Being friends with your lover goes beyond simply sharing a bed or a life together. It’s about cultivating a genuine connection based on trust, mutual respect, and shared interests. It’s about enjoying each other’s company, laughing together, and supporting each other through thick and thin.
Companionship Is So Much Better Than Sex
Table of Contents
Truth be told, I have had several nights of sex in my twenty-something years on this Earth. But you know what’s better than a steamy night of sex? Many, many nights of steamy companionship. The kind of companionship that I now share with my lover and future best friend.
Let’s delve into the reasons why companionship is so much better than sex, and how cultivating this profound bond can lead to a more fulfilling and lasting love.
- Companionship is the Cornerstone: True intimacy and connection are built on shared experiences, mutual support, and genuine understanding, far surpassing the fleeting pleasure of physical intimacy.
- Long-Term Fulfillment: While sex is undoubtedly enjoyable, its intensity often fades with time. Companionship, however, deepens with shared laughter, conversations, and mutual growth, providing lasting fulfillment.
- Weathering Life’s Storms: In times of hardship, it’s the companionship of a loved one that provides solace and strength. A supportive partner offers comfort, understanding, and a shoulder to lean on, surpassing the temporary distraction of sex.
- Shared Dreams & Aspirations: A true companion shares your dreams, encourages your aspirations, and celebrates your successes. This connection creates a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment that transcends the physical realm.
- Emotional Intimacy: Deep conversations, shared vulnerabilities, and unconditional acceptance foster emotional intimacy, the glue that binds two souls together. This level of closeness cannot be replicated by physical intimacy alone.
However, it wasn’t always like this.
Before being enlightened about the personal benefits of having your lover be your best friend, I too chased the mystique of a complicated man. I looked for an onion, in a bowl full of vegetables, that I could peel away but never fully understand. There was something exciting and otherworldly about the unknown, and that’s exactly what I wanted from a relationship: a bulb of mystery, (even if it meant occasional tears).
But is mystery what keeps a relationship sustainable? Can you keep chasing the thrill of complication and land yourself a partner for life on the way?
“The best relationships are built on a foundation of friendship, love, and mutual respect.”
No. No, you can’t.
Mystery is sexy but being friends with your lover first is what makes long-term commitment a positive possibility for you. And isn’t that what we all want?
Related reading: They are the spice in my life
We want someone whom we can be ourselves around and not be judged for it. I mean, before friendship (with an ex of mine), I’d be worried about things like consistently being non-hairy, non-saggy and non-goofy. But after friendship, my partner knows that’s just who I am: averse to the pitfalls of traditional beauty standards, averse to bras and totally pro geeking out over Game of Thrones.
According to science and according to me, lovers who are also close friends enjoy better sex, more love and greater commitment because we are completely open about our likes and dislikes. This makes the ride to be the real juicy fruit you are smooth of.
It’s not easy becoming friends
However, being friends with your partner isn’t always the easiest path. As damaged humans, it’s easier to shut someone out, not show your true self and just be a crankily closed-off potato haunted by your past. I have done that plenty of times and kicked people out of my bed and out of my life because I was too afraid of the vulnerability of really getting to know someone.
Related reading: Less than lovers, more than friends
It’s true. Once you put more effort into building a strong friendship with you partner you are also less likely break up, because no one wants to hurt a friend. Investing in the friendship aspect of the relationship means more romantic commitment, love and sexual satisfaction, because the tables have turned from satisfying ‘me’ to satisfying ‘we’.
When my lover email blasts articles written by me or when I listen to his tirade about a hard day, it’s because we want to put more effort into building a strong friendship and not just strong budgeted Swiss holidays.
Not just a band
Ultimately, friendship and ‘Friendship Day’ is not just about tying a knot on your chaddi-buddy’s wrist. It’s about reminding yourself to make an extra effort in your relationship so that your partner knows the good, the bad and all the flavours of you.
And it’s this friendship — not just romantic love or mysterious lust — that allows people to reap the rewards of long-term commitment.
When you are friends with your lover first, you having the freedom to be your truly organic selves around each other. Yes, you can finally admit that you secretly enjoy CID and your favourite character is Daya.
You can both be aware of each other’s histories, because like friends, you spoke about it early and openly. There are no nasty ex-lover surprises in your future.
Related reading: The trick to a happy, joyful marriage
No secrets between friends
If you are just about to get married (like me) then you will have a smoother transition when adjusting to your partner’s lifestyle and tastes, because you already talked about how much he loves budgets and you love shopping.
You will also have epic inside jokes because you both enjoy friendly rounds of imitating your family members and co-workers.
And finally the most important thing: you can be totally honest with each other and reveal the branches of your personality that make you uniquely you and the amount of care you need to bloom as a person and as a partner.
FAQs
1. How does being friends with your lover improve communication?
Friendship fosters an environment of open communication, where you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, needs, and concerns without fear of judgment. This strengthens understanding and intimacy within the relationship.
2. How does friendship contribute to the longevity of a romantic relationship?
Friendship creates a bond that goes beyond physical attraction, providing a sense of companionship and support that can weather life’s challenges. This deep connection increases the likelihood of a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
3. What if we have different interests? Can we still be friends?
Having shared interests is wonderful, but it’s not the sole basis of friendship. Respecting and appreciating each other’s individuality, while also finding common ground for activities and conversations, is key to building a strong friendship within a romantic relationship.
Final Thoughts
Being friends with your lover means truly knowing and accepting each other, faults and all. It means having a safe space to be silly, to dream, and to grow together. It’s about enjoying each other’s company, not just as lovers, but as genuine companions who cherish each other’s presence.
So, amidst the passion and romance, take the time to nurture that special bond of friendship. Remember, a love that’s rooted in friendship has a greater chance of standing the test of time, providing you with a love that’s not only passionate but also enduring and deeply fulfilling.
Inappropriate Friendships When Married – Here’s What You Should Know
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Fortunately, with your partner as your best friend, you don’t have to worry about that happening to you. Your love is based on genuine friendship, and blossomed into real love. Not everyone gets to have that in life.
Of course sex is good and what is better than sex is the emotional connect also termed as friendship.
Loved this piece of Bonobology.
Just loved it.
The sex itself is so much better once we move past the lover tag and become friends.
I absolutely agree with you and can totally relate to it 🙂
Nicely done !!