It’s a super hi-tech world we’re living in today. We’re constantly busy running around: working, taking care of our children, and paying the EMIs. Most of us (including our spouses) have a 9-7 job and our work doesn’t get over when we come home. We reach home after a long day of work, cook dinner, take care of the housework, and raise our children too. Amidst all this, priorities in marriage can shift without us even realizing it.
Just like that, nurturing the marriage takes a backseat. That’s why marriage problems begin to rear their ugly head. The need to prioritize your marriage has never been more pressing than it is in today’s high-paced life. So, what are the priorities in a healthy relationship or marriage? Let’s explore.
8 Top Priorities In Marriage
When do we take out the time to cultivate our marriage and the relationship that we share with our spouse? We continue living our hectic, stressful, unfulfilling and dissatisfying life. Busy dealing with our day-to-day stresses, we fail to prioritize our marriage. We set goals for our career, health, finance, but ironically, fail to set marriage goals, for the soulmate we met and got married to.
Statistics indicate that almost half of the marriages in the US end in divorce or separation. It is unfortunate to see that most couples don’t give the required amount of nourishment and attention a marriage requires.
This makes you wonder what are the top priorities in a marriage that we need to focus on when we work actively on sustenance and success of domestic relations? Would the list comprise communication, integrity, loyalty, clarity, consensus, financial sync and household duty shares? Is there a standard list of priorities in a marriage? Or does it vary from couple to couple?
While every couple can have their own take on what’s important and what’s not, Bonobology readers list 8 top priorities in a marriage that must never be overlooked if you want to your bond to stand the test of time:
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Communication is the magic bridge that keeps two partners connected and in tune with each other. Sukanya agrees that communication tops the list of priorities in marriage, and Barnali Roy says that without healthy communication, a couple cannot hope to build a future together.
Shipra Pande also lists the ability to talk to each other, especially in moments when both partners don’t see eye-to-eye, as the essence of a wholesome relationship. According to her, any successful marriage is built on 3 Cs – Communication, Commitment and Compassion.
Dipannita feels that communication is important to build consensus and a shared vision for life.
When you vow to love and cherish each other for life, the promise of not succumbing to temptation comes with the territory. That’s why a lot of our readers agree that loyalty is one of the non-negotiable elements of a happy marriage. Well, at least in the case of monogamous marriages.
Sukanya lists loyalty, right alongside communication, as the most crucial element you must prioritize in your marriage. For Gaurangi Patel, loyalty, along with understanding and love, is what is needed to keep a marriage afloat.
In contrast, Jamuna Rangachari feels, “We need to keep working on retaining love in our relationship. Automatically, traits like loyalty, integrity and sharing join in when there is love.” Raul Sodat Najwa stresses that loyalty, coupled with communication and integrity, needs to be among the top priorities in marriage.
Loyalty and trust are the two sides of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other. Only loyal partners can build trust in their relationships, and where partners trust each other, loyalty follows. Our readers too feel the same way.
When asked to share their list of priorities in marriage, most listed trust as a key piece of the puzzle without which a marriage cannot be sustained in the long run. Vaishali Chandorkar Chitale, for instance, says that trust and sharing a vibe with your partner is most important for the success of a marriage. Barnali Roy lists trust as a prerequisite in a long-term relationship or marriage.
Related Reading: Seven things that keep a relationship going
4. Sharing responsibilities
The mantra of a successful marriage is not just limited to the emotional aspects of a relationship. When you’re in it for the long haul, certain practicalities automatically feature among the priorities in marriage. For our readers, sharing household/domestic responsibilities is one such priority that should not be undermined.
Sukanya and Bhavita Patel both feel that apart from communication and loyalty, sharing responsibilities like domestic chores, finances, parenting and taking care of elders must be among the top priorities for any married couple. Dipannita agrees and emphasizes that sharing responsibilities becomes even more pertinent when spouses take on the roles of parents.
5. Mutual respect
The importance of mutual respect in a relationship cannot be stressed enough. Without respect, it is hard to build an enduring love that can stand the test of time. It is this respect that enables spouses to never overstep the line that can open the floodgates for resentment, hurt and anger to seep into the relationship.
Barnali Roy, Shweta Parihar, Vaishali Chandorkar Chitale are among the Bonobology readers who listed mutual respect as the top priorities in marriage. Dr Sanjeev Trivedi offers an interesting take on the list of priorities in marriage. He is of the opinion that financial success, life discipline and mutual respect are more important than anything else.
Marriages born out of a genuine friendship are truly the most holistic. After all, you find in your friend a partner for life and in your partner a friend who has always had your back and will continue to do so. That’s why Rishav Ray counts friendship as one of the underrated but vital priorities in marriage.
Arushi Chaudhary goes the Bollywood way and says that friendship, love and laughter are the essentials. Shifa agrees with Arushi and says that apart from friendship, trust and loads of patience are needed to make a marriage a happy, wholesome life-long journey.
7. Conflict resolution
Every relationship, every marriage, no matter how strong and happy, goes through its share of up and downs, fights, arguments, disagreements and differences of opinion. Equipping yourself with the right conflict resolution strategies is essential to tide over such rough waters.
Ronak brilliantly jots down that dealing with conflict in a relationship is very important. “It is an absolute essential if you want to grow old with your life mate, knowing that in each other’s warm embrace you have found Home,” he feels.
Marriage is about the collaboration between two people with no place for competition or trying to impose upon. After all, you’re now on the same team for life, and that’s why Shweta Parihar feels that teamwork is just as important as love, care and respect, to keep a relationship afloat.
“Understanding, collaboration, and complementing each other well” are the ingredients for a long-term happy marriage according to Archana Sharma.
Whatever be the top priorities for us, the most important thing is to not let resentment build up. Talk about the issues right away or soon. Another necessary point is to take the torch when the other is down or out. And all said and done, as the saying goes, the most successful marriages, gay or straight, even if they begin in romantic love, often become friendships. It’s the ones that become the friendships that last the longest.