Nope, I am not trying to taboo your fetishes by saying that. But this is to give you a heads up about some indications about upcoming toxicity in your life. You want your man to be your equal in strength and vulnerability. But what if he is the protective, dominant nightmare that you always dreaded? Well, this is my barometer to check if his level of domination is borderline creepy.
You caught him checking your phone more than once. Oh you forgiving soul, look closer. Checking up on you incessantly is not care, but suspicion. He will reason with you saying that you are a gullible doe that needs protection and he has appointed himself to the task of your preservation. More often than not, he will throw a fit of defensiveness when asked about this curious habit of snooping in your personal items. You have a right to your privacy. Ek dil hain, ek jaan bhi, parr ek personal space nahi!
Related reading: What is abuse in a relationship?
Yes, it is cute if he prickles a little every time someone flirts with you openly. But it is not when that is a compulsive behaviour. Even when you are out with your friends, spending time with your family, not plucking out every male unit in your life for his sake – his jealousy blows out of proportion. Such unwarranted suspicion is not to be tolerated; no matter what the book of male ego says, do not change your life to fit his unjust demands.
Related reading: How does the abuser operate in an abusive relationship?
Yes, you are on call, all the time. He requires you to be there every time he calls, be it physically or just over a phone call. Your schedule needs to be attuned to his needs. And every time you are not available, it ends in an ugly fight where you somehow end up apologising. No, it does not mean he loves you to a fault and his life revolves around you. It is the other way around. Please realise yourself as an individual and recognise this unsolicited behaviour from your boyfriend as emotionally abusive.
None but me
Everyone in your life is unworthy. Your parents are at fault, your friends stupid, anyone but he himself is a terrible choice in your life. He cannot find anything good to say about them and tries to manipulate you into thinking the same. This is him ensuring your life only has him as a support, as clearly, your backbone is not helping. Please recognise this as a toxic indication and put your relationship under consideration.
Every time some random dude sends you “wanna mk frannnship?” it is your fault that you attract such attention. It is the classic victim blaming in your own love story where the new age patriarch won’t have you wearing short skirts but within the walls of his own house or let you drink in any public place but with him. It is your fault that you were teased by an unknown lecher on the streets, that the sweet kid from your college fell in love with you, that the earth quakes, that ice caps are melting or that Trump still thinks global warming is a hoax. Please wake up and slap him so hard that the ancestral patriarchy comes crashing.
It is a horror story worse than Conjuring. Okay, I understand it differs from person to person. Some of us do not resonate at all with the idea of having a possessive person in our lives; some do not mind it quite as much. Nonetheless, we should have a threshold of tolerance. Extreme possession that makes him go overboard every time you spend time with your best friend or stay over with your parents. He wants absolute control over your life. He sulks like an attention deficit infant and even Freud asks you to stop mothering.
This is a definite indication that something is off balance in your relationship. Are you walking on eggshells around him? You don’t want to cross him by meeting this person or doing that because you would rather not live by your terms than face his anger. Abuse comes in different shapes and colours and you must abstain from indulging in any.
All said and done, some women and men like their men to be a little possessive about them in a relationship, but sometimes it crosses the border of being sweet to red alert in a small gesture.