As per statistics, 40% of unmarried relationships and 25% of marriages see at least one incident of infidelity. Infidelity is more common than you and I think. Most people who cheat on their partners experience guilt over their actions and the cheating guilt signs are always present whether one accepts to cheating or not.
Cheaters understand that they have betrayed the trust of their beloved by cheating and have caused them deep anguish and their actions show it – voluntary or involuntary ones.
“I hooked up with my ex after a big fight with my girlfriend. She was angry with me and I saw her “like” a few posts of some man she knows I am insecure about. When I tried to speak to her about it, she hung up on me.
“I went and got drunk, chatted about it with my ex, she was a little high too. We met and made out. I feel terrible I am experiencing cheater’s guilt. Please help. What should I do?” Asked one of our readers.
Talking about relationship red flags, Relationship Counsellor Aman Bhonsle says, “Lying in a relationship are signs of cheating husband guilt. What is he trying to escape into or escape from? It’s often hard to tell. Without trust and respect, relationships always suffer. From porn, addiction to infidelity he might be hiding anything.
“If you sense manipulation and dodgy behaviour, ask yourself if you’re with him for companionship or to play cops and robbers. If you have trust issues then the very foundation of your relationship is shaky.”
People may be blinded by their love to notice signs of cheater’s guilt but eventually, they all do. Once discovered, cheaters try and cover up with shocking lies. You will find it tough to believe but things cheaters say when caught can be really shocking, making you question your whole belief system.
You can spot the signs of cheating guilt by being a bit observant. The most noticeable cheater’s guilt signs are nervousness. Cheaters are always jittery, unsure, defensive- giving away what you need to know.
These guilty reactions to cheating cannot be ignored. You can spot the signs of cheating in a husband or wife easily. Your partner will worry about the consequences and do things that they normally don’t. They might be overcompensating for their guilt.
Cheating partners understand the pain and anguish they have caused their partner. They also feel the shame, and in order to convince themselves that they are being good, they start being over-loving to you.
Cheaters can, however, be good at covering up their lies with if confronted. A cheating partner might manipulate you into believing that you are the one over-reacting. Somehow they make it seem like you are the one who has changed rather than them and this is a classic tell that they are hiding something. These are absolute cheating guilt signs.
And of course, there’s your gut feeling. You just can feel being cheated on.
What Is Cheater’s Guilt?
Most people would tell you cheating is wrong, and that is true. There are times when people cheat for reasons even unknown to them. People can cheat out of sheer boredom, frustration or compatibility issues. Sometimes, simply because a new colleague giving them attention can feel like a fresh breeze! But how do you know the signs that your husband is guilty of cheating?
Some people are in an emotional affair and are themselves unaware! Some cannot communicate their feelings, and then there is another set of people who blame their partners for making them cheat.
Whatever the reasons may be, one indelible truth for most people transgressing the line is that they feel guilty after cheating. Barring sociopaths, most people do experience cheater’s guilt. The fact that they strayed, and the shame thereon makes cheaters guilty conscious.
If your partner is not one of the Ted Bundys out there, their guilty reactions to cheating will give them away. This is something from which they will not be able to escape easily- for how can you escape your mind?
Guilty reactions to cheating are psychological but also tend to manifest externally in behaviour, actions and physiology.
Cheater’s guilt is when the person who has transgressed feels terrible about his her actions and struggles with what to do. It is a painful feeling of having let down the person you love.
The cheating guilt signs are always there and this article tells us about how they felt about themselves after they had cheated.
Most cheaters do not go about planning to cheat for who wants to rock the apple cart deliberately? But something happened along the way and they landed in the situation they did.
The person who gets cheated on never truly understands why it happened and the person who cheats too finds it difficult to figure out the why clearly. Even though they may give excuses to cheat to convince themselves. But the cheating guilt signs are always visible.
When a man feels guilty for hurting you they would show the signs too. He could regret doing what he did to you and might want a second chance at the relationship.
How Cheating Guilt Affects Cheaters
Have you been wondering if cheaters feel guilt? Do cheaters suffer?
Believe it or not, cheating hurts the cheater too.
Once the excitement and the newness of the person s/he has cheated with wears off, they feel an entire gamut of emotions- shame, guilt, even anxiety and most importantly the fear of losing their beloved. Cheaters start to feel ashamed, they begin to fear being judged by the people they love and value most and above all, cheaters tend to feel bad about themselves.
However, cheating guilt manifests itself in proportion to the intensity of the affair. A sexual affair can make people feel more guilty than an emotional one.
Cheaters also do their homework. They tend to research on how to cover their cheating episode. Thet want to know how they can undo the damage. They have read about the effects of an extramarital affair on their partners and they know how it can destroy their partner’s sense of self.
One of the signs of cheating guilt can be self-loathing. They may stand to lose their partner and family (if children are involved). Often they lose the respect of their friends and extended family, even colleagues. They fear being judged and shamed by people they call their own.
This causes misery as they know that they are the reason for the mess and misery that all their loved ones are going through. These are emotional signs of guilt. They start to exhibit signs of cheating guilt and try to work on rebuilding their relationship.
So while a part of them is on the seventh heaven about the pleasure that a new romance brings in their life another hates the self for it. Living between these two extremes does cause most cheater’s to feel guilt and their guilty reactions to cheating are what we will talk about in this article. We will tell you what are the signs of cheating husband guilt and how you should look out for it.
10 Sure Shot Cheating Guilt Signs You Can’t Miss
How do you know if your partner is cheating? If you are even asking this question perhaps you have noticed something off in your partner. Catching a cheating partner is not really a huge thing- its easier than ever, with apps and some smart moves. Perhaps you are thinking of confrontation.
So what you think to be your gut feeling are actually micro signs of your partner’s cheater’s guilt that your subconscious has picked up. Watch out for these cheating guilt signs to be sure that your hunch is right. Read ahead only if you are sure you want to open the Pandora’s box.
Study your partner to see if they show cheater’s guilt. Look for their mannerisms, their eye contact, the way they respond to things. Here are 10 cheating guilt signs you need to watch out for.
1. Projecting their guilt on to you
If your partner turns around and accuses you of cheating when you ask them the same, they project their guilt onto you. Projecting is a defence mechanism and a big red flag. In fact, saying mean things to each other is often indicative of bigger problems in a relationship.
If your partner is accusing you of cheating when you confront them then it’s the biggest cheater’s guilt sign. He is trying to justify his cheating this way.
2. Change in grooming patterns
Perhaps the first sign of cheating can be a sudden change in grooming patterns. Maybe your partner started wearing too much blue and that tipped you off? Changed their perfume? Started wearing aftershave every time they step out? This could mean they are meeting somebody who likes them in blue, likes that perfume, likes that particular aftershave. These may be signs of a cheating husband.
A person who is cheating becomes more conscious of their appearance and pays more attention to personal grooming
And then suddenly, your cheating partner starts to feel guilty about cheating. So to make up for the same, he starts to dress the way you like him. The blue is there, but there is also a white and a pink. Your gifted perfumes are making a comeback. He is trying to ensure that you feel loved too.
3. Suddenly over/under zealous in bed
Has he always been the missionary man? Has she always been the one to be on top? A sudden change of preferences in bed can be suggestive of cheating.
Your partner may be practising new positions with you, or simply covering up their guilt by making you happy. Or they may also be uninterested in sex since they are already getting it somewhere else.
Being overzealous in bed can mean overcompensation and is a sign of cheater’s guilt. It’s true. If a husband is suffering from cheating guilt he would try to over compensate in bed. Also, some new moves seem to be favorite- something they never tried with you but are suddenly pro at it. It is very easy to spot these signs – you just have to be a bit observant.
Related Reading: The Affair Aftermath – 6 Ways to Get Over Cheating Guilt
4. Constant mood swings is a cheating guilt sign
Have you noticed that your partner’s mood is mercurial? One moment they are celebrating with you, the next they are pissed off at something you don’t know about (and they refuse to talk about it no matter what).
The reason is the emotional toll of balancing two relationships. Juggling both can get overwhelming and when with you, the cheating partner cannot help but feel bad about what they are doing to you. It might be the cheater’s guilt surfacing in the form of this pendulum-like behaviour.
They can see how much you are doing for them, for the house, the family and can be suddenly overworked with the thought that they are cheating on you. This can make cheaters feel guilt and anger at the same time.
5. Gifts? But it’s not any occasion
One of the guilty reactions to cheating is overcompensating. If you are showered with gifts (expensive ones!) every other week/day (depending on how guilty they feel) and there’s no real occasion, it can be cheater’s guilt gift-wrapped especially for you.
It is also a way to take away your attention from signs of cheating to this new expensive gift. The likelihood of you feeling loved and cared for will temporarily wash out the fact that you are being cheated upon. This also helps a cheater buy some time to think about what they are doing.
They feel sorry and the gifts are a way to soften the blow: “I cheated on you, but I love you. Here’s the expensive watch you always wanted.”
6. No more says ‘I love you’
Remember those mornings where the first thing you heard was ‘I love you’? If this phrase has gone AWOL, this might be a red flag.
They might even refrain from saying it back because they are unable, to be honest about the words uttered. This is one of the most common cheating guilt signs.
When a man feels guilty for hurting you he would stammer and stutter but would not be able to look into your eyes and tell you he loves you.
Related Reading: 12 Signs of a Lying Spouse
7. Unjustified plans
They step out at night to ‘finish the presentation’ with the colleagues’ way too often. That could just mean that s/he is having an affair with a colleague. When asked about their plans, they are whimsical, indecisive about what they are doing for men’s/ladies’ night out.
They work out excuses to go out of the house! You often doubt if they are at a place where they said they would be.
If you probe about his whereabouts he could get angry and upset and if you ask him where he is over the phone, he could hit the roof. In that case you have just noticed your husband’s cheating guilt signs.
8. Their stories keep changing
A person struggling with cheater’s guilt would not be able to give you the same answer every time about his whereabouts. Because he’s simply forgotten.
The events of the day are often overlapping and make no sense. “I was at Rahul’s place” quickly becomes “I was at Keshav’s place”.
Turns out they were at neither. And that they have been lying. This is one of the classic cheating guilt signs because they can’t keep track of their own excuses.
9. Friends start acting uncomfortable
Often in a relationship, your friends or common friends tend to get wind of your partner cheating long before you do. If your partner’s friends suddenly start acting uncomfortable around you or try to avoid you, it could be a sign they are aware of your partner’s infidelity.
They could be avoiding you on purpose so that you don’t get to ask too many questions. Or they themselves feel guilty that they are not telling you about your husband’s affair.
10. Expensive purchases are one of the cheating guilt signs
Unexplained purchases? Hidden orders? Expensive packages? This is a classic sign of a cheating partner, especially when they do not tell you anything about it.
Now, a person can exhibit only a couple of cheating guilt signs but that doesn’t mean they are guilty of infidelity. A cluster of all the signs, along with your gut feeling can sum up the fact that you are being cheated on.
You’ve known your partner for long. You know their habits. If you get a gut feeling even without following their trace of infidelity, you might just be right. Confronting them about your feelings can make things clear for you.
But before you go ahead and level accusations of infidelity on your partner, it’s best to garner some concrete evidence to back your claims. Thanks to technology, there are numerous tools available with which you can discreetly gather proof of your partner’s transgressions.
You could consider buying spyware to keep track of their online activities. Get a GPS track to know their whereabouts. Order a spy camera and install it in your home, if you suspect that’s where they carry out their shenanigans in your absence. Or use a phone cloning device or software to get a detailed lowdown on their activities.
Yes, this can be a bit disconcerting and leave you riddled with guilt if you don’t find anything untoward in your partner’s activities. But it is always better to get your facts right than operate from a space of suspicion when handling such delicate matters.
Our expert Joie Bose says the following about cheating, society and partners:
“Cheaters”- the term itself is derogatory for it terms the people who seek any comfort beyond the socially acceptable monogamous relationship as criminals of sorts. Hence when a “cheater” is made to feel bad about it, they may feel bad about causing the partner pain but they don’t feel guilty about the act of getting close to another person.
It’s like having chocolate cake during a diet – you feel guilty about the consequences – you will feel bad about gaining weight and having been derailed from your weight loss journey but it doesn’t mean that you didn’t enjoy the act of biting into the cake.
After having counselled many, I have one question to ask everyone – why does the society judge before understanding the whole issue at hand? Usually, a person cheats when there is a rift between partners – emotional or physical. Couples often don’t do anything to bridge the gap and let the gap widen further.
As a result, a person gets lonely and jumps at the first opportunity to kill the loneliness and get happiness, even for a brief period. Will you blame the hungry for stealing a loaf of bread?
Most “cheaters” have suffered emotional or physical abuse of some sort and they treat their ‘extra’ relationship as a balm. Hence even if the person admits to the world that they were wrong in cheating and apologizes, they often do so under societal pressure and to gain acceptance in a world that doesn’t understand them.
But cheating should not always mean the end of a relationship. It is possible to reinstate trust in a relationship if both partners are willing.
You would know your husband is feeling cheating remorse when you are being showered with gifts, he is being over zealous in bed and he is having constant mood swings. He understands he is causing you hurt, breaking your trust and he tries to make up for the same.
The infidelity statistics show 25% people in marriages end up in an affair or people cheat in some way.
Yes serial cheaters are common. Cheating can happen multiple times. Unless a person is truly sure of himself, cheating can happen again and again even though most cheaters know they are doing the wrong thing.
You will know he regrets hurting you if he puts in every effort to apologise and mend the situation. He would try to win back your trust and do everything possible to give you the assurance that he is clean.