Let’s get one thing out of the way – everyone has been ghosted, at least once in their life. If someone tells you otherwise, they’re either lying or they are God’s favorites. Being ghosted is a horrible feeling that ends with you in your bed with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a whole list of things you surmise you could have done differently. We haven’t even gotten to the worst part yet – when he ghosts you and comes back. Self- esteem takes a hit, insecurities start chiming in and anxiety becomes your best friend.
You’re angry and curious at the same time. The sheer audacity of showing up right after abandoning you in the middle of a conversation which you thought could have the potential to go places!
But you’re still thinking about the text he sent, aren’t you? Even after giving your friends a long monologue of how you hate him and how he doesn’t cross your mind anymore. It’s a good thing you’ve got us then to help you out when a ghoster reappears.
What Does It Mean When A Guy Ghosts You And Comes Back
The one and only silver lining to getting ghosted is the assurance that you will never have to deal with this person again. The embarrassment and complicated feelings will eventually go away, you will heal and find the strength to put yourself out in the world again. Just as you focus on that note of positivity, a text pops up on your phone. Guess who it is? Of course, just as your luck would have it, it’s him. You’re muddled and curious. What could this possibly mean now? To find out, keep reading.
1. He’s out of options
This is the most likely scenario. When he ghosts you and comes back, you should know it’s not because he suddenly misses you and regrets disappearing. It’s because he’s got no one else at the moment. He’s probably exhausted Tinder, Bumble, you name it, and now he’s looking to build upon an already laid out base.
Do not fall for it. It’s important to make a ghoster regret. You might be sitting at home, as idle as possible. But, he does not need to know that. Hold your ground and do not text back. At least, not before 72 hours.
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2. Sheer boredom
The reason he ghosted you in the first place probably has something to do with his short attention span. This is someone who is not ready for a real relationship. Hence, he prefers surfing his options, bouncing from one to another, eventually ending up nowhere.
You might feel the urge in you to hit him with a comeback and ask him to pick up a hobby instead of toying with your emotions. As tempting as that might be, we advise you to simply indulge in a bag of chips. In any scenario when he ghosts you and comes back, take the easier way out and just click ‘block’.
3. It’s easy to go back
Fast-pace dating has its downsides. The rush, adventure and adrenaline are bound to deteriorate, leaving you with the need to experience some sort of connection, or dare I say – intimacy. This is precisely why ghosters come back after months just to feel that slight touch of a bond. They knew they had a good thing going with you, but the minute it started to get real, they vanished. How predictable!
This is your chance for a payback. When you ignore a ghoster, ghosters keep coming back. You want him to feel the restlessness and the self-doubt that you felt? Well, there’s no better opportunity than this.
4. They don’t like you moving on
It’s oh-so-easy to be self-indulgent. When he sees you moving on and having fun, it probably bruises his inflated ego. His narcissism will not let him accept that you were not completely heartbroken over him, which is why he will try to reach out again. It’s guaranteed that the “hey, wassup?” that he just slid into your DMs will occupy space in your mind. Nevertheless, this is where you need to have a little self-talk. When he ghosts you and comes back, you don’t need to be instantly available for him. Tell yourself you’ve finally moved on, you’re happy and healthy. Do not throw this away.
5. They feel guilty
Now this might be very difficult to hear. You might wonder why the ghosters feel guilty as it was their choice. He chose to walk away from the conversation and from you. You’re probably thinking, “There is no way he’s feeling guilty because he thinks he’s hurt me.” Let me tell you, you’re right. More often than not, the guilt is rising due to the regret he feels for his actions, not because he suddenly has feelings for you. When he ghosts you and comes back, he wants you to provide him closure, for you to tell him that his actions did not hurt you and you’re fine, so he can walk away guilt-free.
6. Somebody ghosted them
Oh sweet, sweet karma! The only time you truly understand why someone was so hurt is only after the exact thing happens to you. He got ghosted. Just like you, he started developing feelings for someone, built up expectations and saw them evaporate when the person vanished in thin air.
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It is only natural for these ghosters to crawl back into the lives of those they’ve had dalliances with in the past, the ones that they ghosted. They come with hope in their eyes that you just might be willing to forgive them and take them back in.
What To Do When He Comes Back After Ghosting You
We have already established why they ghost you and then come back. Now, let’s work on what you need to do, what actions you need to take in order to protect that delicate heart of yours.
We’ve got a couple of options for you to consider when he ghosts you and comes back. We do not want to end up making the same mistakes. However, we also don’t want to be completely rigid and cold.
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1. Figure out what you want
When he ghosts you and comes back, some of the suppressed feelings are bound to resurface. Ask yourself what your heart truly desires. Do you want to give him another shot despite the prevalent risk of the past repeating itself? Or would you rather choose to spend that energy, time, and pick-up lines on someone else? When making this life-altering decision, make sure you’re high on tolerance. People do not change overnight and neither will he.
2. Move on
All right, he’s come back into your life, given you a basic explanation for why he disappeared, now what? Is that enough for you? Are you content with the bare minimum effort that is being thrown at you? If your answer is no, then it’s time to move on from the relationship.
It is no surprise that he’s come back into your life. If you’re wondering what percentage of ghosters come back, let me tell you, it’s most of them. You’ll always want an explanation to why they ghosted you and because of this, they will always have the upper hand. Take the power back, do not seek closure and simply move on. Easier said than done? I know, but when he ghosts you and comes back, this is the healthiest decision you can make for yourself.
3. Pretend you never noticed he was gone
This might sound shallow, but it’s going to save you an immense amount of time which you otherwise would have spent cringing at yourself. Play it cool. Let him think you did not give him the time of day, that you did not notice his absence at all, even if he was all you could think about.
When he ghosts you and comes back, masquerade your behavior. Compose yourself. Do not start asking for explanations right away. He will provide them, unasked. Eventually, you need to let go of the past and the person. You got what you wanted and ended up feeling better about yourself. Our goal here is achieved.
4. Find out if he truly is regretful
Careful now, this is a risky one. Think of walking on a steep slippery hill on a rainy day. That’s how careful you need to be when he ghosts you and comes back because he thinks he made a mistake. Yes, there is a chance that his feelings are genuine, that he wants to make up for lost time and that he promises to stay and do better. However, he might just end up breaking your heart again.
Related Reading: 9 Tips To Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You
If you’re sure that he’s a changed man (be very sure), then go ahead and give him a shot. Maybe, just maybe, he might end up making you feel proud of the decision you made.
5. Once a ghoster, always a ghoster
The thing is, even subconsciously, ghosters get into the habit of bouncing from one person to the next. Now, they might have just started off having fun swiping right and left, talking to or even dating multiple people but the chance of having so many prospects is what drives them to do what they do. They constantly look for other fishes in the sea. It is not often that they think of taking the time to completely know the person before making the next decision. It’s all about living in the moment.
When he ghosts you and comes back, the reason it completely takes you by surprise is because that is so out of character for a ghoster. This is why you should always remember to keep your guards up, he ghosted you once and he can ghost you again.
6. Be honest
This might be the riskiest thing you are advised to do. If none of the above options seem to work for you, then be honest, especially with yourself first, and then him. Tell him exactly what you felt, how angry it made you and ask for a reason why. If you’re someone who loses sleep over this, then being honest is the only option you’ve got.
However, you need to know that just because you’re choosing honesty does not mean it will be reciprocated. It might be embarrassing, he might say you’re making a big deal out of nothing or you won’t receive a response at all. But if there is one thing you’ll have now, it is a good night’s sleep. You wanted to be true to yourself, so you took the chance. You never know, it might just end up in your favor.
We know guys like these are hard to resist. The charm, the effortless conversation, and the bass voice all make you believe that they deserve a second chance. Some surely might but some for sure do not. Find out where you stand on this spectrum before you wear your heart on your sleeve, again.
Mostly yes, guys do come back after ghosting you. Some might turn your life upside down – not in a good way, and some might end up sweeping you off your feet. But yes, they do usually end up coming back.
Firstly, think about whether you should be responding back to him at all. If you already have, then make sure you get some sort of an answer to where he’s been all this while. Don’t make it too obvious.
This is not someone who is ready to settle down and build a family. They might be scared of real connection and bonds due to prior experience. Regardless, no one should be treated like that. This is not a fight-for-your-love kind of person – be sure to remember that when getting swooped in by their charm.