What Are The Weak Points Of A Man During Romance?

There have been several times that my wife has accused me of being unromantic. This always comes as a surprise to me since I have always considered myself to be more expressive than my peers when it comes to romance. Deciding to “investigate” the matter further, I realized that what I consider to be a romantic gesture may not appear as such to my wife. This is a common issue faced by many men. So, come along with me as I dig deeper into the weak points of a man during romance.

Something had to be done about this mismatch of perceptions in my marriage. I realized that the reasons for this lack of apparent romanticism can be many. While empathizing with the weak points of a person who’s trying to be romantic, one would have to have some basic understanding of the individual’s psychological makeup. Fears, insecurities, low self-esteem, and a host of other issues could be considered weaknesses in relationships — if not by you, then at least by your partner.

13 Weak Points Of A Man During Romance

So, I discovered that a man’s failure to be romantic can be due to insecurities in different areas, social pressures, poor emotional expression, fear of commitment, and other factors. Do you want to know how a man can work on these aspects?

We have a list of some of the common weak points of a man during romance. Let’s understand these issues before we talk about solutions.

1. A man might be insecure about his appearance

Insecurity about one’s appearance can lead to several problems, especially during romance. Guys who feel insecure in their appearance can:

• Suffer from social anxiety
• Low on self-esteem and confidence
• Be super sensitive to any criticisms especially after a rejection (actual/perceived) from someone they like/love
• Struggle with emotional expression
• Have trouble forming emotional connections, especially with partners or potential dates

Related Reading: 15 Signs A Commitment-Phobe Loves You

2. He fears rejection

He could have faced rejection or trauma in the past which may cause him to fear rejection in the future. It is one of the biggest weak points of a man during romance. 

According to a study, the fear of rejection could manifest in different ways, including:

• People-pleasing behavior
• Having trouble saying “no”
• Hiding your true thoughts and feelings from others
• Allowing others to treat you badly

I remember the journey of my friend, Mark, whose girlfriend broke up with him. He was so badly affected by this that the fear of rejection drove him crazy. This fear made him put up with some really crappy behavior from his next partner and he began to feel used. Ultimately, he had to break off this relationship.

3. The “manly” image — One of the many weaknesses in relationships

Men are expected to be strong, both physically and emotionally. This societal expectation causes many of them to try and portray an image of themselves as the strong, stoic types who aren’t ruled by emotions. This affects their behavior during romance and can be bad for their relationships.

Men who portray this ‘manly’ image are usually unable to express their emotions which makes their relationships suffer. They will not do any of the following as it makes them appear weak:

• Cry in front of their partner or anyone else
• Talk or complain about the stresses at work
• Express their anger
• Confess that they are not okay

Related Reading: In Love With An Emotionally Unavailable Man? 10 Tips To Connect With Him

This inability to express vulnerability or suppressing our humanity has many untoward consequences including problems with emotional intimacy. Studies by mindfulness experts at Berkeley show that suppressing emotions can negatively affect your health and well-being. It is one of the main reasons that makes a man weak in a relationship.

My friend Mark was one such person who would never allow his true feelings to show for fear of offending his girl. His partners over the years had to constantly figure out how to touch him emotionally and crack him open. He was an expert at pretending that all was well in his life, but underneath, all that anger was just waiting to explode. When it did explode, his outbursts could be scary and his relationship didn’t survive.

4. There’s an inability to identify emotions

Wondering how to make a man weak for you? Help him understand his emotions. Not an easy task, and something he’ll need to contribute to voluntarily. As stated before, the struggle to express his emotions is a major weak point for a guy. It could be caused by an inability to identify the emotion that he is feeling. This inability can affect many areas of his life:

• Poor communication skills can badly undermine any relationship, not just with a partner, but a friend, colleague, family member, etc.
• Lack of empathy can make him come across as a very insensitive person
• It can give the impression that he doesn’t care about his partner

5. Gender stereotypes kill romance

A study by Tara M. Chaplin talks about gender stereotypes. It says that boys in Western cultures are “allowed to express externalizing emotions including anger, contempt, and disgust” instead of feelings of tenderness. At an early age, they would believe things like: “I’m a boy, so I am tough. I will play superhero instead of having a tea party.”

This forceful aggression and rejection of femininity could force a man to be unromantic. Conforming to these stereotypes can be a guy’s biggest weakness. Helping your guy challenge, redefine, and overcome these stereotypes can help you, as a couple, develop a healthy relationship.

Mark was the quintessential male stereotype. He preferred action movies, and thought romantic ones are silly. Free time would be spent working out or hanging with the guys rather than spending time with his partner. He refused to ask for help with any repair work at home because this was a man’s job — Unfortunately, he was all thumbs! With behavior like this, it was no wonder his relationships didn’t last.

Related Reading: Simple Ways How Men Show Their Love

6. He doesn’t think about his partner’s needs

One of the main reasons that many men are unromantic is that they rarely pay heed to their partner’s needs or desires. Being inconsiderate can take many forms; it’s one of the core issues relationships suffer from.

Discussing the weak points of man during romance, Ray, a 29-year-old technician from Pasadena, shares his past with us, “I was great at making holiday plans that involved doing all of my favorite things. For instance, my date plans would mostly revolve around bowling even though my girlfriend preferred camping. I spent many evenings at home watching football on TV and drinking beer with my buddies, and hardly ever went out on a date with her. I would think, I have my rights! I never thought about doing things together.”

7. Past experiences can come in the way of romance

This can be a real pain when it comes to the expression of love. Let’s talk about a guy’s biggest weaknesses:

• He was dumped by his ex
• He had his trust broken
• Betrayal weighs heavy on his heart
• He was made fun of behind his back

Any of these types of negative experiences could make it very difficult for him to trust a new partner and prevent him from forming a healthy relationship. Mark had a hard time trusting his present girlfriend because of having his heart broken previously. It made it difficult for him to get into any kind of commitment. And when he did, he kept his emotions in tight check — not healthy for a romantic relationship.

8. What makes a man weak in a relationship? The fear of being judged

If he fears being judged, this character trait can make him extremely self-critical. Men can be their own harshest critic. When this happens, they become super sensitive, afraid that their partner will also judge them. This can affect a guy deeply and cause him to bottle up his feelings and repress any emotional expression while talking about core relationship needs.

To counter his fear of being judged, Mark’s partner has tried to create a non-judgemental and supportive environment, encouraging him to express himself freely and overcome the fear of being judged. The changes this has brought about in Mark have been quite remarkable and their relationship now is on a much healthier footing.

Related Reading: Expert View – What Is Intimacy To A Man

9. He fears being tied down in a committed relationship

One of the major weak points of a man during romance, this fear has been known to destroy many a relationship. The fear of commitment can be caused by many factors including:

• Fear of loss of freedom
• Fear of the future
• A desire to have many partners
• A desire for something “better”
• Seeing other people in unhappy relationships
• Finding himself constantly attracted to other women

This difficulty in commitment can prevent a guy from being romantic. A Quora user addresses a guy’s weak spots in dating: “First, you really need to understand why that person doesn’t want to be restrained (tied down). Perhaps it is simply because they don’t enjoy it. Perhaps it’s because they don’t want to lose that sense of personal control and don’t have the required level of trust needed to do so. Perhaps it is associated to some traumatic event from their past (i.e. rape/assault) that would create a very triggering experience for them.”

10. He forgets the importance of communication

Open and honest communication is the key to emotional intimacy in a healthy relationship. Here are some scenarios from Mark’s past:

• The boundary talk: Many people don’t know how to draw healthy boundaries in a relationship, or tell their partner what they consider as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. For example, Mark hated how his partner would poke fun at him in front of her friends but would not communicate this to her. He would bottle up his anger and eventually, it would explode, causing him to say things that would hurt her
• Checking in periodically: This is an important way to show you are emotionally invested in the relationship. A few examples: How is your mental health today? Are you liking this touch? How do you feel now after our conflict?
• Keeping your partner in the loop: Mark would often neglect to inform his partner if he was going to be late returning from work, and she would get extremely anxious. A simple phone call could have avoided this
• Nonverbal communication: Mark was not great at this form of communication. He would avoid physical contact with his partner, hardly ever touching her, and often sitting on another couch rather than next to her. Ultimately, he failed to keep the spark alive in his previous relationships

Related Reading: 13 Sure Signs He Is Afraid Of Losing You

11. Common weak points of a person: Sexual inadequacy and sexual performance anxiety

Studies have shown that sexual performance anxiety (SPA) affects 9% to 25% of men and is a major cause of erectile dysfunction. Feelings of sexual inadequacy can severely and negatively affect a man during romance. This is an area that many guys struggle with and may even require professional help to deal with.

Another study explores the interaction of psychological causes of sexual inadequacy with physiological factors. These include:

• A lack of experience can make him think he isn’t good enough
• A guy’s weakness when kissing or during sex could also be attributed to inexperience, which results in performance anxiety
• Watching too much porn can give him wrong ideas about real-life sex
• Physiological issues in the pelvic region such as erectile dysfunction (ED) or premature ejaculation
• There might be past sexual experiences where he was made fun of

Mark used to keep track of his sexual weak points meaning that while there was no physiological problem, he still thought of himself as a poor performer in bed and this dampened his desire. He told me that this was because his ex used to tease him. As a result, he would get no real pleasure from sex. And this, of course, affected his performance.

12. He might be riddled with self-doubt and overthinking tendencies

Many men constantly question their own abilities when in a romantic relationship. This struggle with self-doubt makes it difficult for them to be authentic, inhibiting any inclination toward romance. How to find a man’s weak spot? Easy. See if you can spot this pattern: Self-doubt can render even the best of men into indecisive husks, constantly overthinking every decision. The self-doubt spills over into their relationships, making them doubt their partners too.

Mark’s self-doubt was so severe that he used to think his partner didn’t really love him. “What’s the point of being romantic,” he once said to me, “if she doesn’t really love me?”

13. Low self-esteem is always a third wheel

One of the most common weak points of man during romance, I’m sure you’d agree. Low self-esteem or self-worth is at the root of many guys’ problems. In combination with other fears and insecurities, it can have an extremely dampening effect on a man during romance. The struggle to break the vicious cycle of fear and low self-esteem and to heal its damaging effects is a slow and arduous road.

Related Reading: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? 7 Intriguing Reasons

How To Help A Man Get Over His Insecurities

Insecurity stems from fear. It is a feeling of anxiety about the future which makes you unsure of yourself and your actions. Insecurity can have a negative impact on your guy’s self-image, lowering his self-esteem and self-worth. Left unchecked, it can affect all areas of his life including his romantic relationships.

This must be a hard pill to swallow if you’re in love with a guy who’s romantically challenged. He’s grappling with his own struggles, and you don’t know how to touch him emotionally yet. Just know that all the attention and encouragement that you can give will be needed for him to do this internal work.

You can learn how to find a man’s weak spots that are at the root of his insecurities and then help him overcome them. Here’s how you can go about it:

1. Help him get in touch with his feelings

Many men are unable to even identify what they are going through, much less figure out what is making them feel that way. Then how to find a man’s weak spot when he can’t find it himself? By creating a safe and supportive environment where a man can express himself and encouraging open and honest communication. This way, you can foster empathy and help him become more vulnerable.

A compassionate dialogue, where both partner’s desires and goals are respected, will be essential in this endeavor. With a few gentle strokes of encouragement, you can get him to participate in conversations while giving him plenty of positive feedback. This will teach him that it is okay to be vulnerable and will strengthen the relationship.

If you’re here to learn how to make a man weak for you, let me direct you to Mark’s girlfriend, whom he’s set to marry soon. She has helped him explore his feelings by getting him to keep a journal where he can note down and elaborate on what he is feeling. She is constantly encouraging open communication, getting him to express what he truly feels. He has begun to see just how much of his fears and insecurities are rooted in his imagination and not based in reality. This has made it easier for him to talk to her.

Related Reading: Relationship Advice For Men – 23 Pro Tips By An Expert

2. Change his perspective with a gratitude journal

Often, being insecure causes a man to develop a highly negative view about various areas in his life. His insecurities might make him think the way Mark used to: “What’s the point of being romantic if she is going to leave me anyway?”

One important tip that can help him inculcate a positive attitude is to get him to keep a gratitude journal. This is a great idea that can help him eventually change his perspective. A gratitude journal can shift his focus from everything he perceives as being wrong in his life to everything that is going well in his life. Gradually, he will not focus on the things that could go wrong and his insecurities will lose their hold on him.

3. To work on the weak points of man during romance, mindfulness and therapy are recommended

Mindfulness can help an individual feel their emotions in real time. According to research by J. David Creswell of the Department of Psychology, Carnegie Mellon University has suggested that mindfulness-based intervention can be effective in helping individuals cope with high-stress environments. Mark, too, benefited greatly from yoga and meditation and has become more adept at balancing the demands of his job and his relationship.

A trained therapist or mental health professional could be advisable if your man is extremely insecure. They can help him identify his feelings and figure out the root causes of his issues, helping him sort through the complex emotions and fears that cause anxiety. So, encourage your man to seek professional help especially if he feels it is unnecessary or “unmanly.”

If he is reluctant to seek help, be patient and work on creating a supportive environment. You can always revisit the topic of a therapist at a later date. Our panel of mental health experts at Bonobology is here for you. While initially reluctant, Mark has benefited tremendously from seeing a therapist. Today, he is a lot more expressive. He no longer sounds or feels like a tightly wound spring waiting to burst.

Dealing with a guy’s limitations in a relationship could be quite a challenge when you need him to be more in tune with his vulnerability. If you want a healthy relationship and are in it for the long haul, then you need to be extremely patient and supportive when dealing with your man, his insecurities, and his perceived or real weaknesses.

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