“I know how to maintain good friendships so naturally my husband is my best friend,” laughs Monica Seelochan, a content writer when I ask her the one ingredient she feels that has made all the difference to her strong marriage.
It’s a quality that every marriage counselor and life coach swears by to make a long-term relationship meaningful – finding friendship in a marriage. When your husband is your best friend, there is increased comfort level, a certain kind of warmth that can’t be found elsewhere and a solid foundation to build a relationship.
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The beauty of real friendship lies in wholehearted acceptance, flaws notwithstanding, hence when your husband is your best friend you find it easier to share things with him that you perhaps wouldn’t with a man, for fear of being judged.
It helps you to open up to new experiences and become a better version of yourself. Such a relationship is also selfless unlike marriages where unmet expectations and demands lead to fights and disillusionment. And naturally, it has more chances of lasting long than marriages where a couple shares nothing in common.
13 Reasons My Husband Is My Best Friend
No wonder it’s a dream for every woman to be in a marriage which is based on deep friendship. But how do you know if your spouse is your friend?
Here’s a simple test. Check out the below statements and what makes them appealing based on our conversation with some women. If they resonate with you then you can proudly say ‘My husband is my best friend.’
1. We have no unrealistic expectations
In the dating phase, most men and women put up a façade because they want to impress their potential partner. Things change rapidly after marriage.
The very qualities that you found cute or ignored while courting become a pain point when you start living with the person.
With a friend you don’t have to pretend. “It wasn’t love at first sight, we started off as friends before getting married and he knows all my annoying habits,” says Maria Nichols, a programmer who strongly believes in the ‘friends as spouses’ theory.
“The result was that the same continued even after marriage so my husband is my best friend before whom I do not need to put on a mask. The comfort level in that thought is incredible,” she adds.
2. There is a lot of acceptance
Friendship isn’t about what a person does to you or for you. On the contrary it is a conscious yet organic choice you make based on shared mutual interest and values. You don’t have to ‘think or plan’ before you choose someone as your friend.
Howard and Danielle, a happily married couple, YouTubers and founders of Marriage on Deck, say that with romantic relationships, high expectations are but natural. “Many times you hear people saying ‘I love my spouse but I don’t like him, indicating differences’”.
“But if you remove all your prejudices, preconceived notions, expectations from a person, you accept him or her for what they truly are. Then it doesn’t matter if they are not perfect,” they say.
Accepting your partner the way he is, makes you his true friend.
3. My husband is my best friend, my greatest support
The ‘in sickness and in health’ vow aren’t just lines to be mouthed in front of the priest on your wedding day. Stacey Williams, a teacher, lost her job in the after-effects of the pandemic when her husband came to her rescue.
It was not out of a sense of obligation but because he genuinely cared for her. “I am way too career-oriented and it was difficult to be out of a job but my husband recognised this need. He stood by me and supported me throughout without patronising at all.”
“That’s when I realized that my husband is my best friend and my greatest support system,” she says. Unconditional support given by a spouse can help you weather any storm. Isn’t that what true friendship is about as well?
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4. We still go out on dates
“Happy is the man who finds a true friend and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” This quote by Austrian composer Franz Schubert says all that you need to know about friendship and marriage.
Reinvent date nights. Plan them with the same enthusiasm as you did pre-marriage. Dubai-based Meena Prasad, a marketing director at an interiors firm, planned to go on a staycation with her friends because she wanted a break after months of staying at home.
“But then I felt my better half needed a break as much as me. My husband is also my best friend so why not treat him to this short holiday, I felt. It turned out to be a wonderful date that refreshed and rejuvenated us,” she says.
5. We still enjoy each other’s company
“Conversation is most important for me. I can safely say my husband is my best friend because I talk a lot and he loves to listen,” says Monica. Indeed, good communication is the bedrock of all strong relationships.
Communication also includes the art of listening. When you listen to your wife, she opens up to you. Howard and Danielle advise, “Listening to your spouse means sharing her fears and happiness. It is one of the best ways to make her your friend.”
When you can talk to your husband the way you would with a close friend who understands and empathises with you, there is really no need to seek these qualities outside of your marriage. Enjoying your husband’s company is extremely essential.
6. We enjoy great sex
A reason why a lot of marriages slip into boredom is because the sexual spark goes missing after a long while. It does take effort to reignite it. And guess what? You should make that effort.
Sometimes it is also not about the sex. Just moments of intimacy, indicating a huge comfort level without any pretense is enough to cement a bond between a husband and wife.
There are different ways to spice things up in the bedroom. Not taking each other’s need for sex in a marriage for granted is important. So do all it takes to bring back the sizzle in your sex life.
7. We are affectionate towards each other
After the initial years, some of the passion wears off and for couples, what ideally should replace it are care, concern and affection. The last bit can be shown in many ways, especially in a long-term relationship and it goes a long way in strengthening it.
“Be it helping me in my household chores or making decisions, there is a lot of togetherness in whatever we do. Is my husband is my best friend? Most definitely yes. I don’t even need to think twice when I need something,” says Meena.
For Meena, much like for many other women, it’s the small things that matter. Not the big gifts or bombastic efforts, but the tiny gestures that indicate affection and warmth without having the need to show-off to the rest of the world, makes their world go around.
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8. We don’t have secrets from each other
“If my husband is my best friend, why should I hide things from him?” reasons Maria explaining the decision she made on her wedding night – to come clean on all her previous relationships.
“It was strange,” she continues. “Instead of making future plans, we decided to exchange all secrets.” The result was that this left absolutely no scope of misunderstanding or doubts that could cause a wedge later on.
Just like you wouldn’t hide your flaws or your deep fears and secrets from a close friend, you shouldn’t do that with your husband. If he loves you, he will accept you with your secrets.
9. We share similar interests
Opposites may attract but friendships are often based on similar interests. Isn’t that why you choose friends to go shopping or clubbing with? And friendship, as we know, lasts longer than attraction.
If you and your husband both root for Los Angeles Dodgers or are fans of Roger Federer, good for you! Life is enjoyable when you have differing interests but it’s a lot smoother when you have similar tastes.
You can do fun things together and don’t have to seek each other’s permission or bother with each other’s moods. Once again, it increases the comfort level between the between the two of you have less things to argue about!
10. We stand by each other
A relationship gets tested the most when there is a crisis. How well your spouse stands by you during those tough times says not just a lot about him but also about the strength of your marriage.
Elaborating on her experience, Stacey says, “When I lost my job unceremoniously, my confidence was at an all-time low as I was confused about my future. Many so-called friends and business associates weaned away from me.”
“It was only Peter (her husband) who stood by me like a rock. He never left my side and was constantly encouraging me to give my career another shot. It was really proved that my husband is my best and only friend,” she adds.
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11. We never go to bed angry
“He is the one who always makes the first move to make up so my husband is my best friend. I always expect my friends to come around me after a fight,” says Monica when asked about the fights she has with her spouse.
The old clichéd rule of never going to bed angry with unresolved issues, works everywhere. Making up after an argument should not be left for another day. When your husband is your best friend, it doesn’t mean that you will never fight.
It just means that patching up becomes easier because there is no ego involved. It doesn’t matter who makes the first move but just ensure that whatever differences you have, are discussed, debated and concluded before the day ends. Do not carry forward fights for another day.
12. We have a set discipline
Any relationship needs to be nurtured with a certain discipline. This ensures that you don’t take each other for granted. When your husband is your best friend, it becomes almost natural to have a discipline or routine with him.
“My Sunday brunches will always be with my hubby, come what may,” says Maria. “All other days, we are free to meet others but Sunday is for each other. My husband is my best friend, it is the least I can do for him.”
In a day and age when couples are so busy, spending quality time becomes a challenge. Hence it is essential to have some rules to accommodate each other. And when your husband is your best friend, there is never a shortage of activities to do together.
13. We are kind and value each other
It would be impossible to spend a life without conflicts. Whatever be the depth of your love, disagreements and disappointments with your spouse are part of it. What matters is that you are still kind to each other.
When you are upset with a friend, wouldn’t you make efforts to solve the conflict? It shouldn’t be any different with your husband. It doesn’t mean you agree with everything, just that you should maintain the decorum if you fight.
Even if you cannot make up easily (as suggested above), do not snipe or say angry words. Instead, remind yourself what you say about him in good days, ‘My husband is my best friend, my greatest support’
The bond of friendship is based on a lot of wonderful values and it’s precious. Seeking those in your marital relationship should be your goal for then every other quality that defines a good marriage – honesty, trust, open communication etc – falls into place on their own. So can you say openly now, ‘My relationship has all these qualities, it is no wonder that my husband is my best friend’!
You become best friends with your husband by treating him like one. You don’t keep secrets from each other, you share similar interests, you have a set routine where you spend quality time with one another and you value and respect what you bring to the table. There is no question of husband belittling you. That’s how you become your husband’s best friend.
You can share everything with your husband provided you consider him your best friend and not just a spouse. It depends entirely on the honesty and trust in your marriage. Do you want to build a relationship based on trust? You should have the freedom to share everything with your husband.
Friendship is the most important element in a marriage because with friendship you get all the other elements, namely trust, honesty, love, affection and care. You would share all these qualities with a great friend so why not with your husband who you share wedding vows with?
Yes, you can be friends with your spouse depending on the level of honesty and trust you have. Also, if you have similar interests and tastes and share core values of life, then spending time with your spouse is as easy as spending time with your best friend.