All millennial women out there thinking if you should text him first, this is for you. Dating is daunting enough. Additionally you have to think now if you should text him first. Now there are so many rules out there when it comes to dating, it can get really confusing sometimes.
For instance, it was not until recently that I realised there are things like weekday texting and weekend texting; weekend texting being of a more flirtatious nature. And what’s this deal about ‘hard to get’ over texting? The unwritten rules of dating are being upgraded every minute, mostly influenced by pop culture and anything that’s hot at the moment.
The advent of smartphones has made staying connected easier but it has given a bigger spurt to endless dilemmas. Women are perpetually thinking: Should I text him first or wait for him? Is he waiting for me to text him first? Should I text him first after a fight? Should I text him if I haven’t heard from him in a week? Should I text him first if he hasn’t texted me?
It’s a common thought: Do I come off as needy or desperate if I text him first?
We are here to offer you solutions so that this dilemma doesn’t keep on flustering you.
But let me tell you, contrary to what you think, most men do find it hot when women text first.
Related reading: Dating etiquette- 20 things you should never ignore on a first date
Reasons Why A Girl Should Text Him First
I guy’s perspective on texting is different from a girl. While a girl feels that texting first might make her look needy, a guy on the contrary feels that she likes him so much that she is eager to start a conversation with him often. This actually goes in her favour.
If you are thinking, “I like a guy and should I text him first?” then let us tell you just go ahead and do that. So, if you want to text first, here are good enough reasons why you definitely should.
1. It’s confidence in itself and men like confident women
Texting him first would indicate you are confident enough to break away from the norm without caring about coming off as clingy or desperate. You are sure of yourself that texting first speaks volumes about you as a confident woman.
Everyone likes a comfortably confident woman and your date might actually find it sexy. “How often should I text him first?” if this is what you are asking we would say if your guy comes up with a warm response immediately then text whenever you want. He would like it.
2. No silly mind games
Isn’t that what we millennials fought for? No stupid mind games. No see-saw of power. No playing around.
Texting him first shows you are not into playing games but are considering his companionship. “Should I text him first after no contact?” Why not? If you had been giving each other space or were even going through a breakup and you want to interact now then shoot him a text, what’s the harm?
If he replies cordially or warmly then go ahead and have a conversation, if he doesn’t then just forget it. You don’t lose your dignity, so don’t feel bad about it.
3. Your date might be waiting for you
Your date might be shy and introvert and does not want to come off as clingy. Maybe he doesn’t want to make an effort for the fear of rejection. Perhaps, he thought you may be out of his league and is unsure of himself.
So, give him a break from all his fears and text him first.
Maybe it’s your turn to be the chivalrous one.
Related reading: 12 Things To Know When You Are Dating an Introvert
4. Because you want to
Aren’t you a strong, independent woman who does not need a man to initiate a conversation? And if you have liked a man, why the delay in accepting the same? Because you feel like it and you want to text him first is good enough to take the initiative.
So, grab the phone, and send the text you have retyped five times now. If you are thinking, “Is he waiting for me to text him first?” then chances are he is.
What Are The Rules Of Texting For Girls?
Even if you decide to text him first, there are questions of when and what. Is it okay to text him at any hour? What makes a good text?
How long or brief should it be? What should I text about? Is there any etiquette of texting, any rules of texting for girls?
Here is a list of things to remember if you are texting him first.
1. Don’t start with ‘Hey’ or ‘Hi’
The casual ‘hey’ does not sound sincere. It’s like you are trying to keep it cool and casual. Which is fine, except ‘Hey’ can also mean boredom. Starting a conversation with monosyllabic words are not okay.
Perhaps you found a hardcover copy of Catcher in the Rye that he has been looking for, or you tried the beer he recommended. Keep the conversation open-ended so there’s plenty of scope for his reply.
Related reading: 7 bad dating habits you need to break right now
2. Playing ‘hard to get’ is really not cool
Is not texting first your idea of playing hard to get? If so, then it’s not cool. The rules of texting are different now. Men don’t have to be the pursuer here.
And frankly, speaking, texting first means you are ready to take the reins in the relationship and who doesn’t like a lady who can take charge?
3. No texting while you are drunk
Waiting around for a man to text you can be tiring. Three shots of tequila, two daiquiris and five beers might make it seem that it’s okay to drunk-text your date, but it really isn’t.
Your present beau might not like it. There can be some regrettable drunk confessions that would not play well if you have just started hanging out.
Text only when you are sober.
4. No angry texting
Your date doesn’t need to know you rant and vent a lot. At this point, he is not your venting machine. You have only started knowing your date, so texting, while you are emotional or sad or upset, is a big no-no.
You might end up saying things that you might regret later. Even if you are angry at him for some reason do not initiate a text to vent. Cool down first and then have a proper conversation.
5. Texting when he knows you will be busy
Avoid texting when you have already told him you would be going out for dinner with your sister or a night out with your friends. Give due importance to people other than him and that will define your personality.
Hanging out with people suggests you have a life outside your romantic interests. It is also suggestive of the fact that if you were to get into a relationship, you will have a life beyond him.
Related reading: Every girl should do these 5 things on their first date
6. Using GIFS and emojis
Now, this can be tricky. You have to judge if your date likes GIFS and emojis as a confirmatory mode of communication or if he likes words for communication. Send a suggestive meme or GIF and see if he gives word replies or replies with a better meme.
If you can bond over a meme, it opens up avenues to talk about cross-culture references with a lot of laughter. Perhaps something you would talk about on your next date?
7. Don’t text if you have nothing interesting to say
Sending a “Hi” with nothing interesting to say can dampen his spirit. If he is not the jabbering kind, he might be hoping for you to start a conversation about something interesting.
Before you text, think of a solid conversation starter; something he might have mentioned on your date, review of a place you have been to after he has suggested – things like that.
8. No texting at night
Like weekend and weekday texting there’s a thing called not texting too late at night. Yes, there’s a chance he is awake but texting him at bedtime is suggestive of texting him only when there is nothing to do. It may also seem like an intrusion. And you don’t want that.
You might also end up sending the wrong signals if you text him at night. He might think you want something more than just a conversation. So when you are texting him first, be careful to check the time.
9. Grammar check before sending
Nothing turns one off more than shorthand messages.
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Now that you are equipped with the rules of texting, let the texting begin and you text him first. Just don’t bite off your fingernails while you wait for his reply.