Rushing into a relationship: a dreaded move that often ends up ruining something extremely special with a potential partner. When you enter a new relationship, everything seems exciting. You are eager to learn more about your partner’s likes and dislikes, there’s a connection, there’s a spark, and all of it seems like rainbows and sparkles. You’re practically imagining spending a lifetime with them.
You might be thinking about moving in with your partner or even getting married to them. But wait, pause for a while. You’ve only been on a couple of dates. You might think everything is great and it’s logical to plan a future with them, at least in your head, but is it the right move? Is it possible that you are rushing into commitment?
8 Signs You Are Rushing In A Relationship
Going all-out in a new relationship might seem very romantic. After all, in the beginning, everything is exciting, and the honeymoon phase of any relationship can be a whirlwind of heady romance. You see everything with rose-tinted lenses, and you also spend so much time together initially that it gives you the feeling that you’ve found the one.
The truth is falling in love is like eating a delicious dessert. You are supposed to savor it and enjoy every bite. When you don’t savor the different stages of intimacy in a relationship, you risk cutting corners in building a strong foundation on which a lasting relationship rests. In a hurry to secure a future with your partner, you may break the relationship before it is even built properly.
Although you feel like you see a soulmate in your partner, you need to avoid rushing into a relationship. If you’re wondering whether or not you are rushing in a relationship, here are some signs to look out for:
1. Your comfort level with them is not at its peak
Do you often find yourself monitoring your actions around your partner? Are you often on your toes to be on your best behavior? If you are nodding yes, then you are rushing into a relationship.
One of the major reasons why you should never rush into a relationship is because you will never know how to really be yourself in front of your partner. This can manifest in things big and small, from not being able to speak your mind to always going the extra mile to look your best out of the fear that your partner would think you are not attractive enough otherwise.
Unless you have seen each other at your worst, warts and all, and choose to stick by nonetheless, you can be sure you’re rushing into a relationship before either of you is ready to take the plunge.
That was exactly the case with Martha and George. Martha felt that George was the perfect guy, and in order to not lose him, she began pretending. She would let things go, not get angry, not even take off her lipstick. Eventually, George began taking her for granted, which made Marsha more and more temperamental. They eventually decided to part ways.
Related Reading: Are You Falling In Love Too Fast? 8 Reasons You Should Slow Down
2. Your relationship is backed by selfish motives
From craving emotional dependency to the desperate need for financial security, when guys try to rush into relationships or girls settle for someone who’s not good enough for them, it is often backed by some selfish motive.
There are several hobosexuals out there, getting into a relationship only to have a place to stay. Then there are gold diggers who only want money. There are instances of emotional abusers as well. The truth is, they are all extremely charming and will make you rush into a relationship with them.
However, if you look closely, there will always be subtle red flags telling you they’re trying to rush a relationship for emotional or financial reasons. You need to watch out for these or the consequences can be dire. From losing out on money to losing on your own identity, a relationship with ulterior motives can drain you of more than just your emotions.
3. One of you has mentioned love before you know the other’s last name
Samantha and Josh went on three dates and they clicked really well. Both of them felt the spark and realized that they like spending time together. However, Samantha ended up blurting out “I love you” to Josh at the end of the third day, and Josh, unfortunately, immediately took flight.
This incident may make you wonder why do females rush into relationships, but it could happen to anybody. People often tend to confuse infatuation with love and drop the L-bomb before they have had the chance to know anything about the other person.
Saying ‘I love you’ too soon can be disastrous. Even if you strongly feel attracted to your potential partner, make sure you’re in love before rushing into a relationship.
4. Oversharing every little detail is a practice
Why rushing into a relationship is bad? Well, because then, you end up trusting a person before you get a chance to know them, and they may end up taking advantage of you.
When you meet someone new and you are not romantically attracted to them, you would not trust them with your secrets, right? You will have your apprehensions. Then why would you trust someone so much just because you are attracted to them? They are still new, and they are still not worthy of your complete trust.
Sharing every little detail is a scary sign of rushing into a relationship, because you may think you can trust them, and your partner could end up manipulating or gaslighting you as it suits them to keep you in their control.
5. You’re talking about being exclusive way too soon
Let’s face it, we live in the 21st century, and everybody is allowed to take their time, date around, see if it is working out, and then become exclusive. We do not need to demand commitment after the first few dates.
It is a reasonable expectation to put off exclusivity until you have established a certain comfort level and feel strongly about each other. When you truly enjoy someone’s company, you would want that company to be around you forever. However, have you paused and thought if they feel the same way? What if they need space and time?
If you want to avoid rushing in a relationship, stop all those talks about making it exclusive on the fifth date and take it slow. Let your potential mate know you and take your time in knowing them better. Look for the signs you’re ready for an exclusive relationship, before taking that leap.
6. You’re discussing the future without even meeting their friends yet
Keith and Carla recently got into a relationship. They hit it off well and the spark was definitely there. However, Carla got too serious too soon. In her head, Keith was ‘the one’. The catch is they were only a month into the relationship and Keith was so unsure that he hadn’t even introduced Carla to his friends.
Believe it or not, this is a classic sign of rushing into a relationship. Say you are attracted to your partner and believe they are the perfect match for you, and see yourself getting married to them someday. But are they equally sure about you?
Your partner may not respond to your thoughts. They may want to take their time in creating a strong relationship, and that is a far better approach than rushing into a relationship.
If you are already having conversations about where you want to marry and how many kids you are going to have with your partner, pause for a moment, take advice from someone you know, take it slow, and don’t rush into a relationship.
Related Reading: Your Guide To Relationship Timelines And What They Mean For You
7. You learn new things about them and are shocked about it
Joey fell head over heels in love with Lorelai. So much so that he was convinced he knew her inside out simply because they stayed up and talked a couple of nights. One of those times, Joey said something playfully, Lorelai got offended and threw her coffee cup against the wall. Needless to say, Joey was in utter shock.
One of the major reasons why you should never rush into a relationship is because you may feel like you know your partner really well, but you don’t. You may know the good parts but you won’t know what they are like when they are angry, upset, vulnerable or hurt.
Yes, there is a certain joy to discovering new things about each other, and you may be delighted to find out that your partner is half-Italian or they can speak fluent French. But if you are already discussing moving in together when you’re still learning these things about one another, then you are rushing in your relationship.
8. Your other relationships have taken a backseat in your life
Cassandra was love-struck when she met Blake, and suddenly, her entire life revolved around him. So much so that her love for her newfound boyfriend took up her entire time and her friends stopped hanging out with her. Did reading this suddenly make you realize that your friends haven’t called you in a while? That, right there, is proof that many people, women especially, tend to rush into relationships and make them their whole life.
Personal space in relationships is essential but rushing into one robs you of the chance to reach a comfort level where you can foster enough room for both partners to thrive as individuals. Why do women rush into relationships, you ask? It’s because they fail to see anything apart from their love and everything else takes a backseat.
If reading these signs has brought you to the realization, “I guess I am rushing into my relationship, but I can’t help it, I am really falling in love with them”, then you need to read these 5 reasons why you should not rush into a relationship.
5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Rush In A Relationship
There are multiple reasons why you should never rush a relationship. Apart from the stress, it will put you through, it will also freak your partner out and leave you single before you can even think about calling them ‘boo’. Apart from the fact that you would overwork yourself in the relationship, you might even lose out on the spark or never have the chance to truly build a strong connection with your partner.
Often, the worst part is that you do not realize that you are rushing into a relationship. After all, everything seems so perfect when you begin dating someone that you want to make the most of it by spending every second either thinking about your partner or being with them.
When it feels so good, jumping a few hoops may seem totally harmless, except it’s not. Here are 5 reasons you shouldn’t rush in a relationship:
1. One of you will eventually get bored really quickly
If you rush into a relationship, chances are that one of you will get bored after the initial rush of romance fades off. If you don’t have enough common ground to connect over, you may soon run out of reasons that keep you pulling back to each other once the honeymoon phase is over.
The conversations might not seem interesting anymore and the spark might just die down. It will eventually lead to heartbreak and nobody wants that. To save yourself from all this pain, avoid rushing into a relationship.
2. Your partner could turn out to be someone you never thought they could be
You think your partner is this sweet, caring, loving person. But when the going gets tough, the unpleasant sides to their personality may rear their ugly head. You may notice that they get violent when they get upset, or they may turn out to be the extremely jealous and controlling kind.
Remember the Joey and Lorelai incident earlier in the article? Exactly that. You may think you know a person well because you have spent a couple of nights full of vulnerability, but there is so much about a person you cannot know so soon.
Knowing a person inside out takes a lot of time and effort, and there is really no shortcut to it. When guys try to rush into relationships or girls overlook the obvious red flags, they eventually realize that their partners could be putting up a façade of sweetness and that never ends well.
Related Reading: The 12 Stages Of Relationship Development – Explained
3. Your partner might feel pressured and run away
You may feel like you really see a future with your partner, just like Jessica felt with her boyfriend Mark. Nonetheless, she kept pushing Mark to express how he feels and even compelled him to marry her. This freaked Mark out and he broke up with her.
It is easy, especially for men, to feel pressured in a relationship. It leaves them wondering why do women rush into relationships? However, whether it is a man or a woman, rushing into a relationship will certainly put pressure on your partner, which would make them feel stifled and desperate for an escape.
4. You will stress yourself out a lot
You have multiple things to handle in life. Work, friends, family, home, etc. Entering a new relationship should make you feel refreshed and happy. If you’re rushing into a relationship, you may stress yourself out because either one or both of you may not be ready for a relationship and commitment, and that is never good. And getting into a new relationship demands time, energy and commitment.
If you rush into a relationship, you will have to put extra time and energy into not letting them go and keeping them in your life. Not only will this take a mental toll on you, but it will also affect your partner as well. Why rushing into a relationship is bad? Because it shifts your entire focus to your relationship, leading to a lot of pressure, stress and tension. You would not want to do that to yourself.
5. You could end up being single over and over again
The more you rush into a relationship, the more you or your partner will feel the need to end it as soon as possible. You know how exhausting it is to find something you think is perfect for you, invest so much of yourself into it, only to realize that they are not the person you thought they were. And before you know it, you will break up.
Eventually, you will be stuck in a loop of finding someone, rushing with them, freaking them out or getting bored yourself and breaking up or being dumped. To avoid being stuck in this cycle, don’t rush into a relationship.
There may be multiple reasons for you to believe in your partner and take it as far as you can, as soon as you can. Although you need to know that most of the time, it will not work in your favor and it will leave you feeling dejected and heartbroken. To avoid that, avoid rushing into a relationship. Take your time to get to know your partner. Remember, slow is sexy!