Single and Dating

When there is another woman on your boyfriend’s mind all the time!

Every time they met for a date, that friend would call asking for help with her baby or her anxiety. Yet he insisted they were just friends...
sad woman seeing husband

He seemed like a good guy to date

Rina had met Ron on a dating site. They had hit off immediately, met twice and also had umpteen fun filled flirtatious conversations on the phone. Rina looked forward to his messages and was constantly checking her phone for them. This was their third date.

Rina was in the middle of dinner with Ron. It was a nice flirtatious calorie infused dinner with wine being gulped rapidly. “This is the guy for me,” shouted Rina silently to herself as her eyes caressed his good looking face. She took out her shoes under the table and she found his feet were just an inch away. She giggled, “Aren’t your feet too close for comfort?” And he smiled sweetly, showing his single dimple, and being a Punjabi the first thought that crossed Rina’s mind looking at his good looking face was “Hai main mar java!

And then his phone rang. His flippant mood changed to concern.

“I gotta go, baby is throwing up and Rosie is so worried being alone and Sameer is travelling.”

Rina sighed and tried to look magnanimous, though in reality she could have killed him. Her heartbeats which she could feel excitedly under her blouse dropped to below normal. She felt that if her heartbeat was being monitored it would be a straight line now. Ron called the waiter and asked for the bill. Rina said angrily she would pay, and a grateful Ron made a hurried exit.

But there was a catch

Rina was a successful career woman in her mid 30s and still single. She’d kissed many frogs along the way hoping they would turn into charming princes, but they remained frogs she wished she had dissected during her school days.

And then she met Ron and sparks flew galore all over, singeing her properly and she revelled in them.

Ron was single with hardly any family to speak of, which made Rina very happy. She thought she was too old to pay obeisance to Mummyji and Daddyji.

But all good things come with a catch.

Ron was very friendly with a couple, the Puris with a little daughter. He would often babysit for them. Mr Sameer Puri was always travelling for work and Mrs Rosie Puri could not function alone. Either the baby was throwing up or Rosie had bouts of intense anxiety and she would call Ron. And Ron was always there at their beck and call.

Rina would ask him through gritted teeth, trying to control her voice to a reasonable decibel, “Rosie’s mother is just a short distance away and so is her mother-in-law. Why doesn’t she call them? And how does she have a bout of anxiety when you are with me? Does she call her anxiety on will, ‘Dear anxiety, come soon because Ron and Rina are together’?”

Related reading: I moved out with my wife because I’m too tired of my mother dictating my married life

“She’s not like you, you know”

“You are just being difficult,” said Ron, “You must meet her. She is a really simple sweet kid in her early 30s. She’s not like you, a working woman and smart, and she has no duplicity in her, having never worked. She has just started blogging and she is very spiritual.”

women has just started blogging
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“So now my working has made me as hard as nails,” said Rina angrily.

“No, no! I meant…” Ron had become red faced and stuttered, trying to apologise.

He called Rina later but Rina did not pick up his call and was sulking. Though she was sulking, she was going through his and Rosie’s social media with a magnifying glass and a fine toothcomb. She realised he hadn’t liked all the garbage she posted on FB or on Insta. She would copy funny witty stuff from the Internet and pass it off as her own words of wisdom. That discovery was like a balm to her burnt soul.

So after waiting for a week she called him on a Saturday afternoon hoping that he would be happy to hear her voice.

There was constant whining and crying in the background.

“Where are you?” she asked, exasperated.

“Today is baby’s birthday and she is colicky, so I decided to help.”

“But it’s a kids’ party, it will get over early. So let’s meet after dinner for a drink.”

“Yes,” he said, “That sounds good.”

“Okay, give me a ring once you are done with the party.”

So what if it’s late, let’s give this a chance

He called late, at 10:30, but Rina did not fight and they agreed to meet at a bar close by.

Ron’s shirt had remnants of chocolate cake on it. Rina just looked away. The atmosphere was constrained but Rina thought it would be fine after a drink or two. But Ron seemed preoccupied and as always the phone rang.

“Pick it up,” sighed Rina.

She had had a tough week and she wanted whatever was left of the weekend to be peaceful.

“Okay, okay,” said Ron.

“What happened?” asked Rina “Does she have anxiety again, where is her husband, or is the baby colicky?”

“No,” he said. “Rosie was saying that the baby is sleeping and she and Sameer Puri would like to get out for a drink and they want to join us.”

“No, not at all,” said Rina, “I am not yet ready to meet them” and stomped out.

Rina and Ron lived fairly close to each other. She bumped into him often and except a cold ‘Hi’, she did not try to connect. He called her up and messaged her but since she did not respond, he gave up.

Related reading: The woman I was going to marry seems more interested in another man now

One rainy afternoon, she tried again

It was a rainy Sunday afternoon when Rina was trying to open her umbrella. The gust of wind caught her unawares and the umbrella flew out of her hand. Some roadside Romeo sang chatri udi. Before she could give him a dirty look, Ron materialised and caught hold of the umbrella and opened it with a flourish and said “At your service, ma’am.”

Rina laughed in spite of herself.

“Coffee?” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied. She was planning to go for a manicure but she thought “Bhad me jaye mere nails, let me have a heart-to-heart chat with him.”

She asked Ron if he liked Rosie.

“No, not in that way. I am a very good friend.”

“Ron, if you don’t watch out you will end up paying an enormous emotional price. She is manipulative. She has a husband, a kid; and what are you? Just a filler or an unpaid nanny?”

Ron grew redder and redder till he looked like a tomato that Rina felt she should just crush him and eat him with her pakoras as ketchup.

“What are you left with, no one to call your own. Don’t you want someone to call your own?”

Ron kept quiet.

The coffee had got over, it was lunch time and all that advice and emotional turmoil did not stop Rina from eating two cheese naans with butter chicken and she was happy to note that Ron ate four naans.

And Ron just kept on eating and maintained a studious silence.

single and dating

He wanted to have the cake and eat it too

For Ron, Rina realised she was the benevolent much in control mom he never had and Rosie was the delicate nervous emotional girl he wanted as a girlfriend. Someone he could look after, envelop in his arms, who would never question anything.

“Why are you on a dating site,” asked Rina, “When you have an invisible umbilical cord?”

“Why are you on a dating site,” asked Rina, “When you have an invisible umbilical cord?”

Ron just said, “You don’t understand.”

“I can’t,” said Rina, “I just find her manipulative. Mark my words, she is too cunning for you,” said Rina, like the soothsayer who said “Beware the ides of March” to Julius Caesar. Except she was wearing an old t-shirt and sweatpants.

She knew she looked a mess and with whatever shred of dignity, she made an angry noisy exit.

Life did not change; Ron was still playing nursemaid to Rosie and was always at her beck and call, but was still wanting to come back to Rina’s pallu, though Rina never wore a sari.

Rina is back on dating sites wondering when Ron will get some sense.

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1 Comment

  1. Trust has to be the founding ground of love. If your partner is not into you , and inclined towards someone else all the time, then it’s not love in the first place. One should not waste one’s emotional energy in such a relationship thats’s not nourishing her in the first place.

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