12 Signs Of Infatuation That Indicate You’re Not In Love

The ‘infatuation vs love’ debate is one that’s been going on since time immemorial. People often confuse signs of infatuation with love as both the feelings lead to similar behaviors, at least in the beginning. However, there is one major difference between both — infatuation is temporary while love is permanent. 

But if both feel similar, how do you tell which is which in the beginning? To answer this, we need to understand what infatuation is. We talked to Psychologist Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), who specializes in CBT, REBT, and couples counseling, to help shed light on the topic.

What Is Infatuation?

Infatuated love consists of strong feelings of attraction for someone or something, which do not last very long. One of the clearest signs of infatuation is that you lose feelings over time. 

Here’s the infatuation definition as per Nandita, “Infatuation occurs when a person feels intense attraction, admiration, or sexual passion toward someone else. You will notice physical symptoms of it such as butterflies in your stomach, being sweaty, and a rise in your heart rate in their presence. Our brains release a whole mix of chemicals and hormones that cause all these feelings surrounding infatuation. It also leaves us incapable of thinking clearly.”

These short-lived feelings tend to make you obsessed with the person. Everything about them seems perfect, and it feels like you have found the one for you. Their mere presence fills up your world with smiles that don’t go away and you are always daydreaming of a perfect happily-ever-after with them. 

When asked, “What does infatuation feel like?, this reddit user beautifully described the difference between infatuation and love. “Infatuation: oh I really like this person so much I can’t even see his/her flaws. Love: I fully know this person, down to his/her biggest flaws, and I still want to be with him/her.”

Related Reading: Love Vs Attachment: Is It Real Love? Understanding The Difference

What Causes Infatuation?

If you often find yourself asking, “Am I in love or infatuated?”, you are not alone. Many people confuse feelings of infatuation for love. To be able to differentiate infatuation vs in love, let’s first identify the causes of infatuation.

Here are some causes of infatuation listed by Nandita:

• An extreme need to fall in love: When you desperately want to experience true love, every person of your preferred sex looks like a potential match to your mind
• Loneliness: If you’re trying to fill a void in your heart, any form of small affection can make you develop feelings
• Pressure to date: When being pressured to date, either from your parents or social circle, your mind starts swiping right irl to every potential match in your proximity.

I had a friend who wasn’t much interested in dating and was content with being single. That is until most people in our group started dating. Soon enough, she also started having crushes on the most random people. A coworker, a guy she commuted with on the bus, etc. 

• Highly romanticized idea of a relationship: Who doesn’t want to fall in love at first sight, like they do in the rom-coms?
• Confusing physical attraction for emotional connection: Maybe this is a sign from your body that you need to get laid
• Boredom: Ever developed a crush on a coworker just because work was slow or boring? Yup, same logic.

The overflowing dopamine can highly mess up your judgment in such cases. The chemical reaction in your brain is going to make you feel like you’re falling in love too fast, but these could just be signs of infatuation. What you’re probably feeling is infatuated love, not the true or genuine kind.

What Is Love?

When it comes to love, things go a little differently. Here’s are some characteristics of love as per Nandita:

• Love doesn’t fade even when you have been in a relationship with someone for years
• Your partner’s quirks and flaws don’t bother you, in fact, those are things you learn to love about them
• Love goes way beyond physical appearance 

Now, I know there are several questions popping up in your mind. What does infatuation feel like? Can infatuation turn into love? You’ll find all the answers here. But first, let’s discuss the difference between infatuation and love in detail.

Related reading: Am I in love with my best friend? What should I do?

Difference Between Infatuation And Love

While both are two different emotions, it’s possible to mistake one for the other because the feelings are so intense. When you are infatuated with a person, the attraction is so powerful that you feel like you’re in love or at least, want that to be the case. 

However, infatuation often takes place with an idealized perception of the person and not their actual personality. Let’s understand the difference between love and infatuation so that you can get a better grip on what you are feeling. 

Sometimes, we develop feelings for someone that are so strong that we think it’s love.These differences between infatuation vs in love will help you understand and analyze your feelings better. 

12 Clear Signs Of Infatuation That Are Mistaken For Signs Of Love

Now that we’ve discussed infatuation meaning and its causes, let’s discuss some infatuation signs. As established already, it is not uncommon to confuse infatuation or love. In fact, a lot of serious relationships do start with infatuation. Hence, identifying the signs of infatuation is not that simple. 

“Love sees clearly, and seeing, loves on. But infatuation is blind; when it gains sight, it dies. -Mary Roberts Rinehart” 

Infatuation is short-lived but intense. In this period, your feelings cloud your judgment. Until, one day, you realize that the lovey-dovey feelings have suddenly dissipated. 

Here are 12 signs of infatuation that can be confused with love:

1. You put them on a pedestal

This is one of the biggest signs of infatuation in a girl or boy. You idolize them as if they are some kind of legend or prize and you keep telling yourself that you’re lucky to be with them. 

Love is when you go past this initial puppy love phase and come back to reality where you see the real person for who they are and accept them wholeheartedly. But until then, what you feel is just a magnetic attraction. 

Nandita says, “As spellbinding as it may be, once the glass of ‘perfection’ shatters in infatuated love, you lose interest in the person as quickly as you developed it in the first place. After this, you can never look at them with the same level of awe.”

Related Reading: What Are Relationship Flaws And How To Deal With Them

2. You don’t feel like getting to know the person

Another one of female or male infatuation signs is making up an idealized version of the person in your head rather than getting to know their real personality. Your conversation with them is filled with superfluous flirting and nothing substantial.

When you are attracted to someone, you feel like you know this person because you have created the perfect version of them in your head. As you don’t want to ruin your flawless idea of them, you don’t even make the effort to dig deep and get to know the real person.

3. You start acting desperate

One of the unmissable signs of infatuation is desperation. In infatuation,  every feeling is heightened to such an extent that you want things to accelerate as quickly as possible. This desperation is more commonly seen in insecure women and men.

Related Reading: Insecurity In A Relationship: Causes, Signs, Way To Cope

Nandita tells us, “Thinking that the person is almost perfect, is one of the clear infatuation symptoms. One only sees the positives in them and only focuses on what one likes about them. You will dismiss their negative points because of this intense admiration. Due to such idealistic notions, you tend to become needy almost to a point where you would be willing to do anything for them.”

On the contrary, in love, you take one step at a time. You don’t feel the need to rush because you know you are together.

4. Flirting too much is one of the signs of infatuation

Your conversations can’t be called ‘actual conversations’ because they are essentially centered on flirting. Almost every conversation includes both of you flirting incessantly and complimenting each other non-stop. It is as if there is nothing else to talk about. Because that’s the truth — there is nothing else to talk about. This is an absolute sign of mutual infatuation.

Yes, it is healthy to flirt in a relationship but only to a certain point. If you’re wondering, “Am I in love or infatuated?” Think about what happens when you have to talk about things that are mundane things, like your daily routine. If these things are of no interest to them or you, it is probably infatuation that you’re experiencing. 

When in love, you can find affection even in the most boring conversations. You may be talking about laundry and still tell yourself, “Wow, I love this person so much!”

Related Reading: 10 Telltale Signs You Are Not Ready For A Serious, Committed Relationship

5. It’s all going too fast

It seems as if you are in a rush and can’t wait to take your relationship to the next level. This is one of the signs of infatuation in a girl or boy. The dopamine prevents you from objectively analyzing if the person is even a good match for you.

You don’t want to think about facts or reason because that might make you realize that this is not the right person for you. You do not want your bubble to burst as you are not ready to face the truth.

6. Not acting like yourself is a sign of infatuation

Nandita says, “When infatuated with someone, you want to impress that person by any means. You don’t act like your normal self, but portray a version of yourself that they would like and enjoy.”

Related Reading: 5 Ways Being Honest With Yourself Will Help You Understand Your Relationship Better

Not being yourself or doing things to impress someone can work out for you for a while but is never sustainable. When, in every moment, you start to worry that revealing your true self will threaten your relationship, it is a sign of infatuation. It will make you anxious and worried that the moment they know the real you, they will walk out of your life. 

7. Lust overpowers other emotions

One of the signs of infatuation in a guy or a girl is that they care about sex far more than they care about you. So it’s time to ask yourself whether you feel love or lust for them. What is the first feeling that you get when you see your partner? Do you want to make out with them or rope them into a long hug first? Is the sexual tension palpable?

Infatuation makes you more sexually attracted to a person than wanting to spend quality time with them. If you feel like the only things you want to do with your partner are of a sexual nature, know that it is one of the signs of infatuation.

8. You want everything to be perfect in your world

One of the infatuation symptoms include creating a perfect relationship in your head, devoid of any flaws, disagreements or compatibility issues. You’re willing to neglect or ignore anything that threatens this fairy tale of yours.

This prevents you from seeing your partner’s flaws or red flags and taking the necassary action to protect yourself from heartbreak. 

9. You are starting to lose interest

It has not been long since your relationship began and you are already getting bored of what the two of you have. Things you once liked about the person are no longer appealing to you. Those butterflies you used to get earlier are nowhere to be seen or felt anymore. You realize that you’re starting to lose interest in them.

Reality has come crashing down on you with all its force. Your partner is getting comfortable around you and might even be falling in love with you. But them portraying their true self and opening up to you is just not appealing to you anymore. It is definitely not what you had expected but it is happening.

Related Reading: 7 Things To Do When You Fall Out Of Love With Your Husband

10. You start feeling alone

As time goes by and the initial physical fizzles out, you notice a lack of emotional connection with your partner. They don’t feel like your safe space or a shoulder to cry on.This distance or complacency in a relationship is one of the signs of infatuation. 

They aren’t your support system or your shoulder to cry on. You start feeling lonely even though you are in a relationship. This is because you can’t rely on your partner in tough times because there was never any understanding or love in your relationship, to begin with. Now that you know that, you feel distant from them and are unwilling to open up.

11. You do whatever they tell you to do

It will seem as if all your senses have stopped working and that itself is the biggest sign that you are not in love. Love can enrapture you, but it shouldn’t make you act crazy. On the other hand, infatuation can. When you are infatuated with someone, you do not want to disappoint them. You tend to do whatever they tell you to. 

Related Reading: Giving Too Much in a Relationship? How Much To Give of Yourself

Your brain is working toward a singular objective – impressing your partner and making them love you. You do not question their ways. If they are abusive, controlling, obsessive, neglectful, or clingy toward you, it just doesn’t register. You are so infatuated with them that you look the other way and, therefore, choose to ignore all the relationship red flags.

12. You are delusional

Finally, it’s important to say this one out loud – You think that you are in love, but in reality, it’s merely an intense attraction topped with lust. You don’t think straight, you are simply unable to. The infatuation just keeps making you dive deeper into your delusions, making you think of this perfect life with the perfect person that does not even exist outside of your own head.

Nandita tells us, “For a short period of time, one is prey to an illusion of perfectionism in another person. One wants the fantasy to continue as they avoid looking at the mundane, the ordinary, and even the red flags in that person.” If you’re oblivious to or delusional about your partner’s ways, know that you are in an infatuation relationship.

Related Reading: 10 Reasons He Suddenly Stopped Chasing You – Even When You Wanted Him To

How Long Does Infatuation Last?

In a world where it takes just about a minute to break up with one person and move on to the next, short-lived relationships solely based on infatuation are common. So how long does infatuation last for a man and a woman? Does infatuation last in a long-distance relationship?

Nandita answered, “Infatuation is normally short-lived, but it could indeed last anywhere from one month to three years, even in an LDR. It occurs when we still don’t know a person well enough and choose to be smitten with only the side of them we do know. But when you meet the person often and understand other dimensions of their personality, the infatuation slowly reduces.”

Don’t blindly accept your feelings for someone. Look for the signs of infatuation in a guy or a girl. Do you find yourself relating to these infatuation signs? Even if the answer is yes, you can continue riding the dopamine wave if that’s what you want from the relationship.

However, if you are waiting for a soulmate kind of love and want a relationship that will last forever, think it through and don’t waste your energy on the wrong person. 

Can Infatuation Turn Into Love?

Yes. It doesn’t always have to be infatuation vs love. Both female and male infatuation signs can blossom into genuine feelings of love as infatuation and love are linked with each other. But it requires effort and understanding. 

Infatuation is often based on an idealized version of that person and not their actual personality. Thus, when that image fades and their quirks and flaws surface, you have to be accepting of those traits if you want the relationship to further grow.

Related Reading: 9 Things That Happen When A Man Is Vulnerable With A Woman

It is important to realize that the intensity of your infatuation with someone is not a good predictor of whether it will turn to love. But then how can you assess whether or not your infatuation will turn into love? Here are some ways suggested by Nandita to help you out:

• Introspect and figure out what type of person romantically excites you. If you’re normally attracted to someone with bad qualities or a poor character, chances are it will not turn into a stable long-term relationship. What’s more likely is that you’ll ride the dopamine wave for a while until the toxicity of the relationship dawns on you, and then it will probably end in heartbreak. 
• Try to reduce the uncertainty in your relationship. See if it’s possible to have a direct conversation about your feelings with your partner and understand their feelings as well.This will save you from pondering on the “Will we, won’t we” debate for too long.
• Third, look at the relationship from an objective perspective. Keeping the feelings of infatuation vs in love aside, is their personality compatible with yours?

In short, you should put down your rose-colored glasses and look at the situation objectively. If you’re willing to accept them with their flaws, chances are the infatuation will grow into love, or already has. 

Final Thoughts

Infatuation and love can often feel similar. Love is supposed to last a lifetime while infatuation is short-lived. When infatuated, you tend to focus on the physical attributes and lust is the overpowering emotion. While infatuation can turn into love, that is not always the case and thus, you should not always get your hopes up. 

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