I’ll have to be honest here; I’ve had major trust issues in my so-called ‘adult life’. I’ve had issues trusting women, friends and even family members. So this is my take on what trust means to me. In my life ‘trust’ meant ‘drivel’, until 9th October 2013. It was on that day that I realised that ‘trust’ is an entity worth believing in because I met the girl of my dreams. Then I realised what are the components of trust in a relationship.
Anyone who has ever trusted anyone in their lives knows that to experience trust they have to break through a veil of doubt. The longer you’ve had trust issues, the thicker this veil becomes. So you break through all the doubt and encounter trust face-to-face.
Trusting and believing are two essential elements of love and unless we can achieve that we keep dangling from a rope of doubts, suspicion and insecurity. This rope gradually throttles the relationship.
But there are aspects of trust that should be the pillar of any relationship. “Trust” is a heavy word usually uttered very lightly. So to understand the real meaning of trust we have to decode the components of trust in a relationship.
Psychology Of Trust In A Relationship
You don’t start trusting someone with your eyes closed on the first day you meet. It takes time to build trust in a relationship. In that case both partners will have to take the steps needed to assure their partner that they are honest, diligent and are sincere in what they say and do.
For instance it’s very hard to build trust if a partner is always late on a date, makes promises but never follows it up with action and always avoids talking about past relationships. You keep doubting a person like this because they might have the best of intentions but they lack the sincerity.
The psychology of trust in a relationship is actually complicated. It’s achieved step-by-step through small gestures.
Related Reading: Trust Issues – 10 Signs You Find It Difficult To Trust Anyone
Finally when a person is convinced about their intentions they show their vulnerable side to their partner because they trust them completely.
Louisa and William (name changed) met online but when they met in person both were extremely guarded because they were not sure what the other person really wanted. “I have to say William put in every effort to gain my trust. For starters he always kept his word. If he said he would meet me at 5pm he would be there at 4.30pm.
“If he said he would show me the museum he would ensure the next date would be there. What I really liked is his conviction. If he said he would do something he would always do it,” said Louisa.
If we are talking about the psychology of trust the basics entail that the person would do what is expected from them. If you are saying a person is trustworthy then that means you can vouch for the fact that they would do what you expect from them. If someone is untrustworthy you can never be sure that person will meet your expectations.
If we look at the work set up, you can never be sure that an untrustworthy colleague will deliver on deadline. But the colleague you trust will not only deliver but also support you if you need their help to meet the deadline.
Trust is the crux of every relationship and in an intimate relationship it is all the more important because it is the solid foundation on which love thrives. There are major components of trust in a relationship and we will discuss that in this article.
10 Components Of Trust In A Relationship
Have you ever thought that your partner evaluates you through trust? Your wife saw your female colleague flirting with you at a party but you did not reciprocate. That made her evaluate you positively.
You told your partner that you wouldn’t binge drink with the girls and get back home drunk, but that was exactly what you did. Negative points for you from him.
So what are the 10 elements of trust you need to work on regularly to keep the trust alive in your relationship? Let us tell you.
Faith is one of the most important components of trust. It is almost synonymous with trust for some people. When you trust someone, you almost have blind faith in them.
You know there are some things they would always do and some things they would never do. They know you in and out. This faith keeps trust going. It’s one of the major components of trust in a relationship.
When you trust a person, you always hope you can depend on them, when needed. The hope associated with trust is of the stronger variety. Hope is also the element that helps to rebuild trust if your trust in someone is wavering.
For instance if cheating has happened, you have the hope that you can be back together despite the dalliance of the partner. That’s why both of you are willing to work on mending it.
3. Silent promise
Trust is usually built on a silent promise between two people. When doubt tries to enter a relationship, this silent promise may need to be fortified with verbal or written promises.
For instance fidelity is a silent promise you make to each other when you get into a relationship. You don’t actually tell your partner you will not sleep with anyone else when you are together, right? Silent promises like this make trust grow.
4. Love – most important component of trust in a relationship
Trust feeds on love. Love serves as a fertile ground for the growth of the tree of trust. It helps to strengthen trust, rebuild trust and at times even grow trust, where formerly there was no trust, at all.
If you fall in love with someone you want to trust them so that you can have a relationship with them. Love does not exist without trust although trust can exist without love. Example: Colleagues trust each other although they might not love each other.
When you trust someone, it makes you a calmer person. Peace is one of the biggest branches on the tree of trust. Insecurity makes you jumpy, stressed and you bottle up your emotions
People who’ve never trusted anyone for a long time, and then all of a sudden start trusting just one person, know exactly how pacifying and liberating trust is.
When you trust each other you grow together emotionally, spiritually and even grow financially. Trusting a person helps you grow. As it opens up your soul, it helps you see past, what you actually thought of, as obstacles.
You’ll be more than willing to take a leap of faith, or tiny steps towards a better you, once you start trusting. If you trust a person you can hold their hand and take risks you had never taken before (that could be bungee jumping or buying shares).
Honesty is the very heart of trust. It is the element of trust that can never be ignored. Without honesty, trust finds it almost impossible to survive. It is this component that infuses trust with more hope, peace and love. Being the heart of trust, honesty helps trust to grow.
Related reading: How To Deal With A Lying Husband?
Sometimes honesty saves debacles in a relationship. For instance if there has been financial infidelity and if you are honest to tell your partner why you went wrong, they may forgive you and you can start rebuilding trust.
Happiness is a branch originating from the tree of trust. People who trust are way happier than those who don’t. In my own experience, trusting one person alone has made my happiness increase almost exponentially.
When your happiness increases, you end up sharing it with others and in turn making them happy. If you are thinking how to make your wife happy, then trust her with all your heart and see how she reciprocates.
9. Patience is a key component of trust in a relationship
When you trust someone you will not jump to conclusions and mess up the situation. If your partner is getting late from work and not answering your messages you will think, “He must be in an important meeting so unable to answer me.” That’s trust speaking. Patience in a relationship supports trust.
If you think, “Something must be cooking I have to get to the bottom of why he is late from work and not answering my messages,” then you really have to work on the trust element in your relationship.
When you trust someone, in tough times, reassurance is by your side, reminding you that everything will be all right. It is a pivotal part of the trust, and it helps bolster trust in more ways than one.
When you trust someone you know they would be by your side no matter what, that’s reassurance, one of the most important elements of trust. Reasurrance takes you through the most difficult parts of a relationship.
When you find the one in our life all your doubts and insecurities will disappear and you start focusing on the most important elements of trust to build a happy and healthy relationship. Trusting and believing are two essential elements of love with time you will know that.