There is no relationship law that states that you cannot be worried about your boyfriend talking to his ex. You can be the cool girlfriend but an alarm goes off automatically the moment you find out your boyfriend has been texting his ex behind your back. It’s your mind re-playing all the stories you hear about cheating boyfriends. But before you assume the worst, lose your cool and dump him, take a breather.
Is it normal for your boyfriend to talk to his ex?
I have heard girls say, “But he still talks to his ex” or “I don’t know why he ever bothers to answer her calls”. This is more common than you think and sometimes there is no reason for you to worry.
So, is it normal for your boyfriend to text his ex? Is it alright for him he talks to his ex? Is he still in love with his ex? In this era of social connectivity, it is not uncommon for people to stay in touch with their ex. Especially, if they had been friends with their ex prior to the relationship.
So, before you start questioning his loyalty for you, look at the way things ended between your boyfriend and his ex.
- Was their relationship a long-term one?
- Did they have a relationship everyone knew about? Even their parents?
- Did they have heat between the sheets that sort of fizzled out?
- How did they break up?
- Why did they break up?
- Who broke up with whom?
And because you won’t rest until you find out;
- What are they talking about?
If your boyfriend has recently started conversing with his ex, it’s probably because they are catching up. But there is a difference between texting people to check up on them, and texting every minute of every day. While the first one is not an alarming one (and if you are alarmed it’s your insecurities kicking in), the second one might be cause for an alarm.
Related reading: 5 things men do to make women feel insecure
It’s easy to think your boyfriend is having an emotional affair, especially if your relationship is going through a rough patch. In your mind, he is keeping his options open in case this relationship does not work.
Or he might be seeking mental support from a person he was once involved with. They might not be doing anything “behind your back” and there is no sexual love between them but more of a care; like you care for friends.
All kinds of possibilities out there.
Why does my boyfriend talk to his ex behind my back?
There could be a million possible reasons why your boyfriend is talking to his ex.
- He could still be friends with her
- She could be a flirt. He enjoys the harmless flirting on the side
- He has kept the past in the past and genuinely maintained contact because he enjoys their company. There might be nothing going on with them
- He might love her but not in love with her
- He can still be in love or his love has resurfaced suddenly. Though this does not mean he will leave you behind to be with them. At the end of the day, he has chosen you
- He might be hiding the fact that he is in contact with her to save you any unnecessary insecurities. His intentions might be right all along
8 things you need to do if your boyfriend still talks to his ex
If your boyfriend still talks to his you may be worried if they are upto something. Before you jump to conclusions and call it quits, consider sitting down and dealing with the situation.
1. Do a little self-evaluation
Do you have a tendency to be jealous in a relationship? Has any of your other boyfriends called you a jealous psycho or something else along those lines? Do you go overboard with dealing with your insecurities sometimes? Before you grab your boyfriend by his collar, it is safe to analyse this beforehand.
2. Talk first
A healthy relationship is one where you can share everything with your boyfriend. Talk about the fact it’s bothering you that he is texting his ex. Tell him clearly that because he talks to his ex, your insecurities are raising their ugly heads and you need to know what’s happening.
3. Talk about how you feel
Something along the lines, “I know this is a touchy topic for you but the constant texting is making me feel uncomfortable”. Speak with clarity, using adjectives. Let him know what you are feeling about it. Try to make him view the whole situation from your point of view, without any accusation whatsoever. Remember, the only issue is that he talks to his ex, so refrain from linking other issues and focus on it.
Related reading: I Feel My Insecurity Could Ruin My Relationship with My Boyfriend
4. See how he responds
The topic of exes is a touchy one. For some, voicing your insecurities can clear things up. The key is to observe how he responds. An empathetic partner will not dismiss your concern. He will listen and address those issues. If he is being dismissive without a second thought, this could be a red flag and this is likely to create a tense situation.
5. Talk about your relationship
If a relationship is going through a rough patch you might think your boyfriend is getting the fill from somewhere else. Is your rickety relationship the reason your boyfriend still talks to his ex? Or is it something else? Then the ex is not your concern, but the relationship is.
6. Know if he is keeping any mementos
Is he saving selfies sent by her from long ago? Does he take super good care of the hand-made card she had given him? I once found a passport size photo of my boyfriend’s ex in his wallet. I almost dumped him that instant but turns out he has kept photos of all significant girlfriends in his life. They were not a cause of alarm.
But if he is saving every little trinket, given to him by his ex, it could be a warning sign.
Related reading: 10 Signs he is still in love with his ex
7. Follow up on social media
Yes, I am suggesting about ethical snooping. And before you roll your eyes, let me tell you, it can save you some precious hours biting your own nails off. The social media is a cornucopia of clues. See if he has liked, commented, shared her stories -basically an overindulgence in social media. Is there any suspicion in the way they reply to each other’s comments? Is it really the way they talk to each other? Pick up on the cues: ask him about it.
8. Do not give him an ultimatum
Under no circumstances, should you give him an ultimatum. Things like, “Never talk to her again” or “Are you sure you want to keep talking to her even when it makes me uncomfortable?” will do more harm than good. For him, it might come across as demanding and you are telling him the people he can talk to and to whom he cannot. You are his girlfriend, not the mother of a 14-year-old teenager.
Be gentle with him. Don’t jump to conclusions and push him away from you. Just follow our tips and find out the truth. Then all you need to do is feel secure and happy.