Cheating may mean different things to different people, but in the end, it hurts. The pain and heartbreak you feel when you find that your boyfriend has cheated on you can be unbearable. You deeply trusted your partner so it is obvious that you feel shocked, wounded and angry, all at the same time when you learn of his betrayal. Amid all this emotional upheaval, you also have another daunting task staring you in the face – how to forgive a cheating partner, irrespective of whether you want to give him another chance or move on.
It is unfair that your life takes a downturn because of your partner’s infidelity despite you being the faithful one. So what you need to do at this time is to learn to forgive and move on. To find inner peace and let go of the resentment inside your heart it is important to forgive a cheating boyfriend and move on. But that’s easier said than done. The question of how to forgive a cheating boyfriend can torment you as you try to cope with this setback.
While it is not easy, with time, effort and the right tools to process your emotions, you can let go of the angst and hurt. And let go, you must, for your own sake. Yes, even when a voice inside you silently screams: I can’t forgive my boyfriend for cheating.
How Easy Is It To Forgive A Boyfriend Who Cheated?
When you get into a relationship, you are so much in love that you feel you are in a safe haven and no unhappiness in the world can touch you. But one day either through your own curiosity or a confession from your boyfriend, you get to know that he has cheated on you.
That is exactly when your world comes crumbling down and you ask yourself – what should I do with a person who broke my heart and trust? Is forgiving a cheating partner the right thing to do? Can you ever forgive a cheating partner? Forgiving a boyfriend who has been disloyal to you is not easy.
You think about forgiving the cheating boyfriend because deep down your love for him is true and you feel that maybe he will mend his ways. However, forgiving someone who betrays you is not an easy task. In order to forgive your boyfriend, you will have to be strong enough and accept the harsh reality first.
After that, you will have to give yourself time to heal and resolve the anger you feel toward him. You will have to understand his perspective and deal with the whole situation accordingly.
Remember forgiveness will be a gift not to your boyfriend but to you. Forgiving him does not mean that you are okay with what he did and might be fine if it happened once again. The idea behind deciding to forgive cheating in a relationship is not to give him a get-out-of-jail-free card but to aid your own healing. It is a way to ensure that you do not become a bitter and hateful person.
Forgiveness and restoration in a relationship after such a strong setback are not easy to come by, but they are essential to make sure you don’t get tied down to that incident and let it define your life. Maybe after forgiving your boyfriend, you can think about giving a second chance to your relationship and hope for a happy future together.
Or perhaps, you’d simply move on, but without any resentment. You need to get rid of the weight of the trauma within you and place it in your past. It’s not worth crying over an unfaithful partner. That’s why it is crucial to forgive a partner for cheating on you.
Related Reading: 10 Cheating Guilt Signs You Need To Watch Out For
7 Tips To Forgive A Cheating Boyfriend And Move On
Being betrayed and hurt by your boyfriend can be a humiliating and painful experience. But you’ll probably come out of this precarious position as a stronger and wiser person. Forgiving a cheating boyfriend is nothing less than a feat by itself. That’s why despite wanting to look beyond your boyfriends’ transgression, you may find yourself questioning: why can’t I forgive him for cheating?
Well, that’s only natural. Before you try to understand how to forgive a cheating partner, you must ensure that he deserves your forgiveness. Forgiveness in relationships after an incident of cheating does not necessarily mean you have to take your partner back. It means you are choosing to not let their decisions affect your mental health.
You will learn from this experience and get an opportunity to meet someone who truly deserves you. No point carrying resentment toward an unfaithful partner and ruining your own life. “How do I forgive a cheating boyfriend?” is a question we are asked often. So, here are the 7 tips on how to forgive a cheating boyfriend for all those who believe in second chances and those who want to move on baggage-free:
1. Avoid being too emotional
Once you discover the infidelity, your first instinct will be to scream and shout and humiliate your boyfriend in the worst possible manner. The anger will make you want to act irrationally. Try not to give in to these emotions because they tend to have the worst outcomes. At the same time, don’t let emotions cloud your judgment into forgiving a cheater too soon.
If you forgive cheating in a relationship before you’ve had the chance to process the pain and the hurt, you may end up with a lot of bottled-up negativity toward your partner and relationships in general. That’s not healthy whether you’re trying to rebuild the relationship after cheating or turn over a new leaf.
To be able to truly forgive your partner, you need to distance yourself from him for some time after the infidelity comes to light. Ride out the worst part of the storm calmly and then think with a clear head. It is always better that you avoid an emotional outburst and calm down first. Cheaters can say the most bizarre things when confronted, so it’s vital that you go into any conversation around the incident with a cool, leveled head.
By becoming overly emotional, you might end up saying something that ruins your bond forever. You won’t be able to understand your boyfriend’s perspective or be able to forgive him. Losing your cool is bad for your state of mind and simply not worth it.
Related Reading: When I Saw My Live-In Boyfriend Having Sex With Someone Else In Our Bed
2. Ask your boyfriend to share details regarding the affair
If you’re thinking, “I can’t forgive my boyfriend for cheating”, it could well be because you may be imagining worst-case scenarios in your head about your boyfriend’s affair. That’s why it is crucial to ask him to share the details of the incident, no matter how it is to listen to him describing an intimate connection with another woman.
Where and how it started, how long it lasted, why he decided to go through with it and so on – these are difficult questions and only he can provide an answer to them. This will help you decide whether or not you want to take him back. For instance, the answer to can you forgive someone for drunk cheating can be very different from figuring out how to forgive emotional cheating.
Yes, people often say that cheating is cheating. That is true to a large extent but the circumstances that led to the transgression, your boyfriend’s attitude in the aftermath of the cheating and the state of your relationship all matter when you’re trying to ascertain how to forgive a cheating partner. For example, to forgive a cheating husband multiple times or get over emotional betrayal in marriage can be a lot harder than getting past a one-night stand.
If you truly believe it to be uncharacteristic of him and a one-time occurrence, you can consider forgiving him. Knowing his side of the story is imperative for building trust in a relationship once again. All this information will help you let go of the pain and get the necessary closure. If you choose to not ask him, these questions will continue to haunt you. This will render you inept to truly forgive a cheating boyfriend.
3. Give enough space and time to each other
How to forgive a cheating partner? Give each other time and space to process this trauma. The best way to do that is to take some time off. Go for a walk, cry in your room, hit the gym – anything that can help you think straight. Instead of clinging on to your boyfriend, you must give him space and keep your self-respect. Give yourself enough space and time as well to think about what has happened and whether you want to salvage your relationship or not.
It’s also completely all right to take a few days or weeks to process your emotions before you think about healing and forgiving. During this time, do not meet him and limit communication with him. If you live together, you can even consider moving out temporarily. This will help you clear your head and gain clarity on what you want for yourself. Forgiving a cheating partner, then, becomes a tad easier.
Related Reading: Expert Tips On How To Forgive Emotional Cheating
4. Take the help of important people in your life
“Why can’t I forgive him for cheating?” “How do I forgive emotional cheating and rebuild my relationship?” “What if he doesn’t love me anymore?” “What if he cheats again?” These questions can drive you up the wall, especially if you still have deep feelings for your boyfriend.
This is the time when you need a reliable sounding board in your life. The most important people in your life – your close friends and family – can help you make a decision that is best for you. They won’t judge you and will give you sound guidance. As outsiders, they will be able to understand your predicament from an objective standpoint. With their help, you can gain clarity about whether your relationship is worth fighting for.
Sometimes, a neutral but sound perspective is what you need to forgive cheating in a relationship. Your loved ones have your best interest at heart and will be there to support you through this trying time. Don’t shy away from leaning on them for support; you have nothing to be ashamed of.
5. Approach a professional counselor or therapist
In order to communicate with each other effectively and work through your problems, you can visit a counselor or therapist. Getting a professional third party involved will allow you to see things with a clearer perspective. They may be able to identify problems in your relationship that you didn’t even know existed.
With the help of a mediator, you will both be able to deal with this emotionally charged situation in a significantly mature manner. If you really want your relationship to work out and truly forgive a cheating boyfriend, consider seeing a therapist. Going into couples therapy is an effective approach to forgive your boyfriend for cheating.
A therapist can help you get in touch with your emotions, sort them and connect with your boyfriend again. Even if you wish to end the relationship and move on, seeking therapy can still yield wonderful results in mitigating the risk of commitment issues or insecure attachment styles.
If you’re struggling to figure out how to forgive a cheating partner and looking for help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you. They have helped scores of people get past the setback of infidelity, and you too can benefit from their expert guidance.
Related Reading: 9 Proven Benefits Of Counseling Don’t Suffer In Silence
6. Learn to be patient
When you get to know about your partner’s betrayal, your life will change overnight. You will have to face several challenges while you process the whole situation. Your relationship might never be the same again. The question of can you ever forgive a cheating partner will loom large.
In this situation, patience is your best ally. You have to learn to be patient in order to forgive your boyfriend and move on, with or without him. Either way, you must give yourself and your relationship adequate time to heal. There are no guarantees on how soon you’ll be able to truly put this breach of trust behind you.
The key is to keep trying and focus on making a little progress, one day at a time. Forgiving a cheater too soon is a mistake that many people make and one that comes back to haunt them in the most unexpected ways. Remember the wound is deep, it will take time to heal, and even when it does, it will leave scars behind. So, set your expectations realistically to be able to forgive cheating in a relationship.
7. Make your final decision
How to forgive a cheating partner and should you? This is definitely a hard call to take. Make sure you weigh the pros and cons carefully before you make your final decision. If you are willing to accept your boyfriend because he is ready to change his ways, then by all means give him another chance.
However, if your boyfriend is unapologetic and barely interested in the relationship anymore, then it’s best to let go and move on. But make sure you forgive your boyfriend, regardless of the decision you make, for your own mental health and peace. Once you have made your decision – whatever it might be – stick to it.
Don’t dilly-dally or let your partner’s emotionally charged pleas make you second-guess your decision. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a toxic on-again-off-again relationship mess, and getting out of that is a lot harder than forgiving a cheating partner.
Related Reading: 12 Signs He Regrets Cheating And Wants To Make Amends
What if he cheated multiple times?
Now comes our second big question – How to forgive someone who cheated on you multiple times? Well, there is no clear-cut answer to this question. But if someone cheats on you multiple times it means that cheating is deeply ingrained in his character.
Ever heard of the phrase once a cheater, always a repeater? There is some truth to this statement. Cheating on your partner multiple times points towards some serious commitment issues. Chances are that he is not going to improve despite the promises he makes. He fails to respect you and the love you give him by repeated infidelity. So my friend, take control of the situation and break up with him. He is taking you and your forgiveness for granted.
It is always the people who are closest to us that have the ability to hurt us in the worst possible manner. And it is always within our power to forgive them and focus on making our own lives better. There is no point in ruining your chances of meeting someone better by wasting your time with someone who is not a man of their words. Think about it.
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FAQs
If your partner has cheated on you more than once, then there is a strong likelihood that this pattern will continue. Perhaps, they struggle with respecting the boundaries of a committed, monogamous relationship or may have started taking your forgiveness for granted. Either way, it is in your best interest to put this relationship behind and move on.
It is hard to put a definitive timeline on how long it can take to forgive a cheating partner. It all depends on how much work you and your partner are willing to put into healing the wounds and turning over a new leaf.
Even if you choose to stay together after an incident of cheating, its shadow will loom large on your relationship one way or the other. While you may never regain the normalcy of the pre-cheating days, you can build a new normal together.
There are a host of variables that govern the answer to this question – Was cheating a one-time thing? Is your partner emotionally invested in the other person? Are they remorseful? Most importantly, are you both willing to do the hard work of healing and recovering from this setback? The answers to these questions can give you clarity on whether or not it is worth forgiving a cheating partner.
