Marriage is all about sharing. Sharing your life, goals, thoughts, dreams, fears and love. And being able to do so without fear of being judged or misunderstood. If you look closely at the best friendships you’ve ever forged, they too have some of the same dynamics. You adore your best friend. Being around them seems effortless. You can talk about anything and everything under the sun without weighing your words. You know they’ve always got your back. Wouldn’t it be wonderful then if you find such friendship in marriage? Yet, most people struggle to find an answer to how to be best friends with your spouse.
Some even wonder should you be best friends with your spouse. Well, there is nothing more rewarding than working to build friendship in a relationship. When the whirlwind of romance and passion has run its course, it is friendship in a marriage that will see you through and help you live up to the commitment of ’till death do us part’.
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How To Be Best Friends With Your Spouse?
A marriage, much like a friendship, is forged on commonalities. Despite your individual likes and dislikes, you and your spouse share a lot of common interests, values and goals. As the demands of work, family, children and keeping up with mundane to-do lists in life mount, a lot of couples begin to lose touch with the things that brought them together in the first place. When you’re wondering how do you become best friends with your partner, it is these commonalities you must return to. Here are 10 ways to help you build a strong friendship in marriage:
1. Don’t complicate your equation
Want friends with your husband or be your wife’s friend? The first step in that direction is to not unnecessarily complicate your equation based on your understanding of how thing ‘ought’ to be a marriage. As life partners, you are both equals in the relationship, so accord each other that respect and work as a team. Take important decision together, make your own rules of how a marriage should work.
2. Give each other space
If you want to build friendship in a relationship, start by giving each other space so that you can both be your own person. Refrain from telling your spouse what to do or not to do, or nagging them about how to live their life. Make peace with the fact that every person has their own way of doing things. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything and do everything together.
‘Live and let live’ should be your mantra if you want friendship in your marriage.
3. Don’t keep secrets
Best friends do not keep any secrets from each other. If you really want to know how to be best friends with your spouse, you have to be able to build the same level of transparency and trust in your marriage. For that, it is imperative to not keep any secrets from each other or have hidden agendas. Focus on strengthening communication so that you can speak your heart out. At the same time, work on your ability to listen to your spouse. If you can tell everything to each other without fear or hesitation, you succeed in becoming best friends with your life partner.
4. Be their support system
You vowed to stand by your partner through their thick and thin, in sickness and in health. This is what makes the bond of marriage more profound than friendship. This bond is fostered even more when you build friendship in a relationship. For that, you and your spouse should consciously work toward being each other’s biggest support systems. Even if it is them against the world, they should know that they’ll have you by their side. And vice-versa. This will help you be closer than you’re to anyone else, making you best friends with your husband or wife.
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5. Talk to each other
When we say talk to each other, we don’t mean dinner table discussions about finances, kids’ school or PTM, your work schedule or theirs, family demands and so on. Take time out to communicate your inner feelings and thoughts to each other, just the way you’d with your girlfriends or buddies. From something that’s been bothering you at work to relationship issues, the latest big gossip you heard, the dress you’ve been crushing on, talk about all things big and small. The secret to how to be best friends with your spouse lies in knowing each other like the back of your hand.
6. Show love and care
If you’re not friends with your spouse, pay attention to how you treat each other. It is hard to develop a friendship when there is a lack of mutual admiration and respect. That can be inculcated only when you both show love and care toward one another. Don’t take these things for granted and expect your partner to know that you love them and care for them because you married them.
Care for each other in sickness, eat at least one meal a day together, make plans to spend your free time in each other’s company.
7. Don’t compromise on quality time together
The best way to maintain closeness and harness friendship in marriage is to spend quality time together. Have your own rituals in a place – be it watching a movie together at the end of the day or going out for dinner dates, working out together or going for early morning strolls – and make sure that time is exclusively about the two of you. Don’t compromise on this routine, come hell or high water.
8. Respect each other
Respect is one of the key pillars on which a strong, stable relationship rests, and yet, it is ever so underrated. Always be respectful toward your significant other, don’t pick on them, disrespect them or try to bring them down, especially publicly. If there is an issue bothering you, sort it out in a mature, adult manner. A simple rule of thumb is to treat them the way you’d like to be treated in the relationship. You’ll never have to lose sleep over how do you become best friends with your partner.
9. Shun the egos
You cannot build friendship in a relationship when there are egos at play. In fact, you can’t have a healthy relationship as long as there is en ego tussle between partners. Don’t sweat the small stuff and learn to let go. It doesn’t matter who started a fight or whose fault it was, what matters is your togetherness and happiness.
When you start putting that above all else, friendship will follow.
10. Cherish each other
Often times, we are quick to judge and criticise a partner but hold back our praise and appreciation for their qualities. If you want to be your wife’s friend or husband’s friend, you have to reverse this order. Let them know all that you value and appreciate about them, and do it often. Knowing that you’re cherished in a relationship can work wonder for bringing you closer than ever.
Marriage is a mixed bag at best, taking you on the highest highs and throwing you the life’s lowest lows. When the going gets tough and mundane, it is the friendship in marriage will help you hang in there and bounce back stronger.