‘Love is understood, in a historical way, as one of the great human vocations – but its counterspell has always been infidelity. This terrible, terrible betrayal that can tear apart not only another person, not only oneself but whole families.’ Junot Diaz
Cheating is more common than you would like to believe. An expert who works with Bonobology said that 6 out of 10 cases that come to her are of spouses cheating on their partners. But, she also said that however commonplace it may be, it brings about the worst betrayal and sometimes changes the relationship irrevocably. Couples find it extremely hard to survive infidelity in a marriage, even though they may continue together for the sake of children, parents, finances, etc, the love and respect almost always vanishes. And yes trust too!
Married life brings with it a host of responsibilities and challenges, more so for the women than men. She leaves behind her siblings, parents, and what she has called home to create a new life with her husband and his family. All these major life changes are made for one and only one person, the man she calls her husband, naturally she places a huge amount of trust in him. But when he cheats on her he breaks her in more ways than one. He breaks her self confidence, her faith in the institution of marriage, mars her love for him, and most importantly he breaks the confidence she has on him. Having a cheating husband for a spouse can be devastating. Especially when a friend or a neighbour tells you, ‘I saw your husband entering the hotel room in the afternoon’. This breaks your image too.
What if there was a way you could know he was cheating on you? Are there any warning signs of a cheating husband that you may have missed? Let’s find out more in detail.
Marriages today are given less priority by couples. Career, friends, children, etc. become the top priority for many couples, due to which they are unable to lead a successful married life.
There is so much importance given to personal privacy in marriages that it becomes easier for one of the partners to get involved in an extramarital affair. Infidelity is perhaps the most challenging problem in a relationship, for many cheating is something that just happens. Have you wondered why?
Why Do Husbands Cheat?
Cheating husbands have always been there, just that society is more aware of infidelity now. Despite the high risks, and what is at stake, men still end up cheating, women too. But for this article, we will just focus on husbands. Men cheat for all kinds of reasons:-
- By nature, we are not monogamous. Maintaining sexual exclusivity over the decades is tough
- Because the sex was simply available and they couldn’t say no, this happens especially in office affairs
- expectant fathers cheat on their pregnant wives
- To deal with the stress of their lives
- The extramarital affair partner makes them feel ‘desired’ and ‘wanted’
- Some cheat to beat the midlife crisis blues
- Some cheat out of insecurity, they are too old, maybe not rich enough, perhaps not good looking. This is the way to appease their ego
- For some cheating is just that impulse of the moment when they were a drink too many down
- Revenge cheating is also common in husbands
- Frustration with the marriage partner could trigger the behaviour of cheating
- Some are just habitual philanderers
- Some cheat because they feel unappreciated at home
- Out of sheer boredom. They have been there done that.
Couples lack the skill of communication, due to which misunderstandings mushroom and are not resolved. The Internet and social media are helping people reunite with their school and college crushes. People get married later in life, have adjustment issues which result in incompatibility and unhappiness in the marriage. The responsibilities of marriage and raising a family make a couple grow out of love gradually and they start to feel emotionally distant, leading them astray. And then, some people cheat because they can.
Cheating on their wives helps boost the ego of the husbands and they feel that it makes them more manly and attractive.
Let us go through some of the causes in more detail which makes the husbands cheat on their wives and drive them to have extramarital affairs.
- Husbands cheat to get out of the shackles of married life. Their life lacks the zing and oomph and they look for it outside the marriage. Since they do not dare to confront the wives, they use cheating as a medium
- Husbands, after getting married, realise that they are not meant for serious relationships and are not ready to commit to one person. So, they ultimately end up having extramarital affairs and this is the way they want to send their marriage
- The sexual life is not as charming and a new relationship is like a wave of fresh breeze.
- Sometimes husbands feel extremely insecure in their relationships, especially if the wives are better looking, smarter, or richer than them. So, to feel worthy and desired, the husbands might get romantically involved with someone else
- Due to the advent of technology, husbands find it easy to connect with their affair partners without letting their wives know anything about the extramarital relationships
- Excessive conflicts in the married life can also make the husbands look for another partner to release all the tension and stress of married life
Related Reading: 11 Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships
Interesting facts related to cheating husbands
- According to Mensxp nearly 75% of Indian men, whether married or committed, end up cheating on their respective partners.
- Online cheating is extremely common among cheating husbands
- Those husbands who earn more money are probably going to be unfaithful in their married life
- Husbands are not likely to leave their wives, even if they are having an affair
- The husbands who cheat usually have affairs with girls who are younger than their wives
- Cheating does not mean that their marriage is unhappy
- They have fantasized about cheating before they went ahead and did it
- Some research suggests it could be heredity!
Husbands are not likely to leave their wives, even if they are having an affair
20 Signs Of A Cheating Husband You Should Never Ignore
A cheating husband would always leave behind hints that can be caught if you are careful enough. Chances are you have already noticed these signs but ignored them because you did not want to be labelled as paranoid. What if he is gaslighting you? He makes you think it is in your head! Remember if you feel the signs in your gut there is probably some truth to it. You are not being paranoid, you are just trying to decode the signs in the best interest of your marriage.
Now you must know that husbands who cheat devise multiple ways to keep their affairs hidden from their wives. Nevertheless, there are a few warning signs of cheating that will give away an affair, but you need to look closely. Remember, your husband will do everything to hide the affair, but cheaters always get caught, because wittingly-unwittingly they do leave behind clues in the form of messages that have not been deleted or lying about their stories which do not add up. There will be crumbs, you need to pick them out. We have handpicked 20 clear signs of a cheating husband for all you wives out there, who have some doubts about the loyalty of their husbands. Find out how to catch a cheater.
1. A cheating husband feels guilty all the time
His constant guilt is one of the most common warning sign of cheating. He is well aware of the fact that the affair is a bad idea, so he will feel guilty. Then out of guilt, he will stay away from you as much as possible. Or, do things to make up for the affair. The idea of you two being alone will make him extremely anxious. Thus, he will keep making excuses to avoid being all alone with you. He will be all goody-touchy-feely with you so that you get distracted and not talk to him about anything that you may be found amiss. You can watch out for the signs of the cheater’s guilt.
2. Even when he is with you, he is distracted
Physically, your husband might be beside you. But, mentally, his mind will be lost in some other thoughts. He will become absent-minded around you and not pay attention to what you are doing or saying. You will often find him blanked out, maybe he is thinking her or because he is daydreaming. He may also be sleeping more than usual if he is cheating on you. The idea is, he is there at home, with you, but he seems distracted. Here are some signs that he is not into you. Do they seem familiar?
3. A sign of a cheating husband is his style changes dramatically
In case, you notice that your husband’s dress style is changing drastically, then it can be taken as a warning sign, especially if you are not the reason behind those dramatic changes. Having an affair means that he will dress to impress and make extra efforts to look good daily. He may have started to take care of himself better because he needs to be appealing for this other woman. The shopping may be more frequent, gym sessions more intense. Unexplained expenses is also one huge sign. Check if there are odd charges on his credit card? A hotel room in your city?
Related Reading: 12 excuses a cheating husband usually comes up with
4. Your husband fights with you uselessly
Does your husband argue with you without any concrete reason regularly? If yes, then it is an indication of his frustration and also his guilt about having an affair with someone else. Emotional infidelity is more common than you think and has catastrophic repercussions. He will find flaws with everything you do and you are. Nothing seems to be good enough for him and he finds it easier to pick fights than ever. Never ignore this warning sign of infidelity – this way he manages to talk less to you and avoid you – and you let him do so.
5. A cheating husband becomes extremely defensive
His defensiveness will rise to such levels that there will be no avenue for meaningful and open discussions between the two of you. You just cannot have a conversation with him anymore. He will stubbornly claim that he is right and you are wrong, and also indulge in blame-shifting. Offense is the best form of defense, you will find him accusing you of being suspicious or outright crazy. He may also go to extra lengths to account for his otherwise unaccountable hours. And he will come up for excuses for everything.
6. He either pampers you a lot or doesn’t pamper at all
Both are suspicious behaviours. His attitude towards you will be noticeably different. In order to compensate for his guilt, he may go the extra length to make you feel special, buy you an extra perfume that he has bought for her, even send you flowers just because. Or he could be so consumed with his affair partner that he will have no love to shower on you. He will no longer plan surprise dates, may forget relationship milestones.
7. His closest friend doesn’t look you in the eye
How to spot a cheating husband? Spend some time with his closest friend and ask him leading questions. Who won in squash the other day at court? The friend would seem clueless but will cover it up. You will notice that his closest friend will be uncomfortable around you. It is because he is also carrying the burden of his friend’s extramarital affair.
8. A cheating husband develops new interests of which you are unaware
It is good that your husband is trying out new things. But if he develops new interests and does not include you in his new pursuits, it should be taken as a warning sign. Is it golf? Going for a hike? Maybe a sudden beer weekly night out with his men friends? These should all trigger warning bells.
9. Privacy becomes his top priority
It is normal for people to want ‘me time’. But what if his phone is always turned away from you. What if he chooses to sit in a corner during family hours? What if he walks outside to receive a call? What if his phone follows him to the bathroom too? These are the typical signs of a cheating partner. He might be keeping secrets from you by giving the argument that his privacy is important. He is always demanding his space. This is usually what happens when a husband cheats on his wife.
10. His sexual style and appetite change drastically
There is a contrasting shift in his sexual style and appetite. He will exhibit new levels of confidence in bed and might even experiment with something new. He wants to know more about pleasing a woman so that he can sexually please his affair partner. A cheating husband may also moan his lover’s name while he is having sex with you. Pay close attention to what he whispers during the act. This is a good way to catch a cheater.
11. He stops sharing financial details with you
Since he will be spending money to impress and satisfy the affair partner, he will keep his financial details hidden from you. He does not want you to question him regarding how he spends his money. You can call for his credit card details. Does it have unexplained expenses? A wife wrote to her about the receipt of a scarf from an expensive brand tucked away in the husband’s wallet. When she questioned him about it, he mumbled something and left. The next morning he came up with a story that she couldn’t refute.
12. People around you keep giving hints regarding your husband’s disloyalty
Your family members, friends and colleagues might have noticed some changes in your husband and might have even seen him with some unfamiliar person. They might have told you about it, and given you hints that your husband is not being entirely honest with you. Take note of their hints at an extramarital affair and don’t get angry at their audacity.
Related Reading:Watch Out For These 10 Signs Of Cheaters Guilt
13. He starts disliking family gatherings and outings with friends
Many women don’t like family events that are a common marriage problem. But if he was someone who enjoyed these gatherings with friends and family and suddenly stopped, it’s a clear warning sign that your husband is having an affair. Instead of spending time with his family and friends, he will think of ways to meet the affair partner as many times as possible. Therefore, he will avoid going to any family gatherings and even not go out with his best friends.
14. Your husband might blame you for cheating on him
You don’t know what to do when your husband cheats on you but you are completely at a loss when he starts suspecting you. If he does this, when you are quite loyal to him, then something is amiss. He accuses you of having an affair so that he can handle his feelings of guilt. He keeps on pinpointing old incidents or highlighting your flaws all the time to justify his affair to himself. The classic dilemma of a cheating husband.
15. He spends too much time with technology
Technology has become a common marriage problem but in this case, your husband will keep himself busy all day long. He will be using his laptop or phone continuously. He will always be online on social media platforms and you will notice that he will be texting someone constantly. The frequency of phone calls he receives daily will increase. He will guard his cell phone fiercely, and there will be passwords on all applications, especially the ones used for texting such as WhatsApp and Hike. These are absolute red flags and cheating partner signs.
16. He changes his passwords/lock key frequently
Earlier, he had no problems if you knew the passwords to his email ID or the lock key of his phone. But now he will become extra cautious and will keep changing his passwords/lock key frequently without revealing them to you. If you need to use his phone, he will make excuses not to lend it to you. Online cheating is the most common route to infidelity.
17. His body has unexplained scratches and love bites
If you happen to see any unexplained scratches and love bites on your husband’s body then you need to wake up and take some serious action. The love bites and scratches on his body will be the result of the sexual relationship he is having with someone else instead of you. This is one of the most heartbreaking signs of a cheating husband. Check if he shaves his chest off when he earlier didn’t?
Related Reading: 12 signs your husband is having sex outside the marriage
18. Your husband criticizes you repeatedly
He will criticize you for no rhyme or reason, in his mind, he will keep comparing you to his affair partner. The qualities and characteristics of the affair partner, which are missing in you, will irk him and behave rudely towards you. He may also accuse you of not taking care of your body and skin, or that you always complain and make him feel low. Nothing in you will seem good to him anymore. He will look for her in you, without realising how much hurt he is causing you.
19. He fails to notice you
In the past, your husband might have noticed everything you do or say. But, now he will fail to notice you and be distant. His mind will be occupied with the thoughts of the affair partner, so obviously, he will not observe you as he used to earlier. You will also see that the emotional intimacy between the two of you has faded. He shares less, his issues and challenges. Most of his answers are now of one word. Maybe he is involved in an emotional affair?
20. You will feel uncomfortable in the relationship
Even, if you do not want to accept it, your sixth sense will tell you that your husband is cheating. You will feel uncomfortable in the relationship because you will realise when your husband is faking it and not being true to you. Wives have this knack to pick on clues and it comes from our survival instinct. So if your gut makes you uncomfortable around him, you must dig deeper.
Based on these signs of a cheating husband, you may find the foundation of your marriage somewhat on shaky grounds. The pain of betrayal is difficult to deal with but you will need to roll up your sleeves and handle the situation. We told you why extramarital affairs happen and how to read the signs of a cheating partner. Now we will tell you how to deal with a cheating husband and how to cope with his extramarital affair. When confronted, your husband is likely to deny the affair, may even lie to you, and will manipulate you into believing otherwise. You need to trust yourself and not give in to emotionally blackmail.
How to cope with a cheating husband?
Once your husband breaks your trust by getting romantically involved with another person, it will be difficult for you to trust him again. Your husband might appear regretful and tell you to give him another chance. The decision to accept him, even after the revelation of his affair, should be your sole decision. Here’s what you should do if your husband cheats:
- Get as much as support as possible from family and friends, because recovering from such heartbreak is emotionally exhausting
- Clear all your doubts, by talking to your husband straightforwardly. Ask him about anything you want to know about his affair so that you can get a closure
- Counselling can be a good option for your husband if you want your relationship to work out
- In case, your husband cannot stop the extramarital affair and let go of his affair partner or gets involved in another affair then, you must move on, to preserve your self-esteem
Although difficult, it is not impossible to move on together after cheating and re-build your relationship again. You can even seek professional help to sort out your marital issues.
Related reading: 11 Tips to build a successful relationship after cheating
It is up to you to find the best way to overcome the pain caused by such a treacherous relationship and rediscover yourself, to live your life satisfactorily. Give yourself time to heal and recover your confidence to step into the world of relationships and marriages, once again.