How to be a trophy husband – a guide
I met some old school friends recently – the ones who had tonnes of daddy money. It was sort of a reunion where we were all expected to be happy for one another. But all each really wanted, was blow their trumpets and judge former classmates. So I picked my silk Gucci shirt, and a tie to go with. The boy who got stale bread to tiffin and recycled past year’s notebooks had finally made it – and how!
I had married rich, and not just any rich, but a let’s fly to Europe for the weekend getaway kinda rich. How did I get here? Simple – I spent all my energy and mind to woo my wife – a princess in every sense of the word. Today, I am her arm candy at all parties where I entertain her friends with wit, educate relatives with wisdom, and enthral with a charm that took 31 years to perfect. Arm candy, yes, or what some of you may consider a trophy husband.
Me, a trophy! Who would’ve imagined! I met my wife while pursuing graduation and realised she was the one. She was never the flashy kind, and I only realised her moneyed background 2 months into dating her. That made her more special – not the money, but her absolute comfort with it. It’s true – only the super rich can afford to go to a shop and not buy. We, middle classers, feel pressured to at least pick up something lest the shop assistant think we can’t afford it!
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We made sure to keep in touch
After graduation we moved to different cities, but I travelled at least once every three months, saving up from odd jobs, to meet my girlfriend. She was then sent abroad to work in one of the foreign branches of her family business, while I roamed around our domestic job market. Things did get tough long distance, but thankfully she visited often. I took a lower paying job in her city, over a higher paying one in another one, so we could meet every time she was in the country.
It was time to let the families know, and while mine would only care somewhat about the she is Kannada, you are Bengali angle, I knew her family would have a host of other concerns. So how did I leap from job hunter to trophy husband, you ask? How about I give you ORGASM – my mantra for any aspirational trophy husband.
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Begin with this first thought – You are no less than them. Just because her family is rich, does not mean you amount to nothing. Remember – she chose you – over all her moneyed suitors. Confidence in your abilities is what will get that first foot in the door. Don’t underestimate – overestimate – your abilities and potential achievements. Believe that you truly belong, before you go convincing them.
Love is a matter of emotions, marriage is pure logic. You may say you love their daughter, blah blah blah. Apart from getting you some steamy make out with said daughter, it won’t get you further with the family. Break it down – how are you the best suitor for her? And don’t bore them with romantic mumbo jumbo here. Some of the things I told my in-laws were how because I was not from a privileged background, I had learnt to fight for what was mine. That I was no quitter, because I worked damn hard to get anything, and valued it accordingly. Who can refuse a man who says he will value their daughter and fight for the relationship no matter how hard things get?
Who can refuse a man who says he will value their daughter and fight for the relationship no matter how hard things get?
Rich people become and stay rich because of certain traits they have. And these are very different from what middle-class kids are taught. A middle-class family always plays it safe – in education, profession, investments, you name it. But rich folks, especially business leaders – understand the value of risks. You cannot go from Rs 100 to Rs 1000000 without going all out. Show yourself to not just be a risk taker yourself, but a high return risk they need to take as well. That you are a go-getter, and worth go getting.
By now you’ve been noticed and ruffled some feathers – congrats, you’re on the right track. It’s important now, to compromise on some issues. Show that you are steadfast in your principles and beliefs, but willing to be flexible if need be. Don’t be a wimp and say yes to everything, unless you want to lose all credibility! Pick your battles. As things began to move forward with our wedding, one of the demands from the other side was that they vet my guest list. My initial response was to be absolutely insulted and say a firm no. But as I thought about it – it seemed like a small issue with so much more on the line. I shared my guest list with a comment on who they were and what they meant to me – almost everyone was accepted.
Related reading: 10 annoying things that I learnt about while planning my own wedding
This follows from the last point – don’t take the match for granted, ever. In the previous example, our wedding cards were being printed, yet I knew that one misstep could cost me everything. It does not cost them anything to even cancel the wedding on the big day itself! Make these points a part of who you are, and how to deal with being a trophy husband for the rest of your life. If you take it to be a short-term change, it may just become one, with a divorce at the end.
Money and mind
Finally, we know love conquers all, till money comes knocking. That difference will be there, and is something to be mindful of. Not to feel less than your wife, yet to recognise your differences and identify each one’s strengths. Money is not the most important thing in your relationship, but it should not be relegated to last.
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