationship based on one too many compromises always ends up being miserable for both persons involved. However, there is a fine line between compromising and being realistic.
Dating in your 30s as a man comes with certain limitations. You are probably not as energetic or as fit as you were in a decade ago. Similarly, women experience physical and mental changes as well. Learn about them. Understand what to expect from a woman in her thirties.
A healthy relationship is based on fulfilling certain needs and bringing out the best in each other. Undue expectations are a burden no adult relationship can bear.
10. Drop the bachelor-for-life attitude
There are many great things about dating in your 30s as a man. Casual hookups, however, don’t rank high on that list. Women at this stage of their life are usually looking for a potential life partner, rather than a friend with benefits. So, is it hard for men to date in their 30s? No, it isn’t. Provided, they are looking for a genuine relationship.
When you start dating in your 30s as a man, you need to be ready for a commitment. More importantly, you need to project that dependability. If the women you are dating think you are a flight-risk or not ready for a serious relationship, they are going to be put off.
11. Take charge
You are still learning the way of the world in your twenties. You are still figuring out yourself, your likes and dislikes, and, most importantly, what you want. And that reflects in your relationships as well. It’s understandable to not be sure of yourself during this phase. But the paradigm changes when you are dating in your 30s as a man.
You truly become your own man once your 30s set in. You have a much deeper understanding of yourself and a better experience of how the world works. These two aspects are most important for women at this stage of their life. They desire someone who will take charge of his life, stand up for what he believes in and be ready to take the lead.
12. Learn to say ‘no’
“I agree, movie-night should be rom-com night.”
“No problem, I can cancel the plans with my friends.”
“It’s okay. You carry on with the girls’ night out, we can have our date later.”
The guy sounds like a complete pushover, doesn’t he? Trust me, I’d know. I am that guy. Or at least, I was. The funny thing is, most of my friends weren’t all that different. You would be surprised how easily men forsake their likes and dislikes in new relationships. And that’s where the problem lies.
The most common mistake guys make in their early dating phase is to never say ‘no’ to a woman. Their rationale is that it’s better to be easy to get along with and also avoid unnecessary arguments. But in doing so, they come off as weak and docile. Not exactly a desirable pair of qualities in a man in his twenties. And almost a deal-breaker when the man is in his 30s.
Taking charge is not that complicated. Just be open and straightforward with your date, without worrying how it would make you look. Of course, be polite while doing so. Women want a man with a strong spine, not a dirty mouth.
Related Reading: 15 Signs You Are In A Serious Relationship
13. Make dating a priority
Chances of finding love after 30 depend on how much you are willing to adapt. Dating in your 30s as a man, usually, means you are ready to find a suitable partner and start a committed relationship with them. If you agree, then it is time you refocus your priorities.
People who wonder, “Is it hard for men to date in their 30s”, often miss out on the most important aspect of life in their 30s. Time. Most of us have a full-time profession on our hands and what little time remains after that is usually distributed among family, friends, and social commitments.
You must put dating among your top 3 priorities in life. It will probably cause some friction. The existing people in your life might accuse you of having changed as a person. Your social commitments might take a back-seat too. But if you are serious about finding love in your 30s, then something’s got to give.
14. Readjust to the new playing field
In your 20s, you might have had a great relationship with the most beautiful women in your circle, or perhaps, you never had any luck with women at all. In your 30s, neither will make much difference.
Dating in your 30s as a man comes with unique challenges and opportunities. For example, the number of women available to date will probably be lesser than before. After all, the average age range by which women get married is 27-28. So, a lot of women, who might have been on the dating scene during your 20s, are spoken for by now.
But at the same time, women who are looking to date will be more open to proposals. As we have already discussed, women have very different needs and expectations from a man in his 30s than in his 20s. And not much of it is influenced by your looks or what car you drive. So, if you can capitalize on the desirable qualities you do have as a good, dependable man, then you might have a better shot at dating now than you did a decade ago.
15. Embrace the digital dating scene
Most of you probably didn’t have the full benefit of dating apps during your 20s. It would be wise to take advantage of that benefit when dating as a man in your 30s. Using dating apps is by far the best way to meet people in present times. If you are looking to maximize your chances of finding love after 30, dating apps are a must-have.
Becoming a part of the digital dating scene is pretty simple. Choose the app that fits best with your style and preferences. Create a profile with some basic information and a bunch of cool photos of yourself. And start swiping! That’s it.
Now, here are some pro tips:
- Get the premium version. You can afford it and you need it
- Be transparent about your age and past relationships. If you are dating in your 30s as a man after breakup, this tip will definitely help you in the long run
- Try out multiple apps to enjoy a wider range of options
- Embrace the new dating game. Don’t waste time worrying if you will be able to adapt. It’s just a means to an end
A word of caution: Dating apps can be quite addictive. So, when you find someone interesting, try to meet on real dates. Dating apps are there to help you with your dating efforts, not replace them.
Related Reading: Best Dating App Conversation Starters That Work Like A Charm
Well, that’s all folks! These are the most important things to remember when dating in your 30s as a man. Now, if you ever come across someone asking, “Is it hard for men to date after 30?”, you know exactly where to send them. As for you, remember that dating takes effort and patience, but more than that it needs love and appreciation. So, till you find that special someone, practice appreciating yourself. After all, you are special too.
Dating in your 30s as a man is considerably different than dating at a younger age. But different doesn’t always mean more difficult. Dating in your 30s a man after breakup is nowhere as uncommon or difficult as it seems. Once you understand the basics of how dating works, adapting it to your age becomes easy. Dating in your 30s, in fact, has quite a few advantages as mentioned in the article above. Besides, people find the love of their life at all ages, why should your 30s be any different?
The very first thing you must understand is that being single is nothing you need to cope with. It is a way of life as beautiful as being in a relationship. Being alone and being lonely are two very different things. If you are happy in the former scenario, great! But if you find yourself feeling lonely at times, then you can always reconnect with your friends and family, or develop hobbies or just try your luck in the dating game. However, do not think that being single is in any way a lesser lifestyle.
Unlike women, men’s expectations from relationships or dating in general, don’t vary considerably with age. This is not to say, they don’t need a partner with a similar maturity level and emotional quotient. But that is true for men at most stages of their life. Aside from being attracted to a woman’s looks, men also pay a great deal of attention to qualities such as kindness and emotional warmth. If anything, the latter two become far more important to men than looks as their 30s set in.