We’ve all seen our fair shares of commitment-phobes on TV. From Mr Big in The Sex in The City to Chandler Bing in the first few seasons of Friends, they have all been there. If you’re seeing this guy who is giving you all the signals that he’s head-over-heels in love with you but is afraid of changing his status from “single” to “in a relationship”, then you’re dating someone with commitment issues, or more bluntly, a commitment-phobe.
Many times, when commitment-phobes are in love with you, they are scared to take it to the next level and friendzone you for life. They lead you on and the moment you feel that you’re falling for them, they back out. If you love someone with commitment issues, watch out for the signs.
15 Signs A Commitment-Phobe Loves You
If he’s in love with you, he’ll show you how important you are to him and will make you feel special. You’ll begin to trust him and see your future with him until he runs the other way. If this guy is giving you such mixed signals, it means that a commitment-phobe is in love with you.
Loving a commitment-phobic person isn’t an easy task. Your guy will keep finding an excuse or a reason to get out of the relationship and it’s not long until this commitment-phobe wants to be “friends”. It is difficult to decide what goes on in the head of a commitment-phobe. Dating someone with commitment issues can leave you rather confused. Here are 15 signs that a commitment-phobe loves you.
1. He’s very unpredictable
The major issue that commitment-phobes have is to be trusted and this makes them unpredictable. They are caught up between their mind and heart. Their mind tells them that it’s a bad idea and relationships aren’t meant for them while the heart tells them that the risk is worth taking.
In the attempt of listening to both sides half-heartedly, they end up acting weird and unpredictable. One time he will act all warm and cosy and the other time he’ll be all cold and distant.
A commitment-phobe can actually miss you but they would tell their mind that’s a wrong feeling to indulge in.
You will largely have an on-and-off relationship with him.
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2. He’s only into the chase
Commitment-phobes love to chase the woman they are attracted to. However, when they realize that it could turn into something serious, they run away. If your guy had been giving you signals so far and has suddenly stopped after you’ve confessed that you like him back, you’ve probably scared the commitment-phobe away.
Commitment-phobes prefer the fantasy of being with someone rather than actually being with someone.
3. He avoids conversations related to you both
He shows you that he’s in love with you but doesn’t want to talk about it. Whenever he senses that you’ll ask him about where it’s leading to or bring in the “us” factor, he will change the topic.
He prefers avoiding any relationship related question that you ask rather than dealing with his commitment phobia.
4. He avoids getting too attached to you
People with commitment phobia prefer to be loners. They hate getting too attached to someone. Imagine you both hanging out at your apartment and having a few drinks. You both start having heart-to-heart conversations and begin opening up to each other.
The moment he realizes that you both are getting into a moment, he will make some excuse to leave. He will avoid getting too attached to you.
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5. He isn’t looking for anything long-term
When a commitment-phobe is in love with you, he’ll try to make sure that it doesn’t go long-term. Commitment-phobes are scared of the responsibilities of a relationship and prefer to stay away from it.
They prefer keeping it casual and breezy. If a commitment-phobe loves you, you can expect him to get jittery if you talk about exclusivity. Don’t let that confuse you because that’s an absolute sign you are dating a commitment-phobe.
6. You feel drawn towards him
Something within tells you that he is bad news. Somewhere in your heart, you know that this guy is going to break your heart but you still somewhat get drawn towards him. It’s like he is forbidden fruit and you can’t help but take a taste of it. You know that even though this guy has feelings for you, he won’t be able to commit but you try to ignore the fact.
7. He always says goodbye first
As said earlier, commitment-phobes prefer not to get too attached to people. He is the one to always say goodbye to you. You try to prolong conversations with him but he will make an excuse to end the conversation. Even when you both go out on dates, he’s the one to say goodbye first.
8. He’s very secretive
He won’t tell you much about his life. This is because he doesn’t want you to know about the things that make him vulnerable. He prefers to keep things to himself instead of letting you see through him.
When a commitment-phobe is in love with you, he’ll try his best to keep his feelings a secret. He’ll look at you lovingly and give you the romantic vibes, but will never confess.
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9. He likes you but likes his space more
When a commitment-phobe is in love with you, he might not confess but will make you feel special through his actions. But the most important thing for a commitment-phobe is his freedom.
Commitment-phobes love their freedom and hate it when someone else invades their personal space. Do commitment-phobes miss you? They do but they would never admit it and give you that special position in their life.
10. He gives you mixed signals
On one hand, you’ll see him trying to be romantic with you and the next moment he’ll start making excuses to avoid you.
Commitment-phobes are notorious for giving mixed signals. This is because they themselves are confused as to what to do. Imagine him making promises to you but then avoiding you as if you’re a stranger. This is how dating a commitment-phobe feels like.
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11. He’s taking it too fast
This guy loves you but you feel like he’s rushing into things without building a foundation or connecting with you emotionally. Commitment-phobes aren’t interested in long-term relationships and hence don’t like spending a lot of time wooing a woman. If a girl isn’t interested, they move on to someone else and if she is, they will jump at the opportunity.
Once a commitment-phobe knows that you’re interested in him, he will not waste any time in dating you. The downside is that it will end as swiftly as it began.
12. He doesn’t express his feelings
This guy will give you all the signals that he is in love with you. He will make you feel special and you’ll slowly start building your expectations. You’ll keep waiting for him to confess his feelings but he won’t.
This is because commitment-phobes aren’t good at expressing their feelings. They prefer to speak through actions rather than actually saying how they feel.
Related Reading: Exclusive Dating: It Isn’t Surely About a Committed Relationship
13. He avoids PDA
Commitment-phobes prefer showing love in a closed room rather than on the streets where anyone could see them. This is because they hate PDA. Being in love with someone is already against their rules, let alone showing PDA. Even a slight meeting of hands will make him all awkward.
14. He gets all awkward
When it comes to opening up and talking about his feelings, he will become all awkward. He’ll act like Chandler Bing trying to avoid his feelings with a joke or sarcasm. You know that he loves you because you can feel it, but his awkwardness will make you all confused.
Related reading: Relationship Advice: Is She Not Ready for a Commitment?
15. He’s afraid to take it to the next level
If you know that this guy is in love with you and is not confessing, it is because he is afraid to do so. Confessing his feelings will take it to the next level and he is afraid to do so. It is because he doesn’t trust himself to be the kind of a person who goes into a serious relationship. He will lead you on, but when the time comes, he will run away instead of confronting his feelings.
The question here is whether you love this commitment-phobe enough to take the risk. If you think that he’s worth it, go for it. Try to identify and understand the reasons why he is a commitment-phobe and gain his confidence when it comes to commitment. Make him feel that is committed to you isn’t going to be a burden for him. By assuring him that commitments aren’t that big a deal, you can eliminate the commitment-phobe from his mind. You never know, you might end up like Chandler and Monica.
A commitment-phobe is a person who has a fear of giving commitment to his/her love life. Changing relationship status from ‘Single’ to ‘In a relationship’, letting their parents know about their significant other or the biggest of all fears, getting married, scares them out of their wits and they end up breaking off the relationship.
Yes a commitment-phobe can be madly in love but as soon the person they are in love with, asks for some kind of commitment, they start to feel stuck.
You will know a commitment-phobe is in love with you because they will give you mixed signals, will be warm but will avoid getting too attached and will always hint that they need their space.
Yes they do change. When they make a conscious effort to overcome the fear of commitment, they do change.