When it comes to people who you value in your life, for example your spouse, it can be heartbreaking if they are lying to you. This is because you trust and believe in your spouse. So the idea of him/her lying is not appreciated at all. If your spouse lies to you to save you from a certain situation, or lying is a one off case, then probably you can let it go, because it shows his/her concern for you. However, if you think your spouse is deliberately keeping things from you and lies all the time, then it should be a matter of grave concern. How should you deal with your lying spouse then?
Why do spouses lie?
Sometimes spouses lie to save themselves from embarrassment and sometimes they lie to protect their partners from grief. But lies still remain what they are – lies. So first of all, it is important to know about some of the reasons or circumstances which encourage spouses to lie to their partners.
- Your spouse might lie to you because he/she promised to do something but did not complete the task
- He/she might have intended to change some of his/her habits but failed to do so
- Your spouse might have let you down earlier and he/she is afraid of how you will react if he/she does something wrong again
- Even to avoid confrontation, your spouse might lie to you
- Your spouse might lie because he/she is scared of losing you or being rejected by you
- He/she lies to control a particular situation and turn it to his/her advantage
- Your spouse lies to hide his/her infidelity. Lying is a sign of infidelity
- He/she lies to create a false impression of him/her as a talented, special or successful person
12 signs of a spouse who is lying
Without trust, a relationship cannot survive the struggles of life. Lying in marriage can complicate a simple relationship, create issues which might blow out of proportion and lead to the end of the marriage. There are ways in which you can identify whether your spouse is lying to you or not or being deceptive. This article will help you get acquainted with them and you will understand how to deal with a lying partner. Look out for the following 12 lying spouse signs so that you can confront your partner and help save your marriage at the right time.
1. Your spouse speaks in a weird way
As a person who always communicates with your spouse on a daily basis, you will know how he/she speaks generally. However, if you notice that your spouse is speaking in a weird way and quite differently than he/she speaks normally, then this can be a sign of him/her lying to you. Why? Because people who lie usually change the tone of their voice and speed of their speech to assert their lie as the truth.
2. Eye movements of your spouse can be a good indicator
While talking to you about some topic, does your spouse avoid making eye contact with you and look elsewhere? If yes, then it is possible that he is hiding something from you. He/she might even start blinking frequently when you try to talk about something; he/she is trying to hide.
3. Your spouse scratches and fidgets excessively
During a conversation, if you find your spouse scratching his/her head continuously or uselessly fidgeting, then it can indicate that your spouse is lying to you. Scratching and fidgeting are actually signs of heightened anxiety and nervousness which lying people go through when they lie to someone.
4. Body language can help catch your lying spouse
Those who lie usually position themselves in such a way that they can avoid scrutiny. When your spouse lies to you, the following might happen.
Your spouse will turn his/her body away from you, get up and feel agitated while talking to you or his/her feet will be pointing towards the exit.
5. It just does not add up
There is a mismatch between the body language, facial expression and words.This is one of the most common signs of a lying spouse. If the timing between what your spouse is saying and what he/she is trying to express with the face and body is off, then it is obvious that your spouse is lying to you.
6. Your spouse makes you feel doubtful about your thoughts
When your spouse is able to distort the conversation and truth in such a way that you begin to question yourself and your thoughts, it means something is amiss. If the blame comes on you at the end of every confrontational conversation, then it is high time you investigate the matter further to understand what is actually going on.
7. Your spouse tries to distract you
While talking to you about the topic your spouse is trying to avoid, he/she will distract you and probably change the topic of conversation altogether. And if your spouse is unable to do so, he/she will bring the focus of attention on you so as to avoid the limelight.
8. Too much detail and long answers are given to your queries
If you notice that your spouse is giving too many details about something that you have asked and is giving long answers to your questions, then it means he/she is trying too hard to substantiate his/her innocence.
9. You get a gut feeling that things are not as they seem
As the closest person to your spouse, you will immediately feel that you are being lied to and that something is wrong. It might be that your spouse is not hiding anything very significant, but if you get a gut feeling, then following your instincts is the best thing to do.
10. Your spouse’s stories do not make sense
Liars generally end up making a mistake and change minor details in their story. So if you happen to catch changes in the stories of your spouse and feel that the details are really not making any sense, then become alert. You have to be objective while listening to his/her stories.
11. Your spouse becomes distant
In a relationship, two people are expected to be open to each other and share every detail with each other. Suddenly, if you feel that your spouse is becoming distant and hides things from you, then you must take action to save your relationship.
12. Anger defines your lying spouse
Your lying spouse will definitely get angry at small things and unreasonably get upset with you in order to distract you and defend himself/herself. Anger helps your spouse escape your scrutiny and questions.
How to confront a lying spouse?
Once you feel that your spouse is lying to you, then confronting him/her should be your top priority, in order to protect your relationship if you truly love your spouse. Dealing with a lying spouse can be hurtful, because your spouse is someone in whom you believed with all your heart. And if that person breaks your trust, then it will obviously be painful for you. However, there are ways in which you can confront a spouse who is lying.
- First, try to understand why your spouse lied to you. Knowing the reason behind the lie will help you deal with it in a better manner
- Then you have to talk to your spouse in a calm and understanding manner. Approach the situation in such a way that your spouse does not feel attacked
- Do not blame your spouse directly and try to avoid being judgmental before hearing his/her side of the story
- Be careful of any manipulation whatsoever, because in the end the conversation can be turned against you
- Be confident about the facts you have in hand and use them appropriately while confronting a lying spouse
- Ask specific, direct and right questions, as these can help expose the lie in the most effective manner
- You will not tolerate lies in your relationship – you must assert this fact clearly and straightforwardly
How does lying in a marriage affect the relationship?
Lying can be considered to be toxic and poisonous for any relationship whatsoever. Trust, which is the foundation of any relationship, is destroyed because of lying. One lie usually leads to another one and like this your spouse lies about small things again and again. Lying shows that you are not respected by your spouse and you will always remain suspicious of your spouse if he/she has lied regarding some significant matter in the past.
Related reading: How Do I Deal with a Wife who is Constantly Lying?
Your spouse’s lies will reflect his/her selfish attitude, which is damaging for any relationship. The most harmful effect on marriage when a spouse lies would be the end of the marriage, which might lead to heartbreak and depression for the partner.
Both partners in a married relationship have to commit themselves and be honest with each other in order to face the ups and downs in life. If you feel that you cannot live with a person whom you cannot trust, then getting away from that person is a good idea. You deserve way better in your life than a person who lies and only brings pain and stress into your life.