All you women out there thinking, “Should I text him first?”, this is for you. Dating is daunting enough. Additionally, you have to think now if you should text him first. Now there are so many rules out there when it comes to dating, it can get really confusing sometimes.
For instance, it was not until recently that I realized there are things like weekday texting and weekend texting; weekend texting is of a more flirtatious nature. And what’s this deal about ‘hard to get’ over texting? The unwritten rules of dating are being upgraded every minute, mostly influenced by pop culture and anything that’s hot at the moment.
The advent of smartphones has made staying connected easier but it has given a bigger spurt to endless dilemmas. As a result, women who are actively dating constantly find themselves wrestling with dilemmas like: Should I text him first or wait for him? Is he waiting for me to text him first? Should I text him first after a fight? Should I text him if I haven’t heard from him in a week? Should I text him first if he hasn’t texted me?
“Do I come off as needy or desperate if I text him first?” This is a common worry that often stops you from acting on your feelings and just going with the flow. We are here to offer you solutions so that this dilemma doesn’t keep on flustering you. But let me tell you, contrary to what you think, most men do find it hot when women text first. So, that should give you some reassurance if you tend to text him first sometimes or are tempted to. For a better insight into the rules of who should text first and when, let’s delve deeper.
Reasons Why A Girl Should Text Him First
A guy’s perspective on texting is different from a girl’s. While a girl feels that texting first might make her look needy, a guy, on the contrary, feels that she likes him so much that she is eager to start a conversation with him often. This actually goes in her favor. If you are thinking, “I like a guy, should I text him first?”, then let us tell you just go ahead and do that.
Given that there are so many new unsaid rules of texting while dating that figuring out your next move can leave you crippled with fear. As you think and overthink, “He hasn’t texted me. Should I text him or leave him alone?”, take a moment to remind yourself that perhaps he too may be in throes of similar dilemmas and that’s why he hasn’t texted you yet.
As a result, you may both keep waiting for the other to make a move and let a connection with potential fizzle away. So, if you want to text first, you definitely should. Here are some solid reasons why that is a good idea.
Related reading: Dating Etiquette – 20 Things You Should Never Ignore On A First Date
1. It shows confidence and men like confident women
Should the guy or girl text first after a date? This is a common conundrum in the modern-day dating world, and frankly, there are no right or wrong answers here. However, if you do decide to text him first, you are sending across the message that you’re not afraid to take the reins of the relationship in your hand.
This indicates that you are confident enough to break away from the norm without caring about coming off as desperate or being seen as clingy girlfriend material. The ability to follow your heart shows that you are sure of yourself and that texting first speaks volumes about you as a confident woman.
Everyone likes a comfortably confident woman and your date might actually find it sexy. “How often should I text him first?” if this is what you are asking we would say if your guy comes up with a warm response immediately then text whenever you want. He would like it.
2. No silly mind games
Isn’t that what a wholesome relationship looks like? No stupid mind games. No see-saw of power struggle in the relationship. No gender stereotypes and biases about what a girl or a guy can or should do in a relationship. But a level playing field where both partners are equals. Texting him first shows you are not into playing games but are considering his companionship.
“Should I text him first after no contact?” Why not? If you had been giving each other space or were even going through a breakup and you want to interact now then shoot him a text, what’s the harm? If he replies cordially or warmly, go ahead and have a conversation. If he doesn’t, just forget it and move one. You don’t lose your dignity, so don’t feel bad about it.
3. Your date might be waiting for you
Your date might be shy and introverted and does not want to come off as clingy. Maybe he is holding off on making a move for fear of rejection. Perhaps, he thought you may be out of his league and is unsure of himself. As we said before, there is a good possibility that the guy in question is overthinking this a lot more than you are.
Whether it is texting after sex or a first date, by taking the lead, you can break the ice and also encourage him to take things forward. So, give him a break from all his fears and text him first. Maybe it’s your turn to be the chivalrous one.
Related reading: 12 Things To Know When You Are Dating an Introvert
4. Because you want to
Aren’t you a strong, independent woman who does not need a man to initiate a conversation? And if you have liked a man, why the delay in expressing it? Because you feel like it and you want to text him first is good enough to take the initiative. So, grab the phone, and send the text you have retyped five times now.
If you are wondering, “Is he waiting for me to text him first?”, chances are he is. When you take a lead and text him first, you express your interest in him as unambiguously as possible – yes, even if your text is just a casual “Ssup?” – and that can serve as an encouragement for him to make the move he perhaps has been planning for days.
5. Texting him first after a date could work in your favor
Should the guy or girl text first after a date? This perhaps is one of the biggest dilemmas surrounding texting etiquette in the dating world. Even more so, if it was a first date or one of the first few. I’m pretty certain, you too have come home from a date and spent a fair share of your time agonizing over, “Should I wait for him to text after the first date?”, all the while typing and backspacing a message you’re dying to send.
Well, whether or not you should text him first after a date depends on how the experience was and where you want things to go from here. Did you notice that he was making all the right moves to impress a girl on a first date? Did you have a good time? Would you want to see him again? Do you see him as a potential boyfriend in the future?
If the answer to these questions is yes, then by all means go ahead and text him. Texting after a date does not make you seem desperate; however, make sure you don’t do it five minutes after leaving. It’s best to wait a day or two to text a guy after the first date, but if you just cannot put it off for that long, at least give it a few hours.
Related Reading: Can A Man Sleep With A Woman Without Developing Feelings
6. Texting him first after sex could be a turn-on
Texting after sex is yet another gray area that sends people in an overthink spiral, especially if you’ve just begun dating, are in a casual dating scenario, or have ended up in bed without talking about what it means. “Should I text him first or does that reek of desperation?” You may find yourself mulling this question over and over again while also checking your phone every two minutes to see if he has texted.
Again, the right course of action here depends on your intentions. Would you like to relive the experience? Or do you want to clear the air and talk about what happened? If it’s the former and you want to build up on the intimacy you shared with him, by all means, text him to let him know that you had a great time and would like to get together again sometime but leave it at that. Don’t get down to planning the specifics of your next hookup encounter because that will come across as needy.
On the other hand, if you have mixed feelings about having had sex with him, texting may not be the best medium for a conversation. In that case, the answer to the “should I text him or leave him alone” question, is the latter. Don’t initiate a conversation but if he reaches out, don’t leave him on read either.
7. Texting him first for no reason can make him feel desired
The early days of any budding romance are filled with the nervous excitement that stems from the anticipation of what’s to follow. Just the way you wait for him to text and experience a feel-good rush when the screen lights up with his name on it, so does he. Make the effort to text him first sometimes to make him feel special.
A simple “Hey!” is enough to let him know that he’s been on your mind, and that ought to make him feel all warm and fuzzy about you, allowing you to fortify your connection. When you text a guy first, you’re also in a better position to steer the conversation in a direction you like. If you choose to flirt with your guy over text, it’s sure to send sparks flying, and how!
Related Reading: How Do Guys Feel About Girls Making The First Move?
8. Texting him first can get you a second date
When Martha went on a date she enjoyed for the first time since her breakup with her long-term boyfriend, she was riddled with uncertainty about how to take things forward. After a slew of disappointing experiences on dating apps, she had finally met a guy who was everything she was looking for. That only added to her doubts and nervousness. “Should I text him first or will that push him away?” she wondered.
Martha’s girlfriends advised her to follow her heart and not think too much about the so-called rules of texting a romantic interest and offered her a glass of wine for encouragement. Two days after that first date, Martha mustered the courage to shoot, “Had a great time, we should do it again sometime!” And got a reply within minutes, “Movie, Friday night?”
As it turned out, the guy too was nervous about coming on too strong if he texted soon after the date and was hoping Martha would text him first. Just like Martha, that one text could open up the doors to a second date for you too. Don’t pass up the chance for a whirling romance because you’re too conscious about what it’d make you come across as. If it feels right, just go ahead and do it.
9. Texting him first may help resolve a fight
Who should text first after an argument? The answer to this question shouldn’t be gender-specific. There is no reason why you should let issues between you fester, while you wonder, “Should I text him first if he hasn’t texted me?” If you’ve had a falling out with your boyfriend or romantic interest and have something to say to him, by all means, pick up the phone and shoot him a text.
However, there are a few things you must bear in mind. Don’t make it a litany of complaints or say hurtful things that you may regret later. Make sure that if you’re the first to text after an argument, your texts should be aimed at resolving the conflict or conveying your perspective in a calm and forthright manner.
At the same time, if it becomes a pattern and you’re always the first one to text to break the ice after an argument, it may bode well for you to tread carefully. Your boyfriend or the guy you’re dating could be using the silent treatment to manipulate you into doing exactly what he wants. If that’s the case, you need to ask yourself, “Should I text him first after every fight?” You know as well as we do that the answer is no.
Related Reading: 13 Examples Of Mixed Signals From Guys
What Are The Rules Of Texting For Girls?
Now that we’ve addressed the question of “should I text him first”, let’s take a look at another important aspect of texting in the context of dating: how to text a guy the right way so that you get the desired response from him. For instance, even if you decide to text him first, you need to address the questions of when and what.
How to text a guy you just met or went on a first date with or are still getting to know? Is it okay to text him at any hour? What makes a good text? How long or brief should it be? What should I text about? Is there any etiquette of texting, any rules of texting for girls? Here is a list of things to remember if you are texting him first.
1. Don’t start with just ‘Hey’ or ‘Hi’
The casual “hey” does not sound sincere. It seems like you are trying too hard to keep it cool and casual. Starting a conversation with monosyllabic words is not okay. So, try to follow up the “hey” or “hi” with something interesting that will carry the conversation forward. Perhaps you found a hardcover copy of Catcher in the Rye that he has been looking for, or you tried the beer he recommended. Keep the conversation open-ended so there’s plenty of scope for his reply.
2. Playing hard to get is really not cool
Is not texting first your idea of playing hard to get? If so, then it’s not cool. The rules of texting are different now. Men don’t have to be the pursuer here. And frankly, speaking, texting first means you are ready to take the reins in the relationship, and who doesn’t like a woman who can take charge?
Related Reading: 7 Bad Dating Habits You Need To Break Right Now
3. No texting while you are drunk
Waiting around for a man to text you can be tiring. Three shots of tequila, two daiquiris, and five beers might make it seem that it’s okay to drunk text your date, but it really isn’t. Your present beau might not like it. There can be some regrettable drunk confessions that would not play well if you have just started hanging out. Text only when you are sober.
4. No angry texting
Your date doesn’t need to hear you rant and vent a lot. You have only started knowing your date, so texting, while you are emotional or sad or upset, is a big no-no. Sharing too much before you’ve developed a certain level of comfort and intimacy can border on emotional dumping, which can leave him feeling drained and push him away. Or you might end up saying things that you might regret later. Even if you are angry at him for some reason do not initiate a text to vent. Cool down first and then have a proper conversation.
5. Texting when he knows you will be busy
Avoid texting when you have already told him you would be going out for dinner with your sister or a night out with your friends. Give due importance to people other than him and that will define your personality. Hanging out with people suggests you have a life outside your romantic interests. It is also suggestive of the fact that if you were to get into a relationship, you will have a life beyond him.
Related Reading: Every Girl Should Do These 5 Things On Their First Date
6. Using GIFs and emojis
Now, this can be tricky. You have to judge if your date likes GIFs and emojis as a confirmatory mode of communication or if he likes words for communication. Send a suggestive meme or GIF and see if he gives word replies or replies with a better meme. If you can bond over a meme, it opens up avenues to talk about cross-culture references with a lot of laughter. Perhaps something you would talk about on your next date?
7. Don’t text if you have nothing interesting to say
“Should I text him first?” When you find yourself wrestling with this question, take a moment to assess if you really have something interesting to say to him. Sending a “Hi” with nothing interesting to say can dampen his spirit. If he is not the jabbering kind, he might be hoping for you to start a conversation about something interesting.
Before you text, think of some solid fun conversation starters; something he might have mentioned on your date, a review of a place you have been to after he has suggested – things like that. After all, there is no point in initiating conversation if you don’t have enough to keep the guy interested and invested.
8. No texting at night
Like weekend and weekday texting there’s a thing called not texting too late at night. Yes, there’s a chance he is awake but texting him at bedtime is suggestive of texting him only when there is nothing to do. It may also seem like an intrusion. And you don’t want that.
You might also end up sending the wrong signals if you text him at night. He might think you want something more than just a conversation. So when you are texting him first, be careful to check the time. Unless, of course, you are looking to seduce a man through texts. In that case, we say knock yourself out.
Related Reading: 35 Cute Questions To Ask Your Crush While Texting
9. Grammar check before sending
Nothing turns one off more than text messages riddled with typos because they make deciphering the meaning that much harder and a lot of context gets lost in translation. So avoid texts that read like “do nttyplyk dis”. By all means, keep up with the dating lingo and use it to make the communication flow smoothly but make sure that you’re using the terms and phrases right so that you don’t end up conveying something you don’t want to.
Now that you know the answer to “should I text him first” in different possible scenarios, we hope you’ll be able to dial down the overthinking and focus on engaging your man in deep, meaningful conversations. To that end, you are equipped with the rules of texting as well. Let the texting begin and you text him first. Just don’t bite off your fingernails while you wait for his reply.
It doesn’t really matter who texts first, and texting first definitely doesn’t mean that you’re desperate, needy, or clingy. If the moment feels right and you have something interesting to say, by all means, go ahead and send that text.
If a guy waits for you to initiate contact, there could be two distinct possibilities – one, he is a shy guy or feels that you’re way out of his league and does not initiate contact due to fear of rejection; second, withholding contact could be his way of manipulating you and making sure you stay hooked without him having to make any real effort in building a connection with you. Perhaps, he isn’t as emotionally invested as you are and just wants to string you along as long as you take all the initiative.
The answer to this question depends on your circumstances. If you’re genuinely interested in this guy and feel that he too may be interested in you, there is no harm in texting him first to break the ice. However, if you’re not sure about how you want to take things forward or his interest in you seems lackluster, perhaps it’s best to wait for him to make the first move.
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