Why are you dear gents so confused about what women find attractive in you? Surely this can’t be THAT complex and mysterious to understand. But maybe…it’s not on you completely. The hordes of information available can get confusing and even contradictory. So, let’s keep things simple, shall we?
A study revealed that women rank qualities such as self-confidence, intelligence and education as higher in attractiveness as compared to men. The most multifaceted of these is confidence; there are many qualities of a self-assured person and hence, ‘confidence’ is an umbrella term. Today we’re going to talk about what confidence is comprised of.
Why is a woman attracted to a confident man instantly? What are the traits of a confident man that make him so attractive? And how can you acquire the mindset of a confident man? We explore all this and more with the guidance of Geetarsh Kaur – a phenomenal life coach and the founder of ‘The Skill School’ which specializes in building stronger relationships.
The 18 Signs Of A Confident Man That Attract Women
I’m very sure that as you read on, you’ll have a few moments where you go – “Hey! I never thought of that…”, and that is perfectly understandable. Many of us don’t realize that confidence is where most good qualities stem from. A man comfortable in his own skin will always exhibit the traits listed below.
Geetarsh explains, “It’s such a vast area. And there are so many ways you can be confident or attractive. Most people mistake confidence with cockiness or smugness and that’s something we need to correct. Confidence is closely linked with maturity.”
So far, I have come across only three individuals who’ve made me think, “God, that’s a truly mature, confident man in a relationship.” Nobody is perfect and it’s human to have insecurities, but a confident man just deals with them maturely.
Keep scrolling through these signs of a confident man to know more about these three guys who caught my eye. Pick up on the tips that’ll also lead you to the path of self-improvement and healthy relationships. It’s time to get straight to it! Here is how you describe a confident man…
1. For he’s a jolly good fellow
The very first confident man I’ve known is my brother Sam. And no, this is not a biased evaluation. A hallmark of his personality is the sheer warmth he radiates. Anyone who talks to him is instantly at ease because Sam is very genial. He looks approachable and you are never self-conscious when you talk to him. ‘Friendly’ could be the word I’m looking for, but it’s more than that.
You see, a person who is not self-assured struggles with social interactions. Nervous at the prospect of being judged himself, an underconfident person will make things awkward for everyone. He might put a damper on the conversation, or even be rude or hostile in certain situations. But the mindset of a confident man dictates otherwise. Sam is, till date, one of the most easy-going people I know.
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2. Cool as a cucumber
Let me tell you one of the most obvious traits of a confident man. He never loses his temper at people or circumstances in a melodramatic way. Rarely deterred, he faces challenges head-on, and doesn’t let his frustration get the better of him. Unnecessary yelling, throwing things around and abusive actions are all miles away from his conduct. He handles conflicts with grace, because he believes in his own ability to tackle them. He manages his anger in a dignified manner.
If at dinner, a waiter were to spill some wine, a confident man would not create a scene and ask to see the manager. A fight with his girlfriend would not lead him to raise his volume (or hand). A class apart from the likes of whiny, petty individuals, a confident man never resorts to overt aggressive gestures.
3. Gives and takes respect
First and foremost, this means that a confident man respects everyone he speaks to. Irrespective of factors like appearance, socio-economic position, gender, race, and literally anything else, he treats people on an equal footing. He never subscribes to patriarchy and treats his partner well. No patronizing or sexist comments. When you are dating a confident man, he will always respect you even when you fight.
He understands that disagreements are no excuse to be uncivil. This is precisely why he commands respect too. The people around him are taken by his courteousness and admire him. It is rare to see someone (even a superior) dismiss a confident man or ignore him. Sam has a solid track record of getting along with his bosses. Not in a chummy way, but in the way of mutual respect.
Geetarsh puts it quite simply, “The way I see it, a confident man always walks the two-way street of respect. He’s never condescending and doesn’t feel the need to berate others. So of course, others reciprocate and are respectful toward him.”
4. Silver-tongued and sexy!
I am perpetually attracted to men who are eloquent. A confident man can articulate his ideas well; he never bores people with long monologues or dreary stories. And being a talker doesn’t mean yapping incessantly – it’s the quality which matters, not the quantity. Men who are self-assured always contribute to a conversation meaningfully. Even while doing so, they don’t cut others off or interrupt rudely.
When they don’t have anything to say, they are comfortable with the silence. Stammering, stuttering, repeating sentences, speaking without thinking, or rushing through the words are all tell-tale signs of low confidence. But there are plenty of exercises you can do to build your confidence with regards to speech. A little bit of practice should set you on the right track. Just remember, a woman loves a man who can talk well!
5. His body does the talking when you’re dating a confident man
“If I had a penny for each time people talk about body language, I’d probably be a millionaire. It’s hashed out quite frequently, but it really is that important. Body language reflects your confidence very clearly. I would tell you to focus on your smile, posture and eye-contact. Your default expression shouldn’t be stony – you don’t have to smile like a model, but look approachable,” says Geetarsh.
And boy has she hit the mark! In addition to your expressions, be mindful of ‘closed’ body language. Don’t cross your arms and legs defensively; always lean towards the person you’re in conversation with. Hold their gaze at all times, and don’t be easily distracted by visual stimuli. Flitting your eyes all over the room, tapping your leg, or fidgeting with things around you doesn’t give off a good impression.
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6. In all modesty
This brings me to the second confident man I’ve known – my best friend’s boyfriend, Martin. The very first thing I had noticed about Martin was the humble grace with which he carried himself. For someone as accomplished as he is, (he went to an Ivy League school and was a national level athlete) Martin is very modest. And don’t get me wrong – he is well-aware of his achievements and proud of them too. He just doesn’t brag or put on airs.
The expression ‘show, don’t tell’ comes to mind when I think of the mindset of a confident man. He never makes indirect references to his accolades, because telling everyone about them is not necessary. As long as he knows his potential, it’s all good. Being modest at all times is one of the top signs of a confident man.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.” And this quote perfectly captures one of the most vital traits of a confident man – his open-mindedness. He will always be tolerant of new ideas and opinions even if they are contradictory to his beliefs. By extension, he will not get offended when there is a difference of opinion.
Dating a confident man means that he won’t take things personally. He’ll be cognizant of the fact that his partner can hold other ideals. In the event of a fight, he will resolve conflicts maturely, trying to understand what his partner is saying. Let me put it this way – a self-assured man entertains each idea, even if he does not accept it.
8. Alluringly assertive
First things first, let us not confuse assertiveness with aggression. Anger issues in relationships (and elsewhere) are not to be mixed with assertiveness. To be assertive is to put your point across firmly with clarity. It is the quality which makes people acknowledge our opinion. An assertive man will manage to convey precisely what he wants – firmly, but respectfully. No one will be able to walk over him and his wishes. This is a highly attractive quality because it shows strength of character and mind.
For example, my friend, Martin, and I were traveling in the subway a few months back. A man was clearly taking up more space than required and I pointed it out to him twice. On the third occasion, Martin intervened and in a low (yet firm) voice told the man to move over. I believe his exact words were, “Sir, I’m going to need you to move please.” He didn’t raise his volume, and neither was he rude. The man moved over to make room quickly.
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9. All ears for you
Oh, this one’s important! Geetarsh says, “A true sign of confidence is the ability to make other people feel valued and heard. Pay attention to what they are saying and don’t make them feel like you’re obliging them with your time. A confident man is usually a good listener. He has the skill of hearing others out without interrupting them or making suggestions of his own.”
The link between confidence and listening lies in being present in the moment. A confident man’s mind is not occupied with twenty things, or the stress of completing so-and-so. He is fully, mentally present in the immediate happenings. This is why he pays people the compliment of undivided attention. Anyone conversing with him feels like they are appreciated.
10. The presentation is perfect
While confidence is a quality that is covert in nature, a very important aspect of it is reflected through one’s appearance. Good manners, a sense of style, good hygiene and neatness are all signs of a confident man. He might not be in a three-piece suit at all times, but he definitely won’t wear wrinkled clothes. He will surely have well-groomed facial hair, trimmed fingernails, clean breath and fresh clothes on.
All of these just go to show that the man has put in the effort to look presentable, especially on a first date. In a world of shabby shorts and graphic tees, a well-dressed man is oh-so attractive! This aspect matters more in the initial stages of attraction. The first impression we have of others is largely determined by how they look. So, if you’re looking to get a girl’s attention, you better clean up good!
11. Self-aware like a pro
This is one of the most remarkable traits of a confident man, as Geetarsh rightly explains; “I think confidence entails self-awareness. Because confidence comes from acceptance and acceptance, in turn, stems from being conscious. Your self-concept and actuality are not far removed from each other. You aren’t low on self-esteem and you aren’t a narcissist either. An objective view of the self is a very rare and wonderful quality to possess.”
As a result, a self-assured man will not have an inflated ego. He’ll be aware of his tendencies and flaws; the primary reason why a confident man in a relationship is so thoughtful. As Ayn Rand said, “To say “I love you” one must know first how to say the “I”.”
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12. How do you describe a confident man? He’s a lot like Cinderella
What I mean to say is, that he’s kind to everyone. When we describe a confident man, we often leave out the two-pronged tool of kindness. The first prong being compassion and the second being empathy. He will always be touched by the experiences of those around him, and try to put himself in their shoes. This sensitivity in a man you’re dating is a stellar quality because most guys try to act ‘macho’ or indifferent. (I wonder why they think apathy is cool.)
But a confident man always cares deeply and is moved by what he sees. Remember how Cinderella befriends the mice in the attic and helps them out? He will do the exact same thing if someone seeks his help. Good at heart and pure of soul, a confident man will be very kind.
13. Draws boundaries
Not just for himself, but for others too. A highly attractive quality in a man is his how he stands up for himself and others. This means he will not, under any circumstances, tolerate bullying. He draws relationship boundaries quickly. Here comes the junction where I introduce the third and final confident man I know – my colleague (and budding friend), Ray. This quality instantly brings Ray to mind because of an incident which took place in July.
An intern at our workplace had been looking progressively worse over the course of a few weeks. Despite repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he brushed off our questions. We let it go until he started taking consecutive leaves. Astonished at this absenteeism, Ray had a sit-down with the intern. He found out that a few men had been verbally abusing the boy for his ethnicity. Ray personally handled the situation in a manner where no one has harassed the again boy till date.
14. He’s a work-in-progress
Learning is endless and there are always new skills to be learned. One of the most interesting traits of a confident man is his desire to try new things and experiences. He is well-aware that he can’t possibly know EVERYTHING. So, he tries to keep trying out novel activities. Maybe he’s learning a new language or taking a cooking class – last I heard, Sam had mentioned something about an origami workshop.
Along the same lines, he will be in tune with the world. If you ask him what’s going on globally, he’ll have a rough overview to give. A confident man is rarely isolated from what is going on around him.
Related Reading: 13 Ways To Respect A Woman In A Relationship
15. A mature, confident man is funny (but never foolish)
I love a man that can make me laugh. But I wish men understood that there are different kinds of humor. From my understanding at least, women are attracted to wit and intelligent comedy. Clowning around or cracking loud, discriminatory jokes used to work in old sitcoms only. Knowing when to draw a line, reading the room before delivering a punchline, and making sensible jokes are all signs of a confident man.
Moreover, finding humor in difficult situations is also a part of the same category. Situations might lack a silver lining, but they seldom lack the potential for harmless comedy. Dating a confident man means that he’ll make you laugh on your bad days with his goofy attempts. Hardships won’t make him lose his smile, in fact, he’ll probably have a wisecrack for them too!
16. Super self-sufficient
I think Geetarsh puts it best when she says, “Self-confident individuals are not clingy. They don’t require someone’s presence constantly. They are very comfortable spending time by themselves doing their own thing. Neither do they rely on their partners for little things. A confident man in a relationship won’t be dependent on his girlfriend. He won’t try and control her either, because understands that individuality is essential.”
Since a confident man has fewer insecurities, he’s unlikely to project his issues on a romantic partner. He’ll give them space and take his own too. A relationship with him will be very hassle-free and mature in nature. You might call it a no-toxicity zone!
17. A man with a plan
Aren’t ambition and passion always attractive? A man who has vision is super-duper sexy. And a confident man almost always has a solid idea of where his life is going. He might have mapped out the milestones he wants to touch in the next five years, or he might have a bucket list. Not only is the general direction of his life’s path charted, he even knows which car he’ll use to get to the destination.
It might seem a little extreme, but Ray has a binder dedicated to the next two years of his life. I didn’t believe it initially until he let me have a quick peek. It reflected so much determination on his part that I was stunned into silence. Hats off to Ray and to all the men out there who know where they’re going!
18. In good shape
Physical fitness matters. And no – that doesn’t mean having washboard abs or biceps. A healthy and fit man is one who is concerned with his health and longevity. He wants to lead a good life and is taking steps to ensure the same. THIS is what women find attractive. Confidence also stems from how we feel about ourselves. A man with a fit lifestyle naturally feels good about the way he looks and hence, is more confident.
There are many ways to lead a healthy life; yoga, meditation, any sport (swimming, soccer, etc.), going to the gym, or cycling. You can choose any one and see how it has a positive impact on your life (and dating life).
Whoa! That was a quite a list of the signs of a confident man. I do hope you found what you were looking for. Believe in yourself and you’ll attract the right woman!