If you are ready to make adjustments and compromise in a relationship, then you can expect it to grow and last happily for a long time! Without change, you remain where you were, what you used to be. So, it’s not an entirely demeaning thing to compromise in a relationship. When you learn to adjust to make your relationship work, your relationship prospers and redefines your perspectives.
However, this should not mean that you give up your own well-being and happiness just to make your partner feel satisfied and happy with the relationship. Yes, the art of compromise in a relationship is important but there are certain things that you should never give up and we are here today to give you a reality check on how to compromise without losing yourself.
How Much To Compromise In A Relationship?
In order to make your better half feel cherished and loved, you will always find yourself adjusting and accommodating as you start doing things together, making decisions, and spending quality time with them. These are just some of the examples of compromise in a relationship, there are many different ways. Where once it was only about you, voluntary and willing compromises on certain things are important because the concept of ‘my way or the highway’ in relationships does not work. Both of you making these adjustments is what being together is all about.
However, you are a human being and not a saint. If you find the changes are more often one-sided, or one person refuses to compromise in the relationship, or the changes by the other remain unappreciated, there will be resentment or an internal resistance to the changes you make just to be with your partner. Getting frustrated at some point in time is understandable.
Why Is Compromise Important In A Relationship
Coexisting with each other in a harmonious state should be the goal of your relationship. You both should complement and complete each other, instead of clashing because you believe you shouldn’t compromise in the relationship. You both have to learn to make adjustments and compromises be it in a marriage or a relationship. Small compromises allow your relationship to function smoothly and are required as both of you grow together.
Remember, compromising and changing how you would have done things is not the same as settling for something you think is beneath you. It is a natural progression in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. The trouble is when you start/are expected to adjust and give up your core beliefs, desires, wants, ideas, and needs that define you as a person, in order to be together with your partner. The strong foundation of any relationship then starts to crumble. There are some things to never compromise in a relationship!
Like you resolve conflict at work, even in a relationship you have to know when it is right to compromise and when it’s time to take a stand for yourself. You do not have to lose yourself completely in the process of accommodating the whims and fancies of your partner, just as you cannot expect to be the same person you used to be. Being true to yourself will allow you to guide yourself properly in the relationship.
12 Things To Never Compromise In A Relationship
The defining quality of a prosperous relationship is the ability to compromise. But drawing the lines is extremely necessary because compromise in the context of a relationship does not mean giving up being the person you are. It basically means developing a relationship based on appreciation, mutually and willingly accepted adjustments, along with kindness, respect, and trust. Compromise has to be balanced and fair in a relationship.
No doubt that the success of your relationship depends on compromise and keeping your partner’s needs in mind. Getting along with your partner requires believing in your partner and yourself. You love each other, and for that working according to the wishes of your loved one is the right thing to do. But this should not be the case where it destroys your peace of mind rather it should allow both of you to become better persons, together. So here’s a guideline to the12 things you should never compromise in a relationship.
1. Your individuality in a relationship should never be compromised
How to compromise without losing yourself in a relationship? Well, never compromise your values and your uniqueness. Individuality is about your personal nature, the characteristics that make you who you are, your needs, and the things that distinguish you. It is loving yourself, even as you learn to love another. This does not mean your own personality should not change. After all, being in a relationship will often change your beliefs as much as the things you do and your activities. You may be changing into a completely different person as your relationship grows deeper.
If your partner expects you to give up on your individuality and you notice yourself turning into a completely different person who you do not like, then it is time you re-evaluate your relationship. Your own core personality is one of the things to never compromise in a relationship. If your partner expects you to change that, did they ever even love who you are, to begin with? Only a selfish partner would do that.
2. The bond with your family
It is highly possible that the wavelength of your partner and your family members does not match. Most of the time, you might be in a dilemma about how to make sure that your family and your partner see eye to eye. All of this is okay. But if your partner fails to respect the bond you share with your family, then it should be a matter of concern.
Is it okay to compromise in a relationship? Yes, but not when your partner tries to sever your bond with your family members or tries to keep you away from your family. Managing differences in a marriage or relationship is important but this means they should be adjusting to things that are important to you too and making some compromises for your happiness too.
You should not have to dress differently or utter made-up stories to impress your in-laws in the first meeting. Getting along with in-laws is hard but it’s not something your partner can ignore or not pay attention to. After all, they are your family too, and your partner’s too, by extension.
Related Reading: 7 Ways Working Women Living In A Joint Family Balance Their Roles
3. Your professional life
All your life, you have been working toward your professional goals, before even your partner came along. An understanding partner will celebrate your professional success and help you do more in life. Yes, you may redefine your goals and priorities, and an encouraging partner can only strengthen you more.
Your career and professional life span way beyond your relationship and is definitely one of the things to never compromise in a relationship and your partner should respect that. However, if you find your significant other creating obstacles for you instead of encouraging you to do better, then it’s a clear sign they disrespect you and there is no point in continuing such a relationship.
You are asking, “Should I compromise in marriage?” Well, definitely not at the cost of giving up your career. When a woman goes back to work instead of choosing to be a stay-home mom, they often face a lot of criticism. The same goes for a man if they are unable to meet the responsibilities toward their family due to long work hours. Remember, marriage is not about compromise. You and your spouse should have clear communication about how to maintain a work-life balance.
4. The friends you have and the time you spend with them
If your significant other wants you to give up hanging out with your friends or makes demands on your time when you had planned something with them, ensure you do not yield to his/her pressure. Because that’s not a healthy way to compromise in a relationship. It is normal if your partner dislikes some of your friends for no valid reason whatsoever, but then it is their problem, not yours.
You do not have to stop seeing your friends, or treat them as any less important, especially if they have been there for you always. Hanging out with the boys, doing things women only do with other women, all these do not stop because you are now in a relationship. What you have to do is balance your friendship and love life correctly, giving each of them due importance in your life.
5. Your self-perception changes
A relationship should give you the opportunity to explore yourself completely and grow into a better person. It should make you feel positive about yourself. But if you find yourself feeling pessimistic all the time or not liking the way you are as much, then it’s a valid reason to end a relationship. One of the things to never compromise in a relationship is your self-confidence and how you see yourself. If your partner is making you question that, they may not be the one for you.
My best friend once dated a guy who gaslighted her into believing that she is not enough – not smart enough, not good-looking enough, not mature enough. Eventually, she became so nitpicky about mastering poised gestures, getting the winged eyeliner perfect, and so on. She was a playful messy girl happy in her own ways. Then this guy came and turned her into a completely different person. It was a few years before she realized what are the things you can’t compromise in a relationship and she refused to change herself any further.
6. Your dignity as a person should be held high
Never compromise your values and self-worth in a relationship. It is taken for granted that your partner will respect you and enhance you. That he/she will not mistreat or compromise your dignity as a person in any way. However, if your partner is not able to respect you and starts to openly show this disrespect, then being in such a relationship is going to be tough for you. You should never have to compromise on your dignity in a relationship.
If you want to talk about marriage compromises and sacrifices, this issue is even more prominent there. The disrespect majorly stems from one spouse earning less or not having a career or an independent ground of their own. When a person comprehends that their spouse has nowhere else to go, they start belittling them in every step of life. You may ask, “Is marriage worth it then?” Well, of course, marriage is not about compromise (only). There are many perks of this beautiful union. But if the mutual respect between the spouses is missing, there is no point in making an unhealthy compromise in a relationship.
7. Your hobbies and interests should never be looked down upon
You may ask, “Should I compromise in a relationship about my passions and interests?” While being in a relationship, you should get a chance to indulge in the activities and hobbies which interest you. If you continuously feel that you do not have the time or your partner does not like a particular thing that you do, then it means you are not truly free to be happy. You are compromising your personal time and a facet of your own development.
Is it okay to compromise in a relationship? Yes, but your hobbies and interests are things that define you. If you both read and you develop a taste for your partner’s genre of books, that is an added dimension to your life. Giving up your reading and your choice of books is a compromise in a relationship. You may outgrow your choices even if you aren’t in a relationship but making those changes for a partner is a dangerous sign.
8. Your suggestions and opinions should be valued
You do not always have to have the same opinions and suggestions about everything when you are in a relationship. You’re bound to have differences. However, you have to know when your opinions are appreciated. Trusting your partner’s opinion is fine. But then depending on their decision-making ability without your own preferences or inputs is not so much of a ‘harmless’ mistake in a relationship. If you are wondering when not to compromise in a relationship, put a pin on this one.
You both need to share your opinions and suggestions with one another and incorporate these into the ultimate decisions you both make as a couple. And it’s not just about the major decisions, you should look out if your partner is trying to influence all of your choices. Do they always pick which movies to watch or where to go for dinner? Have you ever seen them reading the book that you gifted or listening to the song you shared? If not, they are not even considering your suggestions and that’s one of the things you can’t compromise in a relationship.
9. Your independence matters
Too much dependency on anyone can make you feel worthless and hopeless at some point in time or the other. Or it can stifle your partner by always needing to be there for everything. Ensure that you enjoy your own independence, especially in financial matters. Being financially independent as a married woman has a huge plus point.
If you don’t have to use your husband’s credit card, you can take a rain check on a lot of marriage compromises and sacrifices. A little me-time can go a long way. The time apart from your husband and family for a little while refreshes your mind, gives you enough energy and positivity, and makes you ready to support each other in times of need. There should be definitely no compromise in a relationship in the matter of independence.
10. Never compromise your privacy
Setting up acceptable boundaries in your relationship is absolutely essential so that your privacy does not get hampered. Your partner should trust you in such a way that he/she does not have to keep tabs on you at all times. They must know when you need your personal space and not disturb you at that time. Personal space is a sign of a healthy relationship and it is one of the things to never compromise in a relationship.
Sometimes people face a hard time understanding the meaning of boundaries and they end up exhibiting a toxic clingy attitude that can poison a relationship. “I have tried to figure out how to compromise without losing yourself,” says Nancy, a 23-year-old university student, “My ex-boyfriend would always come with me to any party that I go to. He simply could not trust me with a room full of drunk people and thought I could slip into infidelity at any time, although he never really had to say that in actual words. Not only did I have no space, but I was also losing self-respect and that was a lot to compromise in a relationship. I had to make a firm decision and walk out.”
11. Your goals in life
Since you are a completely different person than your partner, differences in career and life goals are very obvious. Your relationship should be such that you help each other achieve your goals and not hold back your partner from being a successful, happy individual. When it comes to the question of ambition and dreams, there should be no compromise in a relationship. Both partners should understand the fundamentals of support in a relationship.
If your relationship fails to become your support system in life, then what is the use of such a relationship? You cannot give up on your life-long dream of studying abroad because your partner is not ready to handle long distance. Don’t let the fine line between compromise and control get you. Nothing justifies the choice of living under the dictatorship of a controlling partner. There is no yardstick of how much you should compromise in a relationship, just as no two relationships are the same. This is where the art of compromise in a relationship comes in handy because you know when you should stop making compromises.
12. Any kind of abuse in the relationship is a huge NO
Whether your relationship shows the signs of emotional abuse or physical abuse, you can’t give in to such unhealthy compromise in a relationship even if you love the person with all your heart. I have seen people accepting abuse just for the sake of saving the relationship. A friend (not mentioning their name here) once told me about a traumatic incident in their teenage years.
They said, “My boyfriend emotionally blackmailed me into establishing a sexual relationship when I was just 15. It was a tender age and I was so not ready for this but he threatened to break up with me unless I fed his desires. It was a physically painful phase and let’s not go into the mental breakdowns that I have endured.” To this day, that friend is so ashamed for how they did compromise in a relationship, they could not talk about this to anyone.
Dealing with abuse in a relationship is not a healthy compromise or any form of compromise at all. It’s dealing with something no person should ever have to deal with in any relationship. If you need any professional help in the matter, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel of experts are here for you.
The relationship and the love you share with each other are supposed to bring peace, joy, and happiness in your life, not undue pain and hardship. If you are stuck in a relationship that makes you compromise on any of these things then take a step back and ask yourself honestly: Is the relationship truly worth it? Are you really satisfied with your growth in the relationship? Do you really wish to continue with such compromises?
Related Reading: 9 Expert Tips To Compromise In A Marriage The Right Way
When should you give up on a relationship?
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry from his book Wind, Sand and Stars
A relationship is supposed to make you a better person. While you may not spend all your time gazing into each other’s eyes, how do you know when it is over? How will you know when you are compromising or if you are settling in a relationship to only avoid friction? Where do you draw the line between sacrificing in a relationship and a healthy compromise in a relationship? How do you define the ‘give and take’ policy?
When you start giving more than you get in a relationship is when you should start thinking about letting go. A relationship should give both of you more happiness than misery, it should make you a more wholesome person without forgetting who you are. When you start losing sight of your individuality in a relationship, it’s one of the red flags you should watch out for. Especially if your relationship starts to get abusive in nature, you should walk out the door and never look back.
When you have to worry about ‘Should I compromise in marriage or a relationship?’, you should be mindful of healthy vs unhealthy compromises and also pay attention to the situations involving compromise vs control. Staying in a relationship in which you’re always compromising on the principle things to no compromise in a relationship will make you both unhappy.
You will feel unfulfilled, sad, and empty inside. Trust us when we tell you it’s better to let go. Sometimes, it’s better to give up than to hang on to a toxic and unhealthy relationship. We hope the honest answers to these questions can help sort out your dilemma and get you out of such a hollow relationship.