‘Playing with fire’ takes on a whole new meaning when you’re thinking about dating a firefighter. You may use that idiom carelessly while giving out fashion advice, “Oh you want to pair your shoes with this dress? That’s like playing with fire.” Or “You want to tell the boss that you want one more leave this week? You must be fond of playing with fire!”. I wonder if the loved ones of a firefighter think twice before using that expression. And what about when you’re dating a firefighter?
Firefighters will tell you that their work is almost as high-risk as anyone else’s for the most part. The danger element is amped up due to the media we watch. They are just another person at the end of the day and if you like them (even without the job title), then you should ask them out.
11 Things To Know When Dating A Firefighter
Thanks to the media, many people think that the benefits of dating a fireman are living a glamorous life and having great sex. We notice three things here: a) We sexualize men who are in this profession…a LOT. This isn’t fair, and hyper-sexualization of any person or group causes its own issues, and b) Most parts of the media don’t like to talk about how firefighters include all gender identities, c) People want to know what kind of woman do firefighters like, instead of just asking what kind of a ‘person’ they like. Let’s break away from those norms and talk about what it’s like when dating a firefighter.
Related Reading: 10 Examples Of Traditional Gender Roles
There are some unique perks of dating a firefighter and challenges too. If you’ve met one of these first responders and are thinking about going out with them, here are the 11 things you should know before dating a firefighter.
1. Firefighters will prioritize their job over you
Whether you meet them at a party or through a firefighter dating app, you must know something. This person will always prioritize a call to save lives over a date or private intimate moments with you. You’ll need to be okay with that. This could be one of the problems with dating a firefighter.
Carl says, “My partner is a lovely person. They think about others’ well-being all the time, and that includes me too. I don’t feel left out, I feel special. But initially, it was certainly hard to get used to them constantly thinking about other people’s health and safety, and we almost thought we wouldn’t make it because of that.”
2. They are excellent at handling crises
They are brilliant at thinking on their feet, minimizing threats, containing the problem, and making quick life or death decisions. From handling relationship pitfalls to you going through a turmoil, a firefighter would know how to stay calm during an argument. Their jobs require them to do so, and it distills in their personal lives as well.
Everyone wants a partner like that – a self-driven partner who doesn’t just keep their cool but also brings about a tangible solution to a problem is an ideal partner. Imagine a calming presence with you as your internal storms rage on. This is one of the benefits of dating a fireman or a firewoman.
3. They value all lives – Not just human lives
One of the perks of dating a firefighter is that they have a fierce love and respect for every living being who they are assigned to save on their job. They feel responsible for the lives they save, and the ones they are unable to, so much so that it haunts them if they are unable to protect someone in need.
Anna, a firefighter, says, “We don’t think to ourselves before saving someone, “I’ll only jump into the fire if this person votes Democrat, or is cishet, or is white.” We save people’s pets from the fire too because they are part of their families. Lives are precious, and we wish many hate groups in America understood that too.”
Related Reading: 6 Ways Couples Can Achieve Work-Life Balance
4. Dating a firefighter means putting up with anxiety about their high-risk job
Imagine seeing fire and rushing toward it as everyone else flees. Imagine letting a house on fire engulf you briefly. To be inside this burning building, unable to see, but still crawling or somehow stumbling toward those you need to rescue, almost able to hear them beyond the crackle of fire and the looming threat of smoke.
There’s a huge degree of bravery that this person has learned on the job. They go that extra mile and their dedication is evident by the people they rescue, save, and impact. But, consider this. Are you someone who needs stability and safety in your life? Are you an anxious person, or do you have general dating anxiety? Then these acts of bravery might stress you out a lot, and you might need a partner whose job doesn’t demand them to literally jump into fires.
5. They might spend long hours away from you
One of the things you should know before dating a firefighter is that firefighting isn’t just about putting out a house on fire or saving people’s lives. They are sometimes involved in community care and fighting wildfires too. It’s their responsibility to educate people on safety measures and make buildings safe from fire hazards as well.
In a relationship, these noble acts can come in the way of you spending time together. If you need more care and attention than they can give you, then you might want to reconsider dating them.
6. They are adaptable to ever-changing environments
If your lifestyle is such that it requires you to constantly be on your toes, and doesn’t allow you much stability, your firefighter partner can keep up with you. Their job requires them to be flexible and adapt constantly. They can’t afford to have a rigid structure to their lives.
Dan says, “Firefighting taught me to live under pressure, yes, but it also taught me to not take routines so seriously. Adapting to each other in my relationship is easier for me now. I have learned to go with the flow now, as I can’t control much about my job or lifestyle.”
7. Dating a firefighter means dealing with trauma and triggers
Firefighters suffer from traumas and go through emotional, mental, and physical upheavals due to the sometimes cruel nature of their jobs. This could affect your relationship. Everyone brings their work home to a certain degree and many firefighters, after their display of sheer bravery, might bring back trauma, triggers, or even an encounter with depression.
This is a person who deserves a partner who can be compatible with their mental health and understand their needs. This could be an issue for a lot of folks out there who are dealing with enough issues of their own, and don’t wish to deal with someone else’s.
8. Dating a firefighter entails dealing with insecurities
Firefighters have to depend on their crew for their lives. This forms an unbreakable bond that you cannot replace. Their team is their family, just like their biological family. If the concept of a ‘chosen family’ makes you feel insecure and you feel jealous of the time your partner spends with them, then this is not the relationship for you.
Fiona shares, “I would feel left out as he would spend so much time with his ‘other family’. I knew these people were his support system and I shouldn’t begrudge him the time he spends with them, but it definitely led to a lot of hard conversations and painful introspection initially.”
9. Dating a firefighter can help you become a better version of yourself
Firefighters are considered to be selfless and noble. Their jobs are dangerous and that’s exactly why some of them become firefighters – in order to help and save others. Such goodness rubs off on anyone, especially the person who dates them. The process of self improvement is usually ongoing during a relationship, and having a partner like this definitely jumpstarts it.
But here’s the other side of dating a firefighter. You might start comparing yourself to them and their noble job at every turn, and this might make you insecure in your relationship. If you don’t want to be in a relationship that reminds you of your flaws, then a fair warning to you – you might deal with some heavy emotions while dating a firefighter.
10. They are all about safety
Whether it’s physical or medical safety, part of their job is to talk to their communities regarding safety issues and demonstrate safety tips for them as well. They make buildings, homes and workplaces safer, and they are quick at handling a medical crisis as well. Plus, you do tend to feel safer around people whose jobs cater to improving and maintaining the health and well-being of others.
Tina, though, talks about the flip side, “I’m an anxious person who worries a lot about safety. Dating Charlotte worries me about her safety sometimes which I’m still learning to manage. I know she means well but she does over-analyze the safety aspects of every experience we share. It can be exhausting.”
11. When dating a firefighter, expect a great sex life
It’s a media stereotype that all firefighters have great bodies and sex appeal. Yes, they need to maintain a certain level of fitness but that’s about it. Firefighters make it to calendar covers for many reasons beyond the unfair hyper-sexualization of their profession. Their jobs demand that they remain in decent to great shape.
And if you like to indulge in sexual role-play, guess who they can role-play as? Firefighting role-plays are very common and you have an actual firefighter in bed with you! Simone talks about her sex life, “It is hot, hot, hot. We love our kinky side and lots of role-play. Pete is a firefighter and obviously excels at ‘pretending’ to be one too.”
All said and done, firefighters can’t help that their dating life is impacted by their profession. There are definitely some problems with dating a firefighter, not because of who they are but because of what their job entails. It’s always good to tally a set of pros and cons before you start texting a firefighter who you only met yesterday, ‘before’ you ask them out already!
Related Reading: Here’s How To Say ‘Let’s Experiment In Bed’ To Your Partner
This is why you would find them on a firefighter dating app, because such apps are especially designed for them to find love in another firefighter – someone who understands their lifestyle, stressors and priorities. Here are some pros and cons of dating a firefighter.
|They are a selfless, kind person||Their job entails danger to their life|
|They are quick on their feet and good in times of crisis||Job comes first, and this could lead to you feeling rejected|
|They are loving and think about other people’s well-being a lot||Their deep bond of absolute trust and camaraderie with their team members might bring up issues of insecurity for you|
|They are committed and a non-judgmental person||Their long working hours can disrupt your romance and intimacy sometimes|
|They follow safety measures everywhere||Not knowing ‘what will happen to my partner?’ can cause some people a lot of anxiety|
What Kind Of A Person Would A Firefighter Date?
We’ve talked about what you can expect while dating a firefighter. We’ve even spoken about the problems with dating a firefighter. But what about them? What do you think their expectations are? What kind of a woman do firefighters like, what kind of men, trans or nonbinary people do you think they would feel romantically comfortable with?
We don’t have a zodiac sign here or a list of their unique personality traits. What we do have is an understanding of their profession, and its demands that will impact your relationship. So let’s cover that briefly. The kind of person a firefighter would want to date needs to be:
- Empathetic: Someone who is deeply empathetic toward their chosen job and its crucial time-related demands
- Calm: Someone who stays calm when a firefighter reports to duty and doesn’t panic every time. They can’t reassure you during someone else’s crisis, they need you to in fact support them through it
- Sensitive: Someone who understands how important peace of mind is to someone who literally plays with fire. Firefighters often suffer from trauma due to the severe events they have to watch unfold
- Patient: If you’re someone who loves to text a lot, then you should know that texting a firefighter when they are on the job would entail a lot of delayed responses. They need someone who is okay with that
- Mental health-aware: Someone who is patient in the relationship. Someone who is aware of mental health issues that crop up after working in a field that is high-risk, traumatic, and that takes a lot out of you. Patience is a virtue here, and so is mental health awareness
- Sincere: Someone who is sincere in this partnership, and isn’t dating them just to be able to say, “I’m dating a firefighter.”
We hope whatever your reason for getting into a relationship with a firefighter might be, you think about all the pros and cons of dating a firefighter before making a decision. Also try and gauge if you are someone who can fulfill their needs too. We hope it works out for the both of you, and that you treat each other with love, care, and a sense of adventure.