Good afternoon ma’am,
I am a graduate and preparing for civil service. Now I am in a relationship with a person who is 4 years older than me and is working. Everything is fine with us, but the problem is that every time his past comes between us. He had a relationship with a girl before and I know about it. However, I asked her name, he refused to tell me and till now he has her number saved in his phone. I trust him that he is not cheating on me. But the thing is why is he not sharing what I want to know. Am I becoming more insecure by asking these questions if he doesn’t want to tell me about it?
Neha Anand says:
I appreciate your concern towards your relationship. I assume the rest
of the things are going fine between both of you except you feel insecure because of his past relationship.
Since you have not provided much details like how long you’ve been in this relationship and how he behaves with you, based on the facts provided by you I would say talking about past relationships is completely a personal choice and decision. It doesn’t define a person’s maturity and loyalty if he chooses not talk about his ex or he has her number.
Let’s not jump to a conclusion. You need to be more objective and observe things from a bird’s eye view. How does he make you feel comfortable in this relationship? Focus more on ‘here and now’ and on how he treats you at present in this relationship. Sometimes when you ask about the dating history of a person, it’s possible they don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or they don’t want to peel the skin again.
Here, you need to ask yourself, is it going to help you if you come to know about his ex or is it going to make the bond stronger? If you carry preconceived notions and assume you will end up asking the same question over and over again, it might surely create havoc. Instead, I would suggest, talk about preferences and life experiences to know each other in a better way. Be open enough to listen to his expectations from you and also convey your expectations from him. This can only happen once you stop judging him and be more open to explore the hidden dimensions.
I wish you all the best!