“My girlfriend is ignoring me.” Five words uttered with dread. Your relationship is on the edge and you absolutely do not know what to do next. When your girlfriend is ignoring you and you are not sure why, it can be difficult to gauge her emotions or to understand what to do next.
She, who used to get excited to see you (or even your text for that matter), is now finding reasons to ignore you as if you are some stranger stalking her. She bails on meeting you. She also gets angry and frustrated easily and you feel that she is just finding reasons to stay away from you. As annoying as this may be, there is no need to fret. If you want her to stop ignoring you and get to the bottom of the issue, you have come to the right place today.
Can A Girl Love You And Still Ignore You?
Many women (and men) tend to appear distant and aloof in relationships sometimes. And even though it feels like a big problem or even a sign of emotional cheating, it may not be. A girl can be madly in love with you but still not be able to give you the attention you want.
It’s possible that she is upset or disappointed in you, as you are not behaving in a way that she wants. It’s passive-aggressive behavior on her part, and does not necessarily mean that she has started talking to a new guy. Perhaps she is unhappy with your actions or is feeling unsure about the relationship and this commitment. Either way, she’s dealing with something on her mind, which is why she is unable to give you the affection she used to.
Why Is My Girlfriend Ignoring Me All Of A Sudden?
When your girlfriend ignores you and does not act ‘normal,’ the ‘why’ of it can baffle the best of minds. Things can get pretty confusing when she acts this way, but finding the reason behind her cold shoulder might give you the clarity you need and take away the anxiety around it.
Is your partner stonewalling you or giving you the silent treatment? The possible reasons behind it are quite straightforward in nature. So instead of getting angry at her and starting a fight, let’s get to the bottom of the issue. Here are some grounds for when your girlfriend ignores you.
1. She’s got a lot on her plate
When your girlfriend does not respond to your text, don’t jump the gun and assume it’s because she hates you and has fallen in love with someone else. Maybe your girl’s just a busy bee and simply caught up with work or her annoying boss. It’s possible that your relationship has taken a backseat because of her hectic schedule.
A reader from Omaha confirmed this when he wrote to us, “She was constantly on the phone, and that sort of weirded me out. I (wrongly) thought my girlfriend forgets about me and talks to other guys instead. But a straightforward conversation about it cleared things up nicely. It was just a barrage of work problems.” I guess one can say that dating a workaholic is not a piece of cake!
2. Things have gotten boring
This is one of the top reasons for when your girlfriend ignores you incessantly. Things get stale after a while when the honeymoon phase wears off and your committed relationship starts feeling like a lot of work. Both partners stop putting in efforts to sustain the romance.
She might not even be ignoring you per se; perhaps she’s sick of the dreary routine you both have fallen into. It’s not that she doesn’t love you, she’s just not loving this routine and the boredom in the relationship.
3. You might be the culprit
If your girlfriend is ignoring you, what does it mean? In this regard, do think if you could have possibly done something wrong. If you haven’t been a good boyfriend or girlfriend lately, then this is the obvious reason behind her cold vibes. Were you insensitive to her needs? Did you forget something important to her? Have you said something hurtful during an argument?
Related Reading: 6 Steps To Take If You Are Feeling Trapped In A Relationship
4. One reason she’s ignoring you is because she needs some me-time
When your girlfriend might be ignoring you, back off for some time. Space between two partners is incredibly important. She’s not trying to shun you; she just can’t help herself because she needs a little more time for herself. At this point, you should try not to take her behavior personally. Women tend to go into their shells when things get too difficult.
A relationship can be quite demanding, and many a time, people just aren’t in the right space to give what it takes. Your girlfriend probably needs to be by herself and recalibrate things. A little time with her thoughts is what she’s probably asking for. She should communicate that to you clearly so that you don’t start thinking, “My girlfriend is ignoring me and talks to other guys.” Just give her space in the relationship, and she will come right back to you.
5. She is no longer interested in you
This possibility might seem extreme, but you should consider it nevertheless. When your girlfriend is ignoring you, it can be one of the signs your partner is losing interest in the relationship. There could be a number of factors behind this: she’s found someone better, you both have grown apart, there’s no intimacy between you two, etc. She’s stopped putting in the effort because she sees the impending end clearly. Maybe she’s waiting for the right time to break the news to you.
6. She feels misunderstood by you
For all you know, your girlfriend might be acting this way because she feels disregarded by you in the first place. Maybe she shared her dreams of a new project with you, a vacation she is saving up for, or a major life decision that she wants to take. It is possible that you unintentionally dismissed her which is making her feel misunderstood.
Is she trying to get a new job that you haven’t taken much interest in? Or has she recently taken up a new hobby that you casually made fun of? When your girlfriend ignores you, it could be because she’s cross with you for not taking the time to be invested in her.
7. You are slacking off in the relationship
When your girlfriend seems uninterested, it could be because you’re taking her for granted. Remember when you two used to go to the movies every Friday? Or when you two had signed up for a baking class several months ago? Is it possible that you were spending more quality time with your girlfriend earlier than you are now?
Your date nights are now just Netflix and pizza which makes her feel like you are not putting effort into the relationship. One of the top reasons she is not giving you time is because she is disappointed in how you’ve been treating her. She loves you dearly, but is sad at how complacent you have become. She is tired of having invested into your relationship on her own, and has finally taken a step back.
10 Things To Do If Your Girlfriend Is Ignoring You
This could be one of the scenarios too: All was well a few days or weeks ago. Then she suddenly started ignoring you and you are battling mixed feelings about what is going on. “My girlfriend is ignoring me after our last date” or “My girlfriend just ignores me every time I try to talk to her” are concerns that are constantly abuzz in your mind.
We have the answers to your questions. If she is genuinely interested in you, then don’t worry because she will come around. Try not to feel insecure and do these things to get your intimacy back on track:
1. “What to do when my girlfriend neglects me?” — Take a step back
You believe that she might be having second thoughts about your relationship. But for all you know, there’s another stressor in her life making her feel this way. It could be work, her family, or just a fight with her best friend. Her frustration shows that something is bothering her and she doesn’t want you to be a part of that right now. You have to draw the line between love and privacy in a relationship.
To ensure that you don’t spend your time obsessing over why she needs to be away from you, you must keep yourself productively engaged. Use this time to pursue your hobbies and passions. For instance, if you like fishing, this would be a great time to get yourself new fishing gear and try it out.
Likewise, if you enjoy being in nature, order yourself a camping rig and spend some time in the woods. Cycling, music, reading, gardening, adventure sports … Do whatever gives you a sense of fulfillment. And for the time being, leave her alone.
Related Reading: How To Deal With Being Ignored By Someone You Love?
2. Don’t ignore her when she reaches out
When your girlfriend does not respond to your text, yes, it feels bad. But don’t try to do the same thing to her when she gets back in touch with you. It’ll make things worse.
If you start ignoring her because she is ignoring you, it will just drive her further away from you. Don’t get angry at her and start seeing other women to make her feel worse. Being mature is very important in a relationship, especially when you are navigating a rough patch. Following your girlfriend’s footsteps can be quite destructive in this case. Resist the urge to get back at her. Instead, give her more attention if she asks for it.
3. Perhaps you are thinking too much about it
For all you know, there may not be that many reasons behind why your girlfriend is aloof. So, a quick tip for you is to stop overthinking and try to see things at face value. What appears to be her ignoring you could just be her focusing her energies on a work project, reconnecting with friends, or she is just having a busy month taking care of her parents. What may appear to be mixed signals might just be her being overwhelmed.
She might have always been the same, but either you are noticing it now or wanting more attention than usual. Maybe you’re being a needy boyfriend or girlfriend and she doesn’t know how to handle this side of you as she feels overwhelmed already.
4. If your girlfriend is ignoring you, be kind to her
What to do when your girlfriend disregards you for days? Love her nevertheless. Even though it feels like your girlfriend is being brutal to you by pulling away so much, try to love her despite it all. Let her know that you love her and that you are willing to make this relationship work no matter what. If she’s going through a rough patch, you need to be all the more kinder to her.
At this point in time, she doesn’t need more confrontations and fights, but just some time away. She needs someone who will take care of her and be there for her as a friend first. In this case, you need to be good to her instead of picking a fight. Make her favorite meal, take her out for a long drive on days she is stressed, or just be around her when she is working too hard on late nights to make her feel less alone. It will help her reconnect with you when she sees how caring you truly are.
5. Assure her that you are there for her
If you’re wondering “What to do if my girlfriend is ignoring me?” know that just because she is ignoring you, does not mean that she doesn’t love you. Even though she may be ignoring you right now, her love for you has not waned. Not only in your actions, but you should also verbally reassure your girlfriend that you love her. It will help bring back her confidence in you and she will open up to you sooner than later. She needs to know that you are there for her no matter what.
When your girlfriend neglects you when you two are in a long-distance relationship, talk to her instead of playing any silly blame games. Find out what’s wrong and be there for her emotionally. Knowing that you’ve got her back will make her feel secure in the relationship again.
Related Reading: 18 Long-Distance Relationship Problems You Should Know
6. Find out if she is depressed or having a rough time
One of the reasons behind her weird behavior around you could be because your girlfriend might be depressed. Has she not been sleeping lately? Does she appear more tired than usual? Has she stopped ordering her favorite chili lime salad from the Asian place near her house?
According to the National Sleep Foundation, people with insomnia are 10 times more likely to have depression than those without the condition. When your girlfriend stops talking to you after a fight, don’t just ignore her and wait for her to make it up to you. Do check in on her and her mental well-being.
If she is showing signs of depression, you need to take steps to get her help. Many relationships suffer because of the ignorance around a partner’s mental health problems. Seeking professional help can get you through this difficult time together. At Bonobology, we have a range of counselors and therapists who can support you. Healing is just a click away.
7. Get her talking again when something is wrong
“My girlfriend is ignoring me for a week.” “My girlfriend is ignoring me after a fight.” — You’re seeing all the signs your partner is losing interest in the relationship. If it’s been over a week after a fight and you two have not spoken, then we understand your stress in figuring out what to do next. As annoyed as you may feel, it is important to keep all channels of communication open. Have a serious discussion with her about what’s going on.
If she does not want to talk about anything serious, then just talk normally. Ask her a simple question like how her dog is doing, if she needs more eggs or other groceries. Tell her about your day or a new movie that you watched. Make the first move, if she is not doing so.
8. Do not neglect yourself when your girlfriend is ignoring you
“My gf ignoring me was so harrowing that I started drinking and partying too much to distract myself from it. Eventually, I got so sick that I had to skip a week of work,” said Jo, a reader from Louisiana. In the midst of navigating the reasons behind your girlfriend acting up, it is easy to lose your own self-respect and routine in the process.
You need to save your relationship, but you need to save yourself first. Think about yourself and your needs. Not taking care of yourself will make you a mess and you’ll just become more clingy and desperate, not the person she fell in love with.
Use this time to invest in your physical and emotional well-being. You could start by eating healthy and committing to a new workout regime. At the same time, pay attention to your mental health. Listening to a meditation tape for a few minutes a day or working with a meditation guru one-on-one can really help calm your mind. Try not to dwell on her and just give her some time. Don’t let her mixed signals get to you so much.
9. Take some time to think about the relationship
It’s possible that your girlfriend was just aloof because she was stressed about an upcoming work project or was overwhelmed by other stressors in her life. However, in some cases, it could also point to some kind of incompatibility in your relationship, which is why she might be pulling away from you.
Instead of forcing her to love you or confronting her constantly, take some time off to consider this relationship from your sole perspective. Are you happy? Is something going wrong? Are you two arguing in the relationship more frequently? Try to understand what has changed in the past few months between you two, which could be the cause behind her not talking to you as much.
10. Pay close attention to everything she says
Even if she is not talking to you regularly or clearly, pay close attention to her. Her pauses, her responses on text — do not ignore these little things. It’s these things that might give away how she is actually feeling when she does not reveal it openly. You might apologize to her for something and she says a mere “Don’t worry, it’s fine.” But then she does not talk to you for another 10 hours. You clearly have reason to believe she is still upset even though she has told you that things are okay.
Essentially, do not take things at face value. One part of her ignoring you is also concealing her feelings from you. So every time she does react or respond to anything you say, watch her intently.
- If she is driving you away, it does not mean that your girlfriend doesn’t love you. Maybe boredom has crept into the relationship or she has other stressors on her mind
- Don’t dismiss her or give her the silent treatment if she ignores you. Give her the same love and kindness as you always did
- Do not always hover around her and give her some time and space to figure herself out
A sudden change in behavior from the one you love can indeed feel devastating. But the best action in this case is to stay composed and kind, no matter what. Don’t lash out or give her an ultimatum, as it will only drive her further away. Stand your ground and be ready to support her. If it is true love, she will come back. But if she does not realize your worth and chooses to neglect you, well, then perhaps this relationship was bound to end. Now you know what to do.
This article was updated in July 2023.