Getting into a new relationship can be a roller coaster ride. You find yourself falling in love with this person and you want to know everything about them and can’t help but be curious about their past. You want to know what questions to ask your boyfriend about his ex without coming off as jealous.
There is a thirst to know about his exes and past relationships that you just can’t shake off and you wonder if it’s okay to ask your boyfriend about his ex.
Is It Okay To Ask Your Boyfriend About His Ex?
It is fair to want to know about your partner’s past. Being curious is definitely not a crime. Having an open and honest discussion about your exes and past relationships, your heartbreaks and struggles are all a part of getting to know each other better and forming stronger bonds.
Especially if you look at this relationship as a long term one, it is good to know these things about your partner.
However, it is never okay to fall prey to your insecurities and become the jealous girlfriend and nag your partner for every single detail about his past relationships. It reflects very poorly upon you and will make your boyfriend start having second thoughts about dating you for sure.
Related Reading: 5 brutally honest truths about long-term committed relationships
But don’t worry, we are here to help you! Here are a few questions to ask your boyfriend about his ex without sounding nosy or inappropriate.
10 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend About His Ex
It is always a battle to figure out what questions to ask your boyfriend about his past without sounding jealous or too inquisitive. Talking to a boyfriend about his ex is no easy feat. It takes a lot of courage and involves a fair bit of second-guessing. We understand that feeling and therefore we present to you a list of questions to ask your boyfriend about his ex that are completely appropriate.
1. How many past relationships have you had?
This is one of the most important questions to ask your boyfriend about his ex/exes. It is important and totally justified to want to know how many relationships your new beau has been in. This is bound to tell you a lot about his ability to commit to people.
If you are looking to be with him in the long run, you need to know if he can commit himself to you completely. The frequency and time span of his past relationships will give you a good idea of this.
Related Reading: 10 telltale signs you are not ready for a committed relationship
2. How did you meet your ex?
How a person met their ex can tell you a lot about them and their old relationship. Like for example, did they meet at a party, at a coffee shop, online or through some friends? If they met through friends, they could still be a part of a common friend circle.
It’s always best to know if this is the case so you can prepare yourself to possibly meet his ex at get-togethers with his friends.
3. Are you in touch with/friends with your ex/exes?
It’s always best to be aware when it comes to friends-with-exes territory. We believe that if your boyfriend is indeed friends with his ex/exes, it’s good to find out early so you can prepare yourself. Please note that there’s nothing wrong with being friends with your ex especially if they were friends before their relationship started.
Related Reading: Why you should be friends with your ex!
If they are good friends, it is your responsibility as the partner to make a place in your heart for the ex and not be the jealous girlfriend.
4. Why did you break up?
This is definitely one of the most important questions to ask your boyfriend about his ex. This question is abound to tell you about what is a total deal-breaker for your boyfriend.
Ask them about what went wrong and why they drifted apart and what they wish their ex hadn’t done. Something that might have hurt them deeply. It is good to know these aspects of your boyfriend’s life so you can stay clear of making the same mistakes their exes did.
5. How serious was the relationship?
The seriousness of a past relationship is of much consequence to the current one. Did they just spend a few fleeting months together or did they go so far as to actually live together?
This is an important question as if the relationship was serious, the ex was an important person in your boyfriend’s life.
As his girlfriend, it is fair for you to know all the people in his life who had an impact on him and past serious relationships definitely have an impact on individuals.
6. Did you introduce your ex to your parents?
As far as serious relationships go, there are two levels; meeting-the-friends-serious level and then there is introducing-them-to-your-parents-serious level.
Needless to say that these ate two very different levels. If they did introduce the ex to their parents, it means that somewhere in their mind they might have had plans to marry them.
Even if they did, it might not necessarily mean they are still hung up on their ex if they broke up with them a long time ago. However, if it was a more recent matter, you might want to keep an eye out.
7. How long ago did you break up?
This question lets you know whether your boyfriend is actually ready for a new serious committed relationship. If he just got out of a serious relationship only a month ago, he could still be hung up on his ex and you could simply be a rebound. No one likes being a rebound and you do not want to end up in that position.
So it is best to know whether your boyfriend has put a decent time gap between the two relationships or not.
8. Are you sure you’re over your ex?
Now, we know this might sound a tad bit insecure but better safe than sorry, right? Especially if the gap between the two relationships is not that much. If he is indeed over his ex, he will reassure you that he is and then you have nothing to worry about.
And in case he’s not over his ex, then at least you will know at an earlier stage and can get out of the relationship sooner than later.
9. What is the most fun date you went on with your ex?
This is one of the more light-hearted questions to ask your boyfriend about his ex. You can also ask them about the best present they ever got from their ex.
Mostly questions like these will help you know his likes and dislikes and will give you the opportunity to top the best date he’s ever had or the best gift he’s ever received. Plus, it makes for some fun conversation so, win-win!
10. Do you still follow each other on social media?
We can’t deny that in this day and age, social media is a very important part of all our lives. In most cases, couples tend to unfollow each other on social media after a break-up. Unless they broke up on very cordial terms which is rarely the case.
Especially if you feel like you’re a rebound, this could be something to watch out for. However, if your boyfriend is still on good terms with his ex, this might not be that big a deal.
How Do I Talk To My Boyfriend About His Ex
Now that you know the safe questions to ask your boyfriend about his ex, you should also know the correct way to broach the topic and the dos and don’ts of talking to your boyfriend about his ex.
- Don’t make it a big deal: Approach the topic at hand in a very matter-of-fact manner and don’t make it sound like a big deal. The more serious you sound, the bigger of a deal it becomes
- Keep jealousy at bay: Do not sound jealous. It is very important that you come from a place of curiosity and caring more than jealousy while talking to your boyfriend about his ex
- Don’t nag him with questions: Make sure you don’t hound him with these questions all at once but ask him in parts on different occasions. Do NOT nag him as this will make it seem like you’re suspicious and do not trust him.
- Be prepared to hear him out: Only ask your boyfriend these questions if you think you are prepared to hear the answers. If you feel like this topic will just make you upset, don’t broach the subject
- Keep a good-spirited attitude: Take his answers in good spirit and know that you are his girlfriend now and have no need to be insecure, especially if you know he loves you
- Be mindful of his mood: Make sure you judge his mood and then as him these questions and don’t catch him at a bad time
Don’t beat yourself up about wanting to know about your boyfriend’s past relationships. It is human nature to want to know more about the people we love or are close to. If he loves you too and has nothing to hide, he will be happy to share things about his past relationships with you and you will know you have found your match!