Most people who cheat on their partners experience guilt over their actions. They thoroughly understand they have cheated on someone who placed their trust on them and somewhat regret causing hurt and anguish. Infidelity is more common than you think, and is more often than not, discovered by partners who are sometimes blind in love to notice the signs of cheating. And once discovered, after dismally trying to cover up, cheaters often struggle with what is known as cheaters guilt. And you can spot the signs of cheating guilt with a little attention.
The guilt of cheating gradually catches up with them. You can spot the signs of cheating guilt easily. Your better half may be terrified of what’s going to be your next step, and whether the relationship is going to survive it or not. To confirm, watch how he overcompensates the guilt by showering you with flowers and unending sex. If your partner is someone who sweats a lot when they are nervous, ask them about the cheating and check their armpits. Their cheater’s guilt will give them away.
Cheating guilt makes one nervous and they often slip and fall. They can, however, be good at covering up their lies with inane logic and are good at manipulating you into believing he is not cheating. There are the classic signs of cheating such as always having their phone on them or changing passcodes on laptops and phones all of a sudden, long bills that you know nothing about. Though just these signs alone do not contribute to the fact that they are cheating (like they could be planning a big surprise for you), a cluster of obvious signs are hard to miss.
Cheater’s guilt makes one nervous and guilty. You might notice the personality changes all of a sudden like being over jealous, calling your overreaction unnecessary to a situation, getting defensive about small stuff. Getting defensive and turning the fight around on you (they never did that before) give you the feeling that they are mentally really different than before.
And of course, there’s your gut feeling. You just can feel being cheated on.
What Is Cheater’s Guilt?
Most people would tell you cheating is wrong, and that is true. There are times when people cheat for reasons even unknown to them. Sometimes, people cheat out of frustration in a relationship and the fact that they cannot communicate their feelings. Some people cheat because they do not value relationships and do not really care about the consequences of cheating. There is another set of people who blame their partners for driving them crazy and making them cheat. Bizzare!
Another truth is that people often feel guilty after cheating. Guilt is enough to make people do things. Most humans barring sociopaths, psychopaths, who cannot commute emotions, might never feel the buzz of cheater’s guilt. The rest do feel it. If your partner is not one of the Ted Bundys out there, their conscience of cheating on you will probably get the better of them. Guilty reactions to cheating are very mental that have external manifestations on the relationship. There’s only so much cover-up to be done, obvious deception that the partner will figure out finally. The fear of getting caught is always looming in their head and they do not have enough courage to come clean.
Most cheaters do not go about planning to cheat- infidelity in a relationship can be quite a complicated affair by itself. The person who gets cheated on never truly understands why it happened, and the person who cheats never figures the why clearly, though he may give various excuses to cheat and convince himself or herself that it had to happen. In both these cases, guilt sustains – whether you cheated or not.
If your gut feeling and other events bring the question of your partner’s fidelity to your mind, watch out for these signs.
10 Signs Of Cheating Guilt
Study your partner to see if he has cheater’s guilt. Look for their mannerisms, their eye contact, the way they respond to things. Here are the signs of cheater’s guilt and if you spot these signs, it is time to have a serious conversation with your partner and ultimately figure what you want to do with the relationship.
1. Projecting on to you
If your partner turns around and accuses you of cheating when you ask the same to them, they are projecting their guilt onto you. Projecting is a defence mechanism and a big red flag. Infact, saying mean things to each other is often indicative of bigger problems in a relationship.
2. Change in grooming
Has your partner started wearing too much blue? Changed their perfume? Started wearing after shave every time they step out? Could be signs he is meeting somebody who likes them in blue, likes that perfume, likes that particular after shave. These may be definite signs of a cheating husband.
A person who is cheating becomes more conscious of their appearance and is usually absorbed in grooming well.
3. Suddenly over/under zealous in bed
Has he always been the missionary man? Has she always been the one to be on top? A sudden change of preference in bed can be suggestive of cheating. He may be practicing new positions with you, or simply covering up his guilt by making you happy. They can also be uninterested in sex, since they are already getting it somewhere else. Overzealous in bed can be a sign of overcompensation of cheater’s guilt.
Related Reading: The Affair Aftermath – 6 Ways to Get Over Cheating Guilt
4. No constant mood
Have you noticed that your partner’s mood is haywire? One moment they are celebrating with you, the next they are pissed off at something you don’t know about(and they refuse to talk about it no matter what). The reason is the emotional toll of balancing two relationships can actually get overwhelming and when with you, the cheating partner cannot help but feel bad about what he is doing with you. It might be the cheater’s guilt creeping up on them.
5. Gifts? But it’s not any occasion
Cheating guilt brings about gifts too. You have a shower of gifts (expensive ones!) every other week/day (depending on how guilty they feel). Like being overzealous in bed, this is also overcompensation for cheating on you. They can be sorry about it and the gifts are a way to soften the blow: “I cheated on you, but I love you. Here’s the Rolex you always wanted.”
6. No more ‘I love you’
Remember the mornings where the first thing you heard is ‘I love you’? If the phrase has gone AWOL, this might be a red alert for you. They might not even say it back because of the guilt.
Related Reading: 12 Signs of a Lying Spouse
7. Unjustified plans
They step out at night to ‘finish the presentation’ with his colleagues’ way too often. When asked about their plans, they are whimsical, indecisive about what they are doing for men’s/ladies’ night out. Infact, they work out excuses to go out of the house! You often doubt if they really are at a place where they said they would be.
8. Time lapse in their timeline
A person struggling with cheating guilt would not be able to give you the same answer everytime about his whereabouts. The events of the day are often overlapping and makes no sense. “I was at Rahul’s place” quickly becomes “I was at Keshav’s place”. Turns out they were at neither. And that they have been lying. Probably, cheating too.
9. Uncomfortable friends
Often in a relationship, your friends or common friends tend to get wind of your partner cheating long before you do. If your partner’s friends suddenly start acting uncomfortable around you, or try to avoid you, it could be a sign they are aware of your partner’s infidelity.
10. Economic reasons
Unexplained purchases? Hidden orders? Expensive packages? This is a classic sign of a cheating partner, especially when they do not tell you anything about it.
You know your partner for long. You know their habits. If you get a gut feeling even without following their trace of infidelity, you might just be right. Confronting them about your feelings can make things clear for you.
Now, a person can exhibit only a couple of signs but that doesn’t mean they are guilty of infidelity. A cluster of all the signs, along with your gut feeling can sum up the fact that you are being cheated on.